"Fade Up on a Star With it All in Her Sights: All the Love and the Lights That Surround Her"
Chloe's trial comes and goes without much fanfare. She gets sixty hours of community service and a metaphorical slap on the wrist and then it's all over. Chloe first signs on to do her community service at the local animal shelter but when she shows up at Aubrey's that evening and can't stop crying the blonde suggests that she find somewhere else to finish her hours. The county library seems happy to have her and though it's not exactly stimulating work at least it doesn't make her want to kill herself and take home about fifty animals.
The weather pretty much goes from cold to uncomfortably hot without any form of spring whatsoever; though disappointing, it's not much of a surprise. But the days are longer and once the sun goes down it isn't too hot and Chloe and Aubrey spend last time indoors and more time walking to the shops and restaurants near Aubrey's place and enjoying the sounds of the crickets and the company of the other people braving the humidity. Aubrey feels more buoyant somehow, like a huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders in the weeks since she showed up at Chloe's to issue her tearful apology.
This doesn't escape Chloe's attention either. "You haven't complained about work recently." She remarks as they share a plate of sushi at one of the city's many sushi bars. She never cared for sushi before rekindling her relationship with Aubrey but she's grown to love the spring rolls and spicy tuna rolls over the past few months.
Aubrey looks like she's not sure how to process that comment. "I'm…sorry…?"
"No, I mean, it's good." Chloe tells her. "Not that you complained too much or anything but you…you seem happy."
Aubrey smiles and covers Chloe's hand with her own. "I am happy. With you."
And she is. Happier than she's been since she was a kid and she used to spend the summers with her grandmother in order to get a break from her overbearing parents. Being around Chloe, knowing that she's loved as much as she loves for the first time in her life, it makes it hard to be anything but happy. It's easier not to let her father get to her; it easier to just do as he asks and for the first time let his put-downs go in one ear and out the other. She could never master that technique, not in elementary school, not as a teenager, not as a college student and definitely not as a partner in his firm. But now, knowing that what he says doesn't matter because she can go home at the end of the day and be with someone who doesn't care if she doesn't do everything right, who doesn't think it's frivolous that she likes to watch The Bachelor or sing in the shower, it just makes it easier.
Chloe beams. "I'm happy with you too. Even if you make me eat sushi."
Aubrey rolls her eyes. "Oh please. Like you don't enjoy it." She points a chopstick toward Chloe's empty plate. "What happened to all your tuna rolls, Beale?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." Chloe says innocently, batting her eyelashes.
One of Chloe's favorite things about doing her community service in the library is the fact that her boss doesn't care if she wastes time on the computer as long as the books are appropriately shelved and there's no one else hanging around. And seeing as people apparently don't read anymore, there's rarely anyone else in the library aside from Chloe and Rhoda, who has been working at the library pretty much since books were invented. At least, that's Chloe's opinion.
Chloe is diligent in few areas of her life; she knows this is one of her short comings: the fact that she gets distracted easily and has a half dozen half-finished projects laying around her house. But one of the things she is committed to is checking the Broadway casting websites and forums on a daily basis. She knows that she's never really going to get her chance to shine if she sticks around here doing community theatre productions or acting as the co-director of some elementary school play. She's ready for the next step, her chance to get on stage and really shine. Chloe knows one of these days she's going to find a post on one of these websites that changes everything.
That day, it turns out, is a perfectly normal Wednesday. Chloe is clicking around one casting director's page when she finds an open casting call for the role of Marilyn Monroe in the hit musical Bombshell. The show is only looking to recast its matinee Marilyn but it's still a huge opportunity and Chloe reads the blurb several times to make sure that she's not misreading something. She's been a Broadway devotee ever since her parents took her to New York for her eighth birthday to see a show and enjoy the sights and since that moment she's never wanted to do anything else. She's never seen the new and much-lauded Bombshell but she does know that Karen Cartwright got her start originating the role of Marilyn. She was a nobody until she walked into the audition and wowed the directors and Chloe can't help but think that she could do that too. Walk in an unassuming Southern girl and walk out a new Broadway star. Hey, it could happen.
Chloe copies down all the necessary information and e-mails the link to the page to herself just to be on the safe side. On her way to Aubrey's from the library she picks up the original cast recording of the show and already plans to spend the night memorizing all the songs. She only has a small window to send in her headshot and a tape of her reading some of the lines and belting out the songs so she doesn't have time to waste.
Aubrey is enthusiastic when Chloe tells her about the casting call and makes it seem like Chloe already has it in the bag. Chloe makes the mistake of asking Aubrey to help her learn the songs and run lines and it's like the old Aubrey Posen of the Barden Bellas reemerges and she's glad that there's only one video from the stage production online, otherwise she'd be learning the entire choreography as well. For all her failings as captain of the Bellas, Aubrey was great at whipping the girls into shape and getting them performance ready in no time, so for that, Chloe is grateful.
Two days later Chloe feels like she knows every song from Bombshell, even the ones that Marilyn doesn't sing and she's almost got all the dialogue down too. She and Aubrey have been marathoning Marilyn Monroe movies, sharing a bottle of wine and practicing their breathy Marilyn impressions.
"Are you going to dye your hair?" Aubrey questions as they watch the end of Some Like It Hot, laying on their stomachs on the bed in front of Aubrey's laptop.
"Marilyn wasn't naturally blonde." Chloe points out, possessively touching her fiery curls. "I can just wear a wig."
Aubrey smiles. "Good. I love your hair." She runs her fingers through it just to make her point.
"Gentlemen prefer blondes, Aubrey." Chloe argues.
"Well, I'm not a gentleman." Aubrey counters. "Aubrey prefers redheads." She kisses Chloe's cheek.
Chloe smiles and lays her head against Aubrey's shoulder as they watch the end of the movie.
The following day, Aubrey records Chloe singing "Let Me Be Your Star," "I Never Met a Wolf Who Didn't Love to Howl" and "Don't Forget Me," which Chloe considers to be some of the more iconic songs from the play. She might have been drilling them into her head nonstop for the past few days but she really enjoys the music of the show and she almost can't fight down the excitement she feels when she thinks about actually being a part of it. When Chloe finishes singing the last note of "Don't Forget Me," she glances over at Aubrey to find the blonde with tears in her eyes. Chloe makes a face. "That bad huh?"
