Haruhi

"You know? You can never truly know everything about a person. Everyone has secrets" I said to Kyoya, who was sitting beside me on the beach.

"Do you have any secrets Haruhi?" He asked me, looking at me with curious eyes.

I felt anxiety, panic and fear well up in my chest but I let none of it show. My mask stood strong as I looked him in the eyes.

"Of course I do, everyone does. But my secrets... aren't what you would ever expect. I will tell you all eventually but I know now isn't the right time. Do you have any secrets senpai?"

I asked, fiddling with my hands as I avoided eye contact.

"Well sort of... you see whenever I see you I can't help but think 'Wake up'" he said, I tilted my head slightly at his strange words.

"Wake up?" I asked confused.

"Haruhi wake up." I heard him say again and suddenly I wasn't alone with Kyoya anymore. Actually, where was I? I pulled away from whatever I was clinging onto and I saw Kyoya looking down at me. I am still so sleepy that there was still a blur in my vision and fuzziness in my brain.

"Good morning Haruhi. We are here." He said and I noticed that 1) we are parked in front of a huge house and 2) everyone else was gone.

I stretched and looked at him.

"Thank you senpai. I am sorry I slept on you, it must of been really uncomfortable." I said, avoiding his eyes.

He gave me a polite nod.

"It was no problem, you looked very comfortable." He said, giving me a small, half smile.

"Well thanks senpai." I said, climbing out and following him into the large, beautiful house.

I always forget how kind Kyoya can be when he wants to. The others were already inside talking about who got what room and when we all agreed we all went into our respective rooms to settle in. My room was next to Kyoya senpai's and across from Hikaru and Kaoru's room.

I sat down on my bed and opened up my bag, grabbing a thin long sleeve and slipping it on, refusing to look down at my cut and bruised skin. I slipped on a sweatshirt that was 2 sizes too big on top. Lately I have been "growing". I am getting kind of large in some areas, if you will. I sighed and grabbed the phone that the twins bought for me and punched in the one number I know by heart.

"Tamotsu?" I asked when I heard him pick up, my heart racing in anticipation of hearing the oh so familiar voice.

"Haruhi! Darling, it's been so long. How are you?" I smiled. He is so excitable sometimes. Luckily some things never change.

"I am okay. I am at the beach near your home and I was wondering if you wanted to go for a walk with me. I need to clear my head." I said, holding the phone to my ear with my shoulder as I started through my bag, looking for my computer.

"I would love to! There is a big rock on the beach, I'll meet you there in 10?" He asked and I could practically hear his smile.

"Sounds good. I will see you soon." I said, hanging up and setting my phone down.

I slipped on my black jeans and a blue belt. and walked down stairs, attempting to get out unnoticed but failed.

"Hey Haruhi, where are you going?" Honey asked, running up to me.

"I am going for a walk." I said, looking down at the short blond who was looking at me excitedly.

"That's a good idea! Let's go for a walk!" He said and everyone started agreeing, but I put up my hands.

"I was going to go alone actually..." I said and they all stopped to look at me. "I am meeting up with an old friend."

"Oh..." Honey said sadly, his big blue eyes looking up at me.

"Well at least change first. You are going to get a heat stroke." Kyoya said, looking over my long shirt and pants.

"I'll be fine. It may be sunny but it isn't overly hot." I said walking out the door, shutting out their protests.

I shoved my hands in my pockets as I walked to the beach and saw Tamotsu sitting by the rock, looking at the water.

I walked up and he saw me, standing up and giving me a light hug.

"Haruhi, look at you. Just as beautiful as when I last saw you." He said, moving his hand to my hair.

I smiled and laughed.

"Thank you kind sir. Shall we walk?" I asked, holding out my arm.

He nodded and looped his arm with mine.

We walked in silence for a while before we started talking about serious topics.

"So Haruhi, how are you really? You know you can't lie to me." I sighed. It's true, I have never been able to lie to Tamotsu.

"I'm so tired. I'm just so tired. I feel like I've been awake for 4 days and I don't feel like I'm here. I feel like I'm drunk, Like I've had three wines and shots and beer and I'm tired and ready to go home and I can't talk to anyone because I've forgotten how I usually talk. I don't even look like me. Everything is so wrong and weird and scary. I honestly think I'm going mad. I can't stop crying. I've got such a bad headache. I just don't know how to say what is going on but I've just constantly felt like not just drunk but blind. You know when you're hammered and everything's really bright and you can't remember how to talk properly and you're not really taking anything in cause you feel really weird and you can touch things and see things and talk to people but you're not really There. But here's the thing; I'm alive. I can breathe. I can eat and talk and sleep and see and feel. So I should be okay. And objectively, I am fine So why am I not? It's one of those things that I keep thinking about over and over to the point where my head is like is this really happening. I genuinely genuinely think I've gone mad and I don't know if I'm ever going to see things like normal again." *

When I looked back at him he was looking at me with a look I didn't recognize. Before I could speak he pulled me into a hug.

"It will be okay." he said quietly.

"And on top of it all I have to hid everything from the host club… I really want to tell them but I can't because of how many people could get hurt if I do… I want to leave Tamotsu… I can't keep living with him. He leaves every morning to work and then he gets drunk… do you realize how many scars and bruises from that man? I am so scared that one day he is going to kill me… or worse… someone very precious to me…"

We started walking back, still talking. I told him about school and the hosts, accidentally telling him about how I feel about Kyoya. We got to the mansion and I paused, biting my lip.

"He beat the hell out of me when I told him I was going away for a night with the Host club. I think I am going to move out when I get back…" I said, looking down at my feet.

"Where are you going to go?" He asked, turning and looking at me. I shook my head sadly.

"I don't know… probably a local homeless shelter until I find somewhere…"

"Oh… You can always see if you can live with one of the hosts…" he said to me, his voice holding a pleading note.

"I'll ask…"

"Just remember Haruhi… Family is all you got. Weather it is the family you were born with-" He pointed at the mansion and continued "- or the family you create, in the end… Family are the only one's who will be by your side until the end."

"I know… I know… And the truth is they are the ONLY family I have left. And I am terrified to lose them…"

"Listen to me Haruhi. Whether you like it or not those boys are ALL you have left. I get that you are scared and I won't lie to you, they might leave you, they might hurt you but so might ANYONE! You can't let fear control you. And what do you always say? Faith can move mountains. It is time you took your own advice, unless you have faith in them enough to tell them the truth then things will stay exactly the same. So please… at least tell Kyoya."

I nodded.

"I'll tell him tonight…"

"Thank you…" He said, pulling me into a tight hug.

I pulled away and gave him a small nod before heading inside.

*This was a quote(s) from a video Dodie Clark made, I altered it a small bit.