A/N: I have returned from 'Merica and I'm not saying it was me that tipped the scales, but I'm not sure it's a coincidence that I visited and now gay marriage is a goer ;) CONGRATS AMERICA!
Thanks for the reviews!
Holly's not entirely sure what just happened, but she knows it started with a John Doe. She also knows that a moment ago she was explaining to Gail that she had a new girlfriend and the next she was flat on her back with Gail's body covering hers as the remaining shards of her window scattered around them.
Reading about shell shock as part of a psyche rotation was one thing, but she never imagined that she would actually experience it, because suddenly Gail's standing above her and the only thing she can think is 'oh my God, oh my God, oh my God'. The blonde doesn't wait for her though and in seconds she's dragging her across the ground by the back of her lab coat and closing them in the supply cupboard.
"Are you ok?" The warmth of Gail's hand cupping face slowly brings her back, and she wonders if Gail is aware that her thumbs are tracing across her cheekbones.
"Yeah, I'm fine," the blonde visible relaxes in front of her, a heavy sigh falling from her lips. "What the hells going on?"
Gail's hands drop from her face and her heart clenches at the absence of their warmth. "No idea, I don't think it was anything to do with our John Doe though." The blonde sounds breathless, but she keeps her eyes trained on the door, another short burst of gunfire sounding from the other side making her flinch.
It's when the blonde finally sit down that she hears a restrained groan. "Are you ok?" She can see her opening her jacket in her peripheral vision.
"No, I've been shot." Everything freezes as Gail's words hit her and it feels like the wind has been knocked straight out of her.
"What?" Her body acts before her mind can catch up with what's happening and she's on autopilot when she pulls open the side of her police jacket, her eyes catching the little white flecks of cotton around the bullet hole. Another groan, louder than the last pulls from Gail's throat and she realises her sharp movement must have jarred her side. "Oh God Gail."
"It's fine."
Before she has the chance to look at the flak vest Gail's pulling the material of the jacket out of her hands. "Gail it's not fine."
She stands up, out the way of her grasping hands and stretches out the side of her body, the blondes face wincing with every movement. "The bullets in the jacket, the worst I've got is a couple of broken ribs." And she doesn't believe her, because she's wincing and oh God Gail's been shot whilst saving her.
"Take it off I need to look at it." She's on her feet in front of the blonde in an instant, trying to open the jacket again, but the blonde pulls away from her just as quickly.
"The gunfire's stopped." There's an eerie silence and she can't help holding her breath as they both strain to hear any sign of movement from outside. Gail slowly moves away from her and she's forced to drop her grip on the jacket to let her turn away and push an ear against the door.
It's the movement of the hand by Gail's side that catches her attention, the hand that's unflicking the strap on the holster of her gun and her stomach drops. "What? Gail what the hell are you doing?"
"I need you to lock the door behind me, I'll send someone to get you." She avoids the question and Holly can feel her heart rate picking up again.
Her body moves before her mind can catch up again, and it surprises her that after being away from the blonde for so long that she can still instil such a reaction. "Gail, no, you can't go out there." She almost lets out a gasp when her hand settles over Gail's, pushing lightly against it to stop her sliding the lock off the door.
"Holly, I have to ok, I don't know if there's any other officers in the building, people might need help."
"Then let me come with you, I can help if their injured." In her mind she's already making an itinerary all the items in the room, all the items she would need to treat a gun shot wound. The hospital isn't far from the lab, so the most important thing is stopping any bleeding and her eyes quickly dart the room looking for any gauze on the shelves.
"No," Holly's eyes snap back to the blonde, her mouth falling open in shock. "This is what I do Holly, if it's safe I'll send someone for you. Until it's safe. Stay. Here." She finally lets go of the blondes hand as it pushes the lock open. "No matter what you hear, lock the door behind me ok?"
Tears spring to her eyes, and she doesn't trust herself to answer verbally so she just nods her head, fighting the urge to pull Gail back into the room when she steps outside the door. She does as Gail tells her and softly pushes the door shut behind her, her forehead resting against the cool material as she blindly slides the lock back.
In that moment everything in her head is Gail and she replays everything, letting her tears fall down her face in the silence of the room. It doesn't last long, and she has to physically remove herself from the door to stop herself from doing something stupid like running into the lab when she hears the sound of gunfire that's far too loud, far too close to where she's hiding. She can hear nothing again, and it feels like hours pass waiting, but eventually she hears the low rumble of people talking nearby.
