HEY GUYS! You must be wondering, Didn't I already see this chapter?! Well yes you're correct, but I edited it. Still has the same contents, just a bit altered. But you can skip this and head on to Chapter 3, WHICH is also up!
Disclaimer: Un-beta'd because I wanted to post it as soon as possible! So if there are mistakes anywhere or a few grammatical and spelling errors here, it's ALL mine.
Oh and I used Season 3, Episode 3 – The Gothowitz Deviation for the start of this chapter as I needed a guideline for the start. Oh and I loved that episode!
I woke up to the sound of loud music coming from which, I suspect, is the kitchen. I wore my robe and proceeded to the kitchen.
"Good morning Sheldon! Let's dance!" Penny said as she tried to move her body to the rhythm.
"No" I simply stated. I then shifted my focus to the offending lyrics to the song that she was playing.
"Damn you's a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch. Damn you's a sexy bitch, damn girl!" Talk about bad grammar.
"Why not?" I crossed my arms and looked at what she had added to the apartment.
"Penny, while I subscribe to the many worlds theory which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons in an infinite number of universes, I assure you that in none of them am I dancing."
She raised her eyebrow and stared at me, "Are you fun in any of them?"
"The math would suggest that in a few, I'm a clown made of candy. But I don't dance"
She then places her hands up in defeat and turns that blasted music off, "all right, want some French Toast?" I stare at her with wide eyes, "but its oatmeal day." She hands me a plate with toast and leans on the counter, "tell you what next French toast day, I will make you oatmeal"
"I am already regretting this agreement" I stare at the bread in front of me before dumping it in the trash. She sighs then takes her meal and starts to eat it.
"I will give you a printed copy of my schedule later, or you can do it yourself and download it in iCal" I tell her as I prepare my oatmeal. She then strolls to the fridge and pours herself a glass of orange juice, "your schedule?"
"Yes my schedule. You are required to follow it if you still plan on living here. Oh and I will give you the roommate agreement later"
"Why would I need to sign a," she uses her fingers to make air quotes," roommate agreement? Do you not trust me?" she exclaims. I jump at her sudden tone of voice, "it is required, and it is to make sure that you are trustable in future events and will absolutely not turn against me. I even it altered it for you to understand it completely"
"Fine, I'll sign it. You better make sure that it's short"
"Wonderful! I will get it ready after breakfast!" I say as she lets out a laugh.
"Sheldon, what is this bullshit?" I turn my chair around and gesture to the agreement, "it's the roommate agreement. I told you about that approximately 30 minutes ago"
"I know what it's called! What I meant was, what the hell does any of this crap have to do with me?!" She yells as I walk over to the couch, "what exactly are you referring to?" She glares at me and points to the title of the article. Oh dear lord.
"Let's start with this one!" She flips the pages, "Skynet clause: If one friend needs help to destroy an artificial intelligence he has created that's taking over Earth, he will without hesitation, help him."
"And what exactly is the problem with that?"
She glares at me, "How the hell will I be able to create crap?" I shift in my spot and frown at her, "well it doesn't exactly mean that you are the one that is going to create a form of artificial intelligence. For all we know, it will be me who will create such. It only states that you will help me destroy it. Now sign it"
She sighs and continues to flip the pages, "I'm not signing it. How about this one, Section 9: If one of the roommates ever invents time travel, the first stop has to aim exactly five seconds after this clause of the Roommate Agreement was signed. Shouldn't you remove this? Like you said, it will be you who will create such bullshit!"
"It is not bullshit, it is a probability if and when either of us do" I stop and look around the room, "drat"
"What is it?" she asks as she looks around, "It appears that you, rather, I have not invented a time machine or time travelled. Now sign it"
Penny shakes her head and reads the agreement, "Nope, now this one! Section 7, subsection 7 number 9! The right to bathroom privacy is suspended in the event of force majeure! WHAT IS MAJEURE" She exclaims, "It means that if you are in the bathroom, and I must go due to the, as you call it, call of nature, I can go in"
"I don't want you to see me naked!"
"It baffles me to see how repulsed you are acting in the mere act of me seeing you naked, and yet you allowed Leonard Hofstadter to see you naked" I tell her, "It also works for you too, just knock. I always knock. Now sign it"
"No not yet, tell me about this one. No "hootennanies", sing-alongs, raucous laughter, clinking of glasses, celebratory gunfire, or barbershop quartets after 10.p.m. Where the hell am I going to get a barbershop quartet?"
"You see, I am prepared for everything. I know what to do in every situation that is possible to happen, now sign it" I say as I hand her a pen, she scowls.
"Except having a female non-scientist roommate, I've been seeing the word he everywhere. Plus everything is all science-y related! I'm guessing that this is one of your spare copies to a previous roommate, and I'm not signing it yet" She looks at the pen then throws it at me.