Aubrey just shakes her head and clasps her hands together. "That was amazing Chloe." She assures her girlfriend. "You're going to knock 'em dead." Chloe's not sure about all that, but it feels good to know that there's at least one person out there who thinks she was made for this part.
"Wish me luck." Chloe says as she sends off the e-mail containing her audition video and headshot.
Aubrey bumps her shoulder against Chloe's. "You don't need it. You've got this."
"Have I mentioned that I love you?" Chloe questions, kissing her. "Because I really love you. Especially when you flatter me."
"You might have mentioned that a few times." Aubrey says with a smile. "But you can always say it again." It's not like she's going to get tired of hearing it.
Aubrey is singing one of the songs from Bombshell under her breath several days later while making copies for an upcoming deposition. She swallows her words quickly when her father walks in but the slightly annoyed look that Marc gives her lets her know that he heard her anyway.
"Aubrey, I just wanted to say that I'm pleased with your work ethic over the past few months." Marc says, surprising Aubrey by not chastising her for singing in the work place. "I feel like you've shown a real improvement."
For a minute, Aubrey just stares at him, trying to figure out if she's dreaming or maybe this is all some sort of elaborate prank. Because she doesn't think she's ever had a conversation with her father that started out so genially. "Thank you, sir." Aubrey tries to keep her face expressionless.
"Your uncle is considering opening a firm in Houston, as you know." Marc continues and Aubrey nods. The potential split of the Posen brothers has been the talk of the office recently, because apparently there's nothing better to talk about if you're a lawyer for Posen and Associates. "I recommended that he take you with him. As a partner."
Aubrey can't help but smile. "Really? Thank you, sir." She's pretty sure that her father has never recommended her for anything, except for maybe the military academy or finishing school. Neither of which happened, thankfully. "I appreciate your recommendation."
Marc nods. "Keep up the good work and I'm sure you can really make your mark on this firm. I knew there was a respectable woman in there somewhere." He gives her another nod before leaving the room.
Aubrey smiles down at the copies in her hands. She'd been pretty sure that she'd never hear a single word of praise from her father and it feels unbelievably good. Who knew that all it took to get his approval was to think happy thoughts of Chloe throughout the workday to keep her from wanting to kill herself?
She thinks about their conversation for the rest of the day. The fact that she doesn't want to be a lawyer or move to Houston seems to matter little at the moment. All she keeps thinking about is her father's words and the marginal amount of praise that came with them. Aubrey wants desperately to continue to make him proud, to reassure her father that he hasn't wasted his life raising a disappointment of a daughter. Maybe going to Houston wouldn't be so bad; she and Chloe could move together, get their own place and start their own lives. Together. There's nothing keeping Chloe here and the more Aubrey thinks about it, the more that she thinks that maybe being a lawyer wouldn't be so bad. Her uncle isn't nearly the hard-ass that her father is, so maybe she would really enjoy her work away from Marc's overbearing influence. Throughout the course of the day, Aubrey convinces herself that she's going to move to Houston and talks herself out of it in equal measure. She decides not to mention anything to Chloe until she's sure of what she wants to do. Aubrey tries to ignore the fact that the real reason she doesn't want to say anything to Chloe is because she has no idea how to explain why she's willing to move to a totally different state to continue doing something that she hates.
Recently, she's been thinking more and more about opening her own dance studio. Her parents were adamant that she and her brother participate in as many extra circular activities as they possibly could as children, so Aubrey got stuck in a ballet class when she was barely four years old and it was the only parent sanctioned activity that she enjoyed. It was an uphill battle to convince her parents to allow her to continue with ballet but Aubrey never regretted it, even if it meant hurrying from student council meetings to ballet practice and then spending hours working on homework for her AP classes and getting up after a few hours of sleep to do it all over again. She discovered her love of singing when she joined the Bellas but Aubrey's always felt like she was born to dance. She never thought about doing anything with it (and why would she? Her father had made it perfectly clear that she was going to follow up Barden with law school and join him at his firm) until she'd confessed to Chloe during one of their many late night conversations freshman year that she wouldn't mind running her own studio and teaching other little kids how to dance. "You'd be good at it, you're so bossy." Chloe had teased but she'd been the only person who'd made Aubrey believe it could be a possibility. Being with Chloe has rekindled her passion for dance and her desire to help another little girl or boy find the same freedom and escape that she'd found as a kid. Houston and her father's proposition complicate things.
To further complicate things, Aubrey comes home that evening to catch the tail end of a phone conversation that Chloe is having. A conversation that has her grinning like an idiot and profusely thanking whoever is on the other end of the line. "I'll be there. Yes, sir. No, thank you. Thank you. I look forward to seeing you too." Chloe hangs up the phone and turns to Aubrey, squealing and launching herself into her girlfriend's arms. "They want me to come to New York and audition! They want me to audition!"
Aubrey's momentary shock at practically being tackled quickly wears off and she wraps her arms around Chloe. "Oh my God! I knew you could do it! You're amazing!" She holds Chloe tightly and momentarily forgets all about Houston and hypothetical dance studios. "When is your audition?"
"Tomorrow. They want me to fly in tomorrow morning. Can you believe it?" Chloe looks a little bit like she's in shock. "Pinch me, I might be dreaming."
"You're not dreaming." Aubrey assures her. "This is amazing Chloe." She takes Chloe's face between her hands. "I knew you could do it." She kisses her.
"It's just an audition." Chloe points out and Aubrey arches an eyebrow. "I'm trying not to jinx it."
Aubrey smiles. "Well, we should celebrate anyway. Because this is still a big deal. An audition for a big Broadway show. I'm so proud of you Chlo."
They go to Chloe's favorite Italian place and drink too much wine and share gelato and as they stumble back to the apartment, Chloe takes Aubrey's hand and grins at the blonde. "You can move to New York with me." Clearly Drunk Chloe cares less about jinxing the audition than Sober Chloe. "We can live in the city together."
