Clare
I woke up the next morning feeling tired. I'd spent all night making sure my mother doesn't drown in her own vomit. Not only that but I've also been absorbing her insults all night. It can really put a damper on getting rest…
I went down to the kitchen and saw my mother standing there with a chilled bloody Mary to her head and a cigarette between her overly painted lips. I looked in the fruit bowl and grabbed a banana then I attempted to be…civil.
"Good morning."
"What's so damn good about it?"
"Well bye."
"Mmhmm."
I walked out of the house and on the road to Degrassi. When I arrived people were still going in by the masses…maybe today I would get lucky and not be picked on? I walked up the steps and through the doors. I got to my locker and got out my things. I wasn't letting my hopes float up high, but I was saying a prayer in my head. Suddenly I was hit by several water balloons filled with… tomato juice. I looked around to see Eli there grinning evilly. People were laughing and pointing at me. I wanted to retreat into the surprising comfort of the bathroom but I knew I had to be on time for Ms. O's class or else she'd try and have me expelled this time. I don't think she likes me much.
I went into the classroom… Tomato juice soaking me from head to toe and dripping onto the floor. I walked into the classroom and I sat down. Dave was the first to say something aloud.
"Damn Clare, ever heard of a tampon?"
"Shut up fucking idiot…"
"Chill out Clare, I was only kidding."
"Well I'm sick of playing… I'm tired of this all."
"Clare!"
"Ms.O?"
"What is the meaning of this?"
"What is the meaning of your big caricature ass nose?"
"I hope you are amused."
"No I'm not. I'm covered in fucking tomato juice and I only got two hours of sleep last night so the only thing that would amuse me is if you shut the hell up!"
Everybody "oohhed" and "awed", I refused to take myself to the office so I was escorted there by one of the security guards. I snatched away from him and plopped down in the cold, uncomfortable folding chair to await my meeting with Simpson. When it finally came I went back quietly. I was fuming.
"Clare, what is going on with you? Twice in a row? What is the meaning of the juice prank? For laughs?"
"No, I didn't do it to myself. It was Eli Goldsworthy. He attacked me with water balloons filled with tomato juice."
"Clare, just stop it, Eli has been in the office helping Ms. Barnum file papers since the doors opened. Find another excuse."
"That wasn't an excuse. It's the truth."
"I have no choice but to give you detention for a week."
"Very well…"
"Now go ask to lend you a pair of gym shorts while you put your clothes in the wash."
"Fine."
Ms. Ronald was friendly. She lent me a pair of gym shorts and a tee shirt and she let me put my clothes in the washer. While my clothes washed I jumped in the shower to get the dried tomato juice off my skin.
Eli
I followed Clare from the office to the locker room… Ms. Ronald was gone on an errand so she didn't even know I snuck in. I saw Clare showering. She's beautiful. It was important that this time I let myself be quiet. Her body was nicely shaped and her skin looked as smooth as buttermilk. While she showered the tune of a song… It sounded like "Yes Jesus Loves Me, for the Bible Tells Me So." I watched the bathing, humming beauty until she turned off the water and then I left. Breaking her down has become a pointless obsession, but I can't stop the cruelty.
Clare
I stayed in the gym clothes until my clothes were done drying. I put on my pants, shirt and jacket again. Luckily all the tomato juice got out of my things. I pulled myself together and walked back out into the halls of Degrassi. I went to Ms. Dawes class. The only class I actually like. I walked in and gave her the note Ms. Ronald wrote. She accepted it and I took my seat. I have this class with Eli…. The only available seat was in front of him. I didn't want to but I'm already late, so I have no choice. Eli started to whisper things to me… Why me?
"I like your birthmark."
"What?"
"The one of your stomach… A little ways above your pussy… Shaped like a peach…ironic huh? A peach above your peach."
"I don't know what you are talking about."
"I think you do."
"I don't so please leave me alone now."
"I don't think so. Maybe you could let me see it sometime."
"Shut up!"
"Clare? Is there a problem?"
"No Ms. Dawes, Eli is just talking to me."
"Last straw Mr. Goldsworthy… Detention today."
"Yes ma'am."
I felt betrayed and disgusted. He'd witnessed me without clothes. He must have somehow watched me while I was showering or dressing. Great, I wouldn't be surprised if he took picture or video to make "Clare gone wild" tapes… After Ms. Dawes class I apologized to her for being late, she's so understanding.
"Clare, I can't help but notice you aren't yourself. Your work lately is quite dark."
"I just… I don't know."
"You can talk to me. I mean I'm no teenager but I can relate."
"What if, somebody kept doing mean things to you, and you told an adult but they called you a liar?"
"Clare who is it?"
"I have to go to class."
"Well at least take my number. If you ever need to talk, even if it's just to clear your head call me."
"Yes ma'am… Thank you."
I walked out of the classroom and Eli was there waiting. Probably wanting to be mean to me more. I didn't even look his way but I knew he was there, following me. It was lunchtime so I was headed to the library. He came too. I sat at my usual table and so did he…
"So really how many guys have you fucked? Whore…"
"Leave me alone. I haven't done anything to you, so I don't understand why you are so nasty towards me."