"All applicants must go through various questions and steps before being my roommate. Plus, Leonard moving out was very sudden, so I did not have such time to revise it" I say as I recall the events of the previous week. She looks down with, what I presume, hurt in her eyes.
Leonard why must you always disappoint others? It truly baffles me at how that manages to still walk upon the earth without being shot.
"I also assumed that one of my colleagues would be moving in with me, not a waitress aspiring to be an actre*-" she cuts me off and stares wide-eyed at the agreement.
"Section 8C! Roommates shall give each other a 12 hour notice of impending intercourse?"
"That is correct," I nod at her, "Sheldon! I can't tell when and if I'm going to have sex!"
"Yes you can, just ask the person you will be with if you are going to have coitus. It's very simple"
"Sheldon, you see I'm a big ol' five, and well, I can't really tell when that happens. Maybe after work, one of my friends will ask me to go party with them, and maybe I'll meet a guy there or something!"
"Penny, then immediately tell me if you're planning on having coitus with said man. I'll reduce the 12 hour notice to at least 3 hours." She lets out an irritated sigh and closes the agreement, "Fine I'll sign the damn thing"
I happily hand her the pen back, "great now sign he-"
"Wait," She interjects, "I should be allowed to change some of these crap. Since this agreement doesn't completely work with me" she smirks as she scribbles something on the paper, "I mean, I'm not a scientist and this is clearly fit for one."
She hands me the tampered agreement, "Additional Agreement: Penny is allowed to change some of the shit in the agreement at ANY time, as it doesn't and won't work for her"
A change…? In the agreement, which won't be made by me? This is preposterous! I can't allow this; this will completely ruin the whole agreement!
I open my mouth to speak but she quickly cuts me off, "Nope. Either agree to that or I won't sign it at all" My eye starts to twitch with anger*, "You do know that I could kick you out"
"Fine, kick me out. But I did see a nice collection of comic books that I can destroy" She smugly says.
"You went in my room! Penny no one can be in my room! Only I can be in my room!"
"Agree to it or you say bye bye to your collection"
My whole face starts to twitch as I think about her ripping up my comic book collection. No, I cannot absolutely, CANNOT, let this happen! But, but, the agreement, but my comic books… Women are evil! Evil I tell you!
"F-fine!" I mutter as I pass the agreement back to her. She grins as she signs it, "Great! Well then, it was nice working with you Mr. Cooper!" She forcefully grabs my hand and shakes it, she's touching my hand! The germs! This woman will be the death or me I am certain!
I quickly pull back my hand and apply sanitizer, "It's doctor Cooper." I take the agreement from her hands and return to my desk, "I'll revise this after Halo Night" I sigh as I place it inside one of the drawers.
She then turns the television on and leans back on the couch, "Halo night?" I take out another folder and hand it to her, "Here is my schedule which you obviously failed to download on your phone"
"Great another stack of crap," She snorts and eyes it carefully, "So people are coming over to play Halo?" I return to my spot and immediately change the channel. Anything but Babylon 5!
"Yes, you'll meet them tonight. After you pick me up from work and drive me to the Comic Book Store," I turn to her, "It's new comic book night!"
"Wait, what do you mean, drive you to the Comic book store?!" I settle on the Discovery Channel where the hosts seems to be doing something scientific, maybe Penny can learn a thing or two. "Under Section 37B: Miscellaneous Duties; It states that you are obligated to drive me to my appointments which include the Comic Book Store," She looks confused and seems to be searching for the agreement, "And if you read the agreement, it also stated that you have to drive me to work"
"Fine, but you're paying for my gas"
"Good. Now I'm going to get dressed," I eye her tank top and short shorts as I proceed to my room, "you should too" She stands up and walks behind me, "Why where are you going?"
"You're driving me to work. Now get dressed"
*Forgot to add a scene in the first chapter where they talk about their selves. Darn.
*I just wanted him to twitch whether in anger of by lying.
I had to research the agreement. I didn't include ALL but you'll see the rest of the roommate agreement in the next chapters!
SO! I'm sorry this was a bit late, since I wasn't doing anything important, my friends asked me to help plan our other friend's going away party and other friend's birthday party. And when I started this chapter I completely spaced out. I apologize if it's boring and full of dialogue it's 4 AM so yeah. I won't re-read this so if you see any mistakes PM me. I'm sleepy.
Oh I also got a Beta- TobyAndrews is the user! Though I didn't get this beta'd cause I really wanted to put it up as soon as possible. I'll probably update both stories tomorrow.
Next Chapter: Halo Night! And Penny meets Howard and Raj!
Review review review! I enjoy replying to reviews if you don't know, so review guys! Oh and to those who will review I'm gonna get your opinion on what's gonna happen in the next chapters, cause I'm confused about something.