Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, and did not receive compensation for this.

Part 2: The Return of Bad Bella

I never told Edward. I couldn't tell Edward. Where would I even begin?

I almost wished Alice's gift wasn't completely useless when it came to the wolves. Then she could have told him herself. Unless she honored her friendship with me more than her loyalty to her family, was that possible? I for one knew that anything was possible. However, Edward had known I was with Jacob that day. Clearly Alice had told him that I fell off the map completely. He wasn't even mad. He was just happy to see me safe, which felt like a slap in the face. I couldn't tell him the truth once I saw his smile.

Graduation had come and gone and I still hadn't gotten a chance to speak to Jacob. I was shocked when he then showed up to the Cullen's wildly successful graduation bash. He had given me the most wonderful present; a tiny wooden wolf charm on a silver bracelet. He had carved the wolf himself. He wanted me to keep him in the forefront of my mind. Little did he know he had already been there- ever since that day, whether I liked it or not.

I knew he probably couldn't get me off of his mind either, which was why I knew that Edward would kill him the second he slipped the bracelet onto my wrist. Surely he would look down at my hands and imagine them wrapped around him only days earlier. Would Edward be in his head when that happened? Edward would be by my side faster than the speed of sound and ready to attack.

But no violence ensued. No bloodshed. It was as if the fates were messing with me. My guilt was left to fester and linger with no end in sight. At least if he found out I could deal with him and have it be done with already.

We were surrounded by people, including Jacob's wolf brothers who eyed me with what looked like suspicion. I wondered just how much they knew and why they would think I was to blame. Maybe they judged me for my actions. Maybe it was just the fact that I was celebrating my graduation with a bunch of vampires and putting all of my friends in harm's way. I was probably over-thinking things and the look in their eyes was boredom.

Jacob leaned in to me and I flinched slightly. He whispered in my ear the words I knew were coming but didn't want to hear. "Since I gave you a present, will you give me something in return?"

I shook my head and looked around for Edward. He was still upstairs with Alice trying to decipher a vision she had. I was scared to death that he would hear me so I made my words ambiguous enough so that any bystanders wouldn't read into the conversation.

"No, I believe we're done with the present giving." He was still painfully close to my ear and his heat was making me nervous.

"But I worked so hard on it. You owe me something."

His subtle references were not lost on me.

"I don't owe you anything Jacob. Please leave now," I said quickly and starting walking him towards the door. I could not do this. Here of all places.

He grabbed me by my waist and turned me back towards him. We hadn't moved an inch despite my efforts and my eyes scanned the room again. My friends dancing, people eating, loud laughter- but it felt like they all could see. It felt like they all knew.

"I can't stop thinking about you. I think I need more… practice." He was talking in an even lower voice but it still felt too loud. He winked his eye suggestively and I felt my blood boil over. Could Edward sense a change in my blood temperature?

I didn't know what to say and I didn't want to start a fight so I just pleaded with him.

"Please Jake, you promised."

He let go of my waist and took a step back. "Promises are made to be broken."

With that he changed the subject to the vampire that had rummaged my room and I knew that he smelled Edward coming. I mentally thanked him for giving me that respect. He knew that Edward had no idea and he had just as much of a reason to keep him in the dark. He had to stay on good terms with the Cullens, at least for the sake of his pack.

As Edward approached and took my hand, he shot Jacob an angry look. "If you don't mind dog, could you have your little fantasies while in your own house, and not in mine?"

I masked my shock with laughter. It was the crazed laughter of a girl that was dangerously close to having a nervous breakdown.

"It's not funny love." Edward was the one whispering to me now. "It's all he ever thinks about."

"A boy can dream can't he?" Jacob answered, amused.

Edward glared at Jacob's lack of shame. "Yes, dream all you want- just not in my presence."

"Stay out of my head if you don't like what's in there." Jacob wasn't the type to back down and I wished he would just give in. Edward wasn't going to humor him any longer though. We had more important things to face. Alice's vision hadn't been good.

