Pink was never a tasteful color. Especially when it was slathered all over the walls. Which was why Scott Smallman had the urge to throw up when he walked into Umbridge's Pepto-Bismol coated office. And as if the kitten plates and Pepto-Bismol coloring weren't bad enough, the office was coated in frilly white lace that would but a wedding dress shop to shame. It was disgusting. Vile. Vomit inducing...we're getting off topic.
The reason Scott Smallman was here was because of a certain incident involving a skirt, his junk, and a very angry toad-lady. It wasn't his fault really. He had just been following the rules. Albeit finding a few loopholes while doing so. He was going to make an excellent lawyer. Or he was just into pissing people off. Probably the latter.
"hem-hem."
While Scott Smallman had been staring at the hideous paint job on the office walls, the toad woman who owned the office had arrived in her pink ensemble. As he turned to look at her, he had only one thought.
'Toads really shouldn't wear pink.', he thought with a disgusted look on his face.
"Mr. Smallman," said Umbridge."Today your behavior was unacceptable. You are going to be writing lines with me."
Now Scott was not stupid. He new what "lines" meant. He had seen the back of Fred's hand after his detention and it was not pretty. However he had ideas hatching in his dark, twisted mind the moment he had seen the scars. Oh yes, today was going to be amusing despite the pain.
"Just tell me what I need to write Mrs. Umbridge.", he said in a voice that clearly had a humorous undertone. Not that Umbridge noticed. She wouldn't know humor if it slapped her in the face with a garden gnome dressed in Ron's dress robes. She thought his voice had a serious tone to it. Poor deluded toad. He sat down at the desk provided for him.
"You will write, 'I shall not wear a skirt to class and I shall learn to respect my professor'." ,said Umbridge as she handed him one of her 'special' quills.
"Riiiiiiight. Ok then. I guess I'll get started." Scott waited until Umbridge turned around to drink her tea at her desk and the he started 'writing'.
4 hours later...
"You can put down your quill now. Let me see your hand," said Umbridge toad with a simpering smile.
Her smile dissipated as soon as she saw the scarring on Scott's hand. Her faced turned a lovely shade of red and she started to tremble. The kittens residing on the plates in her office decided to disappear.
"Mr. Smallman...what is this?!"
Written on Scott's hand was 'This is my left hand.'
"I'm so sorry Mrs. Umbridge." said Scott with a smile. "I just thought it would be more useful to write this on my left hand in case I forget it was my left hand. I do that all the time. It's quite annoying really."
"Mr. Smallman...THAT IS COMPLETELY IDIOTIC," shouted Umbridge with spit flying from her lips.
"Actually it is quite useful. What I did to my right hand is idiotic," he stated showing her his right hand. The scarring on said hand made the face for a hand puppet that had a distinct resemblance to a certain toad-like teacher. "It is actually quite funny though! Look what I can do with it."
He started to move the mouth of the hand puppet and said, "Rawr, I'm Mrs. Um-bitch. Detention for you! You no breathing in the hallways! Pink is awesome! Fudge is so sexy! Hem-hem! Hem-hem! Hem-hem!-"
And at that moment Umbridge quite promptly kicked Scott out of her office.
"AND STAY OUT!" she screamed, slamming the door.
As Scott left and he ran toward his dorm, Umbridge sat in her Office chair, her head in her hands. With a headache of immense proportions building, she had failed to notice that some of her kitten plates were missing...