In These Bodies We Will Die

by rose-of-alabaster

Neji Hyuuga, a thiry-one year old Anbu captain on the brink of insanity with a twelve-year-old son from a loveless arranged marriage... surely this was not how his life was supposed to go. Light shikaneji.

2. Learning and Lies

In These Bodies We Will Die.
Chapter Two.
Learning and Lies.

[The kids are in danger, they're all getting habits]

Hisoka sat nervously on one of the tree stumps scattered around the perimeter of the training ground; none of them had been broken cleanly and it was a bit dangerous to sit on one. Izo was standing on one, gazing forlornly at the muddy ground. Naoko and Shikamaru-sensei hadn't shown up yet. The woods around the training area were very quiet. Izo had told him that some of the genin teams weren't training even training yet, waiting for another day before they got started. Of course, that had set Izo into a fit of complaining about their sensei being a cruel task master.

"Hisoka," Izo suddenly said, startling Hisoka from his blank stare into nothingness, "where do you think Shikamaru-sensei is?"

"I don't know," Hisoka answered. "Maybe he forgot about us."

"What about Naoko?"

"You know her better than I do," the Hyuuga reminded quietly.

Izo looked offended. "I do not. I don't know her at all. I don't know what you're talking about."

Hisoka just gave him a small smile and looked away, not really wanting to continue on with a conversation about their teammate, which Izo obviously wanted to do. Izo took the hint and fell silent but they only had to wait for a few more minutes before Naoko showed up, breathing hard with her hair sticking in all directions as she fought to catch her breath.

"Am oi la'e?" she asked.

"You're almost an hour late," Hisoka said before Izo could make a more cutting comment.

She straightened up and smoothed her hair down, brushing dust from her clothing. She looked around curiously, "Where's Shikamaru-sensei?"

"Here."

The three students turned as their sensei appeared from the woods, an unlit cigarette dangling from his mouth. Hisoka noticed that he looked tired and haggard, as if he had slept poorly the night before... or not at all.

"You're late," Izo said obviously.

"That I am, but you are all on time except for Naoko and that was the requirement for today. I never said that I had to show up at the same time," Shikamaru pointed out. That quieted them before they could complain much more, although Hisoka had no intention of complaining; it was low class to complain. "Come here." They walked over to him, Izo cringing as the mud got on his shoes. "See this?"

"What is it?" Hisoka asked, peering at the object in their sensei's hand.

"It's a senbon needle," Shikamaru said, frowning a bit for a reason unknown to his students. They assumed he was upset they didn't know what it was. "There are six somewhere in the woods in a third of a mile radius around this training ground. They are all stuck in the trees at some height higher up on the tree than my height. You three need to find them before the sun goes down completely."

"Wha'?" Naoko yelped, staring at the thin, shiny needle as if it were a demon.

"You heard me. That's today's training," Shikamaru said. "So I suggest you start finding them." He made a shoo-ing motion at them and wandered over to one of the stumps and sat down, glancing at the sky. "Oh, one more thing, if you don't find them all by the time the sun goes down, you all go back to the Academy for another year." He smiled thinly at their shocked expressions. "You thought there was only one graduation exam? Get going, you're wasting time."

Shikamaru lit his cigarette as he watched Naoko and Izo immediately split and go diving into the trees while Hisoka seemed to be in mid-sentence, maybe coming up with a plan to find them as a team, which was the point. There was a chance they could find some on their own but Shikamaru had made sure that they wouldn't be able to get to at least three of them without teamwork. Hisoka gave up and also darted into the woods.

He exhaled smoke and glanced up at the sun. Neji would be going to report to the Hokage and Shikamaru was sure that he would be told he would be required to have a psych exam before he went on another mission. Someone, most likely Naoko, crash to the ground in the woods behind him.

"You'll never find anything if you can't even get up higher than Shikamaru-sensei's head," Izo noted as he crouched on a limb high above her head. "It's not that hard to climb a tree."

"Oi can climb a tree," she argued unimaginatively as she hauled herself to her feet and clambered back up the tree until she was as high up as Izo. "Oi jus' lost me balance."