All I would end up remembering about that night was the despair I felt in knowing that my Edward and my Jacob would both be fighting for my life- and their own.

All Edward got out of that night was the fact that Jacob Black could give me presents. He was jealous for all the wrong reasons. Now I had a present from Edward to look forward to in the near future. If that didn't throw me over the guilty edge I was sure nothing would. I would have to jump off of that cliff when I came to it.

I decided the next day that I would have to make things clear to Jacob. I had to do what I originally set out to do before I completely messed everything up.

I had written a total of five letters to Jacob. The first letter was an angry one. I told him how pissed off I was that he had tricked me into feeling things I shouldn't have felt, and that I would never forgive him. That one went into the trash pretty quickly. I wasn't angry with him. I was mostly angry with myself for giving in to him.

The second, third, and forth letters were half-assed apologies. They went something along the lines of; I'm sorry I led you on. Please understand I can't be with you again. Once I had gotten to the part about being with him I kind of lost track of what I was saying. His hold on me was stronger than I wanted to give him credit for. It felt like that line in Star Wars. The force was strong with this one. I hated that damn movie. I ended up getting sidetracked thinking about his force and fucked up those letters beyond repair.

The completed fifth letter was in my hand when the phone rang. A part of me knew who it was. My thoughts were confirmed when Charlie was yelling through the rooms, "Bella, Jacob is on the phone!"

My heart skipped a beat and a feeling of dread washed over me. Where was Edward when I needed him? He was off hunting to prepare for battle so I couldn't be mad at his absence. I paced back and forth in my room for a good minute or two and then ran to the phone. Maybe I had taken too long and he had hung up…

"Hello?" I breathed into the receiver.

"Hey." Nope, he was still there.

It was silent. Then he spoke again. "Are you wearing my present?"

"Of course, I told you I would wear it. I love it." I was sure it pleased him to no end that I would carry around his memory on my wrist. The constant reminder brought back too many memories though, and I bet he was counting on that. It worked in his favor.

His voice got quieter and I had to strain to hear it when he spoke this time.

"What are you doing now? Can you come over?"

I wanted to say no. I didn't trust myself around him anymore- not alone anyway. But how was I going to give him this letter if I didn't see him? I couldn't risk mailing it and having Billy open it by chance. I had to see him alone before the big fight anyway. This had to be resolved before he went out and risked his life for me.

"I think I can come over. I do need to talk to you, and it doesn't feel right talking like this with my dad so close by," I whispered back.

"Why Bells, you plan on talking dirty to me on the phone?" he laughed. Bad Jacob reared his ugly head.

"No, jerk. You know, on second thought maybe I really shouldn't come over. I'm pretty busy.."

He cut me off, "Please come? I need to talk to you too. I need to see you. Will you come if I promise to behave?" I could hear the desperation in his voice, and he sounded like my Jacob again, so I agreed.

"I'm on my way," I answered and hung up right away before I changed my mind.

I ran back to my room to retrieve the letter and my jacket. I grabbed my keys and said goodbye to Charlie. As soon as Charlie heard the word Jacob he was waving goodbye and practically pushing me out the door. His preference for Jacob annoyed the hell out of me.

I was on the rez in no time, and had serious deja vu. Here I was again, sitting in my truck planning on having a serious talk with Jacob. Last time I was in this position it didn't work out quite the way I had planned. But I had no real plan last time. That was my biggest mistake. This time I was well equipt. I had a letter. That was enough to get me out of the truck's cab and walking to the front door of the Black's house.

I knocked once and Jacob was there in a flash. He invited me in and I walked past him into the house to find Billy sitting in his wheelchair at the kitchen table. That put me more at ease.

"Hello Bella. Good to see you," Billy said with a warm smile.

"Good to see you too Billy," I replied and smiled back, my body and soul relaxing at the mere presence of him. He didn't know just how good it was to see him. He would be my anchor to reality if Jacob's hold on me somehow got to be too much. I hated the fact that I couldn't trust myself.

