Lost and Found
By DXMJUNKIE
Chapter Two: Empathy
I.
Nothing good ever happened; nothing even remotely kind. That's what he'd always thought.
Until something so radically unexpected happened that Roxas was thrown into a new world he'd never known existed. An inexplicable kindness found in strangers who were willing to help someone without expecting anything in return. It was hard for him to comprehend this makeshift home, let alone the people who nonchalantly shared his life. He still felt awkward and deeply indebted to the pair of roommates who treated him with casual familiarity.
He'd been staying in their apartment for a week and the newness of it all hadn't worn away.
Axel noticed after the first day that he never changed clothes and without asking pulled some of his older wardrobe out and left it on the carpet next to the extra couch that now served as Roxas's bed. The extra sofa belonged to Demyx, which Axel had helped haul out of his room and push along the wall, even if it made the living room a little cramped.
Roxas watched him, stunned by their action, only to find Demyx clearing out one of his old plastic storage containers so Roxas would have a makeshift dresser. A fluffy comforter was given to him, along with soft pillows. They'd even tacked up several tapestries around that area to give Roxas a sense of privacy. Normally most people wouldn't consider sleeping on a cough to be a luxury, but for the blond this was the most wonderful setup he'd ever been seen. It was the thoughtful way they acted, without hesitation they wanted him to feel comfortable. Roxas would have been grateful to sleep on the floor. When he'd run away he'd been prepared to sleep outside through the elements, after all.
He barely spoke since that first morning but neither seemed to care. It struck him as odd that they never questioned his silence when they knew he could speak. They never asked probing questions or demanded answers he wasn't sure he could give. They accepted his presence in their loft as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
Roxas learned things about his new roommates. The pair would chatter as Axel cooked or Demyx strummed notes on his sitar. They both were devastatingly kind; that was the first thing he learned. Then slowly but surely other facts began to surface, it felt like a privilege to receive the smallest detail. Nobody had ever given him such a chance.
Axel was twenty-four. He'd just graduated from college and worked at a small entertainment agency booking bands. His coworkers were mostly females and Axel liked to bake for them since he was still a rookie and often needed help. Axel was after all an amazing cook. The tall man enjoyed his job but sometimes he would complain to Roxas about certain events that took place or his boss. Roxas couldn't fathom why, but he loved and looked forward to hanging out with Axel one on one. He could listen to the man talk for hours. Roxas even began cooking under Axel's careful tutelage.
Axel wasn't from the city originally but had decided to stick around because it was cheaper to rent an apartment with a roommate and he'd found a job within walking distance. The redhead loved to watch old Western movies, and held a mellow disposition despite being oddly cocky. Roxas implicitly understood that his attitude wasn't based in hubris. Axel was simply self-confident in a way the blond envied.
Demyx was twenty-three. He'd gone to the same college as Axel, which is where they met, but dropped out before finishing his degree. When he wasn't creating music with his band he worked at a coffee shop. The strange Mohawk he styled his hair into, Roxas found, was after a drunken accident with friends. He'd hated the look at first but soon began liking it when it made their band more recognizable. Friends were something that Demyx had an abundance of. His cell phone was always chirping with calls or texts, and Roxas felt that it was because the man was so friendly and easy to talk to.
Demyx loved reading comic books and listening to all sorts of music. He enjoyed long showers, scanning his laptop for the latest instrument trends, and making comical jabs at Axel. A friendly competition existed between the two. It was a healthy friendship that the blond observed with rabid attention. Roxas wondered if he could become more like them; talkative and complacent. He contemplated how two such different people could balance each other so perfectly.
Roxas didn't leave the apartment that first week. He was terrified of being spotted by social workers or police officers. He wondered how the foster system felt about his absence and if they counted it as a blessing. He was scared they were scanning the streets for him to bring him back and punish him.
The first couple days he began idling his time by reading books on a large shelf by the television. The books were on a wide variety of topics and they weren't owned by either roommate. Demyx explained to him when he'd caught him reading that a close friend left them in their place for safe-keeping since he didn't have enough space. Demyx assured him that he could read them all if that's what he wanted to do. The man who owned the books was apparently close to Demyx, because the musician's eyes held a glazed expression whenever he spoke about him. His name was Zexion Altori, a fact Roxas learned because the name was neatly printed on the inside cover of each tome.
When Roxas was alone, another thing he often thought about was how he would proceed next. He didn't have his high school degree or even a name that he could stand by without getting caught. This was a constant stress for him. He felt horrible about his situation; eating their food and using their hot water without returning a single cent.
