Peoria was a bust, I went to the Police Department, they told me he left for Philadelphia years ago. So I stole some dumbass cop's wallet and bought another bus ticket to Philadelphia.

Same story there, they sent me to Baltimore.

In Baltimore, things actually began to happen. Turns out Anthony (I am not calling him dad, shoot me first) was there for two years. I was arguing with some random cop when his old partner, who was the captain of the Precinct, overheard me mention his old partner's name. I got dragged up to his office and ordered to explain the whole thing.

'Okay, that sounds like Tony. I mean, he was, and probably still is, a playboy. But the numbers ain't adding up, kid. I mean, fifteen years ago, Tony was a rookie cop. They guy you're talking about was a lot older, right?' the captain didn't believe me, cops can be so goddamn stupid.

'Whatever, can I go now?' I stood and grabbed my bag, but the guy just shook his head.

'You're fifteen years old, a minor. I can't let you just walk out of here and onto the streets.'

'I can take care of myself fine.' The cop laughed.

'I'm going to order pizza, you want some?' My money situation was tight, so I agreed. I mean, what kind of idiot turns down a free meal?

'Meatlovers.' I told him, he nodded and left the office. I watched him through the glass window overlooking the bullpen where most of the cops worked, he talked to a detective, glancing back towards the office occasionally. I knew he was up to something, and began to go over my options for getting out of there. Unfortunately, police precincts were pretty secure locations. It was a stupid mistake to come here, I decided, but there was no going back now.

Half an hour later he returned with some cans of coke and the pizza, half Meatlovers, half supreme. The captain didn't spend much time eating his pizza, I could tell he was watching me scarfing down the food, so I slowed it down, I didn't want them knowing how hungry I was. Never reveal your weaknesses to people like cops, they'll use it against you.

When I finished he took away the rubbish, including the half empty coke can. 'I'm not finished with that.' I told him.

'I'll get you a fresh one.' He replied. It was only after he left that I figured out why he wanted, he was gonna get my prints, and possibly my DNA from that. Not good. I grabbed my bag and left the office, he noticed and hurried over.

'Where's the barthroom?' I asked, he relaxed slightly and pointed it out for me. inside, I waited until it was empty of cops, which took a while, they pissed a lot, guess it was all the coffee, I was surprised the doughnuts didn't soak it up. The booze probably didn't help, half of them reeked of it.

The coast was clear, I moved to the window. They hadn't bothered to seal that one up too well, it was a third storey window after all. I got it open, and stood on a bin to peer down and around, looking for a way out. I kind a had to do a Jason Bourne getting down from there, after I decided it was possible, I tossed my bag to the ground, making it official. It's lucky I don't actually own anything that would be damaged by a three storey drop.

I had to go backwards out of the window, which was not pleasant, let me tell you. There was a little ledge that ran the length of the building, a few feet below the window, I lowered my feet onto that. To one side several feet away was a downpipe, using only the gaps between the bricks for handholds, I shuffled along until I reached that drainpipe. Longest few minutes of my life. I was halfway down that when the captain's head popped out of the bathroom window.

'Hey!' he shouted. I swore, I was hoping he'd give me a few more minutes to at least get my feet on the ground. He disappeared, by the time I landed on the ground, three uniformed officers were waiting for me. They grabbed one arm each, a third picked up my bag, and I was frog marched around the corner, back into the precinct. This time I was placed into an interrogation room, the door locked from the outside and there were no windows. I was fucked, good and proper.

I spent two days in the precinct, they had me up on some bogus charge about damaging police property, cos I had to break the lock on the bathroom window to get it open. They didn't really seem interested in my legal rights, but the captain kept me fed and showered. Nights were spent in a lockup cell, I got one to my own at least, course I didn't sleep much.

Then things changed. The captain had me brought up to his office, where I hadn't been since the first day. Waiting with the captain was a man and a woman. The man eyed me as apprehensively as I did him, the woman was just curious.

