Sunday 23rd March 2004

I woke up Sunday morning feeling rather depressed. The sun was shining through my bedroom window but I didn't feel at all that happy. I was trying to blank my mind and forget about James, but I couldn't stop thinking about him. He'd hurt me and had broken my heart, yet I was longing to make him change his mind. I wanted him to turn back to me and tell me that he had made a mistake and wanted me to be his girlfriend again. I closed my eyes and started to think about the night I slept with him a few weeks back. The night I lost my virginity. It was like watching a film in my head, only in slow motion, analysing everything we did.

It wasn't long till I could hear my mum calling my name from downstairs. I opened my eyes and glanced at a photo of me and James sat on Eastbourne's stony beach, in a wooden photo frame on my bedside table.

Mum called my name once again so I threw my bed covers off and climbed out of bed. The four other beds beside mine were empty. My siblings were already awake. Running my fingers through my tangled red hair, I slowly walked over to the bathroom to have a hot shower.

"Good morning my little muffin." Mum said cheerfully and kissed me on the cheek once I got downstairs to the kitchen. Her long platinum blonde hair was neatly draped over one shoulder. I looked at my three brothers who were all eating cereal at the table. They paused to look up at me before exchanging glances and going back to eating again. Their dirty blonde hair was looking rather ruffled. They all looked the same from the back. I ignored them and turned to mum who was handing me a bag full of groceries.

"Now you will be good when visiting your uncle wont you?" Mum asked as I got a big bottle of Sunny D out of the fridge.

"Yeah sure, whatever." I mumbled and walked out the kitchen to the front door.

"Oh, Kayleigh, darling," Mum called after me. "Have a good morning with Lisa and Angie."

I hesitated for a moment. I knew that my mum wanted to ask me about James but she wouldn't dare. Mum always tried not to get on my bad side; knowing that I have a very short temper.

"Bye, mum." I mumbled as I pulled open the front door and walked up the path. It wasn't till I reached the end of the path that I head the door click shut. I let out a loud sigh and took a big gulp of Sunny D as I started walking through the streets of Eastbourne to my Uncle Robbie's house. It was my Sunday routine. Mum would give me a bag of groceries every morning in exchange for some chips to eat on the bus journey to Angie's house. Mum grew her own fruit and vegetables in the back garden and always shared them with Uncle Robbie.

The sun was beating down on my face but there was a slight chill in the air as the wind blew.

I came to my Uncle Robbie's house and looked up at the front door. There were twelve stone steps leading up to it. I had counted them every week. The door swung open as soon as I knocked and there he stood, with a massive grin on his face and still looking the same as ever with his nearly bold head and bushy grey moustache.

"Kayleigh! How nice to see you again!" He would sing before pulling me into a tight hug and kissing me on the cheek. "Come in, come in." He said pulling my arms, dragging me into his house. The house smelt like roast dinner and always had for as long as I could remember. I could hear a Beatles record playing over in the lounge. I gave him the bag vegetables and he gave me my chips. He would then ask me the same question each week,

"So, how's your love life then?"

"We broke up yesterday." I replied bluntly.

Uncle Robbie's smile turned into a frown. "Oh, did you dump him then?"

"Err no. It was the other way round." And that was it. He didn't say anything else. He wouldn't. I turned on my heel and walked out the door.

"Well nice to see you again." Uncle Robbie said and closed the door. I smiled to myself and ran down the stairs.

I sat down at the bus stop and started eating my chips. There was an old lady sat one seat away from me who was there every week. She always looked a little infuriated and tapped her walking cane on the ground continuously. It wasn't long before the bus arrived to take me to Angie's house.

I looked up at the large detached house which Angie lived in. The house's shadow loomed over me as the sun sat behind it. I stood there with the empty chip wrapper scrunched up in one hand. I looked at the window on the top floor on the right side of the house, knowing that in any moment, it would open. It did.

"Are you coming in or what?" It was Lisa leaning out of the window, looking down at me. I smiled and walked up to the front door. Before I could ring the doorbell, Angie's mother opened the door with a grin on her face.

"Morning, Kayleigh." She said as I walked into the house. I took my shoes off and placed them by the shoe rack.

"The girls are up in Angie's bedroom."

