Lavender Scented Memories of Crimson, a RenjixIchigo fic
Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine.
Author's Notes: Back to short AN's again. We're rolling into the heart of the story – a little setup is necessarily, but things are finally moving forward between Renji and Ichigo.
First scene is AiGin, and there are references to a past RenRuki. The rest of the chapter is devoted to Renji and Ichigo walking through their conflict together.
Warnings: Yaoi, BDSM, lemons, implied chessboard/mind games, slight angst, D/s fun
Oh. Storytime in the place to be? I think so!
The view of the city from several hundred stories up always soothed Aizen when he needed to pause and reflect. Even the best chess players took time to step back. It was not tricky moves or books that boasted listings of ultimate chess moves that made the difference between a mere player and a seasoned chess master.
It was perspective, repetition, and exceptional focus. These three things were the foundation of all the grand chess masters of the past and even the present. As far as Aizen Sousuke was concerned, the foundation of the future chess masters would not change much.
He was aware that life was a series of chessboards that each deserved their own analysis -- was it not this skill that had helped him build the Kyouka Suigetsu Corporation? He could shape his life anyway he desired after building the company to the current level they all enjoyed now. It had not been easy, but Aizen despised simple things anyway.
Thankfully, he could never have called that one simple. Not in the least.
Oh, most would have dismissed Abarai Renji without a thought, but Aizen had played enough chessboard games over the years to realize that there was a certain charm to the tall redhead. He saw the inner fire that burned far brighter than anyone ever knew -- he doubted that even Renji himself was fully aware of all the skills he brought to the table.
From the moment he had seen one of his best trainers stroll around the university with the redhead in tow, Aizen realized that he had to have him. Yet he did not want another present -- his special home was filled with willing offerings. He needed another trainer, another pair of hands that could guide, direct, shape, mold ...create something truly electric. Fire was its own form of electricity, powering change beyond most human's imagination.
He had been right -- that wasn't what surprised him. Spending idle time calculating each and every move of life increased one's accuracy quite well. What surprised him was Renji's sudden departure. He didn't accept it at all -- the redhead had a definite place in the little band of players, and it wasn't a low place.
He traced over the large ring on his finger, admiring the dance between rubies and pearls, with white gold providing the pure surface for the two jewelry components to dance together for eternity.
Ah, Renji -- do you even wear your ring still? Do you remember what it was like when you stood on top of the world and looked down? What has entered your life that made you willing to give up everything you had here?
"You're thinking about him again, aren't ya?"
He realized that his lover had entered the room, but he hadn't been ready to actually acknowledge him yet. The voice was soft with just a little hint of the roughness that it held when he first discovered the silver haired man.
"I do not know what you speak of, Gin."
His lover merely wrapped his arms around him from behind, pulling him close. Aizen heard the soft tinkle of the tiny bells that decorated his collar. He felt his excitement grow as he realized Gin was in the mood to play. A fellow trainer indulging in control games wasn't unheard of; many dominant types needed their own form of release that Aizen was all too happy to provide.
Ah, Gin. My pretty switch-boy. Though you know why I still think of him.
What made the memory of Renji special to Aizen was the fact that deep down, Aizen was fully aware that there was no true switch mentality to Renji. During the Grand Initiation, it was true that he watched the redhead succumb to the other trainers -- who hadn't watched that spectacle? Yet even when Renji faced Zaraki Kenpachi, the fiercest trainer in the entire house, Aizen realized that Renji would never truly break. Instead, he took every experience as a challenge to his natural dominance and threw all of his resources into never truly falling apart.
I couldn't put out that fire if I tried. It's much more beneficial to me to use that fire to best advantage.
After all the trainers were satisfied Renji was a proper fit, he was given the status befitting any dominant in the circle and praised for his natural ability to stand tall even in the heaviest of rainstorms.
Gin was a different case entirely. Gin only wished for dominion over the lower ranks -- he deeply hungered for someone that would be worthy of his submission, and Aizen stepped that challenge like any of the others that formed the pattern of his life.
