The phone rang loudly, shrieking into the night, until a slim hand finally reached out and grabbed it and pulled it under the covers.
"Hello?" said a sleepy female voice.
"Call for booty! Call for booty! More calls for your booty!"
"Huh?" said Dawn.
"Oops! Your booty is too young to be called for! Bye bye!"
Whoever it was hung up quickly.
"Weirdo." Dawn mumbled to herself.
She hung the phone up and placed it back on its table and hopped back into dreamland.
"Damn! She turned off her ringer didn't she?" Faith grumbled, annoyed as hell.
"Don't worry, we'll get her later. She'll have to turn it back on eventually." Athena grinned.
They started running around each other in happy circles, swatting at each other playfully before they tackled each other onto Faith's bed.
The next morning, Buffy walked downstairs in an extremely sour mood.
Stupid Faith and stupid Athena and their stupid prank calling. Don't they have anything better to do?
She shuffled into the kitchen and sat down at the counter and started eating some cereal, sans milk.
"Um, hello? That's mine!" Dawn complained.
Buffy just muttered something under her breath and continued shoving dry cereal into her mouth.
"Are you feeling alright this morning, honey?" Joyce asked curiously.
"Rrrrr." Buffy answered in a monotone.
They watched, dumbfounded, as she mechanically ate the cereal.
"Shouldn't you put some liquid in that Buffy?" Joyce asked.
Buffy took the orange juice carton and poured the juice into her cereal until it was near the top and then kept eating, setting the carton back down.
"I'm backing away now." Dawn announced.
She backed away until she bumped into the refrigerator, and then carefully made her way along the counter to the other cereal box.
Joyce just stared.
The phone rang.
Dawn and Joyce jumped a mile (if not more) when Buffy suddenly shot across the kitchen like a ravenous cheetah and snatched the receiver off the hook, tearing the phone off the wall.
"WILL YOU QUIT CALLING FOR MY BOOTY?" Buffy screamed at the top of her lungs into the receiver.
"Um, hi Buffy." came Willow's voice.
"Oh God! Will, I'm so sorry!"
"Uh…yeah. See you at school. Oh, and don't forget about that big history test! Bye!" Willow replied hurriedly and hung up.
"Big history test? That's today?" She dropped the receiver on the ground and whimpered her way back to her seat.
She sat back down and prepared to resume eating, then paused.
"Who put OJ in my cereal?"
"You know, Buffy." Joyce began carefully, "speaking of calling for booty, I got the weirdest phone call last night. The caller asked for my booty, and when I said "Pardon me?" she laughed and hung up. Do you know anyone who might make a call like that, Buffy?"
"Absolutely, positively, nobody I know!" Buffy shouted, making her mother and sister cringe, putting on her biggest, bestest, fakest, most frozen smile ever, her left eye twitching.
I'm gonna kill 'em!
Buffy walked down the hallway to her locker when she noticed Neil standing there.
"Hey. What's up?" Buffy asked as she reached him.
"Did you have any weird dreams involving me and you last night? Oh, and hi." Neil asked and greeted all in one sentence.
"Well, now that you mention it…" Buffy stopped when she noticed Neil staring at her curiously.
"What?" Buffy asked him softly.
"How did you get this bruise on your face?" Neil asked softly, touching the bruise on her left cheek gently.
Buffy hesitated to respond, enjoying the feel of Neil's fingers on her face.
Her eyes drifted shut for a second.
And immediately reopened them when Willow's voice sounded out: "Hi Buffy. Hi Neil."
Buffy stepped back from him quickly and began opening her locker, spinning her combination lock like crazy.
"Hey Willow. See you later Liz. We'll talk." Neil said and then walked away.
Buffy waited until Neil had turned and started walking away before she snuck a look at him. Willow watched her curiously.
Suddenly Willow started hopping up and down on her feet, her face looking like she had just swallowed a fish, her mouth a wide O, arms extended out to her sides and hands waving frantically.
Buffy observed her hopping up and down with a baffled look on her face.
"Maybe you better cut down on the sweets there, Will." Buffy said, bemused.
Willow pointed her finger at Buffy accusingly, shaking it violently.
"You like him! You like him! You like him!" Willow almost squealed.
"Who?" Buffy asked.
"Neil! You like Neil!"