For the first time all night, Aubrey thinks about Houston and the law firm. But Chloe looks so happy and now really isn't the time to bring it up. "You gotta get the part first silly." She bumps Chloe's hip with her own.
"Do you think I can?" Chloe questions, her smile fading suddenly. "Honestly?"
"Honestly?" Aubrey repeats. "I think you can do anything."
Aubrey takes Chloe to the airport on her way to work and gives her a smacking kiss and a big bear hug before she leaves the car. "For luck." She tells the redhead. "Not that you need it."
Aubrey keeps her phone on her throughout the day even though it's a big no-no as far as her dad is concerned. But she doesn't want to miss a text or call from Chloe so she's willing to brave her father's wrath. Chloe texts her to let her know that she's safely in New York and then again when she's preparing to walk in for her audition but Aubrey doesn't hear from her again until later that night. Life without Chloe is far less entertaining and noisy than life with Chloe and all of the things that Aubrey used to love about her nice big apartment and having her own space now seem like depressing things. There's no one to drink wine with or watch America's Next Top Model with or talk to and even though she knows that Chloe will be back tomorrow it's still not her favorite evening ever.
Aubrey is getting out of the shower when her phone starts ringing and she quickly picks up when she sees Chloe's picture on the ID. "So, how did it go?" She questions, putting Chloe on speaker so she can comb through her wet hair. "Are you a Broadway star?"
Chloe laughs. "I dunno. Maybe. I think it went well." She tells her girlfriend. "But there's still a lot of other girls they have to see so we'll see I guess." She doesn't sound like the super-confident Chloe that Aubrey is used to.
"Is everything okay?" Aubrey questions, setting her comb aside. "You don't sound like yourself."
Chloe sighs. "Yeah, everything is fine. There…there were just a lot of girls there." She admits. "I was the only non-blonde."
"That's a good thing." Aubrey assures her, putting on her sweatpants and an old Bellas tee-shirt. "You stand out. Who cares about those other girls? They're not you Chloe. I bet you were the best one there."
"I miss you." Chloe tells Aubrey after a beat of silence. "I wish you were here now. You'd make me fell better."
Aubrey smiles to herself as she gets into bed. "I miss you too. You're still coming back tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I have a late afternoon flight. What would it take to convince you to pick me up at the airport?" Chloe questions with a hint of flirtation in her tone.
Aubrey's smile grows a little wider. "Oh, I'm sure you'll think of something." She writes down Chloe's flight information and they talk for a few minutes longer before they both feel too exhausted to keep talking and hang up on the promise to see each other tomorrow. As tired as she is, it takes Aubrey a while to fall asleep, simply because she's not used to having all of this space to herself. Chloe has never been one for personal boundaries and over the past several months, she's gotten used to having the redhead encroaching on her space. She kind of misses it now.
She leaves work the following day and heads straight for the airport and she gets there way too early so she parks the car and goes into the terminal. Aubrey has always loved airports, even though she's never really been anywhere. When she was younger, her dad still traveled a lot because of his military affiliations and she used to come with her mother when it was time to pick him from yet another trip. She remembers being awestruck by the dinosaur skeleton right in the middle of all the airport shops and food kiosks, even though her mother told her that thinking about things that were already dead and gone was just a waste of time. She remembers watching the people come and go with their suitcases and headphones, some hurrying to catch flights, some lingering before security so they could get a few extra seconds with their loved ones. She used to wish that she was one of those people, going somewhere where they'd be happy. Aubrey feels that wave of nostalgia as she gets herself a coffee and a magazine and sits down in one of the free chairs right by the dinosaur skeleton. She thinks about coming here to catch a flight to start over somewhere else. But she doesn't know if her flight is to Houston or New York.
Chloe squeals when she sees her, causing several heads to turn in her direction. Aubrey smiles as she hugs Chloe. "You'd think we haven't seen each other for weeks." She remarks.
"It feels like it." Chloe assures her. "Trust me."
Aubrey does, because that's a little bit how she feels.
For the next two weeks Chloe tries not to anxiously await word from the casting directors in New York and Aubrey pushes thoughts of Houston and leaving the firm to the back of her mind. Her father hasn't said anything more about it and even the water cooler gossip has gotten a little dull recently (duller) so it's easy to sweep it under the rug. Aubrey's trying to do this new thing were she doesn't stress out about things out of her control and she feels like it's working wonders for her…gag reflex.
Chloe doesn't bring up her audition but Aubrey has noticed the redhead glancing at her phone every five minutes and sleeping with the device practically attached to her hand. They just go about things as they always have.
One afternoon, Aubrey runs into her Uncle Thomas when she goes into the break room to refill her I Heart New York coffee mug (a present from Chloe, of course). She smiles at the older man but doesn't bother to try and engage him in conversation. He's not as bad as her father, but both Posen brothers took their own military upbringing to heart and don't have much interest in small talk or sentimentality. Aubrey's three cousins, all beautiful, perfect, tall brunettes have gone on to become doctors or CEOs, which is something that her own father never fails to brag about. Aubrey's pretty sure that Marc has never bragged about her.
"I assume your father mentioned our plans to split the firm." Thomas says as he watches Aubrey fill her mug. "We're going to make an official announcement tomorrow morning."
Aubrey smiles at him. "Congratulations. This is a big opportunity."
Thomas nods. "Yes, it is. It's a chance to take the Posen name and work ethic to a whole new group of people. I'm putting together a team I trust, a team I know will make the move as painless and as successful as possible. Your father recommended I take you along."
Aubrey keeps her smile in place, even though she's thinking about Chloe and New York and her dance studio and the praise of her father and it's all a confusing jumble. "I appreciate you considering me, sir."
"I think you show a lot of promise." Thomas tells her. "I think there's a place for you in Houston."
"Thank you, sir." Aubrey tells him sincerely. She does appreciate the words of praise, even if they're not quite enough to make up for the criticism she's endured throughout her childhood.
Thomas smiles at her before he leaves the break room. Aubrey doesn't think much about their exchange until she finds herself called into her father's office later that afternoon. As she walks from her office to Marc's, she tries to figure out what she's done wrong today and honestly can't come up with anything. She's clearly going to need to start critiquing herself a little harder.