"A good ninja never loses his balance."

"Well oi'm a girl."

"Izo, Naoko?" Hisoka questioned, suddenly appearing beside them.

"Gah!" Naoko shrieked as she almost fell off the branch again, only avoiding the fall when Izo reflexively reached out and grabbed her. "Hisoka, don' sneak up on us li'e tha'," she chided.

Hisoka didn't bother denying that he had sneaked up on them, "I don't think we're going to be able to find the senbon if we split up like this," he said.

"Then what do you suggest we do?" Izo asked imperiously.

"Well," Hisoka started hesitantly, "it's just another test, right? We just have to figure out what it is that Shikamaru-sensei wants and do that."

"Wha' does 'e wan'?" Naoko asked.

Hisoka started fidgeting for a moment before he remembered all those times his mother had smacked his hands for fiddling. "I was thinking that, since we're a new team, maybe the point of the test is for us to learn teamwork."

Izo and Naoko glanced at each other, then to Hisoka, then back to each other. They shrugged in unison. "Sounds like that could be it," Izo said. "But that doesn't help us find the senbon."

"If I get close enough I might be able to see them with my Byakugan. It's not that strong but I'm pretty sure I could spot something if I tried really hard," Hisoka suggested.

"But that means we would have to know the area that the senbon are in," Izo pointed out.

"Wha' if we got 'igh enough in the trees so tha' Hisoka can see the tops and also the bo'toms?" Naoko suggested.

"How tall is Shikamaru-sensei?" Izo asked. "Hisoka, go ask him how tall he is."

Hisoka immediately turned to go find their sensei, used to receiving orders; he was branch house after all. He found Shikamaru lying on the grass, looking like he was asleep. When Hisoka neared he opened his eyes and stared at his student until Hisoka started talking. "Shikamaru-sensei, how tall are you?"

Shikamaru closed his eyes and a slight smile pulled at his lips. "As tall as you, Izo, and Naoko all standing on top of each other."

For a moment Hisoka couldn't process that answer until he realized that Shikamaru was not actually telling him his height but rather giving him a hint as to how high the needles were. He thanked his sensei and hurried back to find that Izo and Naoko were arguing about something silly again.

"Hey," he said to get their attention, "Shikamaru-sensei hinted that the senbon are higher up than all three of us on top of each other."

"Well then, ta figure tha' out we 'ave to all stand atop each other," Naoko said. "Izo can be tha bo'tom."

"I will be no such thing," Izo argued.

"The ligh'est goes on top," Naoko said, "Tha'a be me. 'Eaviest on the bo'tom, tha'a be you, Izo."

"Hisoka's heavier than me," he protested.

"No 'e's not," Naoko replied. "Jus' look a' 'im."

Izo looked at Hisoka and Hisoka looked down at himself, wondering how girls always knew these things. "I am smaller than you, Izo," Hisoka said hesitantly.

"Fine!" Izo growled. He walked over to the nearest tree and braced his arms against it. "Come on, let's get this over with. Wipe your shoes off before you put them on my clothes."

Ten minutes and a great deal of amateur cursing later, they managed to figure out how tall they all were together. Naoko marked the spot with a kunai. Suddenly, the two boys heard her shout above them and their precarious tower swayed as she reached for something, shifting her weight to Hisoka's right shoulder and, in turn, forcing Izo to shift his weight to his right foot.

"Naoko!" Izo shouted. "What are you doing up there?"

"Oi found one of the senbon!" she said excitedly. "If Oi could only get a little bi'... closer!"

Her attempts overbalanced them and sent Hisoka crashing to the ground and knocking Izo over. Naoko managed to grab a nearby tree limb and hauled herself up. She triumphantly grabbed the senbon and waved it down at the boys who were picking themselves up from the muddy ground. Izo looked like he was about to have a heart attack from the state of this clothing.

"Look, look!" she said. "Oi found one, Oi found i'!" She climbed down carefully, holding the needle away from her body as if she was afraid it would suddenly have a life of its own and stab her in the eye. "Tha' means we've only go' five more ta go!"

