Disclaimer: Do I have to say it? "Yes," whisper the voices, "You have to or there may be unpleasant consequences." FINE! IdonotownDBZoranyofit'scharactersorplotsorsceneriesor- "Silence!" they screech, "Everyone gets it. They know you don't hold claim on DBZ." Do they now? Well, do you?...Good!

A/N: And now I present to you, for your entertainment, the next update.

WARNINGS:In this chapter there is some pretty serious stuff, as in...adult audience only stuff! If you can not handle the following: self-harm/self-pleasuring, demonic inner demons, and dark themes. Do. Not. Freaking. Read! Cuz I swear, if you try and flame me for what you already knew was in this I will only respond with a more elaborate version of, "Can you not read? I wrote you a warning, you crazy freak! Your the creeper if you actually read it!" Okay? So just don't do it.

9 . . 8 . . 7 . . 6 . . 5 . . 4 . . 3 . . 2 . . 1... the chapter starts here

Just Because You Think You deserve It Doesn't Make It Hurt Less

Chapter 2

Piccolo felt as if he were flying just outside the sun's atmosphere, his face burned with such fire that he wondered why it didn't melt right off. His heart pounded against his sternum and ribs with pained frantic beats, and assailed his psychological health with raging emotions. Black clawed hands slipped against rough bark from their profuse sweating as they strove to keep their master grounded in his perch up high. Piccolo's shrunken irises danced in shock behind a glazing layer of wetness. He observed, frozen, as the boy below carried on with his more than questionable behavior.

Gohan did not breathe as he watched his own hand snake down, down, down, passing his sex right on by and coming to rest on his pale inner thigh. The hand never made another move for a whole of five minutes as Gohan fought himself.

'This is wrong,' he thought.

His fingers twitched.

'I don't need this. I can-...'

Gohan's hand slid slowly down the soft whiteness.

'Kami, help me!'

Gohan leaned back against the boulder and scooted his bare bottom up, his legs spreading wide for the searching fingers. His breath came in shallow gasps and he let out a small whimper when his fingers found their hidden goal. Gohan's shoulders began to shake as an overwhelming surge of guilt rushed to meet him and his eyes gushed their sorrow.

Gohan turned his head away so he wouldn't have to see, 'I really am sick.'

Gohan gave himself no preparation. He didn't stop to think twice. He didn't care any more. Without a sound, only the silent splashes of his pain bearing tears on the soft earth floor, Gohan roughly pushed two fingers inside.

Piccolo's mind went blank, and his world spun as his boy's once brilliantly pure Ki withered into nothingness. His ears received not a noise, everything having been drown out by the sound of his heart pulsing in his head. The rest of the world outside and beyond the clearing mattered next to nothing at the moment.

All of Piccolo's life he had undergone many trials. Although every one of them had flipped his world every which way not one had seized his very soul in a death grip and squeezed till he knew no feeling other than pain. Till now, and it gave him cause to despair, a frightening and all consuming emotion he had yet to experience. And now he was. How lucky Piccolo had been every day he had lived before this one. How fortunate and blessed was he, to have been sheltered from this horrendous -thing!- that brought about such a numbness of one's being.

Gohan...

The cruel digits twisted and curled sharply, scraping and bloodying the boy's insides. Plump human lips parted, opening his mouth wide. Agonized screams cleared his throat only to cling to his tongue, never to leave his mouth. Never voicing themselves. Saliva spilled out Gohan's tortured mouth and over his lower lip to drip off his chin. It was grotesquely obscene.

Gohan fucked himself, thrusting his fingers violently into his bleeding hole, only to curl and rip them back out. This self-rending action was repeated again and again and again.

He drove the abrading digits in the deepest yet, digging into that secret spot within himself. Gohan saw white and his body seized for a total of six pain blinding, time stopping, everlasting seconds. Finally the pent up screams were forced out, piercing the air along with Piccolo's stilled heart.

