AN: I do not own Twilight, I'm only borrowing the characters. This story is rated M for a reason! Read, review, follow and enjoy! Please let me know what you think!

Chapter 2

It was two weeks after the wedding and Alice and Jasper were halfway through their month long honeymoon in the Caribbean. I was woken up by my pager beeping out of control on the floor by the bed I was sleeping in in the on-call room. I glanced at it. 9-1-1. I rolled out of bed quickly and pushed my feet into my shoes and ran out of the door, scraping my hair back into a ponytail. I ran into my ward and saw nurses, interns, attendings and machines flying in and out of one of the patient rooms. Putting gloves on my hands, I pushed my way in as well.

I swore. Jamie LaRue, my five year old ALL patient lay on the bed, body limp, looking paler than the white sheets beneath her. She had been diagnosed at the age of two, had gone into remission at the age of three and her symptoms had just come back a few weeks ago. I thought she had been stable enough.

My heart sank into my stomach. The monitor attacked to her was beeping furiously, the line flat.

"Clear!" said the attending and the thunk of electricity shooting through her little body made me feel sick to my stomach. I ran forward and started CPR on her little heart, taking over for the nurse.

"Come on Jamie, you can do it. Be a big girl," I was saying.

But after twenty minutes, she wasn't coming back anymore. I stepped back from her tiny body and glanced at the clock on the wall. "Time of death," I said, voice dead, "11:32 pm."

I stepped back from her bed, my hands shaking. I stumbled back two more steps and fell against the wall. I slid down it, hands beside me, staring numbly at the little girls body. Somebody flicked off the beeping machine and an intern crouched in front of me.

"Doctor Cullen?" she asked, "Doctor Cullen, are you feeling okay?"

I tried to open my mouth, but I couldn't. I felt numb.

"Somebody page Edward Cullen," said a nurse, crouching beside the intern.

It felt like hours until Edward came in the door. He took one look at Jamie's white sheet covered body and then looked down at me, eyes wide, face sympathetic. He knelt in front of me and pulled me close to him. The warmth of his body seemed to shake me from my numbness and I blinked. Once. Twice. And then tears started to fall down my cheeks.

Hours later, I was sitting at home, alone in the bed. Edward still had a few hours left of his shift and he had called Emmett to come pick me up from the hospital and drive me home.

I was silent in the car. Silent as we walked up to the front door. Silent as Emmett walked me up to the bedroom. Silent as he left and locked up after himself.

Jamie was gone. The little angel who had blessed me with her presence was gone. Dead. I hadn't done enough.

I curled up on my side. I wasn't used to failure. Tears came and went and finally, I faded into sleep.

A week later, after numbly walking around the hospital, I had the day off and I had errands to run, but I didn't really feel like moving. Edward was just leaving.

"Bye sweetheart," he said, "Call if you need anything. Try to eat something."

I nodded silently.

He kissed my forehead softly.

I dozed off and woke up when my cell phone rang. I reached over and looked at the screen. It was Rosalie. She was only dating Emmett, but they had been together for almost five years in total, so she was part of our family.

I ignored it.

She called again right away.

I ignored it.

She called again and I sighed and answered. "Hello?" I asked, my voice groggy.

"I was just about to hunt your skinny ass down!" she laughed.

I didn't laugh.

"Bella, are you okay?" she asked.

"Not feeling well," I said.

"Bella, Emmett told me about the other day," she said, "Do you want me to come over? Just to hang out? We can have a girls day?" Rosalie offered.

I hesitated.

"Come on Bella," she said, "Emmett and Edward are both really worried. And everyone else would be too, if they found out."

My throat clogged up slightly. "Sure," I croaked. I cleared my throat. "I guess you can come over."

"Great!" she said, "Do you want any food? Chinese? Subway?"

"Subway is fine," I said, rolling out of bed, "I'm gonna go get ready. Half an hour?"

"Sure," she said, "See you soon!"

"Bye," I said, hanging up. I pressed end and threw the phone onto the bed. I placed my hand on my belly. It hurt. I guess I was hungry.

I walked into the bathroom and stood over the sink. I washed my face with cool water and patted it dry before putting on moisturizer and then a little mascara and concealer to hide the circles under my eyes. I brushed my teeth and combed my hair before pulling it back into a ponytail. I went to the toilet but when I pulled down my shorts and underwear, my heart jumped into my throat. My underwear was red and soaked with blood. I was immediately nauseous and I took two steps for the bathroom door to go get my phone but I had to stop. I whirled around and dove for the toilet where I heaved into the bowl.

After the nausea passed, I was kneeling on the floor in front of the toilet, head resting on my arms on the edge of the porcelain, tears slowly making their way down my cheeks. This had to be a miscarriage. The cramping. The bleeding. I sobbed into my arms. I was useless. I couldn't even be pregnant.