"Just five in this disaster," Izo grumbled, trying vainly to wipe the mud off his clothes. "I want to shower."

"We have to find the other ones before the sun goes down," Hisoka reminded. "We should hurry."

By the time the sun started setting, they had found four of the other five. One was in the highest part of a tree, stuck on the very top. Hisoka had only seen it when his Byakugan caught of a flash of sunlight on metal. Then he had been the one to climb up and grab it because Izo refused to climb that far up a tree and get even more dirty and Naoko was afraid of heights. Two were at the same height on the same tree, one tucked into a knoll on the tree trunk and one stuck out obviously. They found the obvious one first and it was chance that Izo happened to notice the other one when Naoko knocked him over and he grabbed a branch near the knoll to keep from falling. The fourth senbon was on a branch underneath a thick collection of leaves. Naoko saw it from the ground when she was watching Izo and Hisoka clamber around, trying to get to a spot where Hisoka could see both ends of the tree.

They had been searching for the last senbon for a little under two hours and they were getting tired. Izo hadn't stopped complaining the entire time they were out searching but it had gotten worse the closer they came to the end. Naoko started panicking that they wouldn't pass because they couldn't find the last senbon. Hisoka remained largely impassive except for once when he snapped at Izo once to shut up (which he had... for all of ten minutes).

The sun went down completely and they were forced to trudge back to the training area to find their sensei without all of the senbon. Izo had gone quiet and Naoko looked just miserable. Hisoka couldn't help but wonder what the rest of his family would think about him being sent back to the Academy for another year; it didn't look good in his imagination.

They emerged into the clearing, lit only by the stars and the moon, to see that Shikamaru was there but he was talking to someone who remained in the darkness of the trees. Whoever it was spoke too quietly for them to hear the voice. Shikamaru was saying something placatingly, his hand on the mysterious figure's shoulder. They tried to creep closer for a better look but the person turned and left before they could hear anything. Shikamaru turned.

"You'll have to do much better than that if you want to sneak up on someone."

"Who was that?" Izo asked curiously.

"A friend," Shikamaru answered vaguely. "Where are the senbon?" Naoko pulled them out of her belt pouch and handed them over without looking at his face. He counted them in silence. "There are only five here. Where is the other one?"

"We couldn't find it, sensei," Hisoka answered quietly. "We're sorry."

"How did you find these?"

So they told him about the tower they had built with their bodies and Naoko finding the first one, about the way Hisoka had seen the one at the top of the tree, about finding the obvious one and then Izo literally stumbling upon the hidden one, and about Naoko seeing the one from the ground while watching Hisoka and Izo. When they were finished, having said all of that in quiet, embarrassed, worried voices, they looked up at their sensei. Shikamaru was watching them in silence but he was smiling.

"It sounds like you all worked through your difficulties with each other and had some real teamwork, right?" he asked. They nodded, unsure of when he was going to tell them that they had to get ready for another year of classes. "Then you've earned something from me." He reached into one of his belt pouches and withdrew a senbon. He handed it over to Hisoka. "It took teamwork to get all of those senbon and it took showing me that you had teamwork to get the last one. Congratulations, you've all passed."

They stared at the sixth senbon for a moment before Naoko suddenly whooped for joy and swung her arms around Hisoka's neck; he only barely managed to avoid stabbing her with the needle. She reached over and hauled Izo into the embrace as well. Her enthusiasm was infectious and soon they were all laughing despite how tired and dirty they were. When they finally parted, Shikamaru said, "You're dismissed. Be back tomorrow at nine sharp for real training."

They left the field, Naoko between the two boys with their arms linked through each others, talking away. Shikamaru watched them go silently and waited until they were completely out of sight and hearing distance. "So what do you think?"

Neji dropped soundlessly from one of the trees and approached him, looking in the direction that the genin had gone. "They aren't unusually talented but they will make a solid team."

"What about Hisoka?" When Neji didn't answer, Shikamaru glanced at him. "You don't think he's a disappointment, do you?"

"I think he's like his mother."

Shikamaru sighed. That as good as meant that Neji was disappointed. "What makes you say that?"

