Surviving Isn't Living

By: LittleStrawbaby

Rating: T

A/N: This is a sequel to The Queen of Scorpia.

For a moment, the world tilted on its axis. After all these years, to meet him again, like this. For a moment, she cursed herself and her stupidity. How could she not have guessed Adar would do something so underhanded and cruel?

But despite her inclination to strike out at her young aide, it wasn't his fault and he didn't deserve her wrath. Rather, she smiled, gritting her teeth, mentally reciting the Articles of Colonization.

With forced politeness, she excused herself. Once in the ladies, she took deep, calming breaths, replaying their brief exchange in her mind.

He'd been as visibly shaken as she when they laid eyes on each other. However, masks of professionalism had quickly dropped back into place and veiled hostility took up position. Until she'd suggested networking the computers, then all traces of the polite-host pretense fell away. Unable to help it, she retorted, her words dripping with sarcasm and deeper meaning. The point hit home and he stalked away.

Billy had the good sense not to ask or make any comments.

She alone was the first to applaud his speech and he knew he'd made an impact. He saw her from the corner of his eye, her expression soft, but never revealed it outwardly. He noted with pride that he still had the ability to move her. A part of him was thrilled by this but another part of him was angered.

How dare she stroll back into his life to put his ship out to pasture? Even worse, turn it into a museum! The irrational, wounded part of him entertained the notion that she had pushed this to hurt him further. The more rational part of him knew it wasn't likely—it was more probable that she didn't even remember his name.

At this point, his last day as the Commander of the Battlestar Galactica was a total disaster. When he awoke that morning, he'd never envisioned the day would be so difficult or painful.

Until it got worse.

Oh for the love of the Gods! She felt like screaming. As the days turned into weeks, she wished she had disobeyed Adar and remained behind to be annihilated with the rest of Caprica. The dead were the lucky ones.

As the whiny demands increased, Laura's patience diminished. She wanted to rage at the Quorum, to remind them that at least they had their health. She lived with pain and the knowledge that she would die. Soon.

Instead, she sat quietly. She appeared to be listening but her mind was wandering. Her gaze fell on Captain Apollo and she wondered what to do. He had attached himself to her skirts like a toddler and she had immediately responded to him. She feared what she felt for him, how much and how deeply it ran.

Realizing he was staring back at her with concern, she blinked and offered a small smile. Turning her attention to the folder in front of her, her thoughts drifted to her co-leader and their uneasy alliance.

In her heart, she knew he was in a better position to distrust her and had every right to, given their history. Still, it stuck in her craw that he got to take the high road.

Stubbornly, she had refused to think of the past—she hadn't thought of it in years. It was easier to pretend it didn't exist.

He couldn't believe her nerve. How dare she use Lee against him? They had survived the initial attacks together, he could understand the bond they'd formed. Asking Lee to be her military advisor had angered him but he understood the need for a buffer and welcomed it.

Now she'd gone too far. Turning his adopted daughter against him and stealing Lee's absolute loyalty was so far over the line he couldn't see it any more. He knew without a doubthe'd crossed a line when he imprisoned her, but he couldn't think about that now. He had to congratulate Boomer and decide what to do next.

He'd never imagined that things would come to this. It was unexpected, her shooting him point blank in the chest. He heard Lee crying out to him. Before the world went dark, he wondered, briefly, if she would even react.

She could hear the anger in Lee's voice, at her and himself. When he relayed that his father had been shot, her stomach dropped. It had taken all of her strength not to fall to her knees.

Her words were ineffective and weak, even she knew it. But what else could she say? Nothing. No words could ever be enough.

She laid down on her cot and made herself small. It was all she could do to keep herself together.

He couldn't say he was surprised when he woke to learn she was gone. Given the way she'd wrapped Lee around her finger, his absence wasn't shocking either.

Their disappearing act was easy to ignore when he was on shift in CIC or in physical therapy. It was hard to focus on anything else when he was alone in his quarters.

It was Dee who forcibly yanked his head out of his ass. She reminded him of the promises he'd made. She'd reminded him of the importance of keeping the fleet together. Inadvertently, she reminded him of something else, something he'd forgotten years ago. Something his rage had blinded him to.

"We caused this," he said softly, "We have to fix it. It's always been between us anyway."

As they sat in her make-shift shelter, they spoke of everything but the past. Knowing him as she did, she knew this meant he had come to terms with it and let it go. He offered her his forgiveness, something she hadn't asked for but secretly desired. If anyone needed to beg forgiveness it was her, but she couldn't—it would open a Pandora's box she honestly could not deal with. Perhaps she never could.

They returned to the fleet united, staunchly in support of each other. After they resumed having each other's back, he walked her to her shuttle. And she stuck a toe over the line. Not because she wanted to hurt him but to reassure him.

"Bill," she said, still trying to become accustomed to using his first name again, "I want to tell you something."

"Go ahead."

A part of her bristled, immediately thinking, I'm not one of your godsdamned soldiers! Ultimately, she realized it was a part of him, not a need to command, and she relaxed.

"Lee doesn't know anything."

He stiffened but did not falter. Gripping her arm, he pulled her into an empty, cavernous room. Bill was puffed up like a toad and Laura was examining the room and the possibilities.

"Don't, Laura. Do not bring him into this."

"Bill, no. I want you to know, to understand, that he followed me of his own free will, not out of obligation. He doesn't know anything."

Understanding dawned and he nodded. He released her arm, lacing his fingers together. She offered a small smile, ignoring the residual pain the pressure of his fingers had caused. Unconsciously, she rubbed the spot but did not break eye contact.

"Did I hurt you?" he rumbled softly.

"It's all right." She chuckled softly, "Some days the lightest touch hurts. Comes with the disease."

He couldn't hide his own pain at the unemotional way she spoke about her illness. She touched his arm, giving him a ghost of a smile.

"I don't want your pity or sympathy, Bill. I wish I'd never told you now because this isn't what I want."

"You'll never have my pity. But you forget I know what the road ahead holds for you. I was there for some of it. I'm not going to let you go through that alone."

"It's not your responsibility. You don't owe me anything."

"I'm volunteering for duty, Madame President." He offered a grin, his heart lightening when she responded in kind. "Besides, you need more than an aide at your side. I know he cares about you and you think of him as family, but there are some things you can't talk about with the children."

She lowered her eyes, an acknowledgement that he absolutely had a valid point. Billy could not help her with her feelings about her disease and she would never burden him with such a heavy load. Especially given his blossoming romance with Dualla and his need to share.

"Laura, I'm not doing this because I feel some leftover obligation. I want to. Because you need someone; someone who knows you and all of your evasive maneuvers."

A giggle escaped her and she covered her mouth, a faint blush on her sculpted cheekbones. He playfully tugged on a stray curl. Even now, she could feel everything between them; everything that was, everything that is.

Her eyes were soft as she stared into his, her hand covering one side of his face. As he leaned into her touch, her eyes burned with tears.

The past was laid to rest.

The End