A/N: hey there... i decided to just put the titans' auction sale thingy here into one story... except beastboy... he's special... like hair cancer (if there is such a thing...) legal issues came up in this next show coz of what happend to the incident with starfire... so this is the new and improved why you should buy this titan... it's total chaos again.. coz my head is still hurting like hell...
Disclaimer: i do not own teen titans... i also don't own titansfan1211 and Desstrio... if any of you two are reading this... please don't hurt me! i'm sorry i used you guys without asking... just thought of this as a way to say thanks to titansfan1211 for liking the stupid oneshots i made like boo-yah songlist and desstrio was kind enough to actually bid on why you should buy this titan! beastboy... so there... i'll go hide now..
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Hello ladies and gents! Surprised? Well… after how many trips back to court, two hundred-eighty restraining orders, a near court marshal, how many hours of community service and the amendment of the contracts with the Titans….. We're back! New and improved! This is….
WHY YOU SHOULD BUY THIS TITAN!
*applause from the audience*
Now, for today's Titan! Our mechanoid Cyborg!
*curtain rises and shows Cyborg*
Cyborg: Hey y'all! Now, can everybody gimme a boo-yah!
*audience shouts*BOOOOOOOOO—YYYYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Very nice…. I think I'm gonna have to go to my ear doctor after this… Now, I've said before that this show is now new and improved. Now, bear with this news folks… in today's show, we're not really selling the Titan today.
*big "awww" and "boos" from the audience*
I know… I know… but we can't do anything about it since the constitution prohibits selling of humans… even super humans… not to mention the contract we have changed...
*bigger "boos" from audience*
I know it's heart wrenching… it's even more heart wrenching to the previous owners of the last two Titans we sold in the previous shows….
*audience gives out sympathetic "aaawwwww"*
Desstrio: Give me back my Beast Boy and his hot bod!
Beast Boy: See! I told you I have a hot bod! *crosses arms and gives triumphant grin*
Four Titans: *Silenced by disbelief*
Robin: Well… Waddya know….
Raven: I can't believe it…
Beast Boy: What's not to believe? *puffs out air through nose*
Raven: Who knew you would stoop so low, that you'd drug a person to thinking you had a "hot bod"…? *shakes head in disappointment*
Other Titans: *also shakes their head*
Cyborg: I thought better of you…
Beast Boy: Waddya mean drugs! Why can't you guys believe that I have a hot bod!
Other Titans: *Just stares at the changeling*
Beast Boy: *Tears start to form* Nobody loves meee! Waaaahhhhhh! *runs out*
Desstrio: I love you Beast Boy!
Beast Boy: *comes back and turns into a puppy and snuggles Desstrio* master!
Oookkkaaaaayyy….. Enough snuggling… we have limited time… Scarat..! *Scarat picks up the puppy Beast Boy and puts him back in his chair*
Beast Boy: *in puppy form whimpers and shows puppy eyes.*
Nice try Beast Boy.. But that won't work on me…
Beast Boy: *changes back* hmmphh!
*audience still "booing" and complaining*
This will be a loooonngggg day… *host sighs* As I was-
Titansfan1211: Give me back my Starfire!
Robin: *protectively and unconsciously hugs Starfire* Whatdoyoumean YOUR Starfire! She's MINE! *barks like a dog protecting its bone*
Titansfan1211: Shut up you tight wearing traffic bird! I bought her fair and square!
*Robin and titansfan1211 start arguing…. Beast Boy jumps back to Desstrio… audience riot even more*
OH, FOR THE LOVE OF—SCARAT! *Scarat hands shotgun*
BANG!
*Everyone stops and looks at the pissed off host wielding the shotgun*
NOW…. Will you please get back in place or else all of you will be going home with holes in your stomachs… *eyes glints, showing that it's no joke*
*Everybody sweat drops and obediently goes back in place*
*host looks around*Good. Now—
BEEEEPPPP!
WHAT NOW!
Crew member: *cautiously comes near host* umm…. We had to go to a commercial break…
What!
Crew member: *hides behind Scarat* We have no choice! The budget we have requires showing commercials..!
*host evilly stares at the crew member* Fine… *looks at the Titans and audience* You guys better behave… or else! Especially you two *points at the two previous owners of Star and Beast Boy*
Desstrio and titansfan1211: *pouts and raspberries*
Why do I get these kinds of jobs….? *walks out for a while*
Cyborg: *Joins the other Titans at the front seats* Whew… I thought that after all those trips to court there wouldn't be any more problems…
Robin: Yeah… I thought they already started filtering the audience…
Beast Boy: Why'd we have to go to this stupid game show anyway!
Other Titans: *stares at Beast Boy* it's all your fault! (and it's not really a game show.)
Beast Boy: Why is it always my fault!
Robin: Coz' it is!
