Disclaimer: I don't own shaman king blah blah blah etc. etc. shut he hell up you stupid bastards.
Yep, I'm continuing my insanity fics! This one is based on Tao Ren. The one, the only, murderous, pointy haired shaman!
Ren Tao was bored. he was beyond bored. He had already commited two homicides, 3 mass murders, and he had lost track of how many animals he had killed that represented all things cute and furry. "I am so bored." He stated. He could have gone off and had awesome shamanic sex with Pirka, but she was out shopping, and that would be improper. Suddenly, like a drunk driver on a rainy day, it struck him. His head shot up as though he had just shit himself, and with the mad stare of a deformed child on crack, he uttered 3 words. "I-want-pie."
Yoh, who was busy watching Bowling for Bananas, looked up. "What was that Ren?"
Ren looked over at him drooling. "I want pie!"
"Ren, we have no pie." Yoh smiled. "We're in Japan, there's no pie here."
"I know you've got pie!" Ren shouted, pointing a very accusing finger at the confused shaman king. "You keep it hidden away in the secret pie vault in the back of the inn!" Ren was now twitching like a madman with a hernia. "Give me the pie you goddam pie hording squirrel!"
Yoh was now freaking out, and a wet spot began to form on his shorts as he let out a little "meep"
Ren, still hallucinating, mistook Yoh as a pie. "PIE! I knew you'd come back to me!" Ren let out a happy sob as the pie beckoned for him.
"Come to me Ren." The pie said in a dreamy voice. "We can make beautiful pastry together. Our love will be endless, and we can live together in harmony forever!"
Ren blinked. "Fuck that! I just wanna eat you!" He pounced upon the "pie" and began to eat it. Unbeknownst to him, he was eating Yoh.
Yoh screamed as Ren punctured his Jugular and blood began to squirt all over the walls.
"Mmmmmm... cherry filling!" Ren moaned happily as he continued to eat Yoh's brains.
At that time, Ryu showed up signaling his utter demise. "Hola Ren. I was just- OH SWEET MERCIFUL GOD!" Ryu came into a scene that looked like something out of resident evil. the only difference was that Ren wasn't a zombie, and Yoh certainley wasn't helpless, and unlike the resident evil heroes, Ryu had shit himself.
Ren opened his mouth, blood dripping out of it and walked towards Ryu. He opened his mouth wide and snapped down inches away from Ryu's face, causing the stench of Ryu's pants to worsen. Fortunately, Ryu had enough common sense to run away. Unfortunately, Ren was faster than Ryu. Much MUCH faster. Need I say more?
By this point, Ren was full and he fell asleep. Anna, Pirka, Horo, Tamao, and Faust had returned from running their errands.
"Guten Tag, Ren. We are home and-OH SWEET MERCIFUL HADES!" Faust screamed as he took notice of the carnage.
"Wow." that was all Anna had to say, at least until she realized Ryu wasn't the only one who was dead. "OH MY GOD, YOH! HOW WILL I LIVE ON WITHOUT MY FIANCE BY MY SIDE!"
Tamao walked up to comfort her. "I'm very sorry lady Anna..."
"It's fine. I'm over it now. I can just move on and marry another lazy ass with unbelievable power." Tamao just stared at her.
Pirka, being a complete airhead, walked over to the sleeping Ren and poked him. "wakey wakey!" She smiled, not realizing that he was the one who caused this mass of destruction and mayhem.
At this point, everything suddenly exploded, destroying all lifeforms on the planet. why? Because I have writers block, thank you very much. Ren just isn't a good main character in an insanity fic, because he's too damn serious in the show. Better luck to me next time!
Do me a favor, in your reviews, tell me who you want to be the next main character in an insanity chapter. I will then proceed to place the names in a hat, and draw the random character. (I'm not kidding.) Goodnight to you all.