Gin broke through his thoughts again, licking his ear. "Ah, you don't have to lie to me, ya know. I know you're thinking about him. You know he left our circle, and you promised him you wouldn't pursue him. Are you breaking that now?"
"Do not be foolish. I will not pursue him. He will come back."
Aizen began to move Gin into position, his strong hands whispering over pale skin. He found himself closing his eyes and imagining tanned flesh and a cascade of tattoos that taunted and teased him.
"He will come back because it's in him too deeply. One day, it'll occur to him."
"And then, Aizen-sama?"
"What else, Gin? The games begin anew."
Tell me everything.
Renji gulped. This was one of his greatest fears -- facing Ichigo the day that his lover discovered the memories of his secret past life. Oh, he was smart enough to know that eventually, such things rise to the surface. He wanted to believe that he was different, that he would be able to just love Ichigo without his past creeping up to spoil everything he worked so hard for. He felt a need to protect Ichigo from the memories themselves, as if they would bubble forth and consume his orange haired lover completely.
I'll set them all on fire, if he wants me to. He's that important to me. Yet...
Yet he wanted to keep them, he wanted to pull the photos close and breath in those lavender scented memories and use his crimson hair to cover them up from the world at large. They didn't understand those types of memories, didn't understand that those memories were actually mere indicators of what his soul felt all the time. As a younger man, he felt guilty every time that he even came to his lovers' beds with a short length of silk rope or brought even the softest of paddles.
Discovering Shuuhei's secret life had unlocked more than Renji had ever experienced. He didn't fully remember when or why he pressed Shuuhei for more information about the ruby ring that was on his finger, or the red bordered invitations that were sticking out of the dark-haired man's messenger bag as they went over designs for clothes in their dorm room. Their shared business was still a dream back then, something that Rukia reminded him of time after time.
Rukia.
He remembered her horrified face when she discovered the box of special toys he had received as a gift from Shuuhei, with notes about each one. It was a friendly gift that was designed to give Renji the courage he needed to begin his shadow life, but Rukia didn't see it that way.
Even when he tried to slowly invite her into his other life, he received nothing but coldness.
I'm not into that freaky shit, baka! I wasn't raised that way!
He had to laugh. Wasn't raised that way? At the core of his shadow life was a hierarchy he couldn't ignore if he tried. Hierarchy was just more visible in his shadow life than in the surface life he shared with Rukia at the time. Considering that she was the adopted sister of Kuchiki Byakuya, the head of Kuchiki Industries and a visible part of the city's small circle of real life nobility. There were really only four noble families in the entire city, and the Kuchiki house stood head and shoulders above all others.
Kuchiki Rukia was raised in more hierarchy than she ever could imagine. He actually felt sorry for her, since she seemed incapable of actually seeing it for herself.
He couldn't actually feel too bad that their engagement had vanished after she discovered just how much of a "freak" he really was -- if she couldn't deal with all of him, she wasn't the right one to be with.
Is that why he was so afraid to tell Ichigo the full extent of his past? Those hard violet eyes of Rukia's were still in his mind as he recalled their final fight.
"I won't marry a freak. It's ...you need to make a decision. Is this really worth losing me? The opportunities that Nii-sama would you just for taking good care of me?"
"Yes."
"What?!"
"Rukia, it's part of me and...I thought you would understand."
"It's vile, Renji. It's going to consume you. Let me help you. I know a really good therapist that handles odd sex addictions..."
"I'm sorry, Rukia."
Her tears at the time had bothered him, but time had made him realize that it was the right choice. Her high level of fear over even the simplest of his bondage gear made him realize that they just weren't compatible. He hungered for something that he knew Rukia couldn't give him.
Acceptance.
Aside from this recent series of events, Ichigo accepted every last aspect of his life. The early stages of building the business with Shuuhei were brutal -- there were numerous nights Ichigo had found him sleeping at his desk, his hair burying the keyboard in crimson waves. When Renji got the rejection letters in the mail from distributors, it was Ichigo that came up with the idea of making "rejection snowflakes" out of all of them. They had fun sitting next to each other cutting up the letters, painting them, even putting sparkles and ribbons all over them.