There's a knock on the door, and she can hear a muffled voice on the other side, slowly and quietly she slides the lock back across the door, picking up the fire extinguisher next to the door before calling out. "It's open."
Her hearts pounding and she thinks that maybe she's about to be sick, because either it's Gail outside the door or she might have just opened it for the gunmen. The door clicks open and she's just about ready to hit the officer who comes through the door with the fire extinguisher when she realises that's exactly what he is, a police officer. He's about to say something, but she's already dropped the red container on the floor and is pushing past him into the lab. The floor's still covered in glass, but she can't see Gail and the panic that was already rising inside her starts to literally seep from her skin.
"Gail?" The officers in the hall way turn around to look at her. "Officer Peck, where is she? Is she ok?"
"She's just on her way to hospital, she took a couple of bullets." She spins around to face the officer behind her, the one who had just let her out the cupboard and she thinks maybe she's going to be sick.
"I need to go, I need to see her."
"Dr Stewart, I'm sorry, we need to take your statement first."
"Holly?" She recognises the voice from the other side of the room and she quickly spins round to face it.
"Traci? I- Gail she's been shot." Traci is already moving towards her, closing the notebook in hand.
"Hey, hey," the other woman places a comforting hand on her arm, moving it back and forth slowly. "She's going to be just fine Holly, it's Gail, she won't budge for something as petty as a gunshot."
Traci flashes her a smile and she tries to get her breathing under control again, because she's right, if she thinks about it logically, like the doctor she is and not the panicked ex girlfriend then she's right.
"Your phone is ringing Holly."
"Oh, it's..." She swallows and tries to control her errant breathing again. "It's my girlfriend." The other woman gives her arm one final squeeze and moves back towards the other side of the room, giving her the privacy to answer.
"Babe I've just seen the news." Grace's soft voice rushes out from the other end of the line and she can hear the panic in it. "Are you ok?"
"Huh? I- I'm fine, Gail she, got me out the way, and I'm fine, but she, she went back out and- Christ" Her lip starts quivering and she quickly blinks back the tears, because she's not going to start crying in front of a room full of police officers.
"Holly I'm on my way."
"What about work?" It's a ridiculous question, she knows just like the time she ran out of the lab to check on Gail, that Grace won't be thinking about work. Her heart stutters then, because Grace cares for her and the whole time she thought she was going to die, the whole time she was locked inside that closet all she could think about was Gail and what could have been between them. Not once did she think about Grace.
"Babe, you're a bit more important to be that work, and if they've got a problem with it, screw them." There's a light click from the other end of the phone and then silence.
Traci stares at her from across the room and she has to bury her face in her hands, because what the hell is she doing? Gail was a her past, she has Grace now, beautiful, thoughtful, pre-school teacher Grace. The woman who had met her friends, who had gone toe to toe with them and refused to budge, who hadn't run away from her when things got difficult. Grace who was safe and wouldn't be putting her life in danger everyday. Grace who wasn't Gail.
In her defense she had been shot at, and Gail had saved her life, so it wasn't entirely fair that her relationship with Grace had ended because she couldn't stop thinking about her ex. She refuses to dwell on the fact that even before John Doe had come along a messed everything up Gail had never really left her thoughts.
"A present for you." The sound of a woman's voice pulls her from her thoughts and she inspects the see through evidence bag that drops onto her desk.
"A thumb, I'm not sure this is a gift I should be saying thank you for." She spins around on her chair and looks up at the officer behind her, and has to try and keep the surprise off her face when she realises it's Traci.
"We think it's from the killer of the John Doe you and Gail dealt with last month." There's a look in Traci's eye that tells her there's another purpose to her visit, "Back when she took a bullet for you." And there it is she thinks, the real reason that Traci and not one of the countless other officers in the division is stood in her office with their arms folded across their chest and eyebrow raised.
"She told you that?" She feels guilty, for what might be the millionth time.
"I was the investigating detective, she sort of had to." The conversation is going somewhere she doesn't want it to, so she tries to distract herself, standing from her chair to pick up the evidence transfer forms sitting on the metal table in the middle of the room. Her eyes can't help glancing at the spot on the floor where Gail had tackled her and another wave of guilt washes through her.
"Right." It sounds strained even to her own ears.
