The list of people I am not includes (but is not limited to) Ryan Murphy, CPCoulter and Lewis Carroll. The list of things I do not own includes (but is not limited to) Glee, Fox, Dalton, the Warblers, Alice in Wonderland, identical blond twins and an inflatable landing pad.
"Hello, Alice,"
The boy stifled a shriek, whipping around hastily to find the source of the unexpected voice and soon tracing it to the tall, blond boy currently grinning down at him from his perch on the windowsill to his left.
"Wha-?"
"Welcome to Wonderland," a voice added from behind, and he spun again to see an identical boy- or was it the same one?- smirking at him as he leant casually against the wall to the right of the window.
The boy turned slowly to face the door of the room- which was still shut and, apparently, locked. Frowning, he started back towards the window. Maybe it wasn't too high to jump from after all. He was barely surprised when the twins materialized in front of him, barring his way.
"Why are you here?" he blurted out, unable to help himself. The two brothers cracked identical grins as they pretended to think.
"Ah, the age-old philosophical question.. But I hardly think we should be the ones answering it. Nohow!"
"Contrariwise," the other boy continued, "One might just as well ask- why are you here?"
"You're mad," he said bluntly.
"But of course," the first twin answered pleasantly. "We're all mad here."
The boy felt that this could not be denied, so he tried another question.
"Who are you?"
The twins' grins broadened as they replied.
"Evan."
"Ethan."
He nodded absentmindedly, adjusting the cap on his head and wondering where to go from here now that Wes had disappeared. He could always ask for directions, he supposed, but there was no telling how helpful- or, more likely, unhelpful- the twins were going to be.
"Are you lost, Alice?" Evan asked curiously.
"In a manner of speaking," he began nervously, deciding to take a chance on the brothers. "I'm looking for Julian Bancroft. Is he around here?"
The twins' eyes lit up, but he got the odd impression that they hadn't actually registered the name he had mentioned.
"Well, if he was so, he might be-" Ethan began.
"And if he were so, he would be-" Evan continued.
"-But as he isn't, he ain't!" the two chorused happily.
Well, that's logic, he thought to himself. But could the twins be trusted? And even if they spoke the truth and Justin wasn't there- then what? It was already late, and the longer he was delayed, the more likely he was to be discovered. He opened his mouth to speak without really knowing what he was going to say, but was spared the trouble.
"You've begun wrong," Ethan declared. "The first thing in a visit is to say 'How d'you do?' and shake hands!"
The twins beamed widely at the smaller boy, extending their hands. He made no move to take them, but stood before them, looking from one to the other. His expression was more impatient than the utter bewilderment they were accustomed to seeing.
"Look, I appreciate the gesture, but I really should be going. Would you mind telling me how to get to-"
"Maybe we should recite a poem," Ethan cut in.
The boy's eyes widened and he began to shake his head frantically as Evan continued, his eyes twinkling, "You like poetry?"
"It has its merits, occasionally," he answered warily. "But right now I really have to go-"
"What shall we repeat to him?" Ethan interrupted blithely.
"Really, it's been great, but I've got to-"
Evan winked at his brother. "The Walrus and the Carpenter is the long-"
"I NEED TO GET TO HANOVER HOUSE!"
The twins exchanged surprised glances, and Ethan shook his head. "Oh, no, no, that can't be. You're not supposed to go to Marmoreal for at least another chapter!"
"Unless.." Evan trailed off, staring meaningfully at his brother, whose eyes widened. One twin nodded, the other shook his head insistently. The first made an impatient hand gesture, while the second wrinkled his nose and tilted his head. Blond eyebrows waggled; blue eyes rolled in response. The brothers heaved matching heavy sighs, blowing identical fringes out of their eyes before turning back to the boy who, during the silent exchange, had been moving towards the window again.
"You'd better come with us," they announced together, and without pause to let the other protest or even turn around properly, they leapt forward, seized him by the arms, and frog-marched him backwards out of the room.
The twins broke into a run upon reaching the corridor. The boy in the middle attempted to jog backwards between them, but soon found his legs swept out from beneath him as he was lifted bodily from the ground and carried along. The trio sped down a flight of stairs and along another corridor and blimey, it really was just like falling. He saw heads poke out curiously from doorways as they flew past, and such strange things whizzed by- there was a croquet mallet and a sculpture of an insect that seemed to be made from bread and butter, and what looked like half a tonne of sheet music fluttering to the ground, and- was that a large plush bandersnatch?