Keigo had made fun of them when they had the last get-together at Renji's house before the move.
"That's so gay! Look at all that glitter!"
Renji made a show of pulling Ichigo into his arms, laughing as his orange haired lover squirmed and yelled at him. He looked over at Keigo's shocked expression. "That's the idea, Keigo...you know, being gay and all...unless you were confused."
Keigo's yell was so loud it woke up Mizuiro, who had finally managed to catch some well-needed sleep. Nobody woke up Mizuiro before he was ready to get up. Not unless you had your affairs in order.
"Renji?"
Renji looked up to find Ichigo in a loose fitting pair of pajama pants, with a book in his hand. He still had on his reading glasses, whcih gave him a look that Renji found exciting.
Whoa, down self! I can't allow myself to get too excited...I gotta take this seriously!
Renji patted the spot on the bed next to him. "Been waiting up for you."
Ichigo grinned. "What? Mr. Badass doesn't want to sleep alone?"
Renji rolled his eyes. "You know I like keeping my strawberry close."
"I am not a fruit!"
"Well, Ichi...actually...we kinda are."
Ichigo laughed. "I guess that's true...you are kinda tasty."
"Am I? You haven't gotten close enough to me lately to see for yourself."
"Renji! Jeez..."
"Is that too dirty for you, my dear strawberry?"
"Shut up!"
Ichigo crawled into bed, pushing his way into Renji's arms. He breathed in the light smell that was classic Renji: vanilla, sweet honey, spicy cinnamon.
And lavender. Even though I know he's washed his hands, I still feel like I can smell it.
"What's wrong, Ichigo?"
"Nothing. I...just remembered what happened...earlier."
"Ichigo, we don't have to talk about it..."
"Yes, we do. I ...I need to know. I'm sorry, I do. It feels like a completely new world..."
"It was for me. What do you want to know?"
"Um...what's it like? I mean...I get that it's a control thing, right?"
"To some extent. I look at it like a high form of trust -- that's what makes everything fit together. Lack of trust...destroys everything."
Ichigo felt Renji's arms stiffen around him, and he sensed there was pain hiding in and around the redhead's words.
"Somebody hurt you over this, didn't they?"
"I used to be engaged to Rukia -- you know that. I told you."
"Yeah...but she went off to America, right? Wanted to start a new division of her brother's company over there."
"That was the cover story, yes. She was running away from me after she found out about my secret."
Ichigo blinked, looking up into Renji's eyes. The pain there bothered him, made him ache for Renji.
That's why he's so sad right now. He thinks that...I'll leave like Rukia wanted to leave. I couldn't do that to him.
"I won't leave you...it's just...a lot."
"I don't care if you aren't into it..."
"It's not that...I just...um...well.."
Renji looked down at his lover and couldn't help but grin. "Let me guess -- you're starting to get a little turned on. Top or bottom?"
"What?"
"Sorry, I probably should back up. Did you lean more with me, or the man I had just finished restraining?"
"I ...I don't know...I mean...I want to believe that I side with you, since you look like the one in control...but ...part of me wants to be that guy you tied up too."
"At my mercy?"
"Renji..."
Ichigo blushed deeply.
Damn, I wasn't supposed to say that. But when we're so close together and his skin feels so smooth and hot brushing over me...I can't resist.
He thought about the photo that he saw. He went back to the details he found most enticing: the look of helplessness on the man's face, the bound hands, and the smooth naked body. He noticed Renji as well, remembering the way his lover's hair roamed wild and free, contrasting well with the leather pants and straps.
"Yes, Ichigo?"
"Tell me more...I mean...what would you do to me?"
"You? But ..."
Renji paused for a moment, realizing that the glazed look in Ichigo's eyes indicated pleasure and excitement, not disgust. He knew that he still needed to take things very slowly to make sure that Ichigo wasn't overwhelmed.