"So, Aubrey," Marc gestures for her to sit down in the chair across from his desk, "Thomas tells me that you've accepted his offer." He smiles at her. "I think that's wonderful. You're making the best choice."
Aubrey can't keep the slightly quizzical expression off her face. "Sir?" She doesn't remember agreeing to anything. She wasn't planning on doing anything officially until she could actually bring herself to broach the subject with Chloe.
"To join the firm in Houston." Marc clarifies, looking slightly annoyed. "He told me you two spoke earlier today and that you're going to make the transition to Houston."
No, she definitely doesn't remember that. "Oh, well…I…"
"Don't stammer, Aubrey." Marc interrupts, frowning. "It makes you sound uneducated." Aubrey quickly shuts her mouth. "You should make the move to Houston. I think it would give you the chance to really live up to the Posen name. I was proud when he told me you accepted."
Aubrey smiles a little. "You were?"
"Don't get me wrong. You definitely had me worried for a while there in college. With the singing and the…whatever all of that was. And your roommate, I never cared for her. And now I see why, of course; I don't often care for the type of people we represent here. But I feel like you're turning it all around now. Making something of yourself." Marc gives her a firm nod and a tight smile. "Like I said, really living up to that Posen name."
Aubrey's mouth feels dry and she's not sure if it's because of the surprise of actually having her father praise her or hearing him insult the Bellas and Chloe in one breath. "Thank you, sir." It feels like the cowardly way out. She knows she should stick up for Chloe or tell him how happy singing and the Bellas made her. But she just lets herself sit there with the faint glow of his praise still washing over her.
Marc gives her another nod. "Keep up the good work. Your mother and I would be interested in visiting you once you get settled in Houston." He doesn't say anything more, just opens a file on his desk, letting Aubrey know the conversation is over.
Aubrey gets up and leaves; she heads for her office and then takes a detour, hurrying to the bathroom and locking the door behind her. Her stomach is churning and she splashes some cold water on her face, trying to remember to breathe deeply. She can do this. She can still be the person her father wants her to be.
Chloe can tell that Aubrey is occupied but she also knows better than to try and press the blonde into divulging what's on her mind before she's ready. So she just prattles on and on about stuff that doesn't matter because she knows that Aubrey isn't listening anyway and she really can't stand the idea of them both just sitting there and not talking. Aubrey gives her these little half smiles and hums every now and then to assure Chloe that she's still hanging in with the conversation but she's not and it doesn't matter. Chloe just hopes that her relationship with Aubrey has come far enough that Aubrey will actually be willing to open up to her.
Aubrey isn't a coward. She's never been the type of back down from confrontation and she's definitely caused a few unnecessary arguments in her time just because she wasn't willing to let something go. But she does wait until Chloe's in the shower to tell her about Houston, because she can't bring herself to look Chloe in the face and try and explain the whole situation. And she does it as causally as possible too, while she's standing at the sink brushing her teeth. "My uncle is opening a branch of the firm in Houston and he and my father both think I should go too."
Chloe makes a thoughtful noise. "How did your father take it when you told him no?" She asks gently. Now she understands where Aubrey's mind has been all day.
But Aubrey doesn't answer and that definitely catches Chloe's attention. She pulls the shower curtain aside enough so that she can see Aubrey's reflection. "Bree?"
Aubrey stares at the sink bowl. "I…I think I should go."
Chloe shuts off the water and grabs a towel, wrapping it around herself before she steps onto the bathmat. She's really annoyed with Aubrey for picking this moment to bring up this conversation because she feels like she can't even take herself seriously when she's wearing nothing but a towel and still has a bit of shampoo in her hair. "You think you should go?" She repeats. "You think you should move to Texas to be a lawyer?"
Aubrey still can't bring herself to look at Chloe. "My father-"
"Fuck your father." Chloe moves so that she's standing in front of Aubrey. "Bree, listen to yourself." She takes the blonde's hands but Aubrey still won't look at her. "You want to move to a different state to do something that you hate? Why? Why would you do that to yourself?"
"It wouldn't be so bad." Aubrey argues, finally lifting her gaze. "My father wouldn't be there; I could really start to make a name for myself. And you could come too. We could go together and start over." She says this hopefully and almost manages to convince herself that it's something she wants.
"We could move to New York." Chloe counters. "I can act and you can open your dance studio and we can get a little apartment in the city and it would be amazing." She laces their fingers together.
Aubrey says. "That sounds like a pipe dream." She mumbles.
Chloe arches an eyebrow. "What about me being on Broadway? The audition. Is that a pipe dream?"
"No!" Aubrey protests quickly and with obvious sincerity. "No, of course not."
"So why is it okay for me to want to be an actress but you wanting to have your own dance studio is a pipe dream?" Chloe questions, looking at Aubrey intently.
"Because…you're better than I am." Aubrey says quietly. "Your audition…it was amazing. I'm not like that."
Chloe shakes her head. "You have got to stop doing this to yourself Bree." She rests her hand against Aubrey's cheek. "You are amazing. Do you think I would be with someone who wasn't?" She kisses her lightly. "Don't do this to yourself."
Aubrey forces a little smile onto her face. "Nothing is set in stone yet. It was just an idea." She mumbles, even though there are definitely people who think that it is set in stone. And they're the people who really matter. Not that Chloe doesn't matter, of course she's not saying that. Ugh. Aubrey hates complicated.
The following morning at the office, Marc officially makes the announcement that the firm is splitting and Thomas is taking a few associates and moving to Houston with his blessing. Aubrey fake smiles and fakes enthusiasm when Marc says her name as one of the people who will be making the transition and for the first time he looks at her like he's not completely ashamed to call her his daughter and Aubrey thinks that maybe that'll make everything worth it.
During her drive home, Aubrey tries to gear herself up for her conversation with Chloe. She mentally runs through the speech in her head over and over again, touching on the highlights. I'm going to Houston. It is what I want to do. I want you to come with me. Please.
Chloe is already at the apartment when Aubrey unlocks the door, which is not an unusual occurrence, seeing as she's had a key for some time now. What is unusual is the fact that Chloe is waiting with two glasses and a bottle of champagne, which she pops as soon as Aubrey walks in the door. The blonde just gives her a confused look.
