Disclaimer: This story is mine and mine alone. However Shu and Yuki are from someone else. Don't ask more. A/N: Thanks to Clari, slipknotrulez, darksaphire, Tikigirl123, Falcon Zanbandia of Nightmares and Guren
Also I know it took me forever to update this. Sorry for that and for any mistakes you might found.
Months have passed.
Christmas is over...
I love this season you know?
But this year… it sucked. I told everyone that I had a blast and I keep smiling, and still…
It sucked.
Remember the last time we saw each other?
I thought you wanted to see me, and yet I was mean and rude.
I tried to be polite, I swear, but it was so difficult… I don't expect you to understand, you looked like nothing had ever happened between us.
I guess that made it easier to be mean.
And I admit, I felt slightly better when I saw you expression. Keyword of today: slightly.
And now, Christmas.
I did expect something from you. After our little chat last time, I was almost sure you'll came see me or something.
You never came.
It wasn't important, many people called and came visit me. I saw many friends and most of my family.
I had some nice holidays…
Then why am I talking to you! Why did I missed you! Why… why did I almost cry when I read your mail?
"Have some nice holidays. I think after last time it would be better it we stoped seeing each other. Yuki."
What the hell was that!
… it hurts. I know it's my fault, and I must say I agree with you. Still it hurts.
Remember the one and only present you gave me? That scary teddy bear you bought to shut me up?
It's in my room, yes, only buried under layers and layers of clothes.
Rmember my scarf you finally gave me back?
Yup, just the same, buried under what now seems like tons of shirts.
Ah, I feel better though, even if you don't believe me. I can think of you and stay calm, and for most of it, I barely remember you and cry.
No, I don't cry anymore. Sometimes I feel like crying but… never really cry.
I remember there was a time I would've given everything to be with you again.
Pathetic.
Stupid.
Insane.
I loved you.
And I still care. Sometimes when I wake up I look by my side and blink surprised that you aren't there.
Then I remember, and a faint smile appears. I was nothing but a dream.
It's just the ghost of a smile, a sad smile. It hasn't really left me.
…
This Christmas sucked.
Because less than a year ago I dreamed of our first Christmas together, the exchange of presents, the party, the whole thing.
I have met many people since. I even liked one or two. But none of them have been able to replace you. I can't imagine falling asleep with anyone but you.
…
Next Christmas will probably suck as well. Not to mention Valentine's day (Oh God forbides it) and my b-day. What will I do on the anyversary of the day we met? What will I do when I have to sing the song I wrote for you again?
Who knows, but maybe, just maybe the year after that I'll feel better. Maybe I'll spend Christmas for the first time with someone else.
I'm not afraid of loving again.
Maybe I'll start dreaming again too.