Gohan's mind shrieked and cried out. Piccolo heard all.

'It-it burns- IT HURTS!...ah! Aah! AAAAH!' Gohan's body convulsed but, unrelenting, the malicious fingers plowed on.

'See?! You like it, you little freak!" (two guesses who)

Gohan writhed and jerked, his head thrashing side to side, 'No! N-no! I-Ah!-I j-just want to feel real! I n-need to feel real!'

'Does he really do this to your perverted body? Make you act this way? Arouse you so much?'

'N-never!'

'Then why do I get the feeling that you're wishing it was someone else fucking you right now?'

'Not him-ungh! AAAH!' Gohan's back flew up off the ground, his heels digging divots into the dirt floor.

'If not him then who would you have? Not a single one could love you now. No one cares.'

The boy finally broke and the most anguished howl filled the grove, tainting it, driving all the life and serenity from the surrounding forest.

This shattered boy...Gohan...Piccolo's, Gohan...no..

The Namek couldn't take it any more. He had seen and heard enough! Willing-forcing- his body to move he was there by Gohan's side in the blink of an eye.

"Gohan." Piccolo whispered, unable to make his voice any louder as it wasn't functioning properly. He expected just about anything at this point, but the sight before him...standing this close to...everything in his little Namekian world stopped turning. He tried to reach out to his smaller friend, his arms dead at his sides, refusing his every command to sweep up Gohan and cradle him to his chest. His throat was scorching hot and his words of comfort dwindle and died, melted from the heat. Piccolo stood unmoving, trying with his great might to shake off his petrification and take action.

Gohan was delirious, his pain glazed eyes drifted over Piccolo's still form only by chance. At first he saw nothing, just a tall blurred shape. Slowly comprehension dawned on him and his tear weary eyes widened in shock. Piccolo was right there...standing right in front of him.

He did not care.

Gohan squeezed his eyes shut tightly and bucked his hips downward to meet the harsh thrusts of his hand.

He screamed.

The young man's whole body shuddered and convulsed. Then, like flicking an on/off switch, abruptly shut down. Left at Piccolo's feet was an unconscious, crimson oozing, and no longer innocent Gohan.

Piccolo choked, growled, spat, and sobbed, his own streams of grief flowing from his pooling obsidian eyes, "Oh...Gohan. What's happened to you?"

…... o O XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX O o …...

The glow of the fire danced with the shadows of Gohan's sleeping face. It was nighttime back at Piccolo's cave and Gohan had yet to recover from the afternoons horrific ordeal. The big guy was starting to grow anxious, his infamous resolve crumbling around his foundation's edges. An ever looming worry began to hack at his patience. It felt like something should have happened by now.

There was nothing he could do but watch and allow his troubled mind to wander along complicated paths of inquisition. His eyes kept Gohan's sleeping form within their peripheral vision because staring head on at the boy's condition was unbearable. And thinking? The thinking consisted of mostly dark thoughts. That second voice of Gohan's...it needed to die a slow agonizing death, but if that happened it would mean harming the first and still dominant Gohan. The boy had almost lost it to the evil one, it was so close a battle. Then he had seen Piccolo and seemed to pull through the harsh ending of his climax.

The Namek was certain that the sweet young teen he knew was still, if just barely, in control and that he's only stayed so this long was by doing...what he'd done today to himself in the clearing. More tears, damn them, unbidden, but not scorned rolled off his emerald cheek bones. How could he have been so blind to Gohan's declining health? Piccolo growled, a deep yet shrill sound. He knew why. Sometimes he retracted so far into himself that he remained in a constant state of aware meditation. The Namek had found this necessary, to control certain..feelings..for a certain someone not two feet away from him. It was no excuse.

'You!' Piccolo accused himself, 'You know him better than anyone else and you ignored the signs. You never acknowledged how his eyes grew dull and you could no longer see your reflection in their shining brilliance. How he seemed so torn when it was time to leave and he had to let your hand go.'

