Chapter Two: Back at the Loft
When they get back to the loft, Justin notices a few things. The picture he drew of Brian five years ago is prominently displayed on the wall, in the living area. On the coffee table are three pictures that Justin doesn't remember seeing before: one of him and Brian dancing at his prom (that Daphne must have taken); one of them from their non-rehearsal dinner, and one of him sleeping peacefully in bed (that Brian must have taken). Why Brian would have pictures up, he thought. How do you bring a guy home to fuck, when it looks like you have a partner. Oh well, he brought them home when he was actually there, so why would they care about pictures.
"Are you going to stay awhile or just stand by the door?"
Justin walked in and it suddenly felt like he had never left. "I love what you've done with the place since I've been gone" as he points to the pictures.
"Don't read anything into it. I just put them out because I had forgotten what you look like".
"So, I came all the way here. You said you wanted to talk. I'm all ears waiting to hear what you have to say. I'm sure it has something to do with all the fun you've been able to have with me out of your life, seeing as how you never called".
"Well, you know how it is. I didn't want to interrupt your creative artsy period. Besides, my cell phone was always dead…"
"And you didn't have your charger. I know. I've heard it all before".
"So, I shouldn't tell you that I missed you?"
"Not if you don't mean it."
"I fucking told you I loved you. Why wouldn't I mean it? It's not like I've said that to a lot of guys, you know."
"My mom said you still have the house. I thought you would have sold it by now".
"Yeah well Theodore says it's not a seller's market right now. I should wait if I want to make a profit".
"That's Ted, always thinking of everyone's financial future".
"At least the ones who are paying him".
Brian offers Justin a drink and pours him a glass of wine. He walks over to the couch to sit down and Justin follows him. As they sit down, Justin leans in and starts kissing Brian's neck. Brian stops him as he begins to unbutton his top. Justin explains, "I figured this was still your idea of talking. Don't tell me I'm wrong?"
"Damn right you're wrong. I don't want to fuck. I don't ever want to just fuck ever again.
Justin is now extremely puzzled. "Have I stepped into an alternate universe or something? Did I really just here Brian Kinney say he never wants to fuck again?"
"You heard right. You don't know how fucking messed up I've been since you left".
"You mean since you told me to leave, to go to New York".
"Shit! I know! You don't have to point it out."
"If you say so", Justin retorted.
"This is fucking hard for me. I'm still Brian Kinney. I haven't turned into Michael or for Christ's sake Emmett. I can't just come out and admit that I was wrong".
"I think you just did", Justin says with a satisfied smile.
"Well it's not that I was wrong", Brian says, clearly struggling for the right words, "It's just that I should have gone with you".
"You have a life here and a company. You couldn't just drop everything to follow me. I wouldn't have wanted you to anyways. Besides, I should have never left".
Fuck, now we're beginning to sound like a couple of fairies. By the way, when do you have to get back to New York?"
"I'm not going back". "The fuck you aren't. You're not giving up on your dream of becoming a famous artist are you?"
"Do you k now what I've been doing these last two months? Working in a shithole diner, to pay rent. I haven't been able to draw a damn thing. I discovered that without my muse, I'm nothing".
Your muse huh, and who would that be?"
"That would be you dumbass. When I was a kid I dreamed of being an artist. I finally realized the other day that dreams change. After I met you, my dream became to spend the rest of my life with you, whether you wanted it or not. That hasn't changed, so I knew I had to amend my dream to accommodate your extracurricular fucking, but as long as I'm the one you come home to, I can deal with that. That's why I came back and why I'm not going back to New York. My life is with you, if you'll still have me".
"What if I don't want you to?"
"Want me to what?"
"Deal with it"
"What the fuck do you mean?"
"What if after all this time, I don't want you to accommodate for my extracurricular fucks?"
"That's bullshit! You can't go back on your word".
"What word?"
"You said you loved me. It may have taken nearly five years, four and a half years too many, for you to say it, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna let you take it back".
"Who the fuck said anything about taking that back?"
"Well then, what did you mean?"
Brian stood up and looked Justin square in the eyes. "Are you sure you want to be back here and not in New York? I have to know for sure before I continue".
"Yes I'm sure. No doubts, no turning back. So, are you willing to take me back, or have you moved on?"
"Moved on, on you fucking kidding me? I've never been able to move on since the day I met you. When you left to be with Ethan I had to hire a damn hustler that looked like you. $300 I'll never get back. Brian Kinney never had to pay for it". He looked at Justin and just shook his head. "I'm about to have the most honest and open conversation of my life, with you. I hope you can handle it".
You've always been honest with me, sometimes to a fault. I think I can still handle it".