I nodded and ran up the stairs and turned into Angie's bedroom. Both of them were sat on the bed reading through a copy of the magazine Smash Hits.

"Hiya." Angie said without taking her eyes away from the pages of the magazine. I sighed and slumped down into her black bean bag which was on the floor beside her wardrobe.

Angie's bedroom was big but seemed somewhat claustrophobic as the baby blue painted walls were covered in boy band posters. There were ones of Busted, Take That and Westlife. There was also some magazine cut outs of the bands too. I never understood why both Lisa and Angie had a strong obsession over boy bands.

Angie's mother was Jamaican but married a British man shortly after moving to this country when she was about twenty five. Angie was partly black and had beautiful shoulder length black wavy hair. Lisa was white like me, but had long dead-straight brown hair. Angie used to get teased at school because of her skin colour. It was terrible. She didn't take it easily.

"Okay we've got some really big news to tell you, Kay." Angie eventually said, tossing the magazine to the side. Lisa turned round on the bed to face me.

I groaned. "Let me guess, Westlife are releasing a new song?" I mumbled, looking out the large window on the opposite side of the room, over-looking the houses opposite.

"Nope, better."

I sighed, rubbed my forehead and said nothing. Lisa and Angie exchanged glances.

"There's a new boy band coming and they're having a concert next Saturday in the Band Stand, performing their new single!"

"Also I've brought three tickets for us three to go." Lisa said bluntly, forcing a smile on her face as if she knew what my reaction was going to be.

I froze and then started laughing uncontrollably till my ribs hurt. Once I eventually calmed down I looked at both Angie's and Lisa's facial expressions. They didn't seem to find it funny.

"You are kidding me, right?" I asked but they didn't answer. "You want me to go and see this new boy band with you next weekend? Are you out of your minds?"

"Oh come on Kayleigh!" Angie groaned. "Just go to this one concert for us. And even if you absolutely hate them, we won't bother you on going next time."

I looked down at my nails. "And that's what you told me when Take That came down to Brighton."

"You didn't even give that a chance, Kay!" Angie moaned like she was a little girl not getting her own way. "Don't think about them being a boy band; just take it as a concert. It'll be fun!"

"Angie does have a point though," Lisa said. "You didn't even go to the Take That concert and you said that you hated them, even though you haven't listened to their music. We ended up having to go with Samantha."

Samantha; the shy, quiet blonde haired girl who was in our P.E class and who also had the part time job I wanted to have: a waitress at the bowling alley.

I pushed out a loud sigh and sunk further into the bean bag. "What's the name of this new band?" I asked.

Angie seemed to smile and then said, "McFly."

I tried to suppress a laugh.

"Also their new song is called Five Colours in Her Hair." Lisa said. My laugh snuck out which made Angie jump a little.

"Sorry," I said when I stopped laughing. "Just give me time to think about it. But you do know it'll be a waste of time."

Angie shrieked with joy.

It was round about lunch time when the three of us left the house and took a walk down to Eastbourne's pier. We sat on a bench and started eating corn dogs and burgers.

"So, what did you want to tell us?" Lisa asked, eating her cheese burger.

I sighed and said quickly, "James dumped me yesterday."

Lisa and Angie fell silent and looked at me.

"What? You're not being serious, are you?" Angie stumbled over her words.

"It's true." I said nodding. There was a long silence before Lisa put her arm around me and squeezed my arm tightly.

"Don't worry about him, Kay," Angie said. "Boys aren't worth getting your heart broken for. Maybe someday he'll come running back to you, realising what a huge mistake he had made."

I smiled weakly and looked down at the corn dog I was holding.

"I really don't want anything to do with boys any more." I said as the wind started to blow harder.

Lisa looked up at an elderly couple who walked past us hand-in-hand before turning back to me. "Don't be so sure of yourself. Just because James left you it doesn't mean that all boys are going to do the same. Besides, we're here for you."

I shook my head.

"I know that James and I were only dating for three months but I can't bring myself to love another as much as I loved James for … for a long while now."

There was another long silence as Lisa and Angie exchanged glances.

"Anyway, have you got any more news from your song yet?" Angie asked, changing the subject.