Starfire: I cannot deny that fact… since you did-
Cyborg: You pressed the self-destruct button on our Tower! Right when I specifically told you not to press any freakin' buttons!
Beast Boy: That was totally not my fault! It was yours! *puts face nearer to Cyborg*
Cyborg: Oh? How is it my fault! *growls*
Beast Boy: You just had to make the self-destruct button so big! Red! and SHINY! You know I can't help but press shiny buttons! Why in the hell do we have a self-destruct button anyway!
Other Titans: *ignores the point made by Beast Boy about having a self-destruct button and just stares at him again*
Raven: I take back what I said about you being a little green elf. Your more of a gremlin… pointy-eared and has zero brain capacity.
Beast Boy: *teary-eyed* Raven…. How could you say that..! I thought you love me!
Raven: *rolls eyes*
Desstrio: *pushes Raven aside* I love you more Beast Boy!
Beast Boy: *is touched by the words* master! *hugs Desstrio*
Raven: *fuming mad* Nobody pushes me!
Cyborg: Jealous much?
Raven: *glares at Cyborg and threatens* Do you want to go to be delivered to a scrap yard piece by piece?
Starfire: *looks at the ex-owner and Beast Boy embrace* Isn't that wonderful..? *sighs* I wish to embrace my old master as well.
Robin: *gasps* Star! What blasphemous thing are you saying! *hugs Starfire*
Starfire: Robin, why are being so overly-protective? *blushes* Is there something I should know?
Robin: *face turns totally red* Well… umm…. That's….
Titansfan1211: Hey there! Did you call me?
Robin: *glares at titansfan1211* YOU! You stay away fr-
Starfire: *escapes from Robin's embrace and hugs titansfan1211* it is good to see you again!
Titansfan1211: Good to see you too. *looks at Robin and raspberries*
Robin: *fuming mad jumps at titansfan1211*
*a bizarre fight develop at the front row*
Cyborg: *tiptoes back to the stage, to avoid getting in the fight* Phew! Man, those ex-owners do know how to fight… wonder what my owner will be like? Wait… I'm not really for sale anymore.. Then what am I really suppo— *shuts up after seeing the host and behaves*
*host suddenly comes back, shotgun in hand, sees the fight*
Stage Director: We're starting in one minute!
Robin: Get your hands off Starfire you—
Beast Boy: *half worried and half delighted at the same time tries to separate Raven and Desstrio* Girls! Girls! Stop fighting over me.
Raven: Who says this fight is about you!
Desstrio: I do!
Starfire: *being pulled by Robin and titansfan1211* I believed we should—
BANG! BANG!
*Robin and Beastboys hair in the middle falls off*
*fighting stops and everyone looks at the shotgun except for Robin and Beast Boy*
Robin and Beast Boy: My hair!
Please go back to your seats madams and messieurs… *smiles while cranking shotgun*
*Desstrio and titansfan1211 goes back to their seat while Raven and Starfire pulled the grieving boys back to their seat*
Stage Director: 30 seconds till' we go live!
Robin and Beast Boy: *still crying like babies*
Oh, for the—it's just hair! It will grow back later! Look. I'll give you this. *gets a small bottle from pocket and throws it at the Titans* that's a hair growing formula. Scarat made it himself.
Starfire: *reads direction and puts two drops on each of the boys' head*
Robin and Beast Boy: *hair turns back to normal in the blink of an eye* My hair! *teary-eyed and happy* We're not bald! *hugs each other*
*audience gives a cute "awwww"*
Stage Director: And in three! Two! One! Action!
Welcome back folks! This is Why You Should Buy This Titan! Before the commercial, I already said that we won't be selling our Titan for today…
*someone from audience was about to say something but the host quickly showed his shotgun and everyone remained quiet*
But don't worry folks! We have the next best thing in auction for today! *brings out a remote control that has the familiar tattoo markings Cyborg has*
Cyborg: Hey! That thing copied my tattoo!
This remote isn't just a normal remote folks! It's even better than a universal remote! it's a-
Beast Boy: Shhiiiinnnnnyyyyy remmoootteeee!
Robin: Quick! Tie him up! He can't resist the shininess!
*Titans in the front row ties Beast Boy up*
*ahem* Yes… it is very shiny… but that's not the point… this remote folks is a super remote that can control today's Titan Cyborg!
*audience "ooohhhhh" and "ahhhhhs"*
Cyborg: Say what!
Robin: This is a joke, right!
Ahehehehe…. No. Music!
*weird rock and roll like guitar music plays*
It's only right here folks! If you call now and give us the best offer you'll be able to win this remote! look! It can make Cyborg into your personal swiss knife! *presses buttons*
Cyborg: What the-! *automatically shows all the tools he keeps in his arsenals. From toothpicks, to can openers, to guns, to plungers, and he even has a dinner and tea set*
Raven: Ooohhh… a tea set…
*audience applause*
You can make him dance! You can make him cry! You can make him do Kung Fu!