Axel and Demyx woke early for work. Demyx was always chipper in the early morning, Axel balefully tired. Whenever they left Roxas would clean the place up. He'd wash the dishes, sweep and mop the floors, wipe a rag over the tabletop and counters. He was careful to never mess with their stuff or invade their privacy. He would often lift random items up so he could dust, or organize the strewn DVD's on the carpet, but he wouldn't touch stuff that appeared important. The blond felt like this was the only way to make his keep. He never went in their rooms but wondered what they looked like.
He wondered how much their personal possessions would reveal about them. He wondered if Axel's room would be cleaner than Demyx's; if they made their beds or kept their clothes folded. He wondered if the walls were covered in family photos and what family photos even looked like.
But most of all, when he was idling his time, he wondered what the pair thought about him. He hoped they didn't find him a nuisance, or regret letting him stay with them.
II.
It was early evening. Roxas vacuumed the carpet in the living room, careful eyes making sure not to bump into anything. He was almost done when he heard the front door open. His eyes deftly scanned the clock, Axel was home from work.
"Hey," Axel's voice was loud above the machine. The redhead was waving cheerfully as he threw his satchel on a chair. Axel was wearing his suit jacket, though it appeared too formal on him. Roxas thought he looked better in his casual shirt and jeans.
Roxas quickly flipped the switch off before turning around and offering the man a timid smile in response. The vacuum was placed neatly back in the closet before he scampered towards the redhead as his greeting.
Axel's expression was pleased when he motioned for Roxas to take a seat at the table. The smell of Chinese food wafted into his nose. Axel snagged green tea for the blond and a beer for himself from the fridge before sitting on the opposite side of him. Axel tugged his tie from around his neck.
Axel finally leaned back in his chair and returned his attention to the stoic boy, still cheerful yet oddly thoughtful.
"I have something to talk with you about." Axel said as he pulled white containers of food out of a brown bag and pulled their lids open.
Roxas was confused and this was apparent on his face. He watched Axel pull out two sets of chopsticks before he handed him one. Roxas placed them on the table in front of him, hands crossed and waiting for Axel to continue.
"So," Axel paused, vivid green eyes locking with blue as he sat up in his seat. "Today I did some poking around."
Roxas suddenly felt wary as a ball forced its way into his throat. He twitched anxiously. He didn't like where this subject was going. His fears were promptly confirmed.
"You're name is Roxas Anderson, and you're sixteen, originally from Twilight Town on the opposite end of the state." Axel probed, watching the boy for his reaction.
Blue eyes dropped to his lap and Roxas fidgeted, undeniably nervous. He knew that Axel would wonder where he was from, but he never expected the man would try to look that up on his own time. He felt like he ought to be angry at the invasion of his privacy, but wasn't offended in the least. Rather, his mind was blinded with worry as to what Axel would say next.
Would he kick him out? Report him to the authorities?
"You lived in the McKalmont Foster Center which is known for being brutal. McKalmont's main endeavor is to lock up supposed 'criminal youth' and as a place for punishing foster kids." Axel's tone edged to nasty for a beat.
Roxas gulped, unsure what Axel thought of him now. That he was a bad kid who'd committed crimes? Or a petty thief?
"When you got here you were covered in bruises and looked practically anorexic. I was worried, so I did a little digging into the treatment of kids at that center and learned that it's pretty damn shitty. That's not a productive atmosphere for a kid like you." Axel's voice was calm and clear. It held no tint of accusation or pity. He was stating facts nonchalantly as if they didn't even relate to Roxas and his past.
"So, I decided that you are going to live here- at least until you're eighteen. And you can't argue with me about this because my mind's made up. Demyx has already agreed." Axel declared with an even tone. The words sounded foreign, like another language was being forced onto Roxas.
Roxas's eyes flew from his lap to search the man's face. He blinked in astonishment, mouth dropping open in perfect surprise. His mind went blank with awe. He wondered what the hell was going on.
"I know I shouldn't have looked you up in the first place, and I apologize 'bout that. But we needed to know if you were a criminal runaway or not. I didn't think so, but you know, better be safe than sorry."
Roxas finally shook his head in negation, still lost, "No," his voice croaked out, "It's alright."
Axel smiled at him with a calm almost nonchalant attitude, resting his face against his hand as he stared at Roxas. He was an attractive man, Roxas thought randomly. All bold lines and mature features.
"I should… have told you." Roxas whispered anxiously, hands clenched tightly on the table.
"Well I won't argue with you about that, and I wanted to ask you and all, but I didn't want to spook you and wake up to find you'd run away again." Axel said.
"Because if you did that I'd have to go out and search for you, since that would only make me worry even more." The words were almost affectionate despite their serious nature.