I smiled to myself. My song. Too Close for Comfort it was called. I wrote it not so long ago and had been sending it off to different record labels, hoping that one day I would hear a famous singer singing it on the radio.

I sighed heavily. "Yes. I got a polite rejection from it the other day."

"Well you know that they always say, 'When one door closes, two others open'"

"I know that but my song has had five rejections." I groaned. "I don't think there's any point in sending it off any more because no one will want it …"

"Now hold on, Kayleigh," Lisa snapped, putting her hand on my shoulder. "That's what you always say. You always give up on everything and miss out on a chance of having something good happen in your life. Kayleigh you're putting this on yourself. You complain about being nobody but it's you that's making it worse for yourself. You need to stand up and fight for what you believe in and tell the world who you are; not hiding in the shadows, pretending you're invisible!"

I sighed and looked down at my corn dog again.

"If I were you, I'd give it another try and if it's another rejection, then maybe you could sing it yourself or …"

"What did you say?" I asked quickly.

Lisa frowned. "Err, try again …?"

"No, the bit after that."

Lisa rolled her eyes. "Well I can't remember."

"We could start up our own band!" I suggested, jumping on my feet in excitement.

Angie smiled and giggled slightly. "What, the three of us start a band together?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "We could give it a try."

"Oh please don't do this Kayleigh." Lisa mumbled as she folded her arms. "Can you really see us in a band? Can you really see it working out?"

"I can see it working out if we have a go. It could work because Angie can play the drums; Lisa you play the piano and I play the guitar." I grinned broadly feeling happy about this idea.

Angie glanced and Lisa. "I think we should give it a go. It could be fun."

"Wouldn't we need a bass though?" Lisa said spitefully, her eyes narrowing.

"Don't be an idiot; not all bands need a bass." I hissed, narrowing my eyes too.

"Come on Lisa." Angie said, nudging her. "Even if it doesn't work out, at least we tried because you never know till you try."

Lisa froze, frowning at the ground.

"Lisa, you're the one telling me to stop backing out and try something new." I said, watching her every move. "If you do this with us, I'll go to that McFly concert with you next weekend."

A smile crept up on Lisa's face as she looked up at me. "Are you blackmailing me?" She asked. I winked at her.

"Deal?"

Lisa took my hand and shook it firmly. "Deal." She said in reply.

It was getting close to evening and I took a walk back to my house. I had noticed that all around Eastbourne, there were quite a few posters pinned up on walls and streetlamps about McFly's concert, but I wasn't too concerned about it.

"I'm back." I called once I closed the front door. There was no reply but I could hear saucepans clattering in the kitchen and some voices in the lounge. I took my shoes off and walked into the lounge.

In the corner of the room were Dan and Thomas playing a card game at the gambolling table and my dad was sat on the sofa with one of his work friends, Joe Carr.

Joe Carr was a very tall man, like my dad, who had a very dry sense of humour. When I was a little girl, he would tease and torment me for a laugh. I never cried. I never said anything. As I grew older, he would just tease me for being a teenager. He had a son who's a year older than me called Paul. Tracie fancied him for two years straight. Joe Carr was half African, but he didn't have an accent. Like Angie, he too was partly black.

"Kayleigh." Joe Carr said happily when he saw me. He then gestured to the sofa. "Come sit with us. I haven't seen you for a long time."

"Not long enough," I muttered under my breath. "I'd love to have a chat with you but I have a lot of revision and school work to do right now." I said as I picked up a load of texts books which I had left on the carpet.

"No you don't." Headband Dan said loudly, turning around in his chair to face me.

I glared at him. "Yes I do." I hissed through gritted teeth, wanting to hit him.

"You did all your work yesterday and you said that you never like to do work on a Sunday."

I didn't take my eyes off him as he grinned and turned back to playing with Thomas. I glanced at dad who didn't look too pleased. He was always telling me off for my rudeness towards Joe Carr. Reluctantly, I dropped my textbooks and slouched on the sofa next to Joe Carr. Then the question came again.

"So, how's your love life going then?" Joe Carr said nudging me in the ribs. "I hear that there's something going on between you and that James Daniels."

I smiled in a meant-to-be-friendly-sort-of-way and said, "Err yeah."

"You should invite him round sometime. I'd like to meet this chap of yours."