"Harumi is obsessed with being average. I'm sure she told Hisoka the same thing and it's effected the way he acts and trains and studies. He was in the dead middle of his class, you know."

"I know."

"His Byakugan isn't strong at all."

"I know." Shikamaru turned his body completely to Neji's and the Anbu captain didn't look at him. "You could change that. The genin year is the best time to create new habits in shinobi. If you were around he could become a great ninja."

Neji sighed. "Perhaps."

"You would be good for the other two too. You could train their taijutsu better than I could. Maybe we have three future jounin on this team." It was a stretch but Shikamaru couldn't help it.

"I'm not qualified to teach," Neji objected mildly.

"Since when is an Anbu captain not qualified for anything?" Shikamaru asked sarcastically. "Last I checked you were the number one taijutsu specialist in the Anbu ranks. I think that makes you qualified to train a few genin."

"You shouldn't have access to Anbu files," Neji pointed out absently.

Shikamaru just patted his shoulder and turned to walk back home. Neji followed him.

[You're not as brave as you were at the start]

"So how did reporting go?" Shikamaru asked as he sat down on the other side of the shoji board with a cup of tea in his hands.

Neji ran his fingers over the outside of his cup as he stared down at the board. For a moment it looked like he hadn't heard Shikamaru's question. "It went as fine as it usually does."

"Did the Hokage tell you about the psych evaluations?"

"Yes," he answered. He slid a piece into a new space. "I'm not permitted to take any new missions until I've had mine next week and even then..."

"Depending on what they say you might be off missions for a while," Shikamaru filled in as he made his move on the shoji board.

The older shinobi looked up suddenly, fingers stilling on the edge of the table. "Do you want me to give up missions for a while?" he asked suddenly.

Shikamaru was surprised but tried not to show it. "I think that you maybe could benefit from a break. You haven't taken a break since you started in Anbu."

"Why don't you just tell me what you think instead of dancing around it," Neji suggested with just a hint of irritation. Shikamaru's lips tightened into a thin line and he fell silent. "Why are you afraid to just tell me the truth?"

"Because I don't think that you can handle it sometimes," Shikamaru said truthfully. "You're not the same as you used to be. I have to be more careful around you now and you know it," he added when he saw that Neji was about to protest. "Anbu's hurting your body and it's hurting your mind. You can't handle the truth all the time anymore." Neji remained silent. "I am almost completely sure that you'll be off missions for at least a month when you go through with your evaluation and I think that it will be good for you. You're not the same man that you were before you went into Anbu."

"Of course I'm not. Things change," Neji answered vaguely.

"Not always for the better," Shikamaru challenged. "You're stronger. You're the best shinobi the Hyuuga clan has ever seen. People look up to you, want to be you. Your subordinates in Anbu love you. But you're breaking. I can see it, the Hokage can see it, and whoever does your psych evaluation will be able to see it."

"I don't break," Neji answered shortly.

Shikamaru snorted. "Don't give me that bullshit. You know that you're breaking."

Neji suddenly stood, trembling, but he didn't look angry. He looked almost... sad. He swept up his teacup and retreated to the kitchen. Shikamaru followed him quickly.

"Leave me alone, Shikamaru."

"You asked to hear the truth and now you're running from it?"

"Yes."

Shikamaru as stunned into just staring at Neji in silence. Neji was bent over the sink, his hands white knuckled as he grasped the edge of the counter as tightly as he could. His cup of tea lay in the bottom of the sink, spilling down the drain as it lay on its side. Shikamaru reached over and pried Neji's fingers from the counter before the sharp edges could cut into his skin; Neji let him. Shikamaru turned him so that they were facing each other and held those long fingered hands in his. He kept his eyes down.

"I'm sorry," he murmured.

"Don't apologize. You only said the truth," Neji sighed. "It's my fault. I... You're right. I can't handle the truth anymore. Everything you said is true and I just don't want to believe it."

"You don't have to," Shikamaru allowed.

The captain laughed humorlessly and turned his hands so he was holding Shikamaru's. "I have to."

