Hey everyone
Wallaa chapter two!!
Thanks for your reviews I updated this story three days earlier. I thought two reviews would make up one day of waiting and since I've received 6 reviews…
Anyways, I hope you like this chap as much as you did the last one.
Cosmoz: I hope your personal problem was also sorted out in the end. I'm sorry to hear that you know how this feels I hope it was along time ago. Anyways I would say read on and you'll find out in the end if everything turns out okayJ
HermioneM: Sorry about the cliffhanger. But I just had to stop somewhere. I hope you like this chap too.
Aja Tres': I have re-uploaded the last chap but this time in HTML so I hope it's more readable now, otherwise I'll change it again. I don't know why all the paragraphs were missing cause I had made them. Anyways thanks for pointing it out to meJ
Kori Bischoff: Make it all better, he, hmmm I'll see. Nah, just kidding I like happy endings J
Carey: Thank youJ it's sad now….
Kiko: well I didn't wait till the next week, so I hope you appreciate that. Thanks for your review.
Chapter two: The Hell has begunAt last he reached his room and almost stumbled inside, immediately
Locking the door. Only then did he let himself feel, only in the
safety of solitude did he allow the pain to return. It cut through to his very
soul. He leaned back against the sealed door. How could he have been so wrong?
It was like a terrible nightmare. The two people he had allowed himself to trust
had been lying to him all this time, stringing him along. They didn't want to
hurt his feelings. They... pitied him. He'd begun to let himself believe that
all the pain was behind him. He remembered how happy he had been earlier that
evening, sitting at the table in The Three Broomsticks' with his friends, with people he
cared about who cared about him. Could it all have been a lie? Could he have
really let himself believe such a lie? Was he that stupid?
...just not very bright, Harry had said. Had those words really been
spoken by "his" Harry? He'd let the person, who was closer than any friend in his
life and he'd counted himself blessed to have found such a friend. He remembered
the times Harry had seemed to look up to him, the closeness that had developed
between them. The long talks they had had.
*Maybe I should have a talk with him. Explain to him that you're far too
good for him.*
Each remembered word burned through him like hot coals. And just when he
thought the pain couldn't be worse, another voice spoke in his head.
*He doesn't seem to be able to get it into his thick skull that I'm just
not interested.... He can be sweet, but it's all so superficial.... He's just
not worth the effort....*
Oh, God, he hadn't felt this alone since those days back at primary school.
He was in love with Hermione. He had admitted it to himself and tried to make
it clear to her how he felt. He had been so sure she had felt something for him,
that she was just afraid to admit it because of the pain from her own unhappy
past. But it was all a sham. She had never felt anything for him but... pity.
*I actually feel a little sorry for him... sorry for him... sorry for
him....*
The words echoed over and over in his brain and suddenly he laughed. Harry
was right. He was stupid. Had he really believed someone could know him as he
really was and not be repulsed by what they saw? Who wanted to commit themselves
to a loser? His grandfather had seen him for what he was....
You've always been a failure, Ronald, and you always will be.
A failure. A loser. A... nothing.
He was shivering now, so hard his teeth rattled, and his knees no longer
had enough starch to hold him up. He slid down until he sat hard on the floor
and the shivering wrenched a sob from him. Once begun, he could hold back no
longer. He hadn't even realized how wet his face already was. How long had he
been crying? He didn't care. He didn't care about anything right now. Not
here, sitting on the floor of his room, in this place he had thought of as
home, the first real home he'd had since he was a child. Now, once again, he had
no home. It had all been a lie. A lie he'd told himself. He'd fooled himself
into letting down his defenses and now he couldn't even find them anymore.
He cried until exhaustion overtook him and he fell into a restless sleep
filled with dreams that all ended the same.
He was alone.
He found himself slumped on the floor by the doorway when the clock's
Pre-set announcement of the time woke him. 0700. Time to get up, get showered
and dressed and meet Harry and Hermione for....
It hit him once more like a sledge hammer. No, he wouldn't be meeting
Harry and Hermione for breakfast. Not ever again. He didn't even want to get
up off the floor, much less set one foot outside his room.