Then Billy said something that wiped the smile right off my face. "I'm sorry I can't stay and chat with you kids. I promised Emily I'd pay her a visit."

"No!" I yelled out before I could stop myself. Jacob's head flipped around in my direction. He dropped the can of soda that I hadn't noticed was in his hand and started laughing a devilish laugh.

I had to say something fast so that Billy didn't think I was a crazy person.

"I mean, no! That sucks that you can't stick around. I haven't really had the chance to catch up with you lately." That was the best I could do.

"I know you love our chats Bella. I'm sure we'll have time to catch up during your next visit." He wasn't buying what I had to sell but he humored me anyway. Then he was leaving and I was stuck. So much for my anchor.

Jacob wheeled his father out and I faintly heard him mention something about Quil and fish. Then he was reentering the house and closing the door behind him. I wouldn't let him speak. The second he stood before me I closed my eyes, held out my hand and gave him the letter.

"What's this?" he asked curiously.

"Read it and you'll know."

He looked down at the paper and back up at me. He seemed unsure about what his next step should be. "Come sit on the couch with me and I'll read it."

He probably figured I was ready to bolt. I was surprised he didn't try to lock the door before we walked to the couch. He was looking at the paper again before he spoke.

"You want to go for a walk on the beach?"

"No," I muttered defsensively.

"How about paying Washington's own Taj Mahal a visit?" He asked, referring to the garage. I remembered the day he rescued me from my bodyguard Alice and we ended up talking for hours and renaming the garage. Our own little inside joke. Edward was smarter back then- he had me on a shorter leash. He should have held on to that leash a little longer. It would have saved us all a lot of misery. Not that I behaved then either. We found a way to break his hold the first chance we got. It made me realize even more how bad of an influence Jacob really was on me.

"Just read the damn letter Jake! Stop procrastinating!" I shouted, fed up with his attempts to distract me from the inevitable.

"I don't think I want to read it, Bella. How come you're so hung up on me reading this letter? You can't bring yourself to say the words out loud?" He looked as if he was anticipating pain. I was sure my face matched his. I really didn't want to hurt him. That was almost the same as hurting myself.

I pondered reading it to him. Would that satisfy him? It would be more difficult for me. I didn't want to hear my own words.

He knew I was hesitant to do or say anything until he read it, so he turned back to the paper and began to focus. "Whatever, I'll read it now. Don't have a heart attack."

His eyes traveled to the top of the page and he began reading silently.

Dear Jacob,

First of all I'm not mad at you.

"I know you're not mad at me. If you were mad you wouldn't have answered the phone," he chimed in.

"Finish it all before you speak!" I objected. "I don't need a running commentary."

"Fine, fine, as you wish." He turned back to the letter and continued reading it to himself.

First of all I'm not mad at you. I love my present by the way, I'm wearing it now as I write this and I can't get over how talented you are to make something so beautiful. I'm so glad you came to the party and I got to celebrate my graduation with my best friend there. I wish all of this chaos wasn't going on. Someone is always trying to kill me and I'm getting really tired of needing to be saved. I couldn't ask for better protection than you, your wolves, and the Cullens. Speaking of the Cullens- I'm sure that you already know I haven't said a word to Edward about what happened. I wish you hadn't thought about me in that way in front of him. You know what he's capable of.

Jacob stopped reading once again and turned to face me. "I love your bloodsucker's stop thinking dirty shit about my girlfriend looks. I guess he assumed I was just fantasizing about being with you. That was actually pretty funny."

"Yes, it's hysterical! My loving, trusting boyfriend is none the wiser because you always have a dirty mind. I guess I should thank you for that. Now read!"

He snickered and went directly back to the letter.

