Chapter 2
I knew I was in deep shit.
A few months earlier.
After Bill found out I broke the bond he had suggested that I break my pledging to Eric through the proper channels, but hey I'm stubborn. It was not a marriage that I recognized. He never asked me to marry him and I had no ring or license even though marriage between vamps and humans were legal in Louisiana. I have to admit that every time he called me "wife" I got a chill down my spine and my the area south of my belly button felt as if it got a quick jolt. So, I insisted that Eric be the one to break the pledging. For a short period of time Bill had become my go between in any conversations that went on pertaining to Eric and I. I was quite sure that Bill was not talking directly to Eric, but Pam had taken on the same position as Bill by relaying the information for Eric.
It had gotten to be too much. Finally I sat down with Bill and told him this had to stop. I was willing to talk to Eric, but he was not willing to talk to me.
"Bill, tell him I'm done."
"What do you mean Sookie? Done? I thought you were done."
"I mean I'm not doing this tell you to tell Eric thing anymore. If this is like a divorce than he can contact me, since this isn't a real marriage we can't use lawyers so it must be worked out between us, not dragging you and Pam into it."
I must have got my message across since that was the last Eric and Sookie conversation I have had with Bill. I didn't know what to do so I ignored the whole what to do about our vampire marriage.
"Sookie! Sookie! Are you ok?"
I must have looked pretty bad because Bill looked concerned.
"Yeah, Bill, um I'm ok, I think"
"Did you think he wouldn't find out or know Sookie? This is Eric we are talking about"
"Don't worry about it Bill, I will talk to him about this."
"Ok sweetheart if you think that is best"
So I had to figure out how to approach Eric about this. There was no way I was going to Fangtasia or his home. This did not leave me many options since now with the bond gone I couldn't just call to him to let him know I need to talk to him. I admit I took the easy way out. I texted him.
Do you have people watching me? – Sookie
I waited. I knew he would be awake. What the hell. He can have people watch me but he couldn't text me back. Damn him. Oh no! What if he's coming here? My stomach started doing flip flops. I can't do this face to face. I can't look at him after I hurt him. Not after realizing how much I loved him. Finally, after about an hour and a dozen panic attacks later, he texted me back.
Why would I have people watching you? Did you do something I should be aware of? - Eric
Oh! Now I'm mad. He is such an ass. My fingers quickly reply back to him.
U tell me? - Sookie
Won't work we r still pledged - Eric
How did you even find out? Never mind, not like u would share that info anyway – sookie
By this time I'm furious. I have left him alone. I've done what he has asked. I knew he could never forgive me. I was trying to protect myself. Ahhh! My brain screamed.
Dissapointed? - Eric
I should have known you would find out - Sookie
He never replied back and I was not going to make the situation worse. I left it go.
Bill and I never discussed anything else pertaining to Eric and me. Over time he quit stopping over the house and pacing around in my woods at night. I would see him from time to time when he would stop into Merlottes when he was not traveling but our conversations stayed solely on Bon Tomp gossip. Sam and I managed to keep our marriage a secret from everyone. The only ones who knew the truth, to my knowledge were us, Bill, Eric and Pam. We never got rings, I never changed my name, and we never lived together, slept over each other's houses or had sex. Our marriage license was locked tightly and secretly away in Sam's safe in his office.
Sam refused to date anyone while we were married. I told him he was being ridiculous. There was no reason for him to make that sacrifice. But, I knew why he did it. I knew he was in love with me and was hoping that I would eventually come around. I felt like hell all the time. Between the guilt of what I did to Eric and the guilt of what Sam had given up for me was consuming me. It didn't help that I was still completely and totally in love with Eric, probably more now than I ever had been. Absence does make the heart grow fonder.
I had myself such a mess inside a lot about me had changed. I was thinner, I had trouble eating and my menstrual cycle was a mess. Everyone was getting concerned. Sam, Jason and Amelia were constantly arguing with me about seeing a doctor. Finally I agreed to get them off my back.
The doctor said all my symptoms could be caused from stress. I thought stress! I have had a lot more stress than this. My life was pretty boring actually. It had been about 1 year and a half since I had seen Eric. The doctor wanted to run some tests anyway. It turned out that I had a fibroid tumor in my uterus that was causing me a lot of problems. It was quite large and was causing all of my menstrual cycle problems and probably was the cause of my weight loss. My only option was to have a full hysterectomy. It hit me like a ton of bricks.
I was not going to have children.
I knew this was a good possibility when I was in love with a vampire, but the finality of it was tough. I was also worried that Eric would find out that I was having health problems. I was 30 years old and I was going to go through the change of life, I did not want Eric to know. I felt like so much less of a woman. I went through the surgery and It went better than the doctor hoped. I did not need a full hysterectomy. He was able to remove only remove one of my ovaries and he had to remove the fibroid. He told me it was most likely that I still would go through menopause he explained that each woman was different. I knew how fertility was for fairy women and I was pretty sure my outcome wouldn't be good.
I never heard anything from Eric or Bill during or after my surgery. Sam, Amelia and Jason cared for me. Amelia never moved back here but would come for visits from time to time. She also was the only person who knew I still pined over Eric.
After I recovered and when back to work, I knew I needed to make some changes in my life. I still couldn't totally read Sam's mind but I knew he wanted children and there was no way I was going to let him give up his life anymore for me. I knew I could not love him that way he needed me to and I had to put an end to this. He was lonely and it was killing me to watch him go on with this ruse.
I started to put my plan into order.