[Hold your breath and count to nine]

Three days later, Shikamaru stood on the edge of the training field watching Naoko and Izo sparring. Naoko had the upper hand because of sheer ferocity and Izo seemed unable to do anything but basic taijutsu and his family's jutsu, which wasn't serving him well with the amount of moving that Naoko was doing. Hisoka hadn't shown up yet, almost an hour past the normal start time, which was very strange.

"Shikamaru-sensei!" Ah, there is he was. Shikamaru turned to greet his student and almost choked when he saw that not only was his student here but his student's mother seemed to have seen fit to bring him to training. Hisoka looked embarrassed, giving sensei an apologetic smile. Harumi appeared regal as always, floating over the grass as if nature itself should have begged to be touched by her. There was a tiny wrinkle on her perfect nose that hinted at her discomfort though.

"Hisoka," Shikamaru greeted. "Go and get warmed up. I'll put you in when Naoko and Izo are finished." As Hisoka ran off to stretch and run a few laps, Shikamaru turned to Harumi. "Can I help you, Hyuuga-san?"

"Where's my husband?" she demanded without prelude. She had always been a demanding person.

"On a mission, I assume. I haven't seen him," Shikamaru answered.

"That's a lie," she said. "I know that he's here. Is he staying with you?"

Shikamaru sighed and crossed his arms. "He's on a mission. I haven't seen him," he repeated. "Besides, last time he was here you made it clear that you didn't want him back in your house."

Harumi's perfectly white cheeks were stained pink with anger. "He should come back. He neglects his own child."

"He wouldn't be so neglectful of his child if you didn't keep him from him," Shikamaru pointed out. Harumi had a nasty habit of going off to "visit" family without telling anyone when Neji returned from missions, always taking their son with her. Neji had only managed to catch them while they were home a few times.

If she had been a lesser woman she would have sneered at him. "He's always ignored Hisoka. He's always ignored me. He's always ignored his duty to our clan."

"He has not ignored Hisoka. You've kept Hisoka from him. He never ignored you; you ignored him. And he never ignores his duty to his clan. He's given up more for you stupid Hyuugas than anyone else can say they have." He purposefully looked down his nose at her, knowing she hated feeling inferior despite her preaching of being just "average." Harumi liked to feel like the best.

"You know nothing about my relationship with my husband or his relationship with his son," she hissed.

"I know more than you think I do," Shikamaru answered.

Her lips tightened and her face flushed until she was red. She clenched her perfect, soft fingers into her palms. If she had been a kunoichi she would have punched him. "Tell him to come home and see his son."

"I'm not your messenger and he doesn't need to go back to your harpy nest to see Hisoka," Shikamaru answered blandly. "You may leave now, Hyuuga-san. I have to train my students and you being here will only be a distraction for Hisoka." He bowed formally and turned and didn't look back as he walked across the clearing to his students. She would leave when she was ignored long enough.

Izo and Naoko finished their spar with Naoko successfully pinning Izo to the ground and shoving his face victoriously into the dirt just as Hisoka finished his second lap. They were resting and watching Shikamaru and the woman that they didn't know argue. At least, they looked like they were arguing. The woman was obviously unhappy but they couldn't see Shikamaru's face.

"Hisoka, is that your mother?" Izo asked when Hisoka finished and stretched his arms near them.

"Yes," he answered as he swung his arms to loosen them. "She started acting really weird when I told her that Shikamaru-sensei was our teaching jounin and she just said she wanted to talk to him today so she brought me."

"Why were you so la'e?" Naoko asked.

Hisoka sighed patiently. "My mother always has to look her best. It took an extra hour before she was ready to step out of her room."

"I wonder wha' they're talkin' about," Naoko said. They watched as Shikamaru said something to the woman and suddenly turned his back on her, walking toward them at his normal, slow, lazy pace. The woman looked furious.

"Something that my mother didn't like," Hisoka murmured.

"Why are you all sitting around?" Shikamaru asked as he came upon them. Izo and Naoko jumped to their feet. "Hisoka, spar with Naoko. Izo, watch; your taijutsu needs work and Naoko has the best so far."

