CHAPTER TWO

He watched her walk away. In the past few minutes he'd ridden an emotional wave, from the excitement of his final interrogation of Neil Colby to exhaustion and depression when he saw Colby's destruction and its devastating results to others, including Jack Cadogan. Bobby was processing all of this when his cell phone rang, and he received the wondrous news that Alex had given birth to a boy. Bobby's first reaction was enormous relief that Alex was all right. Though her pregnancy he'd read and researched—he hoped subtly—everything he could and became horribly aware of all the things that could go wrong during a pregnancy. He wondered how humans as a species survived the process. It was often difficult for him to think of the baby as anything other than a threat to Alex until one afternoon when he looked up from some crime scene photos to see Alex with an expression of beautiful surprise on her face.

"What?" he asked as he stood. "Are you ok?"

"Come…Come with me…" Alex stood and walked quickly from her desk. Bobby followed her to an empty interview room.

"The baby," Alex said in wonder. "The baby is moving…"

Bobby's jaw dropped. There was a baby. Another person. Alex carried another life inside her.

"Really?" he whispered. "Does it…Is it uncomfortable?"

She shook her head. "No…Not at all…Here…" She seized his left hand and brought it to rest over her growing lower tummy. Bobby felt a shock when their hands touched; unless they were undercover, they never touched. Bobby often thought one reason he enjoyed going undercover with Alex was so he could touch her. As she held his hand against her body, a wonderful warmth spread from the hand to the rest of his body.

"Can you feel it?" Alex asked eagerly.

A soft ripple moved under Bobby's fingers. "Oh…Oh, yes…Oh…Alex." He stared at her. "Oh…Eames…I'm sorry…"

"It's all right, Bobby. I think you can call me Alex under these circumstances." She smiled at him, and his insides turned to goo.

Moments like that—any moments with Alex—became rarer as her pregnancy continued. Her time at work lessened, and her time away from work was spent increasingly in the welcome arms of her family. Bobby sensed there were members of her family happy to separate her from him, and even to encourage her to leave the NYPD. Bobby dismissed this as paranoia until he heard one side of several phone calls an exasperated Alex had with her mother and sister. One evening he arrived at her home to take her to an increasingly rare dinner to discover one of her brothers—Bobby thought it was her oldest, who was some member of the NYPD Brass—in her kitchen. Bobby stayed in the living room because of the hostile vibrations from the brother. Alex sent her brother away, but the following meal was conducted in a strained silence. Bobby felt a growing fear as the evening continued.

"I'm sorry, Bobby," Alex said as they neared her home. "I haven't been good company tonight."

Bobby's grip on the steering wheel grew tighter.

"It's not your fault," Alex sighed. "It's my family…Some of them…God…" She shook her head. "I love them…I love what I'm doing for my sister…I even love being pregnant…But there're times I just want to get back to work."

A wave of relief hit Bobby so strongly that he thought he might have to stop the car.

"Bobby…You…You'll come to see me while I'm no leave, right?"

Bobby glanced at her. He struggled to understand why she could think he wouldn't visit her. "Of course…Of course…You…If you want me to come, nothing will keep me away…"

"Good," Alex declared, and her smile again turned his insides to goo.

He saw her less frequently when she went on leave, although every time Alex saw him she told him how much she missed Major Case; how much she missed work; how much she missed him. Her words reassured him, but for the first time in his life Bobby resented his work because it kept him from seeing Alex. He and Bishop caught several difficult case, cases Bobby thought were made more and unnecessarily difficult by Bishop's stubbornness and narrow mindedness. He tried, especially after Deakins spoke with him, not to compare Bishop with Eames. Bishop was bright enough, Bobby acknowledged, but inexperienced, and worse, willfully unwilling to learn. Things became marginally better with time—Bobby suspected Deakins had also had a "talk" with Bishop—and there was a huge shift in Bishop's attitude after a case where Bobby dealt with a very angry and very disturbed young man with a very large gun. Bishop became Bobby's devoted acolyte, and a deeply embarrassed Bobby wished she'd return to her critical view. As he sat at his desk trying to decompress after the confrontation, Bobby saw Bishop enter Deakins' office and speak with great animation to the captain. "Great," Bobby thought, and tried not to think of how much better he'd feel if Eames was at her desk across from him. When Deakins summoned him, Bobby lowered his head and tried to avoid the eyes of everyone in the bullpen. He was stunned when Deakins, with quiet and great pride, informed Bobby that the captain intended to nominate him for a Medal of Honor. Bobby knew Deakins was puzzled by his reaction, which consisted of Bobby staring at his feet and mumbling that any good cop would've done what he did and that his bravery was greatly exaggerated.

"That's not what Bishop said," Deakins commented. "It's not what the civilians said. It's not what the other cops on the scene said. It's not even what the perp said. I'm doing the paperwork. I'd get your dress blues cleaned, Bobby. I think you're going to get that medal. And you deserve it."

Bobby, his head down and still trying to avoid eye contact with anyone, returned to his desk. Bishop looked at him with wide eyes, and he stared guiltily at his desk.

"We…Uh…Need to start the booking," Bobby stammered.