Anyway, the main point of this letter is to tell you that I do love you Jacob. I don't want to lose you because I love you too much. I love Edward too and I can't bear to lose him. I really can't. That's why that "stuff" can't happen again. You need to let go of this idea that we should be together. I know I've made this all harder now. I'm not stupid and I know that you're not going to give up on me like you agreed to. I should just cut you out of my life but I can't! Edward once told me that I was like a drug to him, and in some ways you are like a drug to me. You are my sunshine (I know that sounds corny, but you are!) and I don't know if I can live in a world that has no sun. I'm so sorry that I was that selfish. I got caught up in the moment and you're such a good kisser. Your hands are so strong and gentle at the same time, they mesmerize me. Your tongue, oh my god your tongue- it did things to me that I never thought could be done. Did I mention that your dick is perfect? And HUGE. I'm still dying to see it again, harder and bigger than it was in the bathroom.

"I knew you saw me naked in the bathroom! I knew it- you're such a naughty little liar Bells!" Jacob smirked.

I was about to yell at him again for not completing the letter before speaking when I realized what he said.

"What?" I asked, stunned. "What do you mean? How do you know that?"

Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no. I hadn't written anything about seeing him in the bathroom. I read that goddamn letter back ten times and I was sure there was nothing in there about accidentally seeing him naked in the bathroom. There was nothing in there about seeing him naked at all, period.

That was letter number four. I grabbed the wrong letter. Knowledge dawned on me and I jumped across the couch. What if it was letter number three!? I couldn't remember anymore, what had I written in which letter?

He was too fast as he leapt away from my hands. "You don't want me to read it now? You wanted me to read it so bad before. I have to do what you ask!"

I flew off the couch but he was already up and running.

"No Jacob! Give it here. You're not supposed to read that one!" I was panicked. I had to get that letter back if it killed me. I chased him into the kitchen. I seriously considered grabbing a knife out of the drawer and demanding the letter back, or else. Bad Jacob was going to be Dead Jacob.

"And I'm the one with the dirty mind? If he only knew!" He was giggling like this was a game and that made me even more furious. Once he ran past me and into the bathroom I knew I was done for. It was a lost cause.

The door slammed shut, the lock flew into place and I was sure Jacob was reading the rest of it.

I wanted to have it in me. In my mouth or - wherever you wanted. I never felt so turned on before and it scared me. The orgasm you gave me was better than any of the times I got myself off. Now I can't stop thinking of you when I touch myself. Maybe it's because I've never done anything that dirty before. Not even with Edward. I know you jerk off and think about me and that turns me on even more. Your dick, your lips, your hands, your face- I can't believe how badly I want to be with you again even though I know I can't. And you're never going to read this because I'm never going to give this to you. Now I have to write another fucking letter. Again.

I don't want Jacob, I love Edward! Edward. Edward. Edward.

I was sitting on the floor outside of the bathroom when the door slowly opened. I couldn't bear to look up at him. I had a good idea of what was in that letter but it was the parts I couldn't remember that made me turn red with embarrassment.

"I love Edward," I sighed. It was the only thing I knew and the only thing I could bring myself to say.

He walked over to me and leaned against the wall. "I know, I read that part."

"You weren't supposed to read any of that. That wasn't the right letter." I took a deep breath to keep my voice from breaking. I saw his feet moving out of the corner of my eye and then he was standing directly in front of me. I kept my gaze down.

"It sounded pretty good to me. You're one hell of a letter writer," he whispered, a hint of laughter in his voice.

"It was just thoughts. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't change anything." I wasn't in the mood for his playfulness. I was pissed off. Why had I even written those words down? Wasn't it bad enough having those thoughts floating around in my head?

"Are you never going to look at me again?" he joked.

I let out a grim chuckle, "Maybe not."

I was losing it. I needed someone to enter my brain and cleanse it of the dirty thoughts. I needed some kind of voodoo doctor to take this spell Jacob had over me away. But Jacob was the one I turned to when I was losing control. He was the one that set my head straight and made me feel whole and okay. I felt like I was caught between a rock and a hard place.

