Chapter 2

Elliots POV

If you look up Thanksgiving Day in the Webster's dictionary it will tell you that it's "a national holiday celebrated as a day of feasting and giving thanks for divine favors or goodness, observed on the fourth Thursday of November."

Divine Favors or goodness? What if I can't think of a single thing right now that I'm divinely happy for?

I guess that's not true. I'm happy that I have money in my pocket. I'm happy that I have my vision. I'm happy with the job I have because it means that I'm protecting others. I'm happy that I have the beautiful children I have and one on the way.

I'm happy I'm married.

I think.

But the think is my wife has been avoiding me all day and my kids have better things to do lately. So besides the polite conversation over a nice turkey and mashed potatoes the extent of my thanksgiving hasn't been all it's cracked up to.

Because now I'm alone in an over crowded bar watching a game cradling the same beer for the past two hours.

Wondering why the hell I let her go.

I stare down into my drink and feel my heart twist even worse and let out a slow deep breath to try and ease the pain. I didn't even go with the others to say goodbye to her.

All I got was that last time in the precinct. If that even counts as a goodbye at all. Which I'm sure that she didn't see it as one and I honestly didn't either. When did things become so complicated all of the sudden?

I realize that's a stupid question. Things don't just happen out of nowhere. I out of all people knew that.

I pushed the glass forward and smiled at the bartender. "You want me to fill you back up?"

I shook my head. "That's enough."

I got up from the stool and pushed the door open.

It was enough wasn't it? I made my way down the busy sidewalks not really going anywhere except for away. Farther away from my house. Farther away from my family.

Just away.

When it started raining I hailed a cab and went back home. When I got there Kathy was sitting on the couch running her fingers through her hair. She had a few sheets of paper in front of her and as soon as her eyes met mine I knew something was wrong.

"What are you looking at?"

She sighed. "Sit down Elliot."

I walked around the couch and sat next to her and it took her awhile to talk to me again. Every second that went by I felt my skin start to crawl. Something about this didn't feel right. This was the same look she had when we got divorced and a different one than when she told me she was pregnant.

"When we slept together I didn't tell you that I was seeing someone else…"

I met her eyes. "Are you still?"

She shook her head. "No. But that's not the point."

I pursed my lips. "What is the point then?"

She sighed again. "Elliot. The baby isn't yours. It's Greg's."

I felt my stomach drop so far down I thought it may be at my feet at this point. The baby wasn't mine.

A rush of emotions filled my veins. Anger, confusion, sadness, hurt. All of them all at the same time and I had no way to control them. I just sat there exposed like an idiot. What was I supposed to say now.

"Where do we go from here?" I asked her.

She shrugged. "You could still stay with me and help me raise this child."

I looked at her. "No."

She raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry. Excuse me?"

I laughed and shook my head. "No. I won't. I won't be in a relationship with you to raise a child that isn't mine just because it would be the right thing to do this time. I'm done being with you because it's what's obligated of me."

She looked taken back and I knew that was probably a lot harsher than I had intended it to be. But it was true. The last time I was with her because I loved her seemed like a million miles away. Back when things were all black and white and simple.

Things were all in shades of grey lately. And there was only one thing I could do to try and sort out what exactly the right thing to do was. To for once in my life go with what my gut and my heart are telling me to do. Instead of just doing the right thing or what I believe is the right thing in that moment.

"The man who made this baby with you, he's the one who should be there raising it with you not me. You do get that right?"

She nodded. "I know. It just seemed so much easier with you. But I wasn't going to let you believe it was yours and make you stay if that's what you didn't want. I just didn't expect you to actually leave."

I smiled sadly at her and took her hands in my own. "I have to. I know that you won't understand and the kids may hate me but this is something I have to do for myself."

I kissed her on the cheek and went into the bedroom packing all my things into my bag. I got in the car and drove to the precinct without another word to her. I had said all I needed to say for now and I knew if I second guessed myself that I would end up staying and that's not what I wanted.

So what did I want?

I wanted Olivia back.

Because as much as either one of us tried to deny it there was feelings there. I had never intended for her to have to admit them first. I had never intended to go back to Kathy. But things happened and here I am. And she's gone.

I got there and ran inside as soon as I can. Luckily I found Cragen at his desk and he looked up at me.

"Aren't you supposed to be off today?"

I shrugged. "Look. I need the address of where Olivia went."

He looked at me. "Elliot. I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not my business to be giving away. If you want to get a hold of her you can call her and ask her yourself."

I sat down in one of the chairs. "Look. The reason she left is because I'm an idiot and I have to make this right with her."

He shook his head. "Elliot we all tried to talk her out of leaving. I don't think that you're going to be able to get her to come back I'm just telling you that now."

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. "I know. But it's worth a try and honestly I think I'll be able to do it."

He looked up at me. "She waited for you, you know. At the airport."

I frowned. "I know."

"I mean she really waited for you to come say goodbye and you didn't. You think she's still going to care what you have to say after that?"

I shook my head. "Honestly? I doubt she'll give a damn but If I never try I'm going to hate myself for it. And I know that the rest of you are going to hate me for her leaving and I can't have that. So please just give me the information?"

He sighed and clicked on his computer a couple times before writing something down and handing it to me.

I nodded and stood up.

"Elliot?"

I looked up at him. "Don't come back here until Olivia agrees to come back with you. And that's an order."

I smiled at him. "You know I'll be taking my vacation now right?"

He waved his hand. "Good. I've seen too much of you around here. Get out of here before I have to throw you out."

I smiled and gave him a wave before running down the flights of stairs to my car.

I drove as fast as I could to the airport and made my way to the ticket counter.

"What can we do for you today sir?"

I smiled back at the woman. "I need the quickest flight to Los Angeles, California."

She printed out the tickets for me. "They'll be boarding in about an hour and a half. You got here just at the right time. Going to see someone special?"

I smiled. "Yeah. You could say that."

"Have a happy thanksgiving!" She called as I walked through security.

"I'm planning on it" I whispered.