"I've got it," Bishop said eagerly, and Bobby hated that he welcomed her departure. He was able to avoid Bishop and other cops for the rest of the day as he dealt with getting the disturbed young man the legal and psychological help he needed. His efforts resulted in a distinct change of mood on the parts of Captain Deakins and especially Ron Carver.

"Just what side are you on, Detective?" Carver asked in frustration.

Standing in Deakins's office, Bobby sought refuge in his binder. "He's ill…He doesn't understand the results of his actions…"

"That should be up to his attorney to prove," Carver answered.

"But his court appointed attorney never handled this type of case," Bobby said. "He doesn't know…"

"He does now," Deakins said. "I think Detective Goren will devote himself to the prosecution's side of this case now." He looked carefully at Bobby.

"Yes, Sir," Bobby said quietly. "Now that I know the defendant has a real defense." As he left the Captain's office, Bobby saw Carver and Deakins share a frustrated look. "Well," Bobby thought. "Maybe that's the end of all that talk about a medal."

A small crowd gathered near his desk, and Bobby started to look for an escape route. Then he heard Alex's voice.

"Your partner's here," an older cop said.

Bobby pushed through the crowd. Alex sat next to her desk. Bishop recited the day's events with a stress on Bobby's heroics.

"Hey," Bobby said awkwardly in an attempt to end Bishop's speech.

Alex looked at him with a mixture of worry, pride, and frustration. "Hey," she said. "I had a doctor's appointment, and I talked my brother-in-law into dropping me off for a visit. Apparently I got here just in time to congratulate you."

Bobby reddened. "It…It wasn't that big a deal…"

"Not a big deal?" Bishop exclaimed. "I was telling everyone about the Medal of Honor…"

Bobby waved a large paw. "I…I don't know about that…"

"You deserve it," Bishop declared.

"I'm sure he does," Alex said warmly. "Hey, Goren…Could you get a pregnant lady some water?"

Bobby blessed her for giving him a way out. By the time he returned with not only a bottle of cold water but also a can of decaf soda and a bottle of juice, the crowd had left. Bishop smiled warmly at Alex as Bobby shyly approached.

"I'll let you guys talk," she said. "Good luck, Alex."

Alex smiled as Bishop walked away. She gratefully accepted the water from Bobby, unscrewed the bottle top, and took a long drink. "Thanks," she said. She eyed the soda and juice. "You're going to have to find someone else for those. C'mon…Help me up and we can go to the cafeteria. I can watch you drink a cup of coffee."

Bobby half-smiled. He knew Alex mixed coffee, especially high octane coffee, terribly. "Ok…" He walked behind her as she waddled to the elevator and wondered how she managed to keep her balance. She leaned against a wall as the elevator descended. The presence of others kept Alex and Bobby from speaking to each other. In the cafeteria, Bobby carefully guided her to a table. Alex blew a wayward strand of hair out of her eyes.

"I hate that it takes so much effort to do so little," she said. "And that everyone stares at me like I'm some freak."

"What can I get you?" Bobby asked. He tried not to hover over her.

"More water…And a banana…"

Bobby returned several minutes later bearing his coffee and her banana and water.

"Let me smell it," Alex said and leaned over to breathe in the cup Bobby held out to her. "Oh…That's good…Very good," she said. "Enjoy it for me."

Bobby smiled. "I will…"

"So…You're a hero," Alex said deliberately. "And Bishop adores you now…"

Bobby stared into his coffee. "It…It wasn't…If I'd done my job right, the situation wouldn't have gotten so bad…"

"I doubt that," Alex said. "Not if you're being considered for another Medal of Honor…"

"I…I doubt that'll happen," Bobby said. "I…I didn't deserve the first one…I certainly don't deserve one now…"

"You've never told me about how you got that first one," Alex said.

"Eames…Please…" Bobby said in a tight voice. "Please…I don't want to…"

"It's all right, Bobby," Alex said gently. "I know the really brave cops don't want to talk about things. But I am worried a little about what you did today. I'd like my partner to be around and in one piece when I get back."

Bobby couldn't hide his great relief.

"Don't worry, Bobby," Alex assured him. "I'm definitely coming back."

"I…I'm sorry…" He stared again at the table. "I know you've told me…And I know that's not important…But…"

"I just better have a partner to come back to," Alex said.

Bobby sat for a moment. "I…I wasn't stupid or anything today," he finally said. "I swear I wasn't…"

Bobby spent much of the rest of the day and the night trying to understand why Alex worried about him. The next day was the first of G. Lynn Bishop's adoration of Robert Goren, and the subject of that adoration frequently wished she would return to her skepticism. The younger detective was certainly more helpful, but Bobby again found himself comparing Bishop with Eames. He noted that Alex managed to question him without undermining him, to support him without worshipping him. "Eames…Eames would've known," Bobby muttered when he realized Neil Colby had killed Corinne Kennedy and had used Bobby's weaknesses against him to hurt the investigation. Eames would've seen how Colby was setting Bobby up. She would've seen the patterns; she would've seen how Abe McVee was like Bobby's despised father. She wouldn't have followed Bobby blindly through the interview of McVee. Bobby wouldn't have had to reveal fragments of his past, and he wouldn't have had to deal with Bishop's hurt confusion. But as he sat numbly putting together the pieces of Colby's actions, Bobby realized the motive behind Corinne Kennedy's murder.

"It's about yearning."

END CHAPTER TWO