"I felt like you were never going to get home!" Chloe is practically vibrating with energy, even more so than usual. "I got the part! I actually got the part! I found out this morning but I wanted to tell you in person. Can you believe it? They want me to be on Broadway! I'm going to be on Broadway!"
For a minute Aubrey doesn't quite realize what Chloe's telling her. But then it slowly dawns on her: Chloe is going to be Marilyn Monroe. On Broadway. In New York. Hundreds of miles away from Houston. Aubrey feels like a horrible person because she can't jump around with Chloe and be excited and put her arms around the redhead and tell her how proud she is and how she always knew she could do it, even though those are all the things that she wants to do. She can't do anything but just stand there.
Chloe starts to deflate slightly, her smile fading. "Aubrey?" She definitely didn't expect to be the only one expressing any sort of joy in this situation.
There's still a voice in the back of Aubrey's mind telling her to hug Chloe and drink champagne and kiss her girlfriend until they're both out of breath and just be happy like a good friend should. But what comes out is, "What about Houston?"
Chloe looks completely taken aback. "Houston?" She repeats, setting aside the champagne glasses. "What about Houston?"
"I…I'm going to Houston with the firm." Aubrey says, trying to sound like this is the thing she's always been waiting for. "I thought we could move together."
"Why?" Chloe questions, going to stand in front of Aubrey. "Why would you do that? Why would you keep doing this to yourself? This is your chance, Bree. This is our chance. I've been waiting for this for my entire life. We can move to New York, together. We can make a life there, together. You can start your dance studio or sing or fucking be a waitress for all I care, as long as you're happy. We can be happy there. And you're talking about going to Houston?"
Aubrey's brow knits as she looks at Chloe, feeling desperate to explain everything. But she knows that she can't, because everything Chloe said is true. "You don't understand. My father he…he's proud of me Chloe. For the first time in my life, he's actually proud of me. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"
Chloe just gives her a look that manages to be both hurt and annoyed at the same time. "I'm proud of you." She puts her hand on her chest. "I've always been proud of you. I think that you're perfect just the way you are. Why do you care what he thinks about you? You really want to spend your entire life trying to make him proud of you?"
Aubrey feels tears prick her eyes and she shakes her a little a little. "You don't understand." She says again.
Chloe shakes her head, turning away from her. "That's where you're wrong. I think I am starting to understand." She mutters as she picks up her purse from its spot on the counter. "For someone who has been made to feel her whole life like she isn't good enough, you're pretty good at making other people feel that way too."
Aubrey gapes at her. "No, Chloe, that's not-"
"No, I get it, Bree. I get it. You need to do what's going to make you happy and so do I. I thought that might be the same thing, but I should have known better. As long as your dad is happy, everyone else can go to hell right?" She pushes past Aubrey and toward the door. "So much for not letting him come between us, right?" Chloe gives her a sad sort of smile before yanking open the door and disappearing into the hallway, slamming it shut behind her.
Aubrey had thought that the worst moment in her life was when her father found out about the fiasco at Lincoln Center her junior year. He'd told her that he was ashamed to have her as a daughter and he prayed that no one realized that the same Aubrey Posen who threw up across the first three rows during a performance was related to him. He'd cut off contact with her for nearly two years. He only agreed to speak to her again when she told him she would go to law school.
But how she feels right now, watching Chloe walk out without so much as a backwards glance…this feels much, much worse than that.
The following morning, Aubrey goes to Chloe's apartment in hopes of explaining herself better than she did before and making Chloe realize that she does need her in her life and they can make this work. Find a way to compromise.
Spencer gives her a death glare when she opens the door. "What?"
Aubrey clears her throat and gives the girl a hopefully winning smile. "I'm here to talk to Chloe."
"Good luck." Spencer rolls her eyes. "She left this morning."
"What?" Aubrey's eyes go wide. "She left?"
Spencer gives a boy you are a dumb blonde look. "Yeah, bitch just left. Didn't give me any kind of warning so I could find another roommate or anything. She came home yesterday morning, packed all her shit and this morning she left. I was going to kick her out anyway but-"
Aubrey just pushes past Spencer and ignores the other girl's protests as she walks down the hall and toward Chloe's room. The big pieces of furniture are still in place but the bed is without sheets, the bookshelf is empty and Chloe's desk is devoid of any personal touches. Her pictures are gone, there are no clothes in the closet and no strawberry scented shampoo in the bathroom.
"Told you." Spencer says from the doorway. "Said something about going to New York." She makes a face. "Sounds like a load of shit to me."
Aubrey glares at her. "Luckily no one asked your opinion." She remarks. "I sincerely hope we never have to displeasure of meeting again." She leaves the apartment without a backwards glance.
She figures out through various social media sites that Chloe's presence was requested immediately in New York so she could start rehearsals and take over for the old Marilyn in two weeks time. Aubrey assumes that Chloe would have told her all this herself if the evening had gone a little differently. She picks up the phone but her fingers refuse to dial Chloe's number. There's nothing to say anyway, because she's going to Houston and Chloe is in New York. But it still hurts so badly she can't even breathe.
Over the weekend, Aubrey stays in her pajamas and sleeps as much as she can just so she can avoid thinking about Chloe. But, of course, her subconscious just concocts all sorts of horrible nightmares and she always wakes up fretful and in tears.
Monday, Aubrey feels like a zombie. Marc takes one look at her and his face fixes into an expression of disgust. "Aubrey, you need to take more pride in your personal appearance." Aubrey says nothing because she's not sure what it is that his bothering her father. She looks exactly like she always does: professional and polished with her face painted on. The way she feels inside must be coming through somehow. "You should invest in some more professional attire. And you might want to think about coloring your hair to ensure that people start taking you seriously." Marc rattles through all of these things while scrolling through the calendar on his phone, not even bothering to look at her.
Aubrey feels that familiar pit in her stomach. "Yes, sir."
She goes to take refuge in her office but she can't concentrate on the paperwork in front of her. Aubrey picks up the framed picture that she has on her desk that was taken of her and Chloe this past New Years. Chloe is kissing her cheek and Aubrey remembers how happy she was that night, how happy she always was with Chloe. Chloe's words from the other night echo loud and clear in her head: you're perfect just the way you are. Well, Chloe might not be exactly right about that. Because clearly she's an idiot.
