This story was originally published for the USS Maximillian.

For more information please visit maxwriters . pbwiki . com

The events in this story take place about two years after "Beyond the Final Frontier"

PART ONE

Critch Starblade sat in his quarters, staring at the figure on the couch across from him. The silence was heavy in the room, and the stars going past the window distracted the woman. After a moment, her attention turned back to LCDR Starblade, she looked at him quizzically. He sighed heavily, and began to speak.

"It was a few years ago, when I lost my friend. As it turned out, I guess he was the reason I came to be in the first place, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that was the first time that I had faced real emotion, the first time I had faced anything that I knew I couldn't beat.

"And then, after it was almost forgotten…it happened again."

Captain Kelvok was in the upper deck of engineering, walking slowly towards his goal, Lieutenant Commander Critch Starblade. Starblade had, over the past week, worked steadily, taking odd shifts in other departments, filling in for others, never resting, never stopping. Although it was physically possible for him to continue at this pace, Kelvok and many of the crew of the Maximillian were worried for him. Jaydin had tried to talk with him several times, trying to get him to talk about how he was feeling, talk about his loss, but each time she had been rebuffed. All he would discuss was his work.

Starblade was kneeling, half in and half out of a duct, trying to repair a faulty conduit. Nothing that would affect the ship horribly, just a minor annoyance that was far down on the priority list for the engineering staff. Starblade had taken it upon himself to fix it while he was down here, before heading off for a stint in the armory.

The Captain raised an eyebrow as Critch began to speak to him, even though he had shown no sign of being aware of Kelvok's presence. "Something I can do for you, Captain?"

"Actually, Commander, I was wondering if there was anything I could do for you."

Critch crawled out of the small duct. "I'm fine."

Kelvok nodded. "You have apparently been fine for the last seven days. The ship will still function without your constant attention."

"It would function better with it."

"It is not healthy nor beneficial for you to continue at your current pace."

"Captain, is there a problem?"

"None that I am aware of, Commander, but I have fielded many complaints about your recent behavior from Commander Jaydin, among others. They are worried about you."

"They know I'm fine."

"Do they? You have not spoken to them in length since…"

"Captain, with all due respect, my personal affairs are my business."

"When they affect your well-being, this ship and this crew they are no longer your own. I have scheduled an appointment with Commander Jaydin for 0800 hours."

"I don't really have time for a checkup, Captain."

"I suggest you make time, Commander, this matter is not open for discussion. Afterward you will report to your quarters, and recharge."

"I don't need a recharge, Captain, I'm still fully functional."

"You do appear fine, however I will not take chances. We have discovered the source of the radio signal, on a planet that wasn't showing up on our sensors. You and Commanders Tamak and Jaydin will beam down and investigate. Do I make myself clear, Commander?"

"Perfectly sir."

"Very good." With his mission accomplished, Kelvok turned and walked away, leaving Critch to sit silently against the wall.

"I imagine it's difficult for anyone to know how to react in these situations, let alone myself, who has limited knowledge with this kind of thing. It seemed like the right thing to do to handle it myself. A little self-destructive, maybe, but I was handling it…"

"We're just trying to figure out what's going on with you, that's all. Just want to know that you're okay."

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm fine, Jaydin."

"You're not fine, Critch. Not in the emotional sense, anyway."

Critch sighed. He'd been sitting on the uncomfortable medical bed for fifteen minutes, and was already eyeing the door. He dreaded facing the third degree from Jaydin, from anyone. He had been silent in response to repeated badgering the past week, but apparently that tack wasn't working. He looked back at her as she approached him with a scalpel. "This coming from a race with permanent PMS."

"I'll ignore the Bajoran insults for now." She started to press the sharp edge against his head, when he reached up for her hand, and shook his head.

"Lower back, remember."

"Right. Marconian physiology takes some getting used to."

"What are you looking for, anyway?"

"Trying to see if your sensors are malfunctioning. It seems like there's an imbalance somewhere."

"There's no imbalance, there's no malfunction. I'm fine." Critch abruptly rose from the bed. "I'm tired of sitting around for this."

"And I'm tired of listening to you whine, I'm sorry you lost your friend, Critch, we all are, but that's no excuse for…"

"The android was not my 'friend', barely even an associate. I met him exactly twice, and once was only in passing."

Jaydin considered this. "If this is true, then why are you…"

"Why am I what? Trying to blow off a psychiatric exam? Because there's nothing for you to find, no human brain for you to decipher."

"There is something wrong with you, Critch. The way you're acting, the way you're behaving is not you. And until we work out what it is…" Jaydin stopped, unsure how to put it.

Critch wouldn't let her rest for long. "…Well? I don't have time to play games, Jaydin, we're due for the planet in less than…"

"You're not going to the planet, Critch. Whatever is causing you this emotional distress may be affecting other parts of your system. I'm recommending to the Captain that your rest cycle be doubled, effective immediately. By the time it finishes, the away mission will likely have been completed, depending on what we find. You're welcome to…"

Critch shook his head. "So because I'm not Mr. Happy, suddenly I'm confined to quarters?"

"Critch, just do what we ask, and you can pick up where you left off, I promise. We're trying to help you."

"And you're doing a fine job of it, too." Critch stalked off, out of sickbay and towards his quarters, grumbling about Starfleet procedure the whole way. He was fine. Wasn't he?

"Granted, my way of handling it was to turn my back on everyone, but I didn't think it worth the risk. Data's death pounded a point home to me, that very simply I could very well live forever, or at the least certainly out live everyone I know, everyone I've ever met. With that knowledge, is it fair to allow myself to have friendships, relationships, anything with anyone?

"It could have ended up a lot worse than it did, I guess. I could have gone to the planet. A load of laughs that would've been, too."