Dad let out a roar of laughter. "Maybe you will meet him one day."

"I don't want to spoil the moment or anything but I will not be bringing James home ever again."

Joe Carr blinked a couple of times, looking a little bewildered.

"Just so you know he's now my ex." The room fell silent. Even Dan and Thomas stopped playing cards to look at me.

"Ex?" Dad asked sounding concerned.

"Aren't you going out with this fella then?" Joe asked.

"No I'm not!" I shouted as the temper within me started rising. "He dumped me last night!" I pushed myself up from the sofa and stormed out of the room.

I ignored Liam who was playing snooker on the snooker table in the kitchen as I stormed through the kitchen and towards the stairs.

"So how were Lisa and Angie?" Mum asked as I passed her.

"Fine. They were absolutely, brilliantly, terrifically fine!" I shouted and ran up the stairs, my eyes stinging with tears.

I ran into my room glanced round to make sure that no one was there and slammed the door shut. I fell to my bed and cried. That was the first time I told my dad and brothers about James.

There was a knock on the bedroom door.

I quickly wiped my tears away and said, "If that's one of my siblings, please may you leave now. I understand we share this room but there are times where I need to be alone …"

The door opened. "Kayleigh, that's unfair. You can't shut everyone out of the room." It was only mum. She closed the door behind her and sat on the end of my bed. She pulled me up to sitting position and rubbed my back and I rested my head on her shoulder.

"Did one of Joe's jokes upset you? Or are you still upset about James?" Mum asked stroking my hair.

I sniffed as my bottom lip started to quiver. "I don't know how I'm ever going to get over James."

Mum sighed and kissed me on the head. "I know how you're feeling. Your first heartbreak is very hard to get over but you'll see that James wasn't the one for you. I know it may sound silly now but in a few weeks time, you'll just take him as your first love."

"Was dad your first love?" I asked wiping my nose.

However mum didn't answer and carried on stroking my hair. There was a moments silent before mum whispered, "Are you happier now?"

I just nodded not really meaning it. She kissed me on the head once more and stood up to walk out the room.

"Mum," I called as she reached the door. "Are we free next Saturday?"

Mum raised her eyebrows and said. "No, I don't think we are, sweetheart. Your father wants to take us to Brighton for the day, so he can study for his maybe new work placement. Why? What do you have in mind?"

"Well, Angie and Lisa bought three concert tickets for next Saturday …"

"It's not one of those silly boy bands that they're fascinated by, is it?" Mum asked, her tone of voice sounding somewhat irritated.

"Well it's a new boy band called McFly and …"

"I thought you hated boy bands."

"Mum, would you just let me explain first?" I hissed. Mum fell silent and leant against the wall. "I've made a deal with Lisa that if the three of us started up a band, I'll go to the concert with them next weekend."

"A band? You want to start a band with Lisa and Angie?"

I looked down at my bed covers and shrugged my shoulders, knowing that by the sound of her voice, she didn't like the idea. "We're just trying it out. It's not too serious or anything …"

"Haven't you got your GCSE exams to be worrying about rather than playing about in a silly band that won't get you into college?" Mum said spitefully. She looked at my pinched face and sighed. "I'll have to ask your father about next weekend. They're talking about a possible promotion for your father and we might have to move to Brighton."

My mouth went dry for a moment but I quickly cleared it and said, "Move to Brighton?"

Mum didn't reply and left the room.

It was seven that evening and mum called me down for dinner. Joe Carr would have dinner with us like he did every time he came round to visit. As I got to the bottom of the stairs, everyone was already sat around the dinner table, watching me. There was one seat left next to Joe Carr but I pretended that I didn't see it. I felt humiliated by getting so upset in front of him and couldn't stand the thought of being teased by him throughout the rest of the evening.

"So, where do I sit then?" I asked casually. Tracie stood up and pointed to the chair next to Joe Carr.

"That seat right there!" She said, emphasising the words 'right there'. She smirked at me before sitting down again. I rolled my eyes and went to sit next to Joe Carr. I grabbed a plate and started to put some food on it. No one was talking and I could feel everybody's eyes on me. I knew that they were all expecting me to say sorry to Joe Carr for being so 'rude' to him. I looked up and everyone was looking at me. I slammed my plate down on the table and said,

"Alright, I'm sorry Joe. I didn't mean to snap at you earlier on. I guess I'm just a bit moody because I'm still really upset about James dumping me. I didn't mean to let it out all on you." I looked up at Joe Carr who started to smile at me, showing off his yellowing teeth.