"You didn't visit her." The feeling of guilt continues to pool in her stomach, because the only reasons she has are selfish ones that Gail didn't deserve.
"No, it wasn't right for me to."
"It wasn't right? When someone saves your life that's a pretty damn right time to visit them." The tone of Traci's voice forces her eyes up from the paper work and the other woman's hard eyes stare into hers.
"We just," She puts the clipboard back on the metal table in front of her. "We were arguing before it happened, about the break up, about my new girlfriend, my new ex-girlfriend actually."
"And?"
"And I couldn't," She tries to think of an excuse, anything other than 'I freaked out, because I thought Gail might die, so I decided to cut myself off because I can't lose her again'. "I couldn't see her after that."
"You know she's out on patrol right now." Traci pauses, her eyes drilling straight into her own. There's a point to the other woman's statement and Holly looks at her questioningly to continue. "She could get shot again, God forbid it, but she could, except this time it might miss her vest and kill her."
"Why are you..." Her heart clenches, because this is exactly why she needs to step away from Gail.
"Because I've just about had it with the constant funk Gail is in because of you and I don't think Gail is the only one running away from her feelings, is she?" Holly almost flinches at the detectives clipped tone, but she can see the annoyance in her eyes starting to soften. "You know, Gail was the last person to see my fiancée alive."
"I'm sorr-"
"There was a," Traci's eyes finally look away from hers, and she thinks she spots tears in them before she turns away. "The was an incident, and Gail was there, when it happened. Jerry died helping her, because that's what he did, he helped people." There's a pause and Holly can see the other woman's shoulders push up as she takes in a deep breath before turning around to face her. "It's the same thing Gail does too, what all the officers in our precinct do, they help people before they would think of helping themselves."
"That doesn't mean I loved him any less, or ever regretted loving him, because the memories of our time spent together are all I have now, and I wouldn't trade them for a life of not having them." She has to drop her eye contact with Traci then, because it's all hitting far too close to home. "All I'm trying to say is, life's a bit too short to be so scared of something that might never happen." Traci's hand squeezes around hers from the other side of the table, and she just nods her understanding before the woman moves away from her.
"That thumbs at the top of the pile by the way, I want to put this case to bed by the end of the week."
It's morning and Holly's head thumps in time with the clicking of her heels and she starts to regret the sixth glass of wine from the night before. In her defense her conversation with Traci had opened what she thought were old wounds and all she could think about, instead of actually working or sleeping, was that she needed to see Gail, which was why she found herself in the Penny until the early hours of the morning. When she had finally made it into her office the next day hang over firmly in place, she had noticed an old case file on her desk, one that she had forgotten to file the previous and she almost groaned at the idea that struck her, because she wasn't sure if cornering Gail with the same technique she first used was a cliché, but she's doing it anyway.
She spots Gail before the blonde spots her and she almost stutters out her name, because she can't remember a time when she felt so nervous. "Gail."
"Hi." She looks completely perplexed and Holly doesn't blame her in the slightest.
"Hi, I've got a problem with a case," She immediately notices the downcast look in Gail's eyes at the mention of her visit being work related. "It's one you worked a few months ago. You filed a report that's full of inconsistencies. Can we talk somewhere privately?" There's a room next to them, and she hopes the blonde doesn't hear the quiet groan she lets out, because it really is falling onto the ridiculous rather than romantic side of cliché now. "How about in here?"
It might be that she has a thing for interrogation rooms, she's not sure, but her brain barely processes what Gail is saying when she rips the case file out of her hand and pushes forwards to kiss her. Gail's hands immediately tangle in her hair, and it's not even gently, she rains kiss after kiss onto the blonde who replies with equal aggression before pulling back from her, arms holding her back.
"Wait, wait" There's a redness around the blondes lip, and she bites her own at the sight of it, because it was her that caused it. "Holly, what, what are we even doing? You didn't even come to see me Holly, you didn't even once come to see if I was ok."
The excitement of the kiss leaves her then as the situation came crashing down around her, because she hadn't really planned anything other than coming to the precinct and finding a way to talk to the other woman.
"I spoke to Traci..." It's a terrible excuse, and she knows that before she's even finished saying it.
"Traci isn't me Holly." The look in Gail's eyes is heartbreaking and she just wants nothing more than to reach out and pull the blonde into an embrace.