"What? No I don't! Well, not like that, heh." Buffy chuckled nervously. She caught Willow's "I'm not buying it" look, and hurriedly began pulling books out of her locker.
"Don't lie to me, missy! You've totally got a thing for him! I saw you watching his booty!" Willow then flushed with embarrassment and put her hand over her mouth.
Buffy gave her an askance look.
"Please don't use that word." Buffy scolded.
"Sorry. But you are so busted! You like him and you didn't even tell me!" Willow said, hurt.
"Who does Buffy like?" Xander asked as he strolled up.
"A certain guy we know who hails from an alternate universe. She has Neil crushage." Willow tattled happily.
"Tattletale." Buffy grumbled.
"Neil? You like Neil? He's a handsome man, well not to me, but isn't he like a little old for you?" Xander asked.
Willow and Buffy both guffawed at him.
"Never mind. Does anybody else know?" Xander wondered.
"Neil's personalities probably do, they have eyes like hawks and ears like rabbits." Buffy replied.
"That's an interesting image." Xander mused.
"Oh and speaking of which, if you happen to bump into Athena, don't tell her or Faith where I am. Pretty please?"
"Why?" Willow asked.
"They're putting me through prank call hell."
"Our lips are sealed!" Xander declared heroically, thumping his chest.
Three hours later…
"OKAY! OKAY! I'LL SPILL! I'LL SPILL! SHE'S IN THE LIBRARY! SHE'S IN THE LIBRARY!" Xander screamed.
Athena and Faith smirked as they stopped pinching his nipples.
"That's a good boy." Athena purred.
Buffy was reading one of Giles' occult volumes when the phone rang. Giles walked down from the second floor and into his office to answer it.
"Yes, is Buffy there please?" asked an extremely fake male voice.
Giles stuck his head out of the office and said: "It's for you Buffy."
Buffy went into the office and took the phone from Giles and put it to her ear. Giles walked out and back up to the second floor.
"Yes?"
"This is a collect booty call. Will you accept the charges?" said Athena's voice.
"GRRRR!"
Giles was just re-emerging from the bookshelves and was startled to see his phone fly out of his office.
"Holy shit! That was fuckin' awesome!" Faith gushed. She and Athena high-fived as they ran down the sidewalk.
"Yep. It sure is great that I figured out how to manifest myself as something other than a vampire, or cool shit like this wouldn't have been possible."
"Why isn't everybody else runnin' around? Wait, you didn't tell em, did ya?"
"Nope!"
"You are so bad!"
"Oh, you say the sweetest things."
As they neared Faith's motel room, they were surprised to see Neil waiting for them.
"There you are. I knew you were out and about somewhere, Athena."
"Uh oh. Daddy's home. IIII'm iiiin ttttrouble." Athena drawled.
"Hey stud." Faith smirked, "Lookin' for a threesome?"
"Looking for a bit more than that, actually. A fourteensome."
"Huh?" Athena and Faith said together.
"Well, it turns out I can conjure up money, precious metals, and stones. Which inevitably adds up to a lot of capital, and I bought my own place. Nice and big, and I was thinking we have plenty of room for a permanent houseguest."
He gave Faith a meaningful look.
Faith stared at him in utter disbelief.
Athena just gaped.
"I-I don't know what to say."
"Please say yes."
"Just like that? No strings attached?"
"There is one."
Faith sighed knowingly.
"Does it involve lots of kinky sex?"
"Well, no. But it does involve getting your GED."
The dark Slayer looked at him like he had completely flipped his bird.
"Are you fuckin' crazy? I left school for a reason! I hated it! Plus, I'm stupid as shit! A major class fuck-up! A fuckin' waste! Killin' monsters is the only thing I'm good for!"
Athena snapped out of her trance and glared at her. Faith gulped.
"Don't ever say that again." Athena said in a low deadly voice.
"Athena." Neil reprimanded.
Athena shut up fast and looked away.
"You're not stupid, Faith. I don't know who told you that nonsense, but a stupid person couldn't have survived as well and as long as you have, especially with someone like Kakistos after them. And the rest of what you said about yourself is complete garbage. You can't be a Slayer for the rest of your life Faith. Sooner or later, you're going to want more. And a good education is your ticket there."