"We would start out slow. I want to remove one sense at a time, so you can experience how the other senses compensate."
"How?"
Renji moved to face Ichigo head on, sliding their bodies around so he had larger access to Ichigo's body. He noticed that there was a noticeable bulge in his lover's pajama pants, and he took great pleasure in knowing that it was from talking about things that were close to Renji's heart.
He continued, moving his hands over Ichigo's face, covering his eyes slowly. "I like to take away the eyes first. People rely on their eyes too much and miss so many things, you know? I...like the way a blindfold looks over the eyes, the way there's always a little gasp that comes from fully losing your vision, if only temporarily."
"Renji...oh god..."
Renji watched Ichigo's hands move close to the fly of those pajama bottoms, opening it to begin touching himself. Renji moved again, shifting so that he could keep his hand over Ichigo's face while being able to whisper into his lover's ear directly.
"Mmm, you're lucky that you're my lover and a newcomer. I usually don't let them touch themselves, do you know that?" Renji licked Ichigo's ear softly as he spoke calmly, getting a little excited himself over the idea of slowly pulling Ichigo into a life that still stirred his soul like none other.
"Renji..."
"They don't get to say my name, either. Especially with no title. My, I'm spoiling you from the beginning, aren't I? Letting you say my name, letting you touch yourself...isn't this mine after all?"
He used his free hand to reach down and playfully push Ichigo's hand out of the way, stroking his cock slowly. It was a teasing move that made Ichigo cry out.
"Ah! I wish...I want...to see you..."
"Oh, not yet. You don't get to see me yet. Now...are you sure you want to keep going? I know this is a lot..."
"Please...please love."
Renji moaned softly, realizing that the control games of his past were now touching his present, making it more vibrant and beautiful because it was revolving around his lover. His beautiful lover, laying helpless and wanton in his arms, arching his hips into Renji's touch.
"Mm, Ichi...you have no idea how hot you look...moving to my every touch, slowly giving yourself to me... all of this is mine, isn't it?"
"Yes...if you want it..."
"Of course I want it, Ichigo. Hm, I need to give you a reward for being so good, don't I?"
"A...reward...?"
Ichigo wasn't sure what type of reward he was about to get, but he hoped it had something to do with releasing the pressure and ache generated by the combination of Renji's touch and his sexy words, filled with hunger that drove Ichigo crazy when he realized that it was hunger and lust for him and him alone.
"Yes... I'm going to let you have your release today, Ichi...as long as it's by my hand. You still want it, don't you? In fact, I think it turns you on knowing that it means you won't be able to touch yourself."
"Renji!"
Renji moved his fingers skillfully, taking time to fully arouse and tease his lover before moving forward to actually give Ichigo the release he craved.
His face is beautiful when he's slowly rolling towards release. Even though I can't see his eyes, I know that they're filled with a hunger that goes beyond words.
"You're beautiful, Ichi. I didn't know...you would ever let me do this...which is why...I never asked..."
"Well... I'm going to try, Renji...I trust you'll help me with stuff I don't know...but this...make me cum, Renji."
"Mm, so demanding."
"Ah! Nngh...requesting..."
"Oh?"
Renji dipped his head to suck hard on the soft flesh of Ichigo's neck. "Strange how when you're caught up with being at my mercy...it all sounds like the same beautiful thing to me."
Ichigo started to breathe hard, trying to hold on to some sort of control, what little he had left. He felt freer than he ever had during any time he had shared any sexual interaction with anyone. It was even different from the other times he had shared with Renji, something that left him feeling...
Out of this world.
Renji...takes me...out of this world.
"Holding back? I told you -- this is mine, Ichigo. All of it. All of you. From the top of your head to this needy cock in my hand. You only get to hold back...when I tell you to."