The blond tilted his head to the side, unabashedly confused, "…?"
"I was wondering if I could ask you a few things about yourself. You don't have to answer of course, but this could help us both out."
Roxas bit his lip, pondering this inquiry. He finally gave a tentative nod. Axel looked relieved as he pulled his hand away from his face and clasped his fingers today on the table to imitate Roxas's demeanor.
"Okay- so, how did you end up in McKalmont? Normally they only send delinquents to that place."
The memories washed over him. His mind was full to the brim of terrifying scenes, hurtful words and physically painful actions. He felt his hand absently rub the arm that the older kids cut with a razor blade. The skin was still tender even if the wound had long since healed.
Roxas wondered how he could word the needed explanation. He wouldn't hide anything from Axel, the man deserved that much. Axel had offered a helping hand to a foster runaway without reservation. He'd welcomed a complete stranger into his life only to offer him delicious food and kind words.
"…"
Axel didn't move as he patiently waited. Roxas appreciated this fact. He wasn't rushing him for answers.
"I've been in the system for six years," Roxas explained when he found his voice. "My family died. I've gone through thirty-two homes … I didn't get along with people since I refused to talk."
"You? Not talkative? Since when," Axel teased lightly.
Roxas forced a smile, "One day I finally spoke up and that's how I ended in McKalmont."
"And what did you say that got you stuck in that hellhole?" The question was innocent, not spiteful.
Roxas understood that Axel held no ill intentions, but it didn't stop the well of despair from wracking his brain. He really didn't want to say the words aloud. Gathering his strength he opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again.
Roxas flushed with shame and his voice was nothing more than a choked whisper, "A foster father… tried to… touch me."
Axel stiffened from across the table. His eyes became unreadable, "Did he rape you?"
With his eyes on the wall Roxas whispered inaudibly, "… Almost."
"Why weren't you sent to another home? Was that fucker punished?" Axel's voice was urgent and tense this time, harsher than Roxas had ever heard. It made him feel small and meek.
"They… I mean, the social worker… thought I was lying." Roxas felt his face flush red, his head pounding from the implication. Would Axel think he'd been lying too?
Axel appeared even angrier, he brushed an unsteady hand through chunky red hair as he murmured between clenched teeth, "Those horrible assholes."
Axel took in a deep breath, trying to calm down before continuing, though it seemed he already knew the answer, "So why did you run away?"
Again Roxas was silent as he searched for the right words. He was trying to figure out which one would sound the least pathetic.
"… Harassment." He finally chose.
Axel rolled his eyes, "Yeah, beating someone up to a pulp and starving them is pretty much the dictionary definition of harassment. That's a pretty good reason to run the hell away from the system that allowed it."
Roxas watched Axel carefully, observing the man's expressive face. Sometimes Roxas could hear the words that Axel left unsaid. And at this moment it was obvious. Right now Axel was defending him, was sticking up for his actions. Yet anyone normal would not think or act the way Axel did.
What was going on in the mind encased beneath those spikes of red hair?
III.
The world was cruel; Axel knew that was an unchangeable fact.
He'd experienced it firsthand back when he was the punching bag for jocks who hated the black clothes he wore in high school. When they hated him because of where he lived, his taunting attitude, and the situation he'd been forced into. Things he had absolutely no say over.
Despite those facts- it was hard to fathom just how cruel it could be as he observed the stoic boy in front of him. Roxas was scared, antsy. One thing was for certain; what this kid went through was fucking awful.
What kind of people worked for the foster system these days? How could the social worker have not believed him? And not only assumed he was lying, but punished him for something that was out of his control?
It was glaringly obvious that this kid was nothing but sensitive, polite and courteous. He wasn't the sort to tell careless lies, not when he spoke so few words to begin with.
The pair never requested that Roxas needed to clean up their place when they were out, but Roxas always did so with dedication. At first Axel thought he cleaned because he either enjoyed the act or it relieved his boredom. But Demyx suggested that he did so to pay them back. Demyx explained to him that Roxas probably felt indebted and didn't know how to express that. Axel was reeling as he tried to imagine what Roxas's life must have been.
His own parents died when he was young, Axel was empathetic. The foster system was disgusting and unforgiving, the unhealed scars dictating Roxas's mindset and reactions. Roxas always anticipated the worst even on that first night they'd met. Roxas had been so quick to assume he'd turn him in, punish him. Roxas hadn't learned kindness from other people, that fact was also apparent. Yet he was kind- he'd proven that when he walked Demyx home simply to help the guy out.
The words that had been exchanged were whirling around his head.
"How far into high school did you get?" Axel finally decided to ask.