"You haven't seen nasty."
"Whatever… Could I have some peace and quiet please?"
"No."
"Gosh you are so fucking stupid! I think you are a coward. You pick on me because you are afraid to stand up to someone your own size."
"You just have it all figured out don't you?"
"…."
"You're gonna pay dearly for trying to fucking figure me out, but even more so for ratting on me to Simpson…twice."
"Please, I'm sorry just leave me alone. What did I do to you to make you direct your anger at me?"
"Nothing… It was just Tuesday and I felt like it."
He didn't say anything else. He just walked out of the library, but not before knocking my binder into the floor, sending my loose leaf paper and study guides going into a million directions. I picked them up and the silence took over. I like the silence now. I prefer it to voices… voices of strangers, voices of people I know, lately it all seems like unbearable noise.
The day went on. My other teachers were cool luckily so I didn't have any more incidents. When the last bell of the day rang I went to my locker and the word "Bitch" was on it in those colorful alphabet magnets. I had no doubt in my mind Eli done this. I swept the magnets off my locker and I got my things, then it was straight to detention. Surprisingly, Eli and I were the only ones assigned to detention today. He made an effort to sit at the table I was sitting at, and right in front of me so that he could glare menacingly and make me uncomfortable. Just when I thought things couldn't get worse the teacher left out to go make copies of a passage in a book.
"You didn't say hi, I'm hurt."
"…."
"Silent treatment."
"….."
"I know what will make you talk. Let me see it again."
"What?"
"Oh now she wants to talk. You know what… let me see your birthmark Clare."
"No."
"But you let me see it before whore."
"No I didn't and I'm not a whore."
"Oh I forgot, you are a virgin."
The door was closed, why was the door closed? I moved to another table and Eli moved too… When all the tables in the room had run out he just got up and attacked me. I tried pushing him off but it didn't work. He undone my pants and pinned me down until my birthmark was visible. He touched it, like it was a button or something. I never let up fighting, especially not when he grabbed my breasts and fondled them or when he licked my neck. I felt like I was in a straight jacket, I was so helpless. It's like my screaming done nothing and alerted no one. When he finally let me go I hit the ground hard, busting my lip on the tile floor.
"Congratulations Saint Clare those titties are softer than I thought they'd be… Got milk?"
I smacked him and he smacked me back, making my already bloodied lip splash blood everywhere. I went to the door to try and leave but the teacher was now coming back in.
"And where do you think you are going young lady?"
"I was ju…"
"Go back to your seat!"
"Yes sir."
I went back and sat down. Eli started drawing pictures… violent ones of him doing things to me and then some calling me names. I was about to fall apart again… I was a water balloon again… He touched me, even though I said no. I've been molested. With my luck though nobody would believe it, even though I can feel the bruises forming on my wrists and ribcage where he held me down. At least it's Friday.
After detention I went into the bathroom, sure that Eli wouldn't break that rule and come into the ladies room. I was right. I looked out the window and waited until his black hearse left the school parking lot, them I walked home.
When I got there, for some idiotic reason I hoped that my mother was back to her old self, because I needed a hug and somebody to wipe my tears. Instead she greeted me with a smack in the face because I wasn't there to cook dinner at the time she liked. The ring she was wearing scratched my face… Now there is a bloody mark on it. I guess it's only fitting that the outside match the inside. No matter what happens from this day forward, I will be scarred. I went upstairs and got in the shower. After I got out, I looked in the mirror. I wish I was skinnier so I wouldn't even have breasts for Eli to grab. They won't disappear on their own… I grabbed my toothbrush and I shoved it down my throat until I vomited, twice and then I went to bed without eating.
Eli
"Dude I'm telling you she'll be fine."
"Eli, you molested her in detention and you think she'll be fine?"
"I just felt her up a little… Slut was begging for it."
"Like she begged for you to follow her to the girls' locker room and watch her shower?"
"Exactly."
"Eli, look I know this is some kind of obsession with you but I'm begging you to stop before she hurts herself or you hurt her…or before you get in trouble."
"By who?"
"The law."
"Law Jaw."
"I'm serious. Just leave her alone. She's a nice girl and she never gives anybody problems. If you want to pick on anybody pick on a real slut. Bianca De Sousa."
"Nah, her spirit it already broken."
"So you are trying to break Clare's spirit?"
"…."
"Eli, you need help."
"Are you going to nag or get your ass kicked in this game?"
"I'm going to try and give my stupid ass friend some directions and win this game."
"Whatever dude, watch your back."
As much as I want to deny the truth, Adam is right. I have a problem. I love to harass Clare and I should be ashamed for trying to break her spirit but I can't help myself. Today seeing her shower and then touching her, it was satisfying in a way but I felt a little guilty. I've never seen anyone look so defeated and helpless in my life. It has occurred to me that leaving her alone and letting her walk the halls like a phantom would be an option, but I don't want to. The tears I make Clare cry are more valuable to me than diamonds. Each one more expensive than the last. I have to make her cry diamonds until my mine is complete.
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