"Slayers don't last long." Faith stated flatly.
"They also tend to come back." Neil countered.
"You're serious about this." Faith said in a disbelieving tone. "Why do you care so damn much?"
"Neil cares about everyone. He's like a saint. It doesn't matter who you are or what you've done. I should know." Athena explained.
Faith's eyes started tearing up. She moved a hand across them.
Neil moved towards her and took one of her hands gently. Athena lovingly took the other.
"Let's get your things." Neil said softly.
Dazed by all this, Faith let them lead her into her motel room.
They packed her few possessions and left.
And closed the door on this chapter of her life forever.
As Athena, Neil, and Faith walked away, none of them noticed the ominous black van with the blacked-out windows sitting in the motel parking lot.
It waited until they were fairly well away before it started up and followed at a discreet distance.
Helen walked in promptly at 3:00 pm to see Buffy sitting at the table with a thick book in hand.
"Hi Buffy." Helen greeted.
Buffy ignored her.
"Still mad at me, huh?"
She still got the blistering silent treatment.
"I only did it for your own good, you know."
Buffy just pursed her lips.
Helen sighed and went over to her. She stood over her and put a muscular hand on her slim shoulder.
"This is getting a little silly Buffy."
Buffy looked up at her at last.
"Silly? You hit me from behind and claim it's for my own good? That's what's silly! My friends could have died because of you! And will Athena and Faith ever quit prank calling me?"
She slammed the book closed and pouted, folding her arms.
Helen just stared at her, perplexed.
"Athena and Faith are prank calling you?"
"I'm still not talking to you."
"I think you need to loosen up a bit."
Helen placed her hands on Buffy's trapezius muscles and started massaging them, working the tension out.
"Mmm. Don't do that." Buffy admonished.
Now it was Helen's turn to ignore her as her skilled fingers probed deep, forcing the girl's body to relax.
"God. That feels really good…" Buffy breathed.
She closed her eyes and relaxed, resting her head against Helen's hard stomach as the stress oozed out of her.
"Are we interrupting something?"
Buffy shot out of her chair, knocking it over, and Helen looked at the newcomers in annoyance.
"Oh look. It's Abbott and Costello." Buffy said snippily.
"Who?" Faith asked.
"Comedy team from the 40's. So, Helen and Buffy, are we having fun?" Athena explained and implied all at once. Helen rolled her brown eyes.
"Buffy's a little stressed out, it seems, Miss Attack of the Lesbian Undertones."
"Looks more like overtones to me, little Helen."
"You know, just because we fuck each other occasionally, doesn't give you the right to start leering every time you see me."
Buffy's eyes almost popped out of their sockets.
Faith made sort of a husky grunt and turned away.
"Oh, baby, don't be that way."
"I'm not your baby."
"You're just Neptune's baby?"
"Shush!"
Grinning at having successfully pushed Helen's buttons, Athena turned her attention to Buffy.
"You know Buffy; if you like getting massages from females, me and Faith could give you and Helen here one sometime soon."
"I'll bring the oil." Faith purred, looking over her shoulder with that cocky smirk of hers.
Buffy moved to the library cage, went inside, opened the weapons cabinet, took out a battle axe, came back out, and waved the axe at Athena and Faith.
"Want to see my Paul Bunyan impression? Scat."
Snickering, Athena and Faith turned around and walked back to the doors. Before walking through them, Athena turned back around.
"Ta-ta girls. Try not to do anyone we would do." Athena chuckled in a mischievous, mocking voice, giving Buffy and Helen a little wave.
"Try not to yell too loud B. It's a public building after all." Faith teased.
Buffy started making a few practice swings with her axe.
Her two tormentors ran out the swinging doors, giggling fiendishly.
"They've got lesbian on the brain." Helen remarked.
"Not to mention innuendos aplenty, like wheat in a field." Buffy replied.
Helen sat in the chair opposite Buffy's and picked up a book and started flipping through it.
"I mean," Buffy continued," I'm as straight as the day is long. They're trying to imply something from one little deep soothing massage?"
"Guess so."
"What do they think this is? A porn movie?"
"Athena thinks everything is a porn movie."
"Just because I might say "Wow, Willow, you look pretty today!" doesn't make me gay, does it?"
"Surely not."
Buffy whirled on Helen.
