Time to Pretend

Chapter Two

This is our decision to live fast and die young,
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.
Yeah it's overwhelming, but what else can we do?
Get jobs in offices and wake up for the morning commute?

Forget about our mothers and our friends.
We were fated to pretend.

I fucked up big time. I mean, yeah I usually go over the top, go out of my way to fuck people over, destroy their lives, rip apart their emotions. But that's just me, it's who I am. I think... Maybe I'm just a silly little girl whose own life is so fucked up that she takes it out on everyone around her, uses it like a mask to hide behind. Because I'm just a silly little girl who's afraid to show everyone who she really is. I'm just a silly little girl who can't keep her knickers up.

I go out of my way to have fun. I mean, what consequences? I just have fun. I go to extremes. You know that saying; live fast, die young? That's me. I drag others in to it, but it's just me. The silly little girl who tried to grow up too soon and now misses her childhood.

I drink. A bottle of vodka might keep me happy, but two will make me very happy. I like to drink and drink and then dance. Close my eyes and sway to the music, hands in the air, just moving to the beat. Any music will do, I don't give a shit. I've even done my thing to classical music. The music is like magic. Just dance, baby. Sway to that sweet sound. Sometimes I'll drop a few, smoke something, it just depends what's going round. When I have stuff in my I'm floating. Suddenly the music is me, I am the music. We're one, me and the music. Lovers entwined in a tight embrace on a sticky dance floor.

That night, the one where I took it too far, I left. I had done something for which I could never be forgiven. Cook took me away. But that's not what I wanted. I just wanted to get away on my own. And I did. I went home and packed up and grabbed money and my car keys and I left. I was away on my own.

I live in a tiny little place now, nursing the heart I broke when I left. I left someone I secretly loved you see.

I work in an office. Everyday I travel for an hour on the bus in to town. Then I walk for twenty minutes to my office. Then I sit all day in front of a computer screen, typing up whatever I've found on my desk, messing around on the internet...

I'm not in contact with anyone from home now. You could say I've forgotten about them. My mother was pretty useless anyway. My friends, if you could call them that, all had their own reasons and motives for talking to me. Even the one I loved, I no longer give more than a passing thought, a lonely evennings obsession... A night long dream...

I wish.