But he had to. No matter what they thought of him, no matter what he knew
was true about himself, he still had to follow classes. And he couldn't let the teachers down too, especially Dumbledore. Headmaster Dumbledore! He had believed in him, trusted him. He
held onto that thought and forced one breath after another, in and out of his
lungs. He sat there for a long time, just concentrating on that one thought.
Finally, he was able to force himself shakily to his feet. He was a student on this school. He just had to go on. His parents had paid for school stuff and he just couldn't let him down. If you fail classes they can't support you any longer, Ron. It was the one thing he'd always held onto and he grabbed
hold of it now. You've done it before, Ronnie-boy, he told himself. Do it now.
Pull yourself together. Get yourself ready and go to your classes. Don't let them know
how much it hurts. Don't let them see how weak you are. He pushed himself away
from the wall and slowly made it into the bathroom. His hands were shaking as
he ran the water into the sink and splashed it into his face. For several
minutes, he leaned against the sink, unable to bring his face up to see his own
reflection in the mirror. When he did, he grimaced. The man looking back at him
was almost a stranger. Not the Ron Weasley of just twenty-four hours ago. But
there was something familiar about that face. It had belonged to him once. He'd
thought he'd seen the last of it. No such luck.
Luck. What a joke! There was no such thing as luck. His grandfather had told
him that, too.
*You make your own life, Ronald. People who attribute their success or
failure to luck don't know how to take responsibility for their own actions.*
Okay, Dad. No luck, not good or bad. Just what I am.
But what am I?
"Hey Ron!!
The sound came from behind the door. He had to fight down a sob at the sound of his friend's voice.
It was about to begin. The show must go on.
"Yoohoo Ron" Harry yelled, while knocking.
Taking a deep breath he replied "Yeah, Harry?"
"Hurry, will you! If you don't get a move on, you're gonna miss breakfast.
Hermione and I have been waiting half an hour."
He stumbled out of the bathroom to look at the clock. 0740. Just
twenty minutes before Divination started. Had it really taken him that long to pull
himself to his feet?
"Uh, I overslept. I'll meet you in class."
"Ron? Is everything all right?"
The clear sound of concern in his best friend's voice was almost his
undoing, but he steeled his resolve.
"Yeah, just slept through the alarm. Later, Harry." He took a deep breath before
stripping off his uniform and stepping into the shower. He had to look like
everything was fine. He couldn't let them know how much it hurt.
When he arrived in the great hall, Harry told Hermione all about his conversation with Ron.
"I don't like this," he told her. "He left The Three Broomsticks early last night and he
oversleeps this morning? Something's wrong."
Hermione looked down at her food in silence.
"Hermione?"
She looked up into his questioning face.
"What's going on?"
"It's not you, Harry," she told him, looking away again. "I think he's
just avoiding me."
"Avoiding you? Why?"
She dropped her fork, with her appetite. She answered quietly.
"Seamus wasn't the first person to ask me to dinner last night."
"Oh?" Harry's eyebrows went up. "So that's what that little conversation
you two had was about."
"That's not all of it," she admitted. She glanced up to find Harry waiting
for her to continue. "Ron... thinks it time we talked about... us."
"As in you and him? As a couple?" he asked and she nodded. "Well, that's
great!" he grinned, but the expression faded when she didn't look at him. "Or...
maybe not?"
"He's all ready for us to start... I don't know...."
"Seeing each other?" Harry prompted.
"Yes."
"And I take it you're not."
"No," she replied. "Maybe. Oh, I just don't know."
"Hermione, you have to know how Ron feels about you. It's written all over
his face every time he looks at you."
"Yes, I guess I do."
"And you can't tell me you don't feel the same thing."
"I don't know what I feel!" she shouted, then looked around nervously as
heads turned in their direction. "Oh, Harry, I'm just all mixed up right now.
And Ron seemed so sure and...."
"You got scared and turned him down."
She looked up at him with fire in her eyes, but it cooled almost
immediately upon contact with his steady, knowing gaze. "I guess you could say
that."
"So now you think he's avoiding you? That doesn't sound like Ron. He's
not one to give up easily."