'More bloody cops? I didn't do nothing, okay? If you don't let me go right now, I'm gonna get me a lawyer, and sue the fuck out of you, hear me? by the time I'm done with you, you won't be able to get a fucking job as a mall cop.' the man turned to the captain.

'Are you sure about this Rick?' he asked, the captain sighed.

'Hey, you think I'd drag you down here for a joke, Tony?' Tony, as in Anthony DiNozzo? My mind went blank, was this guy really my father?

'Yes. Yes, you would.' Rick and Tony grinned.

'This ain't a joke, Tony.' Tony turned his attention back to me.

'Look, I think your mother made some kind of mistake, alright? Because I was nowhere near Vegas at that time.' I scowled.

'Fuck you.'

'Tony, please. Can't you just take him off my hands? Go get a paternity test, prove it to Cesar, and then send him back where he came from or whatever.' Said the captain. 'He's been raising hell here, I want him gone.'

'Really? Then why didn't you just let me go, you dumbass pig?' I shouted at the captain.

'Pig?' the woman repeated, she had some kind of accent, foreign.

'It's a nickname for a cop, Ziva.' Tony explained. 'Fine, I'll take him. But you owe me, Rick.'

'Whatever, just take him already.' The captain said, I picked up my bag and followed Tony and the foreign chick out of the office. Outside the precinct a 66 Mustang sat waiting, Tony unlocked it, smirking at the look on my face. I decided then that if I needed to, I would definitely steal his car to get away. And then I would totally destroy it. They put me in the back.

'So, where are you taking me? You know, against my will and stuff.' I asked as he pulled away from the kerb.

'Washington DC.' Tony replied.

'Right. So you're a cop, I can see that. But what about this chick? I mean, since when did cops carry two guns?' the pair exchanged a look.

'Two guns?' she repeated.

'Yeah, your ankle.' I replied.

'Very good, Cesar.' She smiled at me in the rear vision mirror. I'll give Tony one thing, his girlfriend was hot. I hoped I was wrong about Tony being my father, it'd be way too creepy if this chick turned out to by my stepmother.

'She has a name, Cesar, it's Ziva David.' Said Tony. 'And we're both Special Agents.'

'Special? As in retarded special?' I asked, Tony gripped the steering wheel tight, I could see his knuckles going white. Ziva laid a hand on his shoulder, after a moment Tony glanced over at her, and she pulled it back. They were a weird couple.

They drove over to the Navy Yard. I knew military, a lot of them liked to let off steam in Vegas. If there was one thing you didn't want to get in the way of, it was a platoon of drunk Marines who'd just lost their money at the blackjack tables. I didn't get the military vibe from Tony and Ziva, Tony was all cop, and Ziva, well she certainly wasn't Navy material.

They walked me up to a building for something called NCIS, as they argued with security, who didn't seem keen on letting me into the building, I learnt that it stood for Naval Criminal Investigative Service. Navy cops, they were all the same in my book.

They took me to another bullpen, waiting for us was a computer geek, and an old guy who definitely had a military vibe, the haircut was also a giveaway. 'What the hell is this DiNozzo?' the old guy asked. I didn't like the way he was looking at me, like he could see right through me.

'Cesar Sanchez, seems to think I'm his father.' Tony replied. 'But I'm not.' He added.

'Call my mother a liar one more time, and I'll pound your face in, asshole.' Tony sighed.

'Uh, he has a bit of a potty mouth, boss.' He told the old guy. After that, things happened fast. I want to stress that it was self defence okay? I mean, there are probably CCTV cameras in the room that filmed it all, including the bit where Tony started it. When he whacked the back of my head, in self defence, I turned and broke his nose. He didn't know me, even if he did turn out to be my father, he doesn't have the right to hit me.

The next thing I knew, I was on the ground breathing in carpet. Ziva had me pinned, when I struggled, she tightened her grip, leaning forward to whisper in my ear. 'Do that again, and I will kill you, understand?'

Okay, now i really need to get ready for work, enjoy, and please review.