It spills out of her then, and she has to try and keep the volume of her voice down despite her desperation. "I know, ok! I just, I couldn't do it." She pauses and tries to think of a way to explain her feelings to the blonde. "Your job Gail, it's, I was scared I wouldn't be able to cope with it, watching you go out the door everyday knowing that you might not coming back, that that could be the day someone decides to shoot you."
"Holly you knew this before we-"
"I didn't watch you take a bullet for me before Gail!" She's shocked at how loud her voice was an takes another deep breath to try and calm herself as Gail steps back in surprise.
"Oh"
This time she manages to speak slower, quieter and the blonde steps closer to her again. "I just, I realised when you went back out there, after you'd already been shot that you would always come second, that you would always worry about other people first."
"Usually that's a good trait." A light smiles pulls across Gail's face, and she knows the blonde is just trying to ease the tension, but she can't stop herself snapping back anyway.
"Not when it means you might end up on my table!" Tears instantly pool in her eyes and she blinks them back just as quickly, hoping that the blonde misses them.
"But you're here now."
"Yes because I- Traci, she explained some things. She told me about Jerry." She can hear the sudden hitch in Gail's breathing and she watches her whole body tense, pushing her to continue quickly. "She didn't tell me everything, I know he got killed though and reading between the lines you were there."
"Yeah, it was something like that." A silence falls between them again, and she watches Gail push a hand back through the short strands of her hair.
"And she was right, I can't turn my back on this relationship, on you just because I'm scared of losing you again."
Gail steps towards her again their bodies almost touching, and she worries that maybe it wasn't the right thing to say and maybe this time she's left it too late, but a moment later Gail's pressing her lips against hers again in a desperate kiss. She pulls back for the briefest moment, "You won't lose me, I'll stay, this time I'll stay, I promise," then she's angling her head again and pushing in to deepen the kiss.
It's all tongue and teeth then, with Gail's hands tangling into her hair, pulling at it lightly to move her lips away before she's trailing them down her neck, and God if Holly didn't have a thing for interrogation rooms she was was quickly developing one. She tries to get back control, her hand cupping Gail's chin to bring their lips back together again, and she's so lost in the kiss she thinks they're lucky either of them even notice the knock on the door.
The door actually opening behind them is what shocks them into quickly pulling away from each other, Holly's hands flying straight to her hair as she tries to pat it down before the person behind her can see the mess Gail has made of it. She turns around slowly and she can feel the blush burning up her neck when she realises it's Officer Shaw.
"Hey Peck." His eyes dart between the two. "Holly?" She becomes incredibly aware that her glasses are currently askew and quickly corrects them before nodding a greeting at the man.
There's still papers over the desk and she quickly swivels to face Gail again. "Thank you for speaking with me Gail, I'll just." She picks up the scattered pages of the case file and quickly pushes them back into the folder. "Refile these and call you later to confirm the details."
"Great, yeah, thank you for coming in to clear that up Dr Stewart." She hopes Oliver can't see their eyes, because the intensity of Gail's stare feels like it's burning her. They nod at each other again and she awkwardly nods at Oliver before leaving the room, briefly hearing Gail's voice as the door shut behind her declaring that her hair was messy because of the wind (on the least windiest day ever) that's apparently raging outside.
Traci's waiting for her on the corner of the hallway and she doesn't even want to know how she knew she would be there, but she smiles as she stops in front of her anyway. "Everything sorted?"
"Yes, thank you, if you're about later I should be in the Penny with Gail, you can share our tab." The other woman just beams at her, and she can't help ducking her head as an embarrassed smile spreads across her own face.
"It would be rude to turn down free drinks, I'll be there." Traci's already started walking away from her when she turns back to shout down the corridor. "Hey Holly, don't forget about the John Doe thumb! I need some prints please."
She can't help shaking her head as the other woman walks away again, "As if I could ever forget about John Doe."
A/N: Annnnnd done. I chose to ignore the whole adoption/moving to San Fransico thing, because shut up it's ridiculous. I said it in the AN on the previous chapter, but Holly turning up out the blue the way she did always bugged me, I mean something must have pushed her into going back to Gail after all that time! Also I have a major head canon that Traci is the biggest Holly/Gail shipper ever and the show just forgot to tell us.
Also... I have a Tumblr account now, you can find me under AmyBot3000, so you can harass me to post faster directly... Exciting!