Aubrey stands up, taking a look around her office. There's nothing here that's her, nothing that suggests that Aubrey Posen inhabits this place. Except for the picture, which she slips into her purse before she slings it over her shoulder. She makes a beeline for her father's office, knocking on the closed door.
Marc looks annoyed when he sees it's just his daughter. "Can this wait, Aubrey? I'm preparing for a meeting."
"No, sir, it can't. It's important." Aubrey tells him, shutting the door behind her. Marc's expression doesn't change, but he doesn't chase her out either. "I'm not going to Houston."
Marc looks genuinely surprised for the first time that Aubrey can remember. Normally he's always perfectly composed and prepared for whatever is going to happen next. Not this time. "What do you mean? Your uncle is counting on you. You'd rather stay here?" He asks, incredulous.
"No." Aubrey tells him. "I'm quitting. I'm going to New York."
"New York?" Marc hisses, getting to his feet. "What in the hell, Aubrey? What foolishness are you talking about?" He comes to stand in front of her and he looks just about as mad as she's ever seen him. "Explain yourself."
Aubrey takes a deep breath. "I don't want to be a lawyer. I hate it. It was what you wanted me to do, but not what I wanted to do. I want to dance and open my own studio and teach other people to love to dance. I'm moving to New York with Chloe."
"You can't make a career teaching dance. What makes you think you'd even be qualified?" Marc asks dismissively.
"Because I'm a fantastic dancer." Aubrey tells him, refusing to avoid his gaze. "You would know that if you ever came to see me dance."
Marc might as well not have even heard her. "Chloe?" He continues. "That girl from college? Your old roommate? I knew she was a bad influence on you. That girl is going nowhere fast in her life. She's going to end up dead broke and worthless by the time she's thirty."
Aubrey narrows her eyes. "You don't even know her, sir. She might not be a lawyer or a doctor or a CEO but at least she's happy. And I'd rather be like her than like you." Marc's eyes grow wider. "And Chloe is my girlfriend. I love her. I should be with her now but I-"
"Stop this now." Marc snaps, reaching out a grabbing her arm. Aubrey flinches but doesn't pull away. "Just stop this. Is this some sort of delayed teenage rebellion bullshit? I hope you're getting it out of your system now because not going to Houston is not an option. I will not have you embarrass me again, Aubrey. I won't allow it."
Aubrey pulls her arm out of his grasp. "I won't allow you to dictate my life anymore." She takes a step back, toward the office door.
"Aubrey, if you step out of this office, that's it." Marc tells her, his voice low and deathly serious. She knows this tone; the last time she heard it was when he told her to pack her bags after Lincoln Center. "I don't want to speak to you again. Don't come to me when your find yourself unemployed and without a penny to your name."
Swallowing, Aubrey looks at her father. "Yes, sir." She turns and leaves the office, curling her fingers into fists so no one can see how badly her hands are shaking. She tries to do her deep breathing exercises, praying that she doesn't have to suffer the indignity of making herself sick after she finally stood her ground with her father. She's surprised to find that she doesn't feel sick at all. In fact, she feels a little bit like smiling.
Aubrey goes home and thinking about having to pack up her apartment makes her want to cry in a way that her confrontation with her father definitely didn't. She ends up going to a local storage place and buying a unit and a ton of boxes, deciding if she can't fit it in one of two suitcases then it can be packed up and retrieved at a later date. After all, flights to New York don't just run one-way; she can come back for anything she desperately needs.
The only time Aubrey takes a break from packing is to order take-out and browse New York City real estate listings, looking for a space big enough to turn into a dance studio. She calls a realtor and makes an appointment for the following day and then she buys her plane ticket. Because it's what she wants to do and she couldn't be happier.
Chloe has been in New York for five days but it's hardly the fairytale that she imagined it would be. First of all, she's living on the floor of the apartment that belongs to one of the dancers in the show with five of the other dancers. And for the record, there's only one bathroom. And the bedroom, living room and kitchen are all pretty much the same space. She wants to get her own place but she hasn't had time because since she touched down in the city she's pretty much be in rehearsals, which are run by a woman who puts Aubrey to shame. Not that Chloe thinks about Aubrey, like at all. Okay, so she thinks about Aubrey all the time. She hates that they're not here in the city together, that she's not able to share her day with Aubrey or come home exhausted from rehearsals and curl up in Aubrey's lap and drift off to sleep while the blonde plays with her hair.
Saturday, in the hours before she had to get on her flight, Chloe thought about going to Aubrey's and trying again. But she stopped herself, because it was obvious where Aubrey stood and she wasn't going to let herself be talked out of it. Apparently only her father could talk her into doing things she might otherwise have no interest in. Instead, Chloe took the majority of her stuff to her mother's, enlisting her younger brothers into packing it all away in the garage while she and her mom talked. "Where's Aubrey? Is she going with you?" Her mother, Jennifer, had asked after she was finally done expressing how proud she was of her second oldest child. Chloe's face had been answer enough. "Oh, Chloe, what happened? How are you?"
"It sucks." Chloe had been unable to blink away the tears that had been threatening to fall since she'd left Aubrey's the night before. She'd kept herself busy enough to avoid thinking about how they'd left things, but now there was nothing to do but think about it. "Sucks."
Chloe still pretty much feels that way. Of course she's happy to be on Broadway. Like words do not describe how happy she feels. This really is a dream come true, even if her feet hurt all the time and she's so exhausted by the time she gets home from rehearsals that she just falls asleep on her spot on the floor and could care less about what goes on around her. Which is good, seeing as she has five other roommates to deal with. But she's glad she's here and she knows she'll be even more glad when she actually does her first show as Marilyn. It's just an adjustment period.
The morning of her fifth day in the city, Chloe wakes up late and has to practically dress herself while running down the streets to the theatre. Not that anyone bats an eyelash as she runs past in a tank top and leggings, putting on her flats and putting up her hair at the same time. She manages to get there on time (just barely) but it's still not an auspicious start to her day.