Roxas's eyes were still glazed with emotion but the kid answered him even if Axel's questions had been naïve and insensitive.
"Sophomore."
"And I assume that school was no better than the center." Axel said flatly, trying not to sound like he was putting the words into Roxas's mouth.
Roxas paused, that curious and confused expression so clear on his face. Axel deftly learned how to read him the past week simply from his eyes and his body language. Roxas seemed hard to understand at first but his actions were straightforward and that blue gaze couldn't hide anything. Especially for Axel who was an expert at understanding people's intentions.
"Teenagers are assholes." Axel explained, "They were bad enough when I was a young. If you didn't fit in you were ostracized. I can only imagine how horrible they acted towards as a foster kid who chose not to speak."
Roxas nodded and he obviously didn't know where this was leading.
"Have you ever had a job?" Axel continued.
"No."
"Okay, then. That's all I wanted to ask." Axel smiled down at him but it was unnatural and didn't match his face.
Roxas sensed this, "You sure?"
"Well…" Axel sighed. "That whole situation you lived in is such complete and utter bullshit. I needed to know those things about you simply because now we can proceed. I have a friend Tifa who can help you get homeschooled so you can finish your diploma without the system finding you. Demyx's cousin, Aerith, runs a flower shop two blocks away. After I tell her a bit- and I mean just a tiny bit- of your circumstances, I'm positive she'll let you get a job there."
IV.
Roxas was again floored as Axel continued without reservation.
Green eyes were passionate as he leaned forward, "I will not allow you to go back to that place. Do you hear me? You stay with us. At least I'll know you'll be fucking safe and not beaten up simply because you're an easy target."
Something weird fluttered inside Roxas's chest, making it hard to breath. It swelled before ballooning with an unknown affection for the man in front of him. Axel was putting himself out there, was concerned about his future. Even after hearing the truth, even after finding out who Roxas really was, the man wanted him to stay, wanted to help him just because.
Roxas bit his lip, trying to still the tears of happiness that were flooding his eyes.
"Axel…" he whispered, his voice choked with emotion.
He knew it was the first time to speak the man's name aloud, and judging by Axel's reaction the redhead noticed as well. Axel smiled softly; inimitably thankful that Roxas understood what he was saying.
Roxas didn't know how he could express his gratitude. It was overwhelming. He didn't know how to vocalize or explain anything right now, which he wasn't good at anyway, so he reached across the Chinese takeout and grabbed one of the hands resting on the table. Roxas squeezed the appendage, his throat too tight to speak.
Axel stood suddenly, forcing Roxas to release his hand, before crossing to his side and pulling his arms tightly and fiercely around the smaller boy. The blond stood awkwardly while Axel adjusted the contact, refusing to let go even if Roxas tried to pull away. Not that Roxas wanted to; rather he wanted Axel to hold him like this for the rest of eternity. Axel's fingers were clenching into his shirt, his sharp chin resting atop his head. Roxas pooled his own arms around the slender waist, burying his face into the white button-up. Roxas locked his hands behind Axel's back to push closer. He could hear Axel's heart beat in his chest, and again noticed how much taller the redhead was.
Axel smelled like smoke and musk. His slender arms were unyielding and safe. How could someone so thin feel so strong?
For the very first time since his parents died Roxas felt as if everything was truly going to be alright. He didn't feel like he was treading dangerous and unknown waters. He didn't feel scared half to death at what the next day would bring. He didn't fear fists or the leers of that dirty old man who tried to touch him. He wasn't afraid of the taunts his classmates spewed. Blue eyes fluttered shut.
"I will protect you." Axel spoke again, spooning him tighter.
V.
After Roxas calmed down they ate their lukewarm food in relative silence. Roxas could barely taste the food and didn't feel hungry after their previous conversation. But he slowly took bite after bite, only because he knew Axel bought the meal for them to share.
Neither felt awkward per say, rather, they didn't know what to say. Axel was wondering what Roxas was thinking and vice versa.
The unfinished containers were shoveled into Tupperware for leftovers. Axel pulled Roxas over to the couch and turned on the television. They sat closer than normal, taking up only one side of the large furniture. The blond was stiff as a board while Axel tried without success to relax. The movie playing on the screen was some kung-fu action flick. Neither paid any attention to it.
Roxas craned to face him after a few minutes, voice still timid and small, "Why help me so much?"
Axel blinked, turning a little to peer down. He frowned, "Why wouldn't I?"
Roxas was baffled, "Well…. I'm a stranger."
Axel chuckled bitterly, "No, Roxas. I've known you my whole life."
Roxas was taken aback. He hadn't been expecting that sentiment.