Yes, he should have known, and although Piccolo couldn't change the past he was here now and he had no intention of going anywhere. He would stay by his dear friend until he was healed. In more ways than one.

There was a pained groan and the sudden sound snapped the ponderer back to the warm cave and awakening boy. Piccolo was up in a second and by Gohan's side. Weary swollen eyes opened and regarded the warrior.

"Hold me, please." the pure request was quickly taken to heart.

Piccolo handled Gohan carefully, lifting the teen gently onto his lap. He whimpered when Piccolo shifted his legs to lie over Piccolo's crossed ones. Supporting the boy's head with one hand Piccolo used the other to stroke and run long fingers through his smaller companion's black tresses. He would forever deny it, but the burly warrior found himself rocking Gohan and cooing softly, whispering assurances into his pink ear.

"I've got you Gohan. I'm here." Piccolo whispered.

They stayed this way for a long time though Piccolo suspected it would never be enough. At any moment some unknown entity could rip his little friend away from him and he'd be gone forever. It didn't have to be a great villain like they'd faced before. It could very well be that haunting thing Gohan kept deep inside, hidden away from everyone but himself. How ironic it seemed for the Earth's most powerful fighter, who had endured evil, the supernatural, and the scaring cruelties of other worlds, to lose it all to the demon within. Piccolo cut his musings short. They were too depressing, possible, real.

Gohan stirred minutely, a light gasp escaped him, and his boyish features twisted into a leering smile, "Your right you know. I could take him away."

Piccolo didn't miss a beat, "That mental mind-screwy shit doesn't get to me, you filthy creature. I was born King of that."

It sneered.

Piccolo rolled his eyes and grinned back, "Now listen to me you little prick." A menacing clawed hand gripped it's borrowed throat, "The day that happens you die. He doesn't exist," the cold fingers squeezed slightly, "neither do you. Capeash?"

It's eyes took on a terrified look for a few clear seconds only to switch to an angry gleam.

"The whole time I am confined here I will haunt him with dreams of feeling. I will bleed out the miniscule store of self esteem he has painstakingly preserved like a leech." The voice almost sounded cheery, as if conversing with an old friend. "As you can already perceive I am matchless in this capacity. Your precious Gohan can no longer distinguish illusions from reality. Poor guy wasn't even sure you were actually there when you made your surprise entrance during his little...show."

The normally composed Namek erupted with a ear-boxing snarl.

The demonic creature took delight in Piccolo's outburst, "I bet that new side of him disgusts you. He's so sure it will. Desperate thing, he means no true harm by it; only craves to feel something -anything- to grant him the impression he's still alive. Of course it may be my fault...what happens to your Gohan in my hell-spun nightmares might have influenced his new habit. So sorry old ch-uurgl!"

Piccolo almost didn't quit in time. It was the return of his Gohan that shocked him into letting go of his death grip around the boy's slender throat. Gohan coughed and wheezed, struggling to suck in life-preserving oxygen. Piccolo felt instant remorse as he stared horror struck at the teen's red neck. It would bruise...deeply.

"Gods! I'm sorry Gohan! I'm so sorry!"

…... o O XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX O o …...

Gohan blinked and shielded his eyes from the firelight. It was strange, the orange flickering glow. The forsaken place of his dreams was always shrouded in perpetual darkness, almost like he was lost in a inky black reality designed to be his undoing. But it was not so here. There was light. The all encompassing warmth was gratifyingly new as well. This place should have been cold, unless...unless he was alone for the time being. Maybe, just maybe, for he didn't dare get his hopes up with wishing, this dream was one fabricated of his own mind's imagining. Could it be, assuming he was in total control of himself, that this mental picture was his own sweet intermission from the wilting chaos that was his life? The green face above him was slowly coming into focus.

"P-Piccolo?" it came out as a croak. Gohan's unsteady hands sought his neck as he felt his throat fail to produce the correct amount of air needed to speak. His touch stung and he drew back. So there was pain here.