"Doesn't matter love," He said, rustling my hair. "I know what all teenagers are like. Got two of them myself." Dad and Joe Carr fell into fits of laughter.

I looked up at Liam who had a concerned look on his face. I then noticed that Dan and Thomas started flicking bits of mashed potato at each other.

Ignoring what mum had said earlier on, I still wanted to announce to my family that Lisa, Angie and I were going to start a band.

Once everyone had finished eating their dinner, I got up and picked up everyone's dinner plates and put them in the dishwasher. Mum looked quite surprised.

"Wow, that's a change for once." Dad said and started laughing with Joe Carr again. I ignored them and got out the pudding and gave some ice cream to everyone.

"Oh, this wasn't the dessert I had in mind sweetheart but this'll have to do." Mum said sounding a little annoyed but no one cared as they all ate the ice cream. As I sat down, I could see Dan and Thomas eyeing each other.

Once everyone had finished eating, I cleaned up their bowels.

"Well, I'll have to say that that was a fabulous dinner, Zoe. Better than what my wife does at home. I am impressed." Joe Carr said wiping his mouth on a napkin. Yet again, Joe Carr and dad started laughing. I put all of the pudding bowels into the dishwasher and then I went up to dad and hugged him from behind.

"Dad you do know how much I love you, don't you?" I said cheerfully.

"Have you been breathing in car fumes from next door?" Dad asked, feeling rather tense. I laughed and then sat back in my seat.

"No," I said, giggling to myself. "I want to talk about a plan that me, Lisa and Angie have."

Everyone looked at each other and then mum said in a not-so-nice-way,

"Is that the plan about seeing McFly on Saturday?"

I frowned and shook my head. "No. That's not what I'm on about …"

"Well what is this thing you want then?" Tracie snapped.

"We've agreed to start up a girl band together."

Everyone went quiet and then they all burst out laughing. Except Liam.

I smiled with them, not really understanding what they found so funny.

"I don't get it," I then frowned "Why you laughing?"

Once they had all calmed down, dad said, "Look darling, you're only fifteen years old and you want to join a band. Don't you think it's a bit too soon to be thinking about your career now? I mean you should be more concerned about doing well in your GCSE exams this year and getting into college."

"I told her that earlier on, David." Mum said to dad. "She doesn't seem to listen."

"But I've already written a song …" I said, trying to push my point across.

"Yeah, a song that no record labels would ever want." Thomas said and then he and Dan laughed.

"You do have a wild imagination." Joe Carr cackled, punching me playfully on the arm.

Mum smiled and then walked to the dishwasher saying, "Just stick with backing out on everything. It's how we all know you and how we all like you, Kayleigh."

It was later that evening and everyone went to bed. Joe Carr left shortly after dinner. Everyone was asleep but Liam and I decided to sleep in our tent outside in the back garden. We did this nearly every night; slept in sleeping bags in the tent rather than our own beds. It was the only way we could properly talk to each other without Tracie, Dan or Thomas getting in the way.

I was lying on my back in my sleeping bag, playing with the torch and shining it around the tent. Liam on the other hand was sat up, reading a book. He then looked up at me.

"Did James really dump you yesterday?" Liam asked. I sighed as I started to shine the torch around the tent roof.

"Yeah." I replied.

"I'm sorry." Liam whispered.

I turned over on my side to look at him. I rested my elbow on my pillow and put my head in my hand.

"Don't feel bad Liam. It's just life. Everyone at least goes through heartbreak." I turned the torch off and put it by the candle which was lit.

"Dad didn't dump mum when they first went out." Liam said, putting his book down.

"Not all relationships are the same, Liam." I said as I picked up the candle.

Liam just nodded as he closed his book and snuggled down in his sleeping bag.

"Are you sleeping now?" I asked.

Liam made a mumbling noise and I couldn't quite understand what he was trying to say.

"I'll take it as a yes." I said and then blew out the candle. The tent became pitched black.