"You know, just because it felt really good, and it gave me a happy, and my nipples got a little pointy-"
"Want another one?"
"NO! DID NOTHING FOR ME! NO SIR!"
Buffy stomped her way back to her chair, set it back on its feet, and sat down, picking her book back up.
After a few minutes, she peered from her tome at the doors, then at Helen over the top of her hardback.
"Could I have another massage?" Buffy asked shyly.
Neil and the rest of his personalities (except Athena and Helen, of course, who was showing Buffy and Faith the joys of hot lesbian action. Okay, I'm lying.) filed out of the men's and women's locker rooms and made their way to the library.
Lilith and Diana paused and looked behind them for a few seconds down the hallway. Bellona and the others noticed.
"What is it?" Bellona asked, looming over the other two women.
"Not sure." Diana answered.
Lilith walked down the hall and looked around the corners carefully then came back.
"Anything?" Artemis asked.
Lilith shook her head.
"What are you sensing?" Neil asked.
"Perhaps nothing." Lilith answered.
"Let's get to the library." Apollo suggested.
They walked away, occasionally glancing behind them.
Reaching the library doors, they went inside.
None of them saw Neil's dark side looking through the windows on the library doors after they entered.
But she was sensed.
Lilith and Diana spun around quickly, and walked through the doors hurriedly, shoved them open, startling Xander, Cordelia, Willow, and Oz.
"Hey! Watch it!" Cordelia complained.
"Did you see anything odd out here?" Diana asked, ignoring Cordelia. Cordelia grumbled to herself.
"Not a thing." Willow answered.
"What odd thing should we be looking for? Big pink bunnies?" Xander joked.
Lilith and Diana gave him a withering look, and proceeded back inside.
"Everybody's a critic." Xander mumbled.
"Okay. Was anyone else a little creeped out and got that hair standing on end feeling?" Willow wondered.
"My hair's always standing on end. But I get what you mean." Oz replied.
They cast furtive gazes up and down the hall, then at each other.
And ran in the library as fast as they could.
After they went in, Neil's dark side's coldly beautiful face could be seen in the windows as the doors swung back and forth.
"What's happening?" Giles asked worriedly, rushing out of his office in response to the other Scoobies charging into the library, past the startled everyone else who were standing or sitting in various places around the library.
The other Scoobies didn't answer; they ran up the stairs and clustered together in the small area in front of the bookshelves, watching the doors nervously.
Cordelia suddenly gave Xander a look.
"Xander?" Cordelia said sweetly.
"Yes Cordy?"
"Take your hand off my butt. We're in public."
He quickly took away the offending hand and said: "Sorry. I needed comfort."
Giles just put his hands on his hips and glared ominously.
"You know, this is a library, not your home. You just can't charge in and out like a herd of wildebeests!"
"Sorry. But we got a little wigged out in the hallway." Willow explained.
Giles frowned.
"Why, may I ask, did you get "wigged"?"
"Diana and Lilith wondered if we saw anything out there." Oz explained.
"And they were pretty serious face and all, so we freaked a little." Xander finished.
"Plus, they nearly hit us with the doors." Cordelia griped.
"Waah." Hera mocked.
"Hey! Don't mock my girlfriend!" Xander yelled at Hera.
Hera raised an eyebrow at him.
"Only I get to do that." Xander said nervously, and hid behind Cordelia.
"If everyone's quite done?" Giles scolded. He turned to Diana and Lilith.
"I believe we're being pursued." Lilith answered before Giles could say anything.
"Followed? By who?"
This from Athena, who had just walked in with Faith.
"What she said." Buffy pointed at Athena. Buffy and Helen were still sitting at the table.
"I should think that was readily evident." Lilith said.
"Was this why you and Diana ran out the doors? You're still feeling that same premonition?" Ares asked.
Diana and Lilith nodded.
"Well, let's have a look-see, shall we?" Giles suggested.
"We better search the school from top to bottom, then." Buffy ordered, standing up.
"Yes sir! General Avon sir!" Athena mock-saluted with her left hand.
Faith and Xander attempted not to laugh.
"Daughter, behave." Diana chastised.
"Mommies are no fun." Athena griped in a silly childish voice.
"We're not meant to be. Now shoo."