"I need my Jacob," I muttered to myself. He swiftly reached down and grabbed me, making me stand. He had my face in his hands, willing me to look him in the eyes but I still looked away.

"I'm here!" he said exasperated. "If you need me you can have me. I offer myself to you every time I see you. I can't believe that after everything that's happened you're still so fucking stubborn."

He twisted himself so that he was right in my face and I was unable to look away as he kept speaking. "I can give you everything you need, just stop trying to pretend you don't want me Bella!"

He was right but I still couldn't accept it. I pounded my small fists against his broad chest in a fit of rage that could not be controlled. I wanted to hit him for making me feel this way. For reading that letter after I told him to stop. For making it necessary to write a stupid letter to begin with. For making me feel so confused and so ashamed, and unable to be as sure about my life as I once was.

He took the beating even though I was sure he could have stopped me at any point. Not that it hurt him in the slightest- I was a light weight compared to him. Once I had spent up all of my energy on thrashing against him, my arms started to give out. The weight of my head became too much and it hung back as I gasped for breath. My arms were lifeless against his chest and all I could do was say the words I knew to be true again.

"I love Edward."

"I know," he whispered- but he kissed me anyway.

I was so weak; I didn't think I'd be able to stop him. I wasn't sure if I wanted to. I wasn't sure of anything anymore these days. His tongue was on my lips prying them open and they offered little resistance to his efforts. I kissed him back. When he broke away for air I tried again. "I love Edward."

"Who are you trying to convince?" He captured my mouth with his again, not giving me the chance to reply.

His lips were tantalizingly smooth and sure. His mouth knew what it wanted. Jacob always knew what he wanted. I couldn't be so lucky. I tried to think of Edward's face and again I couldn't visualize it, just like the last time. I wondered if maybe it was the same as Alice. Maybe Jacob's inner russet wolf was causing me to have mental blockages. Maybe I couldn't see what I really wanted to see because he was here.

That wasn't likely. I wasn't a vampire. I had no abilities. I was dumb, stupid, regular old Bella. I was a human with wants and needs. What I wanted and what I needed just didn't seem to line up properly. I needed Edward, but right now in this moment I wanted Jacob. I wanted him badly and I couldn't deny that anymore. This was why I should have just mailed the letter. I knew this would happen and a small part of me wanted it to happen.

Jake was murmuring against my mouth with each kiss and I had to strain to hear him over my own heartbeat.

"He can't touch you like this… He can't taste you… I want more than just a piece of you… I want all of you Bella… I can make you feel good… He doesn't have to know…"

I opened my mouth wide and let him in. I kissed him feverishly and passionately. I sucked his tongue and licked his lips and took him in like he was air and I was drowning. He had saved me from drowning once before, and it felt like he was saving me all over again. Edward saved me from every outside force that was compelled to threaten my existence but Jacob always seemed to save me from myself. He knew what I wanted more than I did. Or at least he convinced me that I wanted it.

"He'll never find out. I swear." He was still whispering to me, pushing his legs between mine and fighting his way into my space- into my head. I ran my hand along his cheek and noticed my wolf charm dangling. It was the same color as his skin. Now when I looked at it I would be reminded of this day.

He could sense that my guard was down and he became more aggressive. He lifted me up and threw me against the wall with a bang. It felt like Jacob was all that filled my senses. I heard him groaning into my mouth. I tasted his sweetness. I felt his hot hands gripping my thighs wrapped tightly around his waist. I smelt his familiar smell invading my nostrils and bringing with it the memories of the last time I was here. Now as if reading my mind he offered me a vision, one that had been on my mind ever since that day.

"You still want to see my dick? Like you said in the letter…" He was licking my lower lip in a teasing manner as he spoke.

I was sure of what I would say but not sure if I could bring myself to say it. Maybe once I knew, then the images wouldn't plague me any longer.