Cyborg: *does exactly and accordingly what the host just said* Help me!
*audience applause and children audience starts forcing their moms to buy the remote*
Robin: What you're doing is wrong!
Really now? Scarat? *Scarat reads through the thick contract deal they had made and gave and a-ok* I don't think so Robin! Scarat says we're not breaching the contract we made…. You should know better…After all, you were the one that made the terms and condition.
Robin: Wha-! But I-! *brings out his own copy of the contract and reads through* No way…. *slumps down in defeat*
Cyborg: *pleading while still doing Kung Fu* Robin?
Robin: Sorry Cy….
Starfire and Raven: We salute your patriotism *salutes at Cyborg*
Cyborg: You've got to be kidding me!
Beast Boy: *still drooling over the shiny remote*
*triumphantly grins* Now, where was I? oh, yes…. You've heard of action figures that can only speak ten different things. Well, with this remote, you can make Cyborg say anything you want him to! *brings out keyboard and links it to the remote and starts typing*
Cyborg: *in a Arnold type of voice* I AHM DE TURMENAHTOR! AHL BE BACK! AHM MORE MUSCULAH THAN YOU! I WANT MY MOMMY!
Hmm… funny… I didn't type in that last sentence…
Child #1: Mommy! I want that action figure! I hate mine!
Child #2: Me too mommy! I don't wanna play wid dollies no more!
Raven: Cyborg's been demoted from human to mechanoid to action figure….
Starfire: Poor Cyborg…. How were they able to acquire such a remote?
Robin: *realizes* yeah! That's right! You can at least tell us how you got it!
*shrugs* Go ask Scarat…. I just sell the products… *Scarat just sheepishly grins*
*Somewhere under Jump City in an Underground labyrinth*
Brother Blood: Hello…? Anybody here? I thought you said you'd let me in the bee keeper's club if I made you the remote… hello? Anybody? It's dark and scary in here…. I need someone to hug me…
*back to the studio*
Guess Scarat doesn't want to divulge his secret. We can't do anything about that since forcing out information is against the contract you made Robin.
Robin: *mad and pissed* I should've gone to college and took up law!
Too bad for you… now we're almost out of time ladies and gents, since the first half was somewhat chaotic with all the shouting and cuddling… so I'll have to skip to the best part of this remote! If you call right now, and give us the best offer within one hour! We'll pitch in this car remote! Absolutely free!
*audience just hearing the word car and free immediately bring out their phones and started dialing*
Cyborg: *wide eyed* NO! Not my baby!
Hmm… only one way to find out. *uses the car remote*
CRASH!
*Cyborg's car crashes in the studio and swoops Cyborg inside*
Cyborg: My baby! *starts cuddling the steering wheel*
Well… waddya know? It is your car! Let's see what your baby can do! *starts messing around with the car remote*
Cyborg: What? No-! Ooof!
*car starts crashing into each and every place... Audience runs screaming out of studio*
Cyborg: You're killing my baby! Nooo! *passes out when he saw the front bumper fly away*
Desstrio: Beast Boy! I'll come back for you!
Titansfan1211: Starfire! Call me!
Oops… I never did get my driver's license yet… how do you stop this thing again?
Robin: This has gone too long! Titans g-!
*Beast Boy somehow broke free and lunges at the host*
Beast Boy: !
Down fido! ooff- *crashes and remotes get broken* Uh….Oh…..
Beast Boy: The shiny! *picks up the broken pieces of the remote* NNNNNNNOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOO!
*car goes totally berserk, crashes to a wall and drives out of the studio*
*stares at the now destroyed and empty seats* Guess…. I'll be seeing you in court again, eh Robin?
Robin: *lets out a painful sigh* Yeah…. I think I'm gonna have to rethink about the terms and conditions on the contract… I'm also thinking about going to college… well…. See you….
Have fun now! *waves*
Robin: Titans go!
*remaining titans go chase the rogue car*
*sound of broken wires and crackling of small fires*
Stage Director: Pssttt..! We're still live!
Huh? What? Oh….. *ahem* Well… there you have it folks! Don't worry about the remote! I'm sure Scarat will be able to make a new one! Let's just hope Robin and the others get Cyborg and the car in one piece! So start dialing those phones (and don't forget your credit cards) and you might just get a chance to take home today's remote and this complementary hair growing formula!
*looks at the destroyed set once more*
I'm gonna go call my agent and my lawyer now….
At the Underground labyrinth…
Brother Blood: Helloooo? Can anyone at least tell me where the bathroom is? I don't want to get kidney stones! *starts to sob* nobody loves me!
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my time here at home is finished after 3 days.. so most probably i won't be able to make stories since school is near... not to mention there won't be unlimited internet where i'm going back...^^" review if you'de like.. and if you have any suggetion, lay them on me!