Diana turned and marched Athena out the door with Artemis and Faith following closely.
"Do you think anybody would notice if I pushed her into the ocean? Let sea monsters eat her up?" Buffy asked sourly.
"Maybe we could use you as bait to lure them in first?" Hera said a bit too sweetly.
"Maybe we could check the school instead?" Neil hinted teasingly.
"Yes, let's. We can trade barbs some other time, I think." Giles agreed.
They went to the weapons closet and picked out various weapons, procuring a few extra.
Then everyone went out into the hallway and formed in front of the library doors, joining the waiting Athena, Faith, Diana, and Artemis, handing them weapons of their very own.
"Let's split up. We'll check the bottom floor and the basement." Bellona said.
"And we'll check upstairs." Giles said.
"Neil's in my group!" Buffy declared cheekily, and grabbed his hand, dragging him upstairs before he could say a word.
The Scoobies walked up after them, looking around cautiously.
"Think she'll give him a blowjob in a classroom somewhere?" Athena sniggered.
"Probably." Faith said, smirking.
Everyone else looked at each other, and then Artemis and Hera playfully swatted Athena and Faith on the butts to get them going.
Buffy, Neil, and the other Scoobies made their way warily down the hallway, stopping to check each classroom as they came to it.
"Well, this is a big waste of my time. I could be doing my nails or my hair or trying on that new pair of shoes I just bought." Cordelia thought out loud.
"Well, don't let us keep you from your incredibly important life." Xander said testily.
"Behave kids, or I'll turn this search party right around and head for home." Buffy mock-scolded.
"Diana and Lilith might be way off the mark here." Oz suggested.
"We haven't seen Neil's dark side for a long time now. We're all a little paranoid about what she might be doing." Willow said.
"A-And our searches for her and our observations of City Hall have all been fruitless, unsurprisingly. We even infiltrated the building and searched with no success." Giles put in.
"Not to mention asking Willy a zillion times. He's been transformed from Willy the Snitch to Willy the Bruise. And he always says, Nope, I haven't seen your friend's dark side. No big scary redhead, no ma'am." Xander added.
"Demona." Buffy said suddenly.
"What did you say Buffy?" Willow asked, surprised.
"That's Neil's dark side's name. Demona."
"How do you know that, Buffy?" Giles inquired.
"You did have the same dream I did." Neil commented.
Buffy looked at him, uneasy.
"Then you-"
"Yeah."
"Um, I think everyone else is getting a little lost." Willow said.
"I had a Slayer dream." Buffy explained.
"Sounds like you had one together." Cordelia observed.
"Isn't Demona one of the Gargoyles?" Xander asked.
"The bad one. Interesting name choice." Neil replied.
"Guess she likes catchy names." Buffy joked.
"What happened in this dream?" Giles asked Buffy and Neil.
"Well, we were in this weirdo place, like a huge plain and this pulsating sky with lightning moving around…something. Neil and I were walking together, and then he turned into Demona. She attacked me, sent me hurtling into this canyon. I barely caught the edge in time. She started grinding on my fingers when I heard this weird sound. All of a sudden, she went spiraling into the canyon. She screamed all the way down. I started pulling myself up and whatever was making the noise started making a different one, coming closer and closer. Then I woke up."
"I dreamed the same thing, except after I changed, it was like I was watching events unfold from a distance." Neil confirmed.
"Did you see what was making that silly sound?" Buffy asked him.
Neil shook his head.
"It was too dark. Then I woke up."
"Must have woken up the same time I did." Buffy realized.
"Incredible." Giles said, fascinated.
"Did she strike you on your left cheek? You have a ginormous bruise there." Willow asked.
"Good Lord. I can't believe I didn't see that before." Giles said in disbelief.
"Trippy." Oz said.
"Are you okay, Buff?" Xander worriedly asked.
"Oh yeah. She just has a hell of a backhand." Buffy assured Xander.
"I guess you becoming her must have something to do with whatever she did to you in the hospital." Willow said to Neil.
"Maybe." Neil said thoughtfully.
They were so engrossed in their conversation as they walked down the hall that none of them noticed Demona walk out of a classroom they had just checked and watched them leave with a strange smile on her face.
"Soon, my love. Soon." She whispered to herself as she studied Neil going around the corner with the others.
She faded from view.