"Are you hard?" I asked and I didn't recognize my own voice. I sounded like some temptress. It reminded me briefly of the day I flirted with a younger Jacob on the beach. How far we had come from that day…

"Are you kidding? Like a rock," he responded huskily.

He began outlining my ear with his tongue and sliding the hand that wasn't holding me up down into the back of my pants.

"I am curious..." I announced.

I thought maybe he'd be embarrassed and hesitate but he did no such thing. He dropped me down onto my feet and scurried back a few inches, briskly unbuttoning his jeans.

"Anything you want," he said as he pushed his pants down past his knees and promptly tossed them aside. He was wearing boxers. I guess he had formally dressed because he knew I was coming over. It occurred to me then that he actually had a shirt on. Did I not notice this the whole time I was here?

It looked foreign on him. "Take that shirt off," I demanded.

He removed his hand from the waistband of his boxers to quickly discard his shirt along with the jeans. The fact that he would do anything I asked made my pulse quicken. He walked past me into his bedroom and gestured for me to follow. I couldn't fight it now. I followed him but stood in the doorway. I felt that if I entered the room I might lose myself completely.

His hands returned to his boxers but now his eyes were on my eyes. His stare was blazing and it made a sheen of sweat form on my forehead. He had the ability to impose his heat onto me from across a room.

Just as he was about to remove his last article of clothing, he paused. I witnessed his gaze change from lustful to calculating.

"What did the real letter say?" he asked suddenly.

I didn't have time for that. I couldn't stop to think or I might come to my senses. I stalked up to him and attempted to pull his boxers down myself. He stopped me and grabbed my hand, holding it up to his face. He took my middle finger and pressed it between his lips, drawing it into his mouth. I watched him suck it, captivated. He would deny me one thing, but offer another to hold me in my trance.

"Was it bad? Did it say you never wanted to see me again?" he questioned me, his voice still oozing want, despite what he was asking.

He placed my fingers back down to the waist of his boxers, but kept his hand on top of mine in case I chose not to answer. I was curious to see what he would do if I did choose not to.

"No. It wasn't like that. I always want to see you," I replied dutifully.

He let go of my hand and placed both of his arms behind his back. "So see me."

I fought back my slight fear of the unknown and hooked my fingers into his boxers, languidly pulling them down to the floor.

My mouth dropped open when I took in the sight of him. His cock was absurdly thick and large. It was impractical for him to be blessed with such a large penis. It most certainly wouldn't fit anywhere. I gawked at it blatantly and he began to laugh.

"You like it?"

I felt embarrassed at my reaction so I nodded as casually as possible. "It's so big. Like the rest of you." I gestured up and down with my hand but my eyes were still glued to his nether regions.

He closed the small space between us and began to kiss my neck; he seemed to be blissfully unashamed of his nudity. He spoke into my skin, "Well it's only half hard right now. After all that talking I lost a little momentum, you know?"

What? Half hard, what did that even mean? That sounded like he meant it got bigger. Any images I held in my mind of him were way off. I didn't have much comparison though, maybe it was just me. I was so inexperienced that I didn't know guys were walking around carrying so much heat. I felt very overwhelmed. I wished Edward would have let his guard down at least once. Maybe I wouldn't be here now. I'd have no desire to know Jacob in this way. What a bitch I was, blaming my boyfriend for the fact that I was cheating on him. If I had just told him about the first time I wouldn't be here, I thought. He'd have me under lock and key. It was all clearly my fault. Everything was my fault.

I realized I should say something. Something had to be said. Here I was back in the same predicament, my hormones raging and Jacob's mouth exploring me. He was standing behind me now- one of his hands had snaked into my shirt and the other was holding up my hair so he could kiss the back of my neck fully. I was getting wetter by the minute and pretty soon I wouldn't be able to speak up.

"I don't know what to think." I said simply. The first thing I could think of- that I was unable to think rationally.

He was edging his way into my pants. I felt his fingers dip into my panties and my stomach tightened as a wave of desire rushed through me.

