Hey everyone thank you for reading. I wasn't going to continue this story but here goes nothing, please enjoy and if you have any thoughts or ideas feel free to share, I love to hear reviews and any advice is always taken on board :)
And I am really really really really sorry for what happened yesterday. For those of you who read this story yesterday I somehow posted a chapter for one of my other stories and I appolgise if you have followed this story because of the last chapter and if it confused you. Thank you to my guest reviewer for pointing it out to me even though I did delete the review by accident (oops, clumsy).
My adventurous recovery continued today with some pretty surprising discoveries about rules…
"Lucky you McGoo, you got to spend all day with Abby whist we had to collect pieces of 3 different sailors. What did you do all day?"
"I helped Abby go though some evidence"
"That's it? So whist we were at a crime scene all day slaving away in the roasting hot sun you helped Abby clear a few pieces of evidence"
"Actually DiNozzo" Gibbs said as he interrupted, "Abby has been snowed under with evidence and McGee halved her workload"
"And mine doubled" I heard Tony mumble to himself
"DiNozzo!"
"Yeah boss?"
"When are you going to learn that my hearing is better than my eyesight?"
"Won't happen again boss"
"You bet it won't or I'll have Ziva take your lunch breaks for the next month"
I had to wait for Gibbs to leave to let the smile cross my face to which Tony frowned and said
"What lunch breaks and why does he always defend you?"
"Because he remembers what it's like to work with you alone"
"Good morning McGee" I turned to see Ziva with quite a pleasant smile on her face
"Good Morning to you too, why are you so happy?"
"I just got to watch Tony's first 'Gibbs run in' of the day from a distance how can that not make you smile"
"Actually I would have to agree" I looked towards Tony and saw the 'I'm fed up already' look but unfortunately for him Gibbs was going to be on my side all day which was one positive thing to look forward to.
A few hours had passed and we were all busy with paperwork however I was on the coffee run and I suppose Gibbs must have pretended to see the Director because he was waiting for me by the coffee truck outside. We sat on a nearby bench and, as usual, he was the first to speak because I already knew what sort of conversation it was going to be. "How are you feeling today McGee?"
"Fine boss" I replied but this didn't satisfy him.
"McGee, it was only 36 hours ago you were stood on the edge of a multi-story car park about to jump. How are you really feeling?"
"I'm feeling better than yesterday" I lied, I didn't feel any worse though so what's the harm?
"That's good, have you decided who you are going to talk to from now on?"
"I think it will be better to talk to Ducky if it's okay with him"
"He won't mind Tim. There is one thing I have to tell you though"
"What is it boss?"
"I know you would never break my rules unless it was necessary" he paused for a brief moment "but there is a rule that you should know about, it's called the escape rule. Only Ducky and the Director have heard this rule, not even Shannon knew this one, 'don't even think of suicide until you have tried three other ways to escape'" I was speechless, does Gibbs actually have a rule that says this or is he making this up for my benefit? "Do you remember when I spoke about my Girls' case?"
"Yeah boss"
"Well, catching bastards like the one who killed my girls was my third escape. After that there was nothing else, no light at the end of the tunnel, no person to pull you out of the hole, no reason to live. That's why I said three; three is anyone's limit at that point. So if one day you don't turn up for work and I get a phone call about a dead NCIS agent at least let me know that you followed my last rule." He then walked off silently as if nothing had ever happened, I also displayed no emotion, I didn't know how. I picked up the remainder of the coffees and went back inside, once again I bumped into Gibbs however this time he told me to drop off the coffees then go and see Ducky. I never questioned him, he obviously has some sort of a plan, he always does. So I did as my told, I went to see Ducky and dropped off the coffee on the way even if it was a bit of a detour.
"Ah Timothy, a little birdy mentioned you would be visiting. I have sent Mr Palmer out on an extended lunch break"
"Err hey Ducky, look I'm err sorry for yesterday, the way I acted and spoke were wrong" I had to apologise, on this occasion I should have acted differently.
"Oh Timothy, you needn't apologise besides, it's against the rules. Speaking of rules… has Jethro spoken to you today?"
"Yeah Ducky, the 'escape rule'"
"Good and how do you feel about that rule?"
"Fine I suppose"
"Is it a rule you are willing to follow?"