The director, Lauryn Kirk, has them running through the show's opening number "Let Me Be Your Star" and Chloe feels like she's going to be singing the lines in her sleep. She dances the steps, she sings her heart out and she imagines herself performing in front of hundreds of people, selling herself, selling Marilyn, making her dreams come true. But Chloe figures that anyone would lose their enthusiasm after doing something twenty five times.
Finally Lauryn looks at her watch and lets out an audible sigh. "Okay, let's take a ten. Get some water, have a protein bar. We'll start on 'Mambo' when we get back."
Chloe goes into the lobby just to get a little bit of air and separate herself from the stage lights and the rest of the dancers and actors. She grabs a bottle of water from the vending machine and gingerly touches her head. In order to make the platinum blonde wig look as real as possible, the makeup artist has to pin her curls past the point of what Chloe feels is acceptable and it makes her scalp tingle. No one can fault her if takes it off for a second.
As soon as Chloe gently pulls off her wig, someone lets out a wolf-whistle behind her. "Thank God. I always did have a thing for redheads."
Chloe can hardly believe her eyes. She must be dreaming. Maybe she passed out due to exhaustion or the glow of the stage lights are making her see things because there's no possible way that Aubrey is standing in front of her now. It just doesn't make sense. What would Aubrey be doing here, in the lobby of the Foxwoods Theatre?
Aubrey smiles at her, a tentative gesture that makes it easy for Chloe to see her nervousness. "Hey." She says softly.
"Hi." Chloe still feels like she's not really awake. That this is all a dream and it feels so real now but it's going to be over all too soon. She takes a step toward Aubrey and then another when the scene stays the same. No crazy subconscious shifting here. "What are you doing here? How did you find me?"
Aubrey smile gets a little bigger. "It wasn't hard to figure out where rehearsals were. They have this thing called the Internet now, it makes things so much easier."
Chloe can't help but smile a little as well. "What are you doing here Bree?"
"What do you think? I came here for you, silly." Aubrey reaches out and takes her hand, twining their fingers together. "You were amazing. Amazing. I've seriously never seen anyone like you."
"Suck-up." Chloe teases but she's still smiling and she's not sure she can stop. "I didn't know you were watching. I didn't even know you were here."
Aubrey shrugs. "I wanted to surprise you."
Chloe is about to assure that she is indeed surprised when one of the dancers pokes her head out into the lobby. "Chloe, we need you." She takes in the scene before her. "Sorry to interrupt. But Lauryn's…you know…" She mimes cracking a whip and makes a face.
Chloe nods and assures the girl she'll be right there. "Want to stick around? We can get food after?" She looks at Aubrey.
"Where else would I go?" Aubrey questions. She takes the wig from Chloe and slides it gently back over her curls. "Go get 'em."
Chloe finds that rehearsals pass by much quicker than usual and she doesn't even care when Lauryn snaps at her for tripping over her own feet during "20th Century Fox Mambo." By the time rehearsals are finally over, night has fallen across the city, not that you'd ever be able to tell. The lights of the stores and hotels and homes and other buildings eliminate the need for any sort of natural light and the streets are still packed with locals and tourists and Chloe feels the energy of the place for the first time. Normally all she can think about is getting home and going to bed. Now she's just thinking about Aubrey and what this means for them.
Aubrey is waiting in the lobby when Chloe comes out, dressed again in her leggings and tank top, her hair mercifully free of constraints. "Are you hungry?" Aubrey questions as they step out onto the sidewalk.
"Starving." Chloe assures her. "You have no idea."
Aubrey suggests sushi, but Chloe vetoes her with a laugh and they go to a deli around the corner. Chloe hasn't had much time to explore the city and the restaurants but she has eaten at this place several times and everything on the menu is to die for. They get their food and sit at a little table in the back of the restaurant and it's more alone than they'd get at Chloe's place, so she doesn't suggest leaving.
"So what are you doing here?" Chloe questions around bites of her sandwich. Normally she'd want to give her entire attention to this sort of conversation but she wasn't kidding when she said she was starving. She could probably eat ten of these sandwiches. "What about Houston and your dad?"
Aubrey sighs and picks at the crust of her sandwich. "I…I'm an idiot. I messed up. I never should have…I don't know why I thought going to Houston was a good idea. I should have left with you and never looked back." She puts her hands in her lap to avoid destroying her sandwich any further. "I…I told my dad I was coming here. I told him that you were my girlfriend and I wanted to be here with you."
Chloe's eyes go wide. "How'd he take it?" She can only imagine.
Aubrey makes a face. "He never wants to see me again. Though, to be fair, I'm not sure what part was the most upsetting for him. He told me he was never going to speak to me again if I didn't go to Houston." She shrugs, going back to toying with her food.
Chloe reaches across the table and puts her hand over Aubrey's. "Bree…"
"It's fine." Aubrey assures her. "I should have stood up to him a long time ago. You were right, I was making myself miserable. I never wanted any of those things but I let him make me think I did. If he doesn't want to see me again, that's fine. I want to do something for me now."
Chloe can't stop a grin from spreading across her face. "Bree, you're amazing." She gives her hand a squeeze. "Seriously." Aubrey blushes but she has a little smile on her face. "So what is it that Aubrey Posen wants to do?"
"Well, for starters I want to have dinner with my amazing girlfriend." Aubrey answers, even though it sounds incredibly cheesy to her. But she doesn't care, she could do with a little cheesy right now.
Chloe laughs softly and smiles at her. "Great idea."
Aubrey hesitates for a moment before confessing, "I thought…I thought that maybe you wouldn't want anything to do with me. I wouldn't have blamed you, I mean I screwed up pretty badly. I feel like I'm always telling you how sorry I am, all I ever do is make mistakes and I wouldn't blame you if you were sick of dealing with all of this and-"
"Whoa, Bree, take a breath." Chloe says with a little smile. "I could never be sick of you. I don't care if you make mistakes. You don't have to always be this perfect person. I just want you to be happy."
"I am." Aubrey assures her. "Now."