"Think this- I'm a good kisser. My hands mesmerize you. My tongue does things." As he said the words he did something with his tongue in my ear that made me moan.

So that was the letter I had given him. I recalled writing those words. I had written a lot more than that. My cheeks flushed and I felt self conscious again. If he noticed he didn't show it. He turned me to face him. He was pure sex now- his eyes liquid pools under heavy lids and they urged me to follow suit.

Did he think because I had asked him to take off all of his clothes that I would be having sex with him? I would think that if I were him. My words and actions implied as much. Last time we were here I had given him the impression that he could have fucked me senseless if only he had made the attempt. I should have discouraged that more. He would fuck me unconscious with that big dick of his. My small body was no match for that massive thing. Besides, I was saving myself for Edward. I took a small step back.

Jacob noticed my trepidation and pulled me against him. We fell onto the bed.

"I'm still not going to have sex with you," I muttered, my eyes falling shut as he slid his rough hands over my breasts.

He was blatantly ignoring my statement. He guided me on top of him so I was straddling his legs. If I hadn't still been fully dressed I would have been worried. My favorite sweatpants were my new anchor to reality.

"Touch it if you want," he said, glancing down at his penis with a sly smile. I felt like he was toying with me now. That damn letter gave me away. He would use it to his advantage as much as he could.

"Won't you just come right away then?" I asked, trying to sound sarcastic but sounding more disappointed.

He didn't seem offended by my jab. "Not this time, I whacked off right before you got here."

"You did?" I asked curiously, my mental images of him returning.

He reached up and traced my lips as he spoke. "I knew you couldn't resist me for long. I wanted to be able to last for you. Incase…"

He was tempting me. My mind filled with thoughts of Jacob fucking me. Removing my clothes, licking me the way he had the other day- perfectly perfect. That would get me hot and bothered and ready. I'd probably beg for his big dick then. He would be nothing but eager to give it to me. He'd slide it into me slowly, teasing me. It would hurt but I knew it would feel better than good. I'd had worse pain- that I was sure of. Once the pain subsided it would be only pleasure. It would be like in the movies I snuck and watched when I was younger and Renee was asleep. I'd scream and pant and demand that he give me more, and he would. He was capable of giving me anything I wanted- he wasn't Edward. But that was why I couldn't do it- he wasn't Edward.

I reached a tentative hand out and grazed his hardness anyway. I was already here; it was pointless to turn back now. He took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. I began to stroke him and stared at his face as he became lost in ecstasy.

He was so beautiful to me. Not in the same way Edward was beautiful. Edward's beauty was beyond anything I could imagine. His beauty held no comparison to anything in this world. That was the nature of what he was. It was one of his many gifts- or curses depending on how you looked at the ability to blind victims with your beauty. A part of me knew his hold on me wasn't entirely my own choice. It didn't matter. I could never get over the fact that he had chosen me. I had no such advantages on my side and yet he found me beautiful and wanted to be with me.

Jacob's beauty was something else entirely. His face reminded me of a sunset. He reminded me of playing in the mud and eating my favorite food. His beauty was pure and angelic and made me feel like I was home- no matter where I was.

Jacob broke me out of my thoughts when he flipped me over onto my back. I looked up at him and he was back in that complete sexual state. I had put him there. He was Bad Jacob times ten. He started grasping at my sweatpants. My hands flew down and grabbed back. I was pulling up and he was pulling down but I was weak and he had the strength of a werewolf, so I lost. I watched my anchor fly across the room.

"Jacob no," I gasped as he dug his hand into my panties and roughly rubbed my swollen clit. I hadn't realized how wet and turned on I was. My body never stopped to think the way my mind did.

His actions slowed but he didn't stop his frenzy.

"Please Bella," he groaned. "I need this. I need you." He flew down my body before I could object and took my underwear with him. I was about to sit up when he threw my legs over his shoulders and starting devouring me with his mouth. My upper half hit the bed and my back arched automatically at the sudden sensation.