"Gohan, I can't tell you how sorry I am! He just wouldn't stop talking and-," Piccolo's voice caught, "...all those disgusting things he's done to you. I wanted to kill him so badly I-...I almost did. I'm so sorry."

Gohan cocked his head to the side in amusement. Piccolo sounded so earnest...how unlike him. Then the unheard words of the Namek started to fight to be understood. The letters arranging into groups, making words. The words alining to create sentences and from there they took meaning, registering in Gohan's addled brain. To his anger and frustration Gohan found that even in his own made up refuge that thing was still interfering. It had conversed with his mentor.

"I see you've talked with him...I-..I never wanted you to ever know about him. I tried to keep him from you, Piccolo. I really did." Gohan said, a little peeved that he couldn't keep his secret in a mere dream.

Then a scary thought visited the boy and Gohan despaired. When the time came to leave this place he would have to face a very real, and most likely furious Piccolo. The distraught teen was not prepared to face his mentor. Hadn't the slightest clue as to how he should explain things to the Namek. Or if Piccolo would even stop to listen and instead kill him before the boy had the chance to fix anything. Gohan almost lost himself to this negative line of thinking until a low grunt reminded him just who's lap he was curled up on. He got an idea. Who better to advise him than this Piccolo holding him so closely in his conjured fantasy?

"Piccolo, I don't know what to do. I think he saw me, the real you that is, and who knows how long he had been standing there. Whats worse is that I-I...Oh, Gods! I kept on...right in front of you!" Gohan turned his head away from the man he admired most to hide his wet guilty eyes. He would rather face Cell ten times more than to allow Piccolo to see his worthless face, dream or not.

He couldn't help that his next words came from quivering lips, "And I didn't care either. Not while it was happening. If I had barely started I still would have finished like the slut I am."

Piccolo sat there in deafening silence. Once again his Namekian heart threatened to rupture and spill out his burdened ears. Gohan would never tell him all this. Oh, no, no, no. The the younger warrior believed this was all a dream, an illusion? Believed that the 'real' Piccolo would never accept him with his faults? Believed that he, Piccolo, would never hold Gohan, apologize for nearly killing him, and cease caring about him after something like this? Piccolo feel the heat of his alien blood being sapped from his still body and replace with a cold emptiness. Was He really like that? A monster? Why wouldn't Gohan look at him? Was he afraid?

"You would kill me if I asked you right? If I begged," Gohan asked quietly. "So I don't have to face him? I-I don't want him to hate me. I couldn't live in a world where he hated me!"

Piccolo no longer felt the emptiness, he could no longer feel anything at all.

"P-please! Please will y-you help m-me?" Gohan was truly broken, crying, sad, and utterly broken. "I kn-know you c-can die...from dreams. No one h-has to know. Please, please, please."

Gohan couldn't hide his face anymore. His shaking hands clutched at Piccolo's purple gi, the skinny fingers losing themselves in the heavy fabric now stained by the half human's sorrow.

"I can't...d-do it any m-more!" The boy sobbed hoarsely, "just...just end m-me Pic-colo p-please."

It took Piccolo not half a second to come to a decision, "No."

Gohan cried out and his weeping shook him harder. Low animalistic sounds spewed forth from the boy uncontrollably. Like a dying wild cat.

"Wh-why?"

The answer, Piccolo thought, was an obvious no-brainer, "Because I love you."

"If you loved me...y-you wouldn't m-ake me suffer and...l-leave me to live a cursed life alone! I al-alwys had y-you, but now he'll be too disgusted to l-look at me. He'll-"

Gohan's speech was impaired by the sudden crushing of jade lips on his.

"Be silent Gohan," Piccolo growled when he finally let the boy breathe, "It's my turn now."

...TBC...

A/N: There it is! Sorry if there are typos. I'll fix um later. It takes me a long while to type and write this so please take a few and review!... :D