The doorbell rang but I couldn't get up to answer it. My cell phone rang from the bedroom but I couldn't go answer it. The main line rang but I couldn't go to it. I heard the lock click open in the front door. There were footsteps on the hardwood in the entrance. "Bella!" Rosalie called.

"Up here!" I said as loudly as I could.

I heard her heels come clicking up the stairs and come into the bedroom. "Bella?" she asked again.

"Bathroom," I said.

She came to the bathroom door and pushed it opened. "Oh honey," she said, crouching beside me, "Do you need anything?"

"Rose, I'm having a miscarriage," I whispered into the toilet.

She was silent.

I glanced over at her.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

I nodded sadly.

"Do you want me to call Edward?" she offered, "He'll be right home."

I shook my head. "Rose, I can't," I whispered, "I'm such a failure. My patients can't survive. I can't keep a pregnancy. I – please – I can't tell him. Not today." I started sobbing fresh again.

She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close to her. "Oh Bella," she said, rubbing my back soothingly.

She helped me changed and I put a maxi pad in my underwear. After I was cleaned up, she brought me to the bed and set me in it. She kicked off her shoes and got in Edward's side and sat next to me, arm around me. "You're going to be fine honey," she promised me.

Three days later, I was back at work, but I was bleeding enough to have to change my pad every hour. I was standing in Carlisle's office talking about a party for Esme's birthday. I nodded in agreement with one of his statements and I immediately regretted the decision. The room spun around me. I was losing too much blood. Black dots danced in front of my eyes.

"So you think-" Carlisle was saying.

I threw my arms out and fumbled for something to hold myself upright. My fingers closed around his desk lamp, but it slid off his desk when I fell. I was distantly aware of the glass smashing on the ground and Carlisle yelling my name as I fell to the ground, hitting my head on the corner of his desk and blacking out.

I came to in a hospital room. I felt groggy, but not dizzy, thank god. "Bella!" cried Alice, who sat in the corner in a pink dress, looking tanned, "You're awake!"

I groaned. She pressed the call button on the bed and then took my hand. "Why are you here? Shouldn't you be in Belize?"

"Someone here needed her family though," Alice told me sweetly, pushing my hair back from my face, "How do you feel?"

"Tied," I said, "Groggy. My head hurts."

"You hit it pretty hard," she nodded slightly.

Edward came into the room in his scrubs, hair a tangled bronze mess atop his head, dark circles under his eyes. "Bella sweetheart," he said, "Thank God."

Within the hour, Carlisle, Edward, Rosalie and Alice were all in my room, as well as Dr. O'Brien, my OB/GYN.

"Bella, you had an incomplete miscarriage. I performed a D & C on you to remove the tissues," O'Brien said, "You had a lot of blood loss, resulting in you falling unconscious."

"We gave you a blood transfusion to replace the missing blood. You also hit your head fairly hard, so we've been doing routine brain scans to check for any bleeds, but you're clear as of now," Carlisle said.

I glanced down at my hands that were clasped across my empty belly.

"Bella, honey, did you know about the miscarriage?" Edward asked.

I nodded slowly once.

"Bella," he whispered.

"I'm sorry," I whimpered, "I had just lost Jamie and I couldn't tell you. I'd lost our baby too."

"Honey, I'm not mad at you," he said, "It was very dangerous that you didn't tell me though."

I shook my head, looking down. "I was stupid," I said.

"Your menstrual cycle should resume within the next few weeks and for the next month, I'd ask that you refrain from the use of tampons and sexual intercourse, to minimize the chances of infection or additional bleeding," O'Brien said.

I nodded, not knowing what to say.

Three months passed since the miscarriage and things weren't the same. I had seen a psychiatrist but I was lost about what to do and I was depressed. Edward and I slept in different rooms in the house more often than not. We hadn't had sex since and kissing was rare. Another one of my long-term patients had passed away and that caused me to sleep in the on-call room for a week when I wasn't even working.

Everyone in my family and Edward's family had noticed something was wrong.

Edward's and my relationship[p was crumbling down and there was nothing either of us could do about it. We rarely spoke, almost never kissed and on the odd occasion that we slept in the same bed, I lay in the fetal position facing away from him, right on the edge so that there was no way we could touch in the middle.

It was horrible. I worked into the locker room at work one day and found him sitting on the bench, sobbing into his hands. I hurried out before he could see me.

I cried a lot too. My showers had turned into me sitting on the floor and crying into my knees. I knew I was hurting Edward. I knew he was upset. I knew it was hurting our families. But there was nothing I could do to help it. I just wasn't prepared to.

AN: For those of you that don't know, ALL is a type of cancer, meaning that Bella is an oncologist. Review please! I'll update as fast as I can! Also, if you have been reading my other two stories, I do plan on updating those soon as well!