He was plunging his tongue into my wetness at a rapid pace and it felt like heaven on earth. Then his face was in front of mine and he was kissing me until I was dizzy with lust. I could taste myself on his lips but I didn't care. I felt him slip his hand between my legs and thrust his finger into me. I groaned into his mouth and that really fueled his fire. He thrust two fingers into me and my lower half rose off of the bed in shock and smacked into him.

It occurred to me that my mental images were coming true. He was getting ready to fuck me. I pulled my face as far back as I could so I could speak but his lips followed me and refused to let go. I had to reach up and pull his hair as hard as I could to get his attention. He broke free from my mouth and gasped for the air he had been denying himself.

I was gasping too. "Jake… you promised…."

He grunted, frustrated, and sat up on his knees pulling my body along with him so I was flush against him, my center slamming into the smooth underside of his penis. The friction felt amazing on my over-stimulated privates.

"I promised but…he's going to have you forever, Bella! I'll be dead and he'll still have you. He can do this for eternity. When a thousand years go by you won't remember kissing some boy back in Washington. I'll remember you for as long as I live but you don't even plan on living the rest of the year out. You plan on dying and spending eternity with him."

So this was never just about giving him a piece of me; giving him something to remember me by. This was about burning his memory onto me. It was just like the bracelet. He wanted me to remember him forever. He wanted a piece of my forever with Edward.

"Please Bella, make love to me. Let me be your first. You never forget your first."

Promises are made to be broken; his earlier words rang through my clouded mind. I could never resist him. He never let me. He always found a way to make his want the most important thing in my life.

I made up my mind then and there as I pulled him back on top of me.

I would choose Jacob in my human life and I would choose Edward in my eternal life.

I had no idea that at the same moment Edward had returned from his hunt and was entering my empty room. He picked up the piece of paper on my desk- thinking I had left it for him- and read it.

Dear Jacob,

First of all I'm not mad at you. I love my present by the way! I'm so glad you came to the party and I got to celebrate my graduation with my best friend there. I wish all of this chaos wasn't going on. Someone is always trying to kill me and I'm getting really tired of needing to be saved. I couldn't ask for better protection than you, your wolves, and the Cullens. Speaking of the Cullens- I'm sure that you already know I haven't said a word to Edward about what happened. I wish you hadn't thought about me in that way in front of him at the party. You know what he's capable of. Don't think he won't kill you just because I "asked first." I know you probably think you could take him but that's foolish. Anyway, the main point of this letter is to tell you that I do love you Jacob. I don't want to lose you because I love you too much. I love Edward too and I can't bear to lose him. I really can't. That's why that "stuff" can't happen again. You need to let go of this idea that we should be together. I know I've made this all harder now by giving in to your desire. I'm not stupid and I know that you're not going to give up on me like you agreed to. I should just cut you out of my life but I can't! I understand that you're desperate to save me from my choices and you want me to choose you but I don't choose you Jacob. I choose Edward. I'm going to become a part of the Cullen family and Edward is going to be the one to bring on my change. He's given me one condition and I've decided I'm going to follow through with it. I'm going to marry Edward. The next time he brings it up I'm going to agree to marry him. So you have to give up ok?

Please don't fight me on this and please don't bring up what happened anymore. Remember, I love you always! You will always be my best friend Jake.

Love, Bella

A/N: I was going to leave this as a one shot but I figured I'd give it a chance and keep going. As always, feedback is appreciated.
In keeping with SM's tradition of music recommendations, my companion songs for this story are (in a somewhat particular order):

It Ends Tonight - The All American Rejects (Bella)
Best I Ever Had - Vertical Horizon (Jacob)
Shadowboxer - Fiona Apple (Bella)
Like a California King - Everclear (Jacob)
What Would Happen - Meredith Brooks (Bella)
I Want You - Third Eye Blind (Jacob)

I'm a big music fan and I highly recommend these songs, story or no story.