"I was in the system for five years." Axel finally confessed with a low tone tinged with sadness.
Roxas's eyes were saucers as his full focus turned to the redhead, the television now utterly ignored.
Axel leaned back, pulling his arms behind his head and staring off into the distance, "My dad's in prison for drugs, my mom ran out on us when I was your age. My brother and I were put into the system and just like you I was shuffled around from place to place."
His voice was thick with nostalgia as he continued, "I was lucky though. I ended up with a lady named Yuna and her husband Tidus who treated me well. I was with them until I graduated. She even helped me study for my SAT's that got me into college. She helped me fill out the paperwork for financial aid and rooted me on."
"Yuna died last year, though, of cancer." Axel sighed, "Her funeral was so small. I was so angry. Tidus was heartbroken and it was hard to see him like that. This wonderful woman was underappreciated even in death. She helped me, a foster nobody, to find a future of my own. I'll never forget it."
Axel locked eyes with Roxas, "But that's not why I needed to help you."
Axel seemed to think about something before reaching a hand down to ruffle blond spikes, "It's because I could tell, right from the start, that you weren't a bad kid. Rather, I knew that you were the best kind of person imaginable."
Roxas was watching him, absorbing each word like a sponge. He began scooting forward next to Axel so that they were only inches away. Axel smiled because he liked when Roxas was in his element.
"You helped Demyx out that first night. You didn't have to but you did so anyway. You probably feel like you owe us something so you help around the loft and clean. You make sure to stay out of our way when we're busy and make sure that you don't leave a mess." Axel stated as he began ticking off fingers one by one. "You never invade our privacy and you listen to us as if the menial crap we talk about is the most fascinating stuff you've ever heard. You're quiet but perceptive, and thoughtful."
Axel gave a warm smile which found Roxas hitching a breath, "And your eyes are the most truthful I've seen in years."
Axel leaned down to stare closely at said eyes. Axel thought they were the loveliest shade of blue imaginable with flecks of cerulean swirling around cobalt. They looked endearingly large on his delicate face, clear and honest. Like the sky on a beautiful sunny day both cloudless and comforting.
Roxas blushed slightly, feeling shy. Axel was complimenting him. Without thinking he reached down and covered Axel's hand with his own. Smooth skin pressed gently together.
Roxas was surprised by his own action. He normally feared physical contact. He'd always been scared of other people. Whenever someone touched him it was almost always to hurt him. Yet now he was reveling in the presence of Axel. He didn't mind touching Axel's hand. He could only seem to notice how much bigger it was than his own slender fingertips.
Roxas smiled softly to himself as he stared down at their hands.
He didn't notice Axel's eyes widening in rapt surprise.
Axel felt himself grinning foolishly in response. Because this was the first unconcerned and unaffected true smile he'd seen Roxas wear. It was a smile that told he was comfortable, not scared like the lost sheep he'd seen on the first night they'd met.
It was a smile that ignored and surpassed all the pain Roxas ever dealt with.
Axel felt like seeing that expression was the greatest compliment he'd ever received.
VI.
Axel pooled his arms around Roxas again after a moment, pulling him up onto his lap in a platonic gesture of affection. Roxas hadn't been expecting it but didn't reject the action either.
Roxas was secretly pleased; he'd been reliving their previous hug in his mind like a wonderful reel from an old movie. Axel's arms were boney and lanky and Roxas was stiff, yet it was the gentle way the man held him that made him appreciate the inimitable example of how physical contact should be. Axel would never hurt him. Roxas trusted him. At that moment in time those facts were all that mattered to the runaway.
Axel lifted his lean legs onto the couch, scooting Roxas around him in a way that oddly made both of their hearts race. The blond felt his face flush so Roxas hid his cheeks in the fold of Axel's button-up. Roxas reached his hands to trace Axel's bicep. Axel trembled at the touch.
Axel was trying to ignore how pleasant and wonderful the hug was so he averted his eyes and stubbornly forced his chin into blond hair. Axel kept reminding himself that the kid was only sixteen and dear god he needed to keep his thoughts clean. But when Roxas clung to him like that, with Roxas was in his arms, he couldn't help the thrum of pleasure.
Roxas could hear Axel's heart racing, could feel his chest expand and exhale breath. Axel noticed Roxas pushing closer just as he'd done before, so that there was no space between them. The redhead sifted his fingers through soft spikes, rubbing his thumb against the base of Roxas' skull.
Roxas's eyes grew heavy, his whole body relaxing into the embrace.
"I will protect you." Axel earnestly told him. And Roxas believed him.
Nothing good ever happened; nothing even remotely kind.
That's what he'd always thought until he'd met Axel.
TBC.