"Of course"
"That's good. So, how are you feeling in general today? I want an honest answer please Tim."
"I don't feel any worse"
"But you don't feel any better either?"
"No, not yet"
"That is okay Timothy; this is only one of many methods of coping with feelings and days like this are expected"
"What's next if this doesn't work?"
"That is up to you but let's give talking a chance first"
"I take it this is method number one then"
"Only if you wish it to be. The rule states 'at least three', this does not mean that you have to commit suicide if three methods fail. Do you understand this Timothy?"
"Yeah Ducky" I replied with a sigh.
"Do wish to speak more about the feelings you are having Timothy?"
"I'm not sure what else to say"
"Well we can leave it there for today Tim if you wish"
"Thank you Ducky"
"You're welcome. Please remember I am always here for you to talk to as a friend or as a doctor"
With that I exited autopsy as I was unsure of what else to say. Talking is difficult. When I arrived back at the bull pen I put on my best smile only to receive questioning from Tony and no Gibbs to back me up.
"Where have you been Probie? We might as well solve the case without ya"
"Leave McGee alone Tony, we do not question you every time you take a long lunch break"
"Thank you Ziva" I replied "how are you getting along with the paperwork on your part of the case?"
"I have not got much left to do, how about you?"
"By the sounds of it more than you but no more than two hours worth here"
"That is not a lot" Ziva replied
"Hello, does anyone care about me" interrupted an annoyed Tony "I have tones to do, anyone want to help?" Neither of us replied "thought not." This was one of the few things that had made me smile recently and who doesn't love to get there own back on the film buff.
"Talking to yourself again Tony?" Questioned Gibbs on his arrival
"No boss"
"Good, you can get back to your hours of endless paperwork then"
"On it boss"
I smiled at the look that appeared on Gibbs' face but quickly got back to work. Ziva finished her paperwork half an later and teased an annoyed looking Tony, I finished an hour after that. Me and Ziva took a break as instructed by Gibbs but not before he pulled me to one side.
"Did you talk to Ducky about the rule?"
"Yeah, we spoke about it and then I left"
"Good, have you finished your paperwork?"
"Almost" with that Gibbs nodded and walked off mysteriously as I returned to my seat.
In the break room...
"Did you see the look on Tony's face when Gibbs told us to take a break?" I questioned Ziva
"Yes McGee, I did. There is something have been meaning to ask you about though"
"Shoot Ziva" I said confidently after feeling quite content for the first time in months.
"At Mossad we are not only taught how to hide our feelings but detect when others are doing the same. I know I am not a person you think has feelings but I do, I just hide them well. You on the other foot do not"
"It's the other hand Ziva" I replied with what I thought was convincing smile.
"There it is again, the 'I'm okay' smile"
"But I am fine Ziva"
"I have been noticing this for a while McGee, I have even done some research into body language. You cannot hide things from me as you hide them from Tony." After she said that I could feel the sadness and guilt pour over me and I had to escape, I walked off and thankfully she didn't follow.
I went to the men's room where I splashed some water in my face and told myself to pull it together. I took a few deep breaths and looked in the mirror, I was a complete mess. I sorted my hair out and straightened out my clothes so I at least looked presentable, thank goodness it was Tony I bumped into rather than Ziva on the way to my desk.
"Hey McGoo, you're looking a bit stressed, chill out."
"I'm fine Tony"
"Tell your face that McGee" Gibbs interrupted, again, why can't he ever leave me to fight my own battles. "I need a word" so I followed him to his office where he flipped the switch. "What did Ziva say to get you this stressed out?"
"Nothing boss, I'm fine"
"McGee, I don't take well to anyone lying to me, especially one of my own agents. What happened?"
"She just said that she could see that I was hiding my feelings and she can basically see straight through me"
"And I'm guessing you panicked"
"Boss, how am I supposed to do this job if I let Ziva get to me that easily?"
"You stop letting her get to you, it's that simple"
"But boss I- "
"No buts McGee, you can do this and you will do this"
With that Gibbs flipped the elevator back on and we both went our separate ways. I went outside for some fresh air avoiding Ziva in the process and Gibbs I presume went for coffee. When I got back inside Tony and Ziva were nowhere to be seen, nor was Gibbs although he rarely sits at his desk for more then ten minutes at a time. It was now nearing the end of the day so I guessed that they both headed home as Tony's pile of paperwork had vanished and Ziva's rucksack was missing, Gibbs still had coffee on his desk so I knew he was here. I had started to save all of my files and pack my bag when Gibbs arrived who told me to go home like my colleagues so I did.
