Blue Moon
"Talking"
'Talking in thought'
"YELLING"
'YELLING IN THOUGHT'
*Flashback*
Quote of Love Hurt
What do you do when the one person you want comfort from the most is the one who caused your pain? How can I want so desperately for him to wrap me up in his arms but also want so much for him to leave me alone…by Amanda Grace, But I Love Him.
Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT 2012, Nickelodeon owns them. This is a sequel from the story "Secreted Feelings", and it was requested by a different Author whose name you all know and it's lilliannak! So, without further ado start reading.
You know, when you put a dried bread in a food processor and the dried bread are unpityingly been shred into bits.
Well, this is exactly what Raph's heart is feeling right now.
It all happened two days ago where their vow of romance has been cut by ignorance, blind fury, and the coldness of fear, which leaves Raphael in the worst kind of pain imaginable, and he blamed no one but himself. He hurts Mikey in a way he shouldn't do and, in the result, Mikey won't talk to him or even look at him or breathe the same air with him the only he can get from her is a cold shoulder. Why couldn't he control himself? Master Splinter told him time and time again that anger is a destructive power that can potently hurt the one who is close to him, Raph should've controlled it and yet he hurts the one who is closest to his heart.
The others in the Lair didn't say a word to Raph or Mikey, they've been giving them odd and worried glances but they didn't pry because they'll work out on their own while Splinter with his calculated eyes says other things. Splinter is wise and he was once a husband to his beloved Tang Shen he can tell there has been a dispute between them and, by the looks of it, it's deeply emotional and they got hurt.
He has been watching them with careful eyes for two days now and he believes it is the time to talk with Raphael. Michelangela is not in the mood to have a conversation, not with Master Splinter. He knows his daughter better than anyone when she is in a foul mood she will not talk or listen to anyone. Raphael is awfully distraught that he desperately needs help from just about anyone, preferably, Master Splinter. However, Master Splinter knew and figured out that Raphael needed advice and the only advice he ever said was "One life, one encounter."
He has no clue of what HE'S TALKING ABOUT?!
Well, so much for getting help from Master Splinter and now he is sulking in the kitchen waiting for something like something can swallow him and remain in the dark abyss and never fight back to come out.
He sighs in despair, he feels everything he ever cares about are shattering and it's all his fault, and he doesn't know how to fix this.
He turns to look at the closed door of the once shared bedroom of his and Michelangela. But now, it is occupied by just Michelangela. She's been in that room for who knows how long and she never came out except to grab a bite to eat or going to the bathroom.
Other than that, she refuses to look at him. Not even a glance.
Raph feels like he's bleeding from the inside and it's never stopping. Everything hurts because he hurts her and now he is suffering from his own consequences.
"You really messed it up big time, pal!" The sound of his own voice made him lift his head up fast. He was confused at first, but then, he recalled something like this happened a long time ago and that made him groan and then he turns to look at his left.
Yes, he guessed it right. It's the Devil Raph appeared right next to him and he is looking at him with a scowl of complete disappointment.
"You! Out of ALL the stupid things you've done. THIS gotta be the worst of it all."
"I don't need THIS right now." Raph tries to ignore him or wish him to disappear but ignoring won't work and wishing him gone won't grant him.
"OH HOHOHO! Trust me, you need this crap after that little stunt you just pulled on Mikey, and now, because of you, my Mikey won't come near me and it's ALL YOUR FAULT!" Devil Raph shouted at the end of his sentences and it's clear how angry he is that whatever happens his relationship with Mikey, his Devil Mikey won't come close to him after what Raph said and done.
"I said I DON'T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW!" Raph shouted back and he can feel a tight pressure in his head causing him to wince in pain. He doesn't need this, he doesn't want to hear it, especially from his own subconsciousness.
"I'm afraid…for you, that's not an option." A new and softer voice that Raph knew who belong to and it made him scowl even worse. To his right, another mini Raph but it is an Angel Raph and he looks very much pissed…for an Angel.
"What you did to OUR Mikey is both uncalled for and most certainly immature on YOUR behavior!" Angel Raph exclaimed and he crossed his arms as if he's scolding a child.
"C'mon, not you too!" Raph really doesn't need this, not from him.