Renji continued to suck and nibble on his neck, pausing to whisper something teasing in Ichigo's ear from time to time. His hand continued to stroke quickly, his hand covered in the shiny slickness of Ichigo's pre-cum juices. "Mm, besides... trust me... there will be times you'll look back on this...and be thankful I'm giving you free rein to get the release you want. Oh, I want you to yell my name so much right now, Ichigo. You can't tell me ...you don't want to just let go. I mean, look at how wet my hand is as I move it against you -- that's all you, my love. Looks like you're hungry after all."
Ichigo's whole body twitched and jerked as he was beginning to reach his peak. "Renji...nnngh...oh god...I'm cumming..."
"That's it...here...look at me...show me the eyes that belong to such a hungry and willing face..."
Renji moved his hand away from Ichigo's eyes, letting Ichigo look at him as his lover's release consumed him for the moment. His moans and loud cries were extremely erotic, and Renji fell back on his traditional discipline not to simply roll his lover over and drive into him.
Nngh, he's a fucking natural for this shit. Why didn't I sense that? Why didn't I see the hungry, willing side that lurked just inches under the skin?
After Ichigo finished, Renji brought up his hand to slowly taste his lover's release all over his fingers. He only took a taste, opting to dry his hands off with a towel that was hanging off to the side of the headboard. He used the towel to clean Ichigo gently, and then held his lover tightly in his arms.
Ichigo. Every time I think there's no room for our love to grow, you give me yet another reason to love you.
"You're...really gentle."
"Did you expect ...roughness after our scene?"
"I don't know...I guess. Isn't that how it goes?"
"It doesn't have to. Aftercare is important. If I want to build a strong bond of trust with you when it comes to all of this...then I need to take care of you before, after, and even during each of our little moments like this. Besides, I always cherish and love what's mine."
Ichigo felt sleepy and tired, but he felt guilty that Renji still seemed excited and up for more. As if hearing his silent thoughts, Renji whispered softly, "It is all right. I ...I'm okay, Ichi. I just want to hold you while you sleep."
"But...I feel bad that I got so much pleasure and you're still..."
"Tell you what. Sleep for me now, and if you still wish to give me pleasure directly I'll give you another lesson, okay?"
"Okay."
As Ichigo closed his eyes, he saw a flash of crimson and sighed happily. As long as he could reach for that crimson, he could deal with the faint smell of lavender anytime.
AN: AH! I hit some professional writing blocks, so I decided to make another offering to the Muse. Just call me freakin' Kenpachi man, because I'm really feeling like finally getting a chance to let loose! Hiyah!
I realize that all writing is biased, as the writer cannot help but interject their personal beliefs into a piece. BDSM is a subject that is very near and dear to my heart -- Renji's speech about aftercare? I embrace that 100%. I'm trying not to make Ichigo TOO "stereotypical BDSM newb" -- but he really has no idea how deep the rabbit hole goes... and I'm trying to be neutral/educational about matters.
I know I always seem to make teacher!Renji/student!Ichigo where Renji has to sleep unsatisfied -- but I honestly felt it best to let Ichigo slowly absorb everything that's happened, rather than Renji flipping him over like a pancake and pourin' the batter, if you know what I mean.
*blush* I'm going to wander off - I really do appreciate the views this little story has received so far. As always, if you have any questions for me, don't be afraid to ask.
Oh -- I'm trying to be fair to other pairings, as well as stick to the spirit of the plot I have in my head. So I apologize up front you had to wade through a little AiGin to get to your RenIchi. There are reasons why I'm doing the split scene, but the actual confrontation won't be happening for a few chapters.
C'mon, how could I resist a little chessboard goodness?
I also wanted to make Renji essentially Aizen's equal so to speak -- they are both Doms, tho it's pretty obvious Aizen holds more experience in it. The idea of Renji being a seasoned Dom though makes me a happy girl. :)
I like submissive!Ichigo - I'm debating on whether or not Ichigo will get some Dom moments (who doesn't like a good switch?)
So yeah. there's yer lemon. I didn't want to introduce the classic BDSM gear and toys yet, because I don't want to overwhelm Ichigo. :)
Okay okay. Enough chatter from me. *bows* Thanks for reading!