Act 2: "A Small Problem"

"I still don't see why we have to stay here," Napoleon muttered as he drank the soda water, trying to stop himself from getting too drunk too quickly. The group had decided that the two had to stay there, mainly for sanity purposes and possibly because they would stand out.

Like ordering bottled water at a soda fountain, was Celeste's term for it before the rest of them had left. Napoleon was quite sure they were left in order to allow the group to catch up. Still, having heard a few rifts of some song coming from the general area they went to, Napoleon wasn't sure if he could deal with their time right then and there.

But he wanted to try.

"As they said, we are from the past. If we go into the future, how odd will that be for us?"

"As odd as it is for them...ah, Illya, I believe I see the THRUSH operative who was sent in."

Illya turned and let out a groan before downing the rest of his own water and ordering a glass of vodka. Napoleon gave him a small smile as he noticed the operative spot them and give him a small smile, raising her glass towards him.

"Is she coming this way?" Illya muttered, taking a drink.

"Not yet." Napoleon sighed. "I know you dislike her."

"Dislike is too...small...of a word for what I feel towards her."

Napoleon chuckled at that and watched as she got up and started over towards them. "Well, she is coming this way now."

The woman walked their way, her dress tight and form-fitting, ending at her thighs and riding up as she walked, heels making her a little taller then normal while a sheer top revealed the dress was cut to show off, her familiar necklace around it and her hair done in the same blond color as the last time they had run into her. She gave him a smile as she planted herself between him and Illya. "Napoleon, darling, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Oh, you know full well why we're here," Napoleon told her, "and you do look lovely tonight, Angelique."

Illya snorted, causing Angelique to cast him a glare. "I see you are still hanging around the dull Russian."

It was at that point that Elaine raced up, looking excited. She didn't seem to notice the new addition before she said to Illya, "Illya, pozvol'te mne zaimstvovat' p'at' dollarov." Illya, let me borrow five dollars.

He frowned then sighed. "Nyet."

"SHtraf, Vy skr'aga!" Fine, you cheapskate! She turned to Napoleon and said with a slight pleading in her voice, "Napoleon...can I borrow--."

"I heard you, though that wasn't very nice."

Elaine frowned at him. "It was just five dollars. Someone bet against Celeste and I intend to collect, but I needed some cash. Promise to give you half of the cut."

Napoleon gave a smile as Angelique studied the red-head who had come by and watched, surprised, as Napoleon handed over five dollars. "Are you sure Celeste can pull it off?"

"She has before," Elaine said, sticking the five into her pocket, "and it's not like she's out of practice. Though it will be fun to see the look on the man's face when she does it."

Illya looked at Angelique then to Elaine. "May I go and see? For all that I am cheap, I would like to add in my part too."

Elaine paused at this, then nodded. "Sure. Wanna come, Napoleon?"

Napoleon cast a glance at Angelique, then shook his head. "No, I think I'll hold down the fort here."

At Napoleon's hesitation and look at Angelique, Elaine seemed to notice her for the first time and her eyes turned dark before she headed off, Illya following her.

"Well," Angelique said, "Now that they aren't around, shall we play?"

"So who the hell was that?" Elaine asked Illya as the entered into the club, lights and music seeming to pulse to the same beat, one that was rather repetitive and had a few people simply jumping up and down to, while others did random, odd movements that seemed to involve chemical lights or moving their bodies in odd ways.

"That," Illya told her, "was a THRUSH agent named Angelique. I do not like her either."

"Did Napoleon have to stay with her? I thought we were on assignment together. Besides, what's he doing with her anyway?"

Illya frowned, thinking of a way to address these questions before he hit on it. "Angelique is here looking in for THRUSH," he told her, "and while I do not approve of the relationship Napoleon can sometimes have with her, he is careful, at least. He probably kept her there to make it seem like you are a random Innocent, or perhaps someone he just met. It is a way to protect you."

"Jebo ti u pichku materinu," Elaine said bitterly, surprising Illya.

"I don't think a lady should say such things," he told her as they reached the area.

Elaine glanced at him and shrugged. "Good thing I'm not a lady."

"Very good. Now, what is it we're betting Celeste can do?"

"One-handed keg stand."

Illya blinked as he surveyed the area. In the middle of the room was a keg, someone standing on his hands while drinking from the tap and spilling a good amount as people yelled and Elaine nudged him. With some surprise he still produced his own five dollars and bet on Celeste.