Hisoka felt a little put out by that comment. In his experience, Hyuuga were always the best at taijutsu. It seemed that Shikamaru was a mindreader because he turned to his student and said, "Hyuuga are very good at taijutsu but usually only one kind. You need to broaden past the Juuken if you're going to be a successful shinobi."

"Hyuugas only use Juuken," Hisoka said in slight confusion, repeating what all branch Hyuuga were taught.

The teacher sighed and patted Hisoka's head. "I know that you think that but, trust me, you need to know more than just the Juuken."

Hisoka didn't bother arguing with that although he knew his mother would never approve. Maybe it would be best if he just... kept it from her. He'd never kept something from his mother before.

[I'm not calling you a liar, just don't lie to me]

Neji was sitting on the couch reading a book when Shikamaru walked in the door. The jounin couldn't help the smile that worked its way onto his face when he saw his friend. Neji was dressed not in a worn Anbu uniform or a sleeping yukata but rather in a loose fitting, long-sleeved shirt and comfortable pants for once. It was the first time Shikamaru had seen him not in work or sleeping clothes in almost a year. He dropped his stuff and made his way over behind the couch to peer over Neji's shoulder.

"What are you reading?" he asked as he ran his hands absently over Neji's shoulders.

The Anbu didn't look up. "Old reports."

Shikamaru sighed. "I knew it would be too much to ask for something lighter." He straightened up and went to the kitchen. "Do you want tea?" he called.

"I have some already," Neji answered. "There should be a half a pot in there still."

There was still tea left in the pot and, although it was not the kind that Shikamaru favored, he poured himself a cup and made his way back into the living room. He settled on the couch and plucked the book from Neji's hands; the Anbu let him.

"Harumi brought Hisoka to training today," Shikamaru said.

Neji reached over to the coffee table and picked up his tea. "Isn't he a little old to be walked to training?" he inquired, avoiding the purpose of the statement. When Shikamaru gave him an unamused look he sighed, "What did she want?"

"She wanted to know where you were. Apparently she heard through the grapevine that you were back and she wondered why you hadn't gone to see Hisoka yet."

The captain snorted slightly in disgust. "That would be the first time she's ever wanted me to go see Hisoka."

"She seemed like she genuinely wanted you and Hisoka to see each other before you go off on another mission."

"What did you tell her?" Neji said, ignoring Shikamaru's statement.

"I told her that I didn't know if you were in town or not and that I didn't know where you were."

Neji sighed. "And she didn't believe you, of course. You are a terrible liar."

"At least I didn't tell her that you were at my apartment, also known as your apartment," he said.

The older shinobi smiled slightly. "At least."

They fell quiet, sipping their tea in silence. It was their usual way with things. Neither was particularly talkative and they had nothing to say. But Neji didn't pick his old reports up again. They each looked different directions, thinking their own thoughts.

"Do you think I should go over there?" Neji asked quietly.

Shikamaru glanced at him. His friend was looking down into his finished teacup, swirling the leaves at the bottom absently. "I think that it would be better if you revived your relationship with your son on safer grounds than your clan compound."

"Do you think I should? Talk to him again, that is."

He sighed and scooted closer so he could run his hand through Neji's long hair, which he had left down for once; it nearly reached his hips. "Yeah, I think you should. He doesn't have a chance in hell of being a great shinobi if he only gets his mother's view on shinobi life. Maybe you could inspire him to be something greater."

"Inspire him to neglect his wife and child maybe," Neji muttered. When Shikamaru tugged his hair sharply he smiled slightly and grabbed the jounin's wrist to keep him from enacting more punishment on his hair. "I can't get away from that part of my relationship with Hisoka."

"No, but maybe if you actually do get past that with him he'll see that you're not just a confused man but also a great shinobi who hundreds of people look up to and would gladly give their lives up for."

"Maybe."

[Author's Note]

Lyrics come from Lily Allen – Everyone's At It, Mumford & Sons – Little Lion Man, Erin McCarley - Pony, and Florence + The Machine – I'm Not Calling You A Liar.