They finish eating and then walk back to Aubrey's hotel room hand-in-hand; Chloe explained her living situation over dinner and they reached the unanimous decision that maybe they should take advantage of the room Aubrey had temporarily booked. "I have to be honest with you about something." Aubrey says they reach the hotel lobby. "I…I actually flew into New York yesterday." Chloe gives a quizzical and slightly hurt look. Aubrey had assumed that Chloe might not be overjoyed to hear that she'd been in the city for almost twenty-four hours before tracking her down. "I had a meeting with a realtor yesterday. I'm looking for a space to turn into my own studio."
Chloe squeals and claps her hands together. "Okay, you're forgiven." She throws her arms around Aubrey's shoulders and squeezes her tight. Several of the other guests in the lobby glance their way but it hardly matters. "I can't believe it! You're going to have your own studio, I'm going to be on Broadway. We're going to be freaking amazing."
They take the elevator up to Aubrey's room and Chloe spends the next ten minutes being way too excited about the big bathroom and the fact that there's an actual bed and carpet on the floor and there aren't six other people and their friends hanging around. "I love you." Aubrey smiles, shaking her head a little bit. "You're so easy to please."
"You haven't seen where I'm living." Chloe launches herself onto the bed. It's just as bouncy as she expected. "I'm sleeping on a floor, Bree, a floor. Under a table."
"We'll have to find our own place." Aubrey tells her. "And I promise you won't have to sleep on the floor."
Chloe smiles at her. "Sounds like heaven." She pats the mattress beside her and Aubrey comes to lay down next to her. She curls herself around Aubrey like a cat and Aubrey closes her eyes and she knows that this is where she should be. "I was lonely without you." Chloe tells her, laying her head against Aubrey's shoulder.
"Me too." Aubrey says softly. "I didn't know what to do." But she guesses, in a way, that she did. She is here, after all.
Chloe lifts her head and kisses her softly. "Well, from now on we can figure it all out together."
Aubrey likes the sound of that.
Even though Chloe is doing the matinee shows, which are in the middle of the day, Aubrey still insists on calling it her "opening night" and gets up early to make pancakes and scrambled eggs for breakfast before Chloe has to be at the theatre. Chloe is so nervous she can hardly eat more than a few bites and she can't keep from humming the songs under her breath as she plays with the food on her plate.
"You'll be fine." Aubrey assures her, reaching across the table and giving her hand a squeeze. The small kitchen table they have in their small kitchen area doesn't match any of the other furniture they have in their small apartment but it's better than eating while sitting cross-legged on the floor. They've only been moved in for a few days but having furniture is an important step in making the place feel like an actual home.
"What if I forget the songs?" Chloe questions. "Or the lines? What if I can't remember the steps?"
"Chloe." Aubrey says firmly. "You know those songs backwards and forwards. Trust me. You sing them all the time. You know the lines and you know the steps. You're going to be amazing."
Chloe gives Aubrey a kiss and rests her forehead against the blonde's. "Thanks. I hope you're right."
"I am." Aubrey says with finality. "Now go get ready or you're going to be late." Chloe smiles and salutes her before getting up and heading into the bedroom.
The show isn't until two, so Aubrey has plenty of time to kill before she wanders down to Foxwoods Theatre to pick up her ticket. Chloe's family couldn't make it on such short notice, so Aubrey is going to be the only one there solely to see Chloe (aside from the critics of course) and it's not like she's nervous or anything. Because she isn't. Aubrey knows that Chloe is going to knock it out of the park. She's just a little anxious on Chloe's behalf; sympathy pains or whatever.
Aubrey buys a bouquet of flowers for Chloe before going to will-call and picking up her ticket. As she takes her seat, she looks at the Playbill, grinning when she sees Chloe's name on the cast list.
The elderly woman seated beside her notices Aubrey's expression and smiles. "You must be a fan." She remarks, gesturing to the Playbill.
"Actually my girlfriend is in the show." Aubrey confesses. "This is her debut." She points to Chloe's name. So what if she's bragging a little bit. That's her right.
The woman arches her eyebrows, looking impressed. "She's playing Marilyn? She must be really something."
Aubrey nods with a smile. "She is."
Predictably, Chloe brings down the house. Aubrey has no idea why Chloe was ever worried. She's seen several rehearsals since she's been in New York but Aubrey feels like the cast has never been as amazing as they are today. She can't even bring herself to leave her seat during intermission and by the end of the show, when Chloe sings the final number, there are tears in Aubrey's eyes. She can't help but notice that she's not the only one in the audience with damp eyes.
"I've seen this show several times." The woman seated next to Aubrey says after the cast has taken their final bows. "And I don't think I've seen a Marilyn that good since Karen Cartwright."
One of the stage hands recognizes Aubrey and lets her backstage and she manages to push her way through the crowd of people excitedly talking about the show and lavishing Chloe with compliments. Chloe pulls Aubrey into a hug, bouncing up and down like an excited toddler. "That was so crazy." She says. "That was amazing."
"You were amazing." Aubrey corrects, giving Chloe her flowers. "Not a dry eye in the house."
Chloe changes and takes off her makeup and her wig and she and Aubrey go out for an early dinner. "I never actually thought I'd get to do this." Chloe confesses after they give their orders to the waiter. "I've wanted to be here since I was a kid but…I never thought I'd actually make it."
"I honestly think you could do anything." Aubrey says frankly. "I have a feeling that this is only the beginning."
Chloe feels her cheeks redden slightly. "You have to say stuff like that."
Aubrey smirks, arching an eyebrow. "True, very true." Chloe swats at her from across the table. "You don't need me to tell you that you're awesome." She points out. "I think the standing ovation you just got pretty much handled that."
Chloe can't keep from grinning broadly. "That was pretty amazing."
And the reviews from Broadway's harsher critics are pretty amazing if Chloe does say so herself. She almost can't believe it when she scans the newspapers and the blogs and finds that most people have nothing but positive things to say about her. Aubrey puts a few of the reviews on their refrigerator and resists the urge, but just barely, to send a few of them to her father. It wouldn't make him think differently about Chloe and would probably just make him think that she's still desperate for his approval. Which is definitely not the case. Who needs him when she has someone who doesn't make her work to be loved? And after twenty-five years of having to work for it, it's nice to feel good enough.
TBC