"Again--."

"Celeste can do it."

"What is the return?"

"Well, we're two of four betting on her...so everyone else's money."

"Ah...good. Napoleon had best not ask me for any then."

The judge of the event called it as more then foam poured out of the man's mouth and Celeste came up from her spot on the bar, taking his place as the man leered at her and looked like he was trying hard to not return the beer he had just drunk to the floor with the rest he had spilled. A quick mopping of the area had the judge stand and give Celeste the spout. She accepted it, glanced over to smile at Illya, then grabbed hold of one side of the keg and proceeded to do a one-hand stand on it while drinking from it.

The fact that she actually did it seemed to surprise more then a few people, Illya included, while three voices cheered her own as she stood and drank, only a little coming from the corner of her mouth before she did a quick push up and continued to drain it. At that point, a few began to cheer or cry for her to fall while Illya joined in the cheering for Celeste to finish, all the while thinking that Napoleon was a fool for not coming along to see the fun.

Celeste found the bar beside Napoleon with a slight sway before she ordered a large glass of water and proceeded to down it. Halfway through, she stopped and looked over at Napoleon.

"Hi."

"Hi. You okay?"

"Yep. I won. Excuse me while I try to make the room stop spinning."

She went back to the glass as Elaine walked over, handing Napoleon a large wad of cash while Illya came back as well.

"You should've ditched the bitch," Elaine told him, "it was fun."

Angelique glared at her as Celeste stopped her marathon drinking and looked over at her friend with some surprise. Angelique said stiffly, "I hope you weren't speaking about me."

"No, I was," Elaine said, "I was even being nice about it. After all, you are a dog."

Celeste and Illya choked on their drinks while Napoleon backed away, realizing that getting between these two would be a very bad idea.

Luckily, Chris came over and said, "Ah, hello my darlings! I came to say—Um...who's that?"

"No one we want to know right now," Celeste told him as she drank more.

Angelique turned to him. "Angelique, darling. You are?"

"What she said," he pointed to Celeste, "and I am here to collect them and take them to karaoke. We have a room reserved and I really wanna hear some Russian drinking songs. Shall we?"

Elaine cast Angelique one more glare before heading off with the group, Celeste leaning slightly on Illya for support before Napoleon said to Chris, "Thanks."

"Oh, don't thank me. I just didn't think there should be a bitch-fight there. I know a really good mud-pit..."

"HELL NO!" Elaine told him.

Chris winced at the tone. "Or we could watch should she come by again. So really, who is the pseudo-blond?"

The room was soundproof and luckily didn't show off anything outside, which was, from what Lilith said, to stop the idiotic dances and bad singing.

"Drunken karaoke is so much fun, though," Chris said as they sat all sat. "But Lilith did find out something intriguing."

Lilith smiled at the group. "Well, I found out that you can actually get any type of drug you want around here, but not date-rape drugs, and not in high quantities for the drugs that you can get."

"Is that legal?" Illya asked, confused.

Lilith shrugged. "Maybe in their time, but they have nearly everything, including organic stuff. It's weird. But no roofies or anything, and as far as we could tell, it's the only one that's illegal here."

Chris paused then said, "But some people were talking about the incident too...mainly complaining about it."

Napoleon seemed to grasp it. "If they're the only illegal thing here and two people got it, then how and where from? But if what you say is true, I guess they keep a good control on the drugs and users?"

Chris nodded. "Oh, the strictest! I heard from one guy who comes here a lot that there has never been an OD or anything resembling roofies or mickies were added at any point. This could easily close the place."

Illya leaned back as well. "So we're looking for someone who would want to sabotage this place, as well as knows about UNCLE and THRUSH."

"Thrush?" Lilith asked.

"They want to take over the world, and while they're at it, they'll use a tiny bird as their symbol of terror," Elaine told her.

Lilith paused at that, blinking, then asked, "So...what? Like Dr. Evil?"

"Only with a bird fetish and not one for sharks with lasers on their foreheads," Celeste said, "though they might think that up later on."

Napoleon and Illya looked at the group with some confusion.

"Random movie reference," Elaine told him, "I wouldn't worry about it."

"Okay," Napoleon said, "So where should we start?"

There was silence as the group thought, a knock on the door causing Chris to stand up and answer it before pausing, backing up as men carrying guns headed in, two of them disarming Napoleon and Illya before the leader said, "Come with us. You all have some explaining to do."