"Look, could you two just leave me alone and let me moan in my own misery." Then, Raph, went back to sulk by laying his head on his arms. Face downward.
"You've been sulking for two days straight and we think you've sulked long ENOUGH." Said Angel Raph pointing out the obvious.
"And I don't normally agree with him, but he's right." That got Raph to look up at the Devil Raph.
"You need to get your ass up and TALK to her already!"
"What are ya blind and deaf?! She doesn't want to talk to me or even look at me." Raph is looking at them as if they're stupid but these two are not swayed. Not one bit.
"She got ears, doesn't she? She'll listen and you do the talkin'" Devil Raph reasoned with him.
"EVEN if she did listen. I don't know what to say to her." Then, Raph sighed and he got back sulking.
"I messed it up! I don't a big amount of sorry won't make her forgive me." Raph added solemnly.
Both Devil Raph and Angel Raph looked at each other as they are silently and telepathically talking to each other and debating on what to do with the sulky turtle.
There is a major reason that's holding him back from talking to Mikey and that is fear. Not the kind of fear of losing her, nor the fear of responsibility. But, a fear of not being good enough for her and…to his future offspring. A fear is a powerful thing, perhaps more powerful than anger because it blinds him from seeing the right things for his life that will change him remarkably for the better. But the fear is holding him like he's trapped in tight steel chains preventing him from moving and preventing him from escaping.
They can't stand seeing him like this. They hate seeing him looking defeated and wounded. They have to tell him straight and true, otherwise, he will lose his future with Mikey, forever. Angel Raph made his first move by walking toward Raphael as he places his hand on his large forearm.
"Look, Raph. It's hard, it's never easy. But, if life were easy then things would get boring. Your life with Mikey has lightened and darkens your life. They were times when you two laughs together or argue at each other. They were times when Mikey can read your thoughts without you saying a word and know exactly on how to lift your spirit with her jokes…or she basically knows what to say in her own odd kind of way." Angel Raph chuckled lightly and Raph chuckled with him, remembering the good times.
"You see, Raph. Love can bring out the strangest things in people but it can also bring out the best in them. But, if you allow fear take over your love for Mikey then you will lose your future…with her." Angel Raph's words are logical and filled with truth and clear as the green on Raph's face.
…Maybe, he's right…Losing Mikey for good is like giving up air to breathe. But…he is still scared. Angel Raph saw that and said.
"You may not like this, but it's easy to get scared and it's not easy to get rid of it. But, if you love Mikey. If you truly and devotedly love her then you punch that fear right in its face and get our girl." Angel Raph exclaimed.
Then, it got Raph thinking. Perhaps, the Blue Moon thing may not be such a bad idea now that he's thinking clearly. He can imagine standing beside her, arms intertwined, lips sealed with a kiss, and…kids to own. Kids…Children, it's a scary thing but…he can imagine little feet tapping and running on the floor, laughter will become music in the lair, and his life will become grander…And Mikey will be glowing with pride and love as she sends her smiled toward him.
Soon, his fears and doubts have all vanished and in its place a love for grew, even more, firmer than his shell and a new-found determination to fight for Mikey and win her again.
"You know what, you're right. Mikey wanted this and she wanted this with me. No more mister scared turtle. It's time I man-up and get my girl back even if it means I have to beg on my knees."
"Who are you talking to?" Poor Raph flinched when he heard Donnie who spoke to him. He turned around and he's looking Donnie who wore an expression that Raph gone nuts.
An awkward silence.
Then, a second later. Donnie cleared his throat and said.
"I just 'um' going to grab a cup of coffee and granola bar. So, yeah." He walked right past him to grab the things he needs and be back to his lab but Raph has another idea.
"Say, Donnie. I just wanna say I'm sorry from the way I acted. I guess I was…scared." Then, Donnie placed his hand on Raph's shoulder as he is giving him a smile to show that he is forgiven and he said.
"Thanks, Raph. But I think there's one person who deserves an apology more than me."
"Yeah, I know. I'm going to do that." Said Raph and thanked Donnie for listening by giving him a pat on the shoulder, and then he walks away but not before Donnie says.
"Hey, Raph. Good luck."
"Thanks, man."
Chapter 2 is done and I know it's short but I find it fitting. See you all next time on Blue Moon.