Nevermore, Complete
Raven's POV
I'm a bird, looking at a black and red fish swim, being happy, the air filled with snow, and the snow looking like it was made of light. I go to fly towards the fish, to say hello if I can. But I bump into a glass wall. I tap on it with my beak, trying to get the fish's attention. But then the tapping isn't coming from me anymore, its coming from somewhere else. I go to fly towards it, but all of a sudden I have no wings, I start to fall. As I fall I hear a voice singing, No life, no love, no dreams, no reason to remain, no eyes, no vision, no pain, no nothing.
I sat up quickly realizing the banging was real. The hotel radio playing my Crüxshadows cd.
"Raven! Raven Wake up!" Mark's voice almost pleads behind the door. I slowly climb out of the bed, shivering at the cold of the room against my naked body. I picked up the blanket to wrap it around myself as I headed towards the door. The banging and yelling hadn't stopped, and I realized I didn't make any response that I was there.
"What's up?" I hear myself say groggily as I open the door. Mark looked a mess.
"Have you seen Kane?" he said urgently. Kane...I wish I had.
"No, why what's wrong?" his eyes darkened with worry. He let out a heavy sigh.
"Don't worry about it, just if you see Kane, tell him I'm looking for him, alright?" he seemed so desperate and caring.
"Yeah, sure thing." I didn't want to upset him with any questions so I let him walk to the next door where John Cena was staying. Closing the door I wrapped the sheet more tightly around myself, shivering, turning on the light so I could see the thermostats. I winced at the light and slowly let my eyes get used to it. It read 70 degrees, and I was still freezing. I left the light on as I wandered back to my bed. Curling up in the blankets I glanced at the clock, 2:30 am. Should go back to sleep, I had a match the next day, early flight the day after. I stretched, shivered, and hid back under the blankets for a moment. Tossed and turned, finding it hard to get back to sleep. I found the strength and will to stand up and cross the cold room to retrieve my picture of Kane from my duffle bag. It was him and me, we had just been passing by each other in a hallway when Kat asked us to take a picture together. His smile was a lie, mine wasn't. I was so happy to be that close to him. Kat had given me a copy of it because I was with her when she got them back from the one hour photo in some convenience store in Texas. It was slightly crinkled from me holding it while I slept, from me rolling over onto it in my dreams.
I turned the light switch off and went back to bed, still holding it, hoping that holding it would make me feel warm, and keep Kane safe from any danger he might be facing, or putting himself through.
I woke up feeling cold, I had another dream that I was an angel trapped underneath ice while I watch a blazing fire above me. My dream faded to black and I slowly opened my eyes to see me and Kane looking at me through the picture. I picked it up and put it on the night stand. I got up and dressed quickly, figuring the faster I get dressed the more time my body will have to heat up the clothes on me. I chose a new pair of jeans, combat boots, a long sleeve kabuki t-shirt and tattered flannel lined, leather shelled jacket.
I walk over to the window and see Mark crossing the parking lot from Kane's rented car, yes, I know what kind of car he rents in each new area. The door is left open and I stare at it for a little while and I see Batista coming into my vision. His head turns and he walks towards Kane's car, there's some fumbling around and Batista walked away, struggling with his bag for a moment before getting in his car and leaving. I watch a little while longer and Kane steps out and he takes long awkward steps through the snow only wearing a t-shirt and sweat pants. I sigh heavily, the cold has no power over him, nothing seems to. He's like a god that can't be touched by things on this planet, but feels emotional pain more then any other, so untouchable physically but broken mentally. I want to try and fix him, ease the pain that makes him hide from everyone, makes him hide himself fearing if he opened himself in the slightest someone will damage him, making him never want to come out of hiding again. But why should he trust me with that? I let people in to hurt them, and I've also been hurt by people I've allowed to get close to me. How can someone like me help someone like him?
Moving away from the window I sigh, dropping to the floor and curl up into a ball, holding my knees as close to my chest as possible. The back of my neck leaned against the window making my body spaz from the cold. I move myself in between the bed, the wall, and the night stand. I love him, I adore him. Its funny how the only thing I'm afraid of is telling him how I feel, when I'm never afraid of telling anyone what's on my mind. I can't speak when I'm near him, I freeze up, I try not to go near him and just admire from afar. I want to tell him how I feel, but I don't want to scare him, he's just so fragile, and knowing me I wouldn't be able to control myself around him. I wanted to cry, watching him in such pain and being to scared to even attempt to help him with it kills me. Its like watching a wolf fumble with a sharp stick stuck in its leg, you want to help but if you go to close it'll probably bite your hand off.
Leaning my head backwards I let my tears sink back into my eyes, taking calming breaths I get up, grab my car keys and leave. I was afraid of bumping into Kane somewhere in the halls or on the elevator so I took the stairs in big leaps, bumping into a maid smoking, and practically ran for my rental car. I couldn't be in the same building as him, I needed fresh air, needed to get away.