A sudden explosion rattled the building just ahead, and the boy coughed violently as they passed through the resultant cloud of smoke pouring from one of the rooms, narrowly dodging a fire-extinguisher thrown from the doorway opposite.
They continued on a little longer before turning a sharp corner, and he found himself being thrown down onto a soft white lounge. The twins stood towering over him, and he stood quickly to slightly lessen their considerable height advantage.
"So, Alice."
"..Yes?" He answered hesitantly.
"He answers to Alice!" One twin announced to the other. "That proves his guilt!"
"What?" the boy blinked up at them, not even trying to conceal his confusion at their sudden change in approach. "My name isn't even Alice!"
"That only makes the matter worse. You must have meant some mischief, or else you would have answered to your own name like an honest man!"
Realising that arguing against their logic would be futile, he sat back down wearily.
"Fine. Consider your verdict."
"Not yet, not yet!" the twins chanted excitedly, cutting him off.
"There's a good deal to come before that," Evan informed the other boy, before adding, "Ethan, read the accusation!"
"Following your abrupt appearance in Wonderland, you were found in the room of the White Rabbit and responded to the name 'Alice' in a transparent attempt to ingratiate yourself with the local population," Ethan recited grandly.
The accused frowned at this, but did not bother protesting.
"You then endeavoured to make your way to Hanover house, where by all indications you intended to wreak further havoc. But here you were thwarted," he paused, fixing the other boy with a triumphant stare, "-for we have seen through your web of lies!"
"You came with the March Hare, not the White Rabbit, and you weren't late but ten minutes early!" Evan interjected, his grim tone suggesting that he thought being early should be an offence punishable by death.
"You're not Alice at all. You're the Wrong Alice. You're an imposter!" Ethan concluded dramatically, reaching forward and plucking the pretender's cap from his head for emphasis.
The next moment, both twins had leapt back, staring in shock at the cascading waves of blond hair they had inadvertently released.
"You're.. a flower," Ethan observed weakly once he had recovered enough to speak. "A talking flower."
"I most certainly am not!" the girl scowled.
"No, I don't think she is," Evan said thoughtfully, circling around her as he sized her up. "She's an awkward shape- not much stem, and her petals are all over the place."
The girl's mouth dropped open in indignation and he added hastily, "But that's not your fault. One can't help one's petals getting a little untidy now and then."
"Whatever," she snapped, rolling her eyes. "Are you going to help me get to Hanover or not?"
"No, I don't think we will," Ethan replied, folding his arms. "You haven't told us what you want with them, and the Hanovers lack the combat training needed to deal with intruders. Also, you're a girl."
"And in any case, you wouldn't want to go to Marmoreal," Evan added sagely, trading knowing looks with his brother. "The White Queen has a bad habit of stifling the flowers."
The girl let out a growl of annoyance before standing abruptly. "You know what? Fine. I don't need your help to get to Hanover." She made to leave the room but the twins blocked her path, smiling obnoxiously at her frustration.
"Actually," Evan said calmly, "I think you'll find you do. You see, all the buildings on the grounds are locked at ten, and it is now seventeen past. And while most students here can break into their own dormitories, only we have the skills to break into whichever building we want."
A derisive snort escaped her. "You really think that?" Her tone was a little harsher than she had intended, but patience had never really been her strongest suit.
"Our talents are unrivalled by anyone on campus. Or off," Evan added, looking pointedly at her.
"Little girls have nothing on us," Ethan smirked, destroying all semblance of subtlety.
Her eyes narrowed. "Was that a challenge?"
Ethan looked her up and down critically. "Barely," he concluded smugly.
"You'd better run along now, little girl," Evan added. "It's past curfew, and flowers aren't supposed to be on campus. Not even funny shaped ones like you."
They stood together in front of the door, arms folded casually and identical smirks on their faces. To their surprise, the girl did not attempt to push past them, but instead stalked off in the opposite direction. At the window she turned suddenly.
"You think you're so good," she hissed, and they started back instinctively at the venomous tone of her voice. "You think you're invincible. Well, you may be playing on home ground, but I have my own advantages."
"Like what?" Ethan asked, genuinely curious.
A small smirk spread over her face as she answered, "Surprise." And with that, she leant back and tumbled backwards out of the window. There was a soft floomph from below and they realised, their mouths dropping open slightly, that her fall would have been broken by the inflatable landing pad they had left outside.
"Not bad for a little girl," Evan remarked absently, and Ethan could only nod, reluctantly impressed, as they watched her disappear into the darkness.