Author's Note: Sorry for the late update, I kinda forgot this thing existed. Anyhow, I'm going to introduce some symbolism into the story to make it a bit deeper, since people seem to be thinking that if it doesn't match up to their experience, the story is automatically poorly written. This symbolism it supposed to be metaphorical and stuff, so don't think I'm breaking canon by suddenly introducing supernatural elements.
Chapter 2: Beaver Battle
Johnny was walking through a crowded street full of nightlife and tourists. He purposefully ignored all the scantily clad ladies making moon-eyes at him, making his impressive physique due the work. This tactic, called negging, was used by his heroes in the PUA community(look it up, it's awesome).
Soon, a Puerto Rican lady with a heavy accent which I not gonna bother to type out since that would be 'racist' spoke to him: "Pleased to make your acquaintance, I find myself in a particular fit of arousal without any possibility of release, if kind sir would offer to relieve me, I would be enamored with him for an immense span of time". "Nice", Johnny replied with a Harrison Ford smile(the movie star, not the anti-Semitic car manufacturer). Just as he was about to feel her mammary, a voice behind him shouted "Rape!".
Return from the previous cliffhanger, it was none other than Butch Bitch. Johnny turned his head 180 degrees and replied sarcastically: "It's not rape if you say surprise!". This sent Butch Bitch into a fit of rage, but instead of falsely arresting Johnny, she mumbled under her breath and pressed her hand onto the tarmac of the road. Eerily enough, the asphalt bent into the shape of a gigantic vagina dentata and feral beavers thrice the size of the normal specimen started pouring out. Even though purely metaphorical in nature, that didn't make them any less dangerous. There were quite a lot of them, since Butch Bitch was one those shut-in animal herders(with her looks, I would have a hard time making friends too). Butch Bitch shouted in German: "Mach him töt!" Clearly, it was not okay for a man to boss around his girlfriend, but okay for a woman to boss around her pets. The beavers stomped their tails on the ground and rushed forward to dogpile poor Johnny.
"Macho straight!" a voice shouted, punching the air and sending the horrid creatures fly everywhere at sonic velocity. A burly man dressed in a red speedo and accented with a porn stache landed in front of Johnny. "Greetings, Johnny. I'm the god of masculinity, your patron deity. Until now, I was unable to interfere in your life, but now that the fourth wall has been broken and weird shit is happening all over the place, I am allowed to appear to you. Before I offer some plot exposition, can I get a brofist?" Just as the baffled Johnny was about to comply, a horrible, bloody snap had occurred. Slow motion kicked in as the confused god looked at his scrotum, which had been bitten off by the Butch Bitch. She spat it out into a box, cackling manically. "Well, this will speed up the plot considerably and garner more interest and reviews!", she monologued. "With this symbol of stolen masculine power, we will be able to bring the harpy goddesses of feminism, Dworkin and Solanas, into this realm!". The god of masculinity dropped down into the arms of Johnny and mouthed: "It's up to you now!" and transferred his remaining powers into Johnny. Even though he had only known him for a minute, the heartbroken Johnny cried out loud: "NO!". Determined to interrupt this bromance, Butch Bitch used this moment of distraction to finish of Johnny, where it not for the marginalized character of Puerto Rican Girl leaping in to stop her. Butch Bitch cried: "You dare hope to stop? You are nothing but a Damsel In Distress, so do not hope you can have any significant impact on the fight!" Then she pimpslapped the girl, which shows how heretical our villain goes in against gender patterns. Then she grabbed her in a hot-girl-on-girl scene, where it not for her profound ugliness, so I'll spare you the description and disappeared into the vagina dentata, letting out an 'ohohohoho' the entire time.
An unspecified time later, in an unspecified location that smelled of scented candles and poofy cushions, Butch Bitch revealed the scrotum to her leader. "Hahaha, excellent work!" said the largest of a collection of nefarious silhouettes. "Soon, the moon will be full and as the tides of our PMSes synchronize, we will pull our patron deities into this reality, forever establishing a matriarchy! Ahahaha!". And on that chilling notion, our chapter ends.