My car's an old school Volkswagen, with side paneling and everything. I thought it was cute. I missed my green hearse but it would be to much of a struggle to bring it with me everywhere. Shivering from the cold outside I turned the heat all the way up as soon as I turned the car on. But I'll forgive the cold for now because it gave me snow. I turned on the cd player and let whatever cd it was play on shuffle. Except for the first time, I always listen to cd's on shuffle, I tend to learn the songs better that way. Turning the volume up so it was blasting and making the car vibrate with the sound I speed along the highway taking random exits, knowing I had hours to lose myself and find my way back again, or have someone come find me.
As I listened to the whining guitars I took awkward twists and turns, finding myself at a beach. Pulling into the parking lot I scratched my head and turned off the car. How is it that I managed to find the coldest place to be at in Connecticut?
Shutting of the car, the heat being turned off with it I contemplated what to do. The sun was very low because of the season, so the snow wasn't melted, and that grey look the sky gets when it snows was still lingering, making me wonder if it was about to snow again. Opening the door and stepping out I stood still for a moment, trying to let the shock of the cold settle, after that happened I notice tire tracks near where I parked. Who else would come to the beach in January?
Stepping onto the snow covered sand I walked slowly, shivering at the feeling of the wave's breeze hitting me. But I was becoming numb, so soon none of this wouldn't matter. Heck, I don't job to the weather, this is just something I'll have to get over. It's extremely beautiful though, worth the freezing pains. Turning to look out at the water it reminded me of my mother, how she was so beautiful, yet so cold and empty. She was the water and everyone else was the sand, the waves beating relentlessly on the sand but without the sand the water wouldn't even be there. But that doesn't matter, as long as it can continue what its doing why should it bother with anything else?
But my thoughts were stopped when I tripped and caught myself before I fell. Looking back I saw a jacket lying in the snow, it looked vaguely familiar. Walking back to it I kicked it lightly with my foot, if it wasn't what I though it was I didn't really feel like touching it with my bare hands. But under close examination some butterflies flew into my stomach. It was Kane's, simple black down feathered coat. Picking it up and throwing it over my shoulder I got a flash back of this morning when Batista had fumbled with his bag and Kane was only wearing sweat pants. He was probably here and went..swimming or something. I decided to walk a little further and almost greeting me was a shoe sticking out of the snow. Again it was simple and black, it had the three adidas stripes on it. Turning the other way I found the other one. This continued to me finding a shirt on top of pants and sweatshirt with the WWE logo on it.
So Kane likes to go night swimming...in January. What a strange man. Holding his clothes close to me chest I walk back to my car. The car hadn't cooled off to much while I was walking so the heat went back to the way it was quickly. This is perfect way to break the ice, I'll give him his clothes, we can get to talking because I'm sure it's natural to wonder why one of your co-workers was swimming in winter, right?
The idea of talking with came kept me floating the whole night. Even being reminded that I've been bumped to Heat didn't effect me, I wrestled and won against some new jobber, as hard as I try I can't remember that boys name. It'll come to me. I sat backstage and watched RAW up to Kane's match. I got my stuff together and left.
"Wow, what's the hurry Rave?"
"What?" I turn to see who's talking to me. It's Jeff Hardy.
"What's the hurry? You practically knocked me over, man." He had paint smeared all over him and his eyes looked glazed.
"You sure it was me and not you tripping over your own feet?" I spat this out bitterly, this kid's such a mess. He gave me a hurt look.
"Whatever.." He said and started to walk away. I felt bad all of a sudden. I mean, he is a kid, and he's been contracted with this business before he even graduated high school.
"Hardy," I speed walk over to him and put my hand on his shoulder."
"What?" he says impatiently yet with a tired drawl to it.
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so rude, it's just..." My eyebrows and mouth frown together, how can I say this without hurting him further?
"It's just what, Raven?" he looks like he's about to get pissed.
"Listen, if you need someone to talk to, to vent to, I'll be there for you man. Many guys have been where you've been and a lot of times it doesn't end pretty. There are people here for you, Jeff."
"Right," he barely says and turns to walk away. I grip his shoulder harder and walk in front of him and stick my head in his face, forcing him to look at me.
"I mean it, there's no need to go through hard times alone." He gives me a slightly crumpled look and turns his head away and down. "Think about it, kay? I mean what I say, Jeff, you can talk to me."
"Maybe," he looks up into my eyes then starts to walk away, I let him this time. I put the offer out there, wether he complies to it or not is his choice. I sort of hope he does for his own sake, but I'm not completely sure I want to be a therapist to Jeff Hardy.
When I turned to head out again I saw Kane walking down the hall the cut of the hall way I was in. I went to walk towards him and was stopped by Stevie.
"Hey Rav, can you help me out for a sec?"
After helping Stevie with a promo for the longest half hour of my life, I left the arena. I barely payed attention to wear I was going, it didn't matter where I was because I had somewhere better to be. Pulling into the hotel parking lot I took the elevator to my room, fidgeting like a madman the whole time. I threw my crap into my room and got Kane's stuff. I took the stairs to his floor then walked slowly to his room. Taking a deep breath I knocked on the door three times.