Deidara sighed dramatically, looking up to the Heavens with a pathetic expression as he slumped down heavily on a rock. His heels scraped uselessly against the dirt of the forest floor as he silently asked the Powers That Be what he'd ever done to deserve this... Besides all the murder, lying, cheating, stealing, arson, property damage and just general nastiness.

'At least I won't be without arms for too much longer, Sasori no Danna said he'd sew them back on,' Deidara thought, looking down to the empty sleeves of his uniform flapping pitifully in the breeze. This sucked, he didn't even have hands to make a new, wonderful piece of art while he waited! It would take Zetsu ages to find his arms and bring them back. If the cannibal didn't eat them first, that is.

It was good that Sasori had agreed to reattach his arms, as convincing Kakazu to do so would have taken too long for his impatient master. Perhaps his teammate would get tired of waiting for Zetsu altogether and just make him a set of matching puppet arms, which the blond had to admit he found more favorable. He didn't agree with Sasori's opinion on art, no, but he could appreciate craftsmanship... And he was really getting sick of flesh wounds. If you couldn't guess, getting your arms blown off sucked, but at least the bleeding had stopped.

"Senpai!" Oh no.

Could this day possibly get any worse?

He'd recognize that high-pitched voice anywhere, although he really wished he couldn't. It was Zetsu's annoying subordinate; Tobi. The brat was only allowed to stay with them because Zetsu was such a suck-up to leader, and the Akatsuki sometimes did things that required ten members...also, maybe his cooking wasn't all that bad...

Focus.

Cooking or no, Tobi was S-class annoying. What was even behind that mask? Why did he wear it? Was he really that ugly, did he have scars? Maybe that's why he was such an idiot, brain damage via injury to the face... Not that Deidara was curious about Tobi or anything, he was far above that, but still, it was stupid. Deidara examined his surroundings for the bane of his existence in the few milliseconds it took to think all that, feeling a headache coming on. He grumbled, ready to fight off Tobi and his stupidity.

His eyes widened, with dawning horror, as he realized something... Oh god that had come from above him, hadn't it?

He looked up, slowly filling with dread as he swallowed passed the lump in his throat. The ninja (if Tobi could even be considered that, being the dumbass that he was,) waved childishly down at Deidara from his perch. Deidara couldn't tell due to the mask that the other man wore, but he could just imagine the shit-eating grin Tobi must have been sporting. Tobi shifted on his feet, before leaping off the branch. Deidara's jaw dropped slightly in surprise. What the hell was Tobi thinking?! He'd fall right on top of him!

"Hug of Doom!" Tobi yelled as he quickly descended on Deidara, who'd barely had time to say "Tobi, what the fu-" before the masked-nin landed. Thankfully, Tobi didn't land on him like Deidara had feared, but rather right behind him. Tobi then proceeded to hug Deidara. Tightly.

"This is my new move, Senpai! What do you think?" Tobi asked at his usual ear-blasting volume, inches away from Deidara's head. Ah, and there was that headache. Deidara needed some Advil.

"I think it's stupid!" Deidara snapped, trying to wiggle free from Tobi only to have the man's arms wrap more tightly around his waist. "We aren't going to be going out and hugging our enemies, you idiot! Now let go of me, we have a reputation to maintain!"

"That's mean, senpai!" Tobi whined, and after a moment of thought continued, "I'm not letting go now until you hug back!" His arms coiled even tighter around the arsonist, who was quickly turning a shade of red that would put Hinata to shame. If it was from anger or embarrassment, the world may never know. 'Tobi' smirked under his mask, thankful that his 'senpai' wouldn't be able to see his expression.

Deidara paused for a second, allowing the idiot's words to sink in. After the brief second was over, he wriggled even more in an attempt to break free. He let out a huff, getting more an more irritated until he was suddenly.. Calm. He took a deep breath, and stop struggling.

"Tobi, I don't know if you've noticed, but... I. Have. No. ARMS. UN!" The last part was yelled as loud as he could, directly into Tobi's ear, hoping somewhat in vain that one of their team member's would hear and come save him.

Tobi leaned up to his senpai's ear, the bastard still smirking wickedly under the mask. He murmured in a low, unfamiliar voice with a tone that was disturbingly sweet,

"Exactly, senpai. That's the point."

Author's note: Wow, rewriting something from when I was 12. I never thought I'd see the day, haha. Anyway, I've recently gotten back into this fandom and this was a good exercise. 12 year old me had high hopes, but just couldn't do this idea justice. Maybe 20 year old me will do even better?

Also, not non-con. Just very long and creepy hugs. Very long hugs. Hours of hugging.

Tobi, and his crush on Deidara, better be thankful the Akatsuki doesn't allow restraining orders between members.

Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine, and this idea was originally given to me by a friend.

Please read and review!