It took me just shy of ten minutes to drive home however something didn't seem quite right but I ignored it, I was still tired from the other night. As I got to my door I thought I heard something inside the house so I entered cautiously but nothing was out of place so I thought I was tired.
All of a sudden the door slammed behind me but it was just Tony mucking about "thank goodness I wasn't imagining things"
"What's wrong with you McGloomy? You've been miserable for weeks now at work and your apartment is a mess"
"Hold on, I'm not answering any of your questions until you tell me how the hell you got inside my apartment!"
"Your spare key, you leave it in the bottom draw on the right side of your desk" replied Ziva walking out from my bedroom.
"Look McGee, we may not be McGeeks but we know what you're like when it comes to being predictable so ElfLord1.2.3 was pretty easy to crack"
"I only use that password for my laptop Tony, what the were you doing on there?"
"Hey Ziva, sounds like McGee has something to hide do you agree?"
"I do agree Tony"
"What did we stumble across again? Oh yeah, suicide notes! What on earth were you planning, we have always been here for you yet you said absolutely nothing about how you felt!"
"Neither one of us is that unapproachable"exclaimed Ziva.
"Both of you get the hell out of my apartment!"
"No!" They both replied in sync.
"We are not going to leave you here alone for you to do something stupid" said a very annoyed Tony.
"Please McGee we only want to help, we do not want to see you get hurt"
"The reason you haven't seen those notes sooner is because when I actually tried to commit suicide Gibbs stopped me and hid the letters away! Now get lost!" This time they heard the anger in my voice and left, I really don't know what to do now.
I paced around my apartment for a while then started tidying, Tony was right, my place was a mess. I knew it was too late to use the vacuum so instead I picked up every item of loose clothing lying around and put them in the wash basket, I put all of my books and records back in alphabetical order and changed all of my bedding. After that I started on the bathroom, I scrubbed it from top to bottom and thew away any empty or near empty bottles. When I went to start on the kitchen I heard my front door open and realising I forgot to get my key back off Tony and Ziva I told them to "get lost" however I realised it was only one persons footsteps and turned once again to find Gibbs. "Let me guess, considering you let yourself in with a key you have spoken to Tony and Ziva"
"I'm only here to help McGee. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine boss, just having a bit of a tidy up"
"I can see that but it's 11pm, don't you think it's time to chill out?"
"Maybe once I've done the kitchen"
"That's a good couple of hours work by the looks of things"
"Yeah, plenty of time for sleep"
"Do you want me to bunk here tonight?"
"Why? You're my boss not my mother"
"I should hope I'm not your mother, I'd be a bit worried. You do look like you could do with some company though"
"You are welcome to stay however I am not the best of company at the moment"
"That's fine by me, want a hand with the dishes?"
"I'm good thanks, I keep the good coffee on top of the cupboard if you want any"
"I would if I could see the kettle. Let me help McGee, I can half the work load"
"I'm not sure how you would help"
"How about I wash, you wipe up and put away"
"Okay"
We carried on cleaning the kitchen until 1am, not late when you think that we have worked later than this in the past.
"C'mon Tim, it's a bit late to be cleaning now, and that new couch of yours looks pretty comfortable"
"It's a sofa bed. You pull it out from the bottom, rearrange the pillows and you have a bed"
"Where do I get one of these?" I chuckled slightly and went back into the kitchen only to be summoned. "I meant you need to go to bed too McGee"
"I'm not tired"
"You sound like a five year old kid. I will drug you again if I have to"
"Fine but just because I'm going to bed doesn't mean I'm going to be able to sleep" I wondered off to my room got changed and wished Gibbs a good nights sleep. I must have been tired because I fell asleep within 20 minutes which is pretty fast for me, maybe even a record. Before I fell asleep I felt like I was being watched but I was too comfortable to move and knew it would just be Gibbs making sure I was asleep.
That concludes my eventful day, I'm sure tomorrow will be just as eventful.
A/N: Please review :D I love to hear opinions. I don't intend to post another chapter until I get either two more followers or reviews so pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee review. I really want to post the next chapter.