"Normally, no. But... I think he was taking a risk in telling me how he
felt last night and when I told him I wasn't ready... well... I think it hurt
him. Or maybe I'm wrong and he's just giving me what I asked for... time."
"Maybe," Harry considered. "But if you want my opinion...."
"I know your opinion," she told him. "Just let it go, Harry. We've both
got some thinking to do."
"I could talk to him and...."
"No," she replied immediately. "I told you last night. I fight my own
battles."
"Hermione, this isn't a war."
"Maybe not, but this is between Ron and me. You have to stay out of it."
"Okay, but I don't like seeing my two best friends hurting when it's so
obvious that you should just get together."
Hermione smiled. "It's always simple for you, Harry. With Ron and me,
it's always complicated."
"You can say that again." He sighed. "Okay, I'll butt out. But I'm here
if you need to talk and I plan to tell Ron the same thing."
Reluctantly, she nodded. "You'd better go or you'll be late Divination."
"Well, you'll be late to Mugglestudies," he reminded her.
"No I won't it doesn't start for an hour."
"Oh, yeah," he replied, quickly finishing his juice.
" Well see you at lunch?"
"Transfiguration, remember," she replied.
"Right."
Harry walked away and left her to her thoughts.
Despite running all the way to the Divination, Harry was one minute late
stepping into the classroom. The infraction, no matter how slight, was, of course,
noticed by Mrs Trelawney who raised an eyebrow at Harry.
"A little tardy this morning, Mr. Potter?"
"The staircases changed," he replied.
"Whatever, isn't Mr.Weasley with you?" she asked.
"Uh, no. I'm sure he'll be here any minute."
"I should hope so," she replied.
Five minutes later, the doors opened again to admit Ron Weasley.
"You're late, Mr. Weasley," Trelawney informed him, her tone less amused than
it had been with Harry.
"I'm sorry, Professor. It won't happen again," he replied, never meeting her
eyes as he walked directly to a chair in the back.
Trelawney hesitated for a moment, then stepped closer to Ron's chair. "Is
anything wrong, Mr Weasley?" she asked with a frown.
"No, Professor," he replied. She stared him for a moment, but the turned and exchanged a puzzled look with Harry, then walked back to her own
chair.
"All right, then. We'll continue on page 129, how to read the stars."
During the class, Ron got paired up with Harry. Harry tried to make some conversation, while they were going through books, but Ron only answered really formal. An abnormal silence permeated the classroom.
After a while, it was obvious the tension
was getting to everyone, including Professor Trelawney, but she didn't seem to be able to come up with any
way to question her student's uncharacteristic behavior when he was being a model student.
Harry almost sighed with relief when the bell announced it was time for lunch.
Ron quickly packed his bag and, without another word, headed
toward the trap-door and dissapeared. Harry quickly went after him.
He walked in silence next to his best friend who
hadn't even acknowledged his presence. When he had almost reached the Great Hall, Harry looked at Ron to find that he hadn't followed him.
"Aren't you coming?" he asked.
"I have some things to do over lunch," Ron replied.
"Ron, you didn't have breakfast. You can't skip lunch, too."
"I'll eat some chocolate frogs," he answered, still not meeting Harry's eyes.
Harry stood in shock until the Ron started to walk away from him.
"Ron, what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, Harry," he answered, his tone so cool and flat it rang
warning bells in Harry's brain.
Taking a deep breath, Harry plunged in. "Ron, I know you and Hermione are
having... some communication problems right now, but...."
"I'd rather not talk about that, if you don't mind, Harry," Ron
replied in the same emotionless tone, then started to walk away once more.
"Come on, Ron. You can't just expect me to let this go. Something is
really wrong here. Why won't you talk to me?"
"Why should I want to talk to you?" Ron asked.
Harry's jaw dropped. There was an edge of anger in his best friend's voice. At
least, Harry thought, it was an emotion. If anger was all he could get out of
Ron, he'd go for it.
"Well, forgive me for being concerned. I thought we were friends!"
He walked the first steps of the stairs just as Ron's eyes met Harry's for the first
time.
"So did I." Ron quickly run up to the stair, leaving
Harry too stunned to respond.