'allo Leute! Here is chapter two (in case anyone was waiting on the edge of their seats ... which I doubt ... although maybe after this chapter you will be.) Reviews (even bad ones) are appreciated. Enjoy!
They tell you where you need to go
They tell you when you'll need to leave
They tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be
But everything inside you knows
There's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words
Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything you are
Give me one more chance to be
Cause everything inside me
looks like everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before
And I'm standing on the edge of me
And I'm on fire when you're near me
I'm on fire when you speak
I'm on fire burning at these mysteries
You're the mystery
Harry couldn't sleep. He was annoyed but not completely surprised – a good night's sleep was a concept almost foreign to him lately. He rolled over to face his sleeping dorm mates, throwing the sheets off himself. Harry stared blankly into the dark room, finding with mild surprise that he did not have to force himself not to think about what had happened with Malfoy. He felt nothing, not upset or confused. He wasn't even worried about facing Malfoy in Potions tomorrow. He was an empty shell, barely existing and drowning in a pool of white mist, and yet he couldn't bring himself to care. His second kiss with Malfoy had confirmed what he suspected he had feared all along; that no one wanted to be with him. Cho, Ginny, and now Malfoy. In all fairness Ginny had wanted to be with him last year, but no doubt she had moved on since. He had never felt so alone in his life. Even though there were four other people in the room he was all alone, being slowly swallowed by black loneliness.
I wonder if anyone would notice if I just jumped out that window, he thought dimly. He imagined Ron and Hermione's reactions if they found him dead on the ground five stories below his room tomorrow morning. Maybe all bloody, maybe barely recognizable as the boy who was once known as a hero. "Look at him now," people would say. "Some hero." Harry wondered vaguely if anyone would miss him. If Ron or Hermione would even care. He wondered if Malfoy would care.
He wondered why he cared what Malfoy thought. He didn't know.
Everything inside me looks like everything I hate
"Harry … Harry!"
Harry woke with a start and tumbled clumsily of bed as a distant voice jerked him out of the light sleep he'd finally fallen into around dawn.
"Whadoyuhwan?" he exclaimed, blinking and attempting to untangle himself from the cocoon his sheets had wrapped him in.
"You're going to be late for class," came the voice reproachfully, which Harry now dimly recognized as Hermione's. She reached down and pulled Harry to his feet.
"Ron and I have been to breakfast already. You know you gave us a good scare when you didn't come back from your walk last night, if that's really all you did, and then when we couldn't find you this morning … I'm not sure why Ron didn't think to check your bed. Too obvious for him I suppose. We looked for you everywhere else. Ron'll be pissed when he finds out you were here the whole time," Hermione continued briskly, picking a wrinkled shirt off the floor with two fingers and a disgusted look on her face, and shoving it into Harry's hands. She began to gather Harry's books as he pulled the shirt over his head groggily. "We should go, we're going to be late for Potions and you know how much Snape would love to give you a detention. Where are your books?"
"Eh?" Harry said thickly.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Honestly, look at the state of this place! Maybe you'd know where your things were if you boys kept this room a little below nuclear disaster. Well never mind, we don't have time. Let's just go."
Harry, still half asleep, allowed himself to be frog marched out of the common room where they met Ron and made their way toward the dungeons. Harry only hazily remembered his encounter with Malfoy the night before, and had no recollection at all of how he got back to the common room. He let Hermione practically drag him to and into the classroom, ignoring the worried looks both Ron and Hermione kept throwing him as he tried to work out what had happened. He had kissed Draco Malfoy. Again. That was twice in a week he had made out with a guy, Draco Malfoy nonetheless. What had happened after they kissed? All he could recall was Malfoy leaving upset. Had he been angry, or sad, or …? Harry rubbed his eyes as he struggled to remember.
Just then Harry felt something soft hit the side of his head. He looked down and saw a folded piece of parchment on the desk in front of him, with the words 'Don't open in public' scrawled on the top. He looked around curiously and saw Malfoy sending him a brief, meaningful gaze before staring determinedly back at Professor Snape. Harry shivered, but pocketed the note, and spent the rest of potions forcing himself not to fantasize about what the note might say.
Potter –
I need to talk to you. Meet
me in the Astronomy Tower
at midnight.
– Draco Malfoy
Harry reread the note for what must've been the tenth time as he made his way to the Astronomy Tower at five to midnight. It was wishful thinking to hope Malfoy might want to continue where they had left off, but Harry couldn't think what else Malfoy could possibly want. He climbed the long staircase and was relieved to find the door to the tower unlocked. He was not so relieved to find Malfoy already there; staring out of one of the windows, the moon casting silvery-blue light onto his hair and face. He turned, startled, as Harry entered the room.
"Oh," he breathed, "It's just you."
Harry's brow furrowed. "Are you expecting someone else?"
"No. I guess I just didn't really expect you to actually come."
"Why wouldn't I?"
Malfoy shrugged. "No reason I guess."
There was an uncomfortable silence. For the second time Harry was struck with the increasingly odd impression that Malfoy was embarrassed. Draco Malfoy was the model of cool, calm and collected, so to see him experiencing an emotion like embarrassment was something Harry didn't think he could ever get used to.
"What did you want?" Harry asked after a moment, his voice echoing dully around cavernous room.
"I just think we should talk," Malfoy said matter-of-factly, obviously attempting to hide his embarrassment. "I feel like we need to settle what happened between us."
"Oh. Okay," Harry said uncertainly, although he had already somewhat prepared himself for the fact that they might never speak of it again. "What is there to settle?"
"I'm not gay," Malfoy said firmly, seemingly more to himself than to Harry. "I'm really not."
"Well … good," Harry said slowly. "No, I don't mean good, I just mean … me neither."
There was a long pause in which Malfoy stared at Harry's knees, his lips pressed together.
"So, is that all you wanted to tell me?" Harry asked finally.
Malfoy shook his head. "What I wanted to say was … okay, we have fun, right?"
"When?" Harry asked, confused. "Now?"
"No, like during that detention."
"Fun?" Harry snorted. "You accused me of sleeping with Ron!"
Malfoy smiled. "Well I enjoyed that. But before that, I mean. We got along and stuff. We had fun."
"I guess."
"And I felt like I could talk to you," Malfoy said slowly. "Like even though we hardly know each other, I could trust you somehow."
Harry stared. "Trust me?" he asked in disbelief. "Malfoy, the whole time we've known each other you hated me, and now all of a sudden you trust me?"
"I never hated you," Malfoy said quietly.
Harry was taken aback. "Why?" he asked suspiciously.
Malfoy shook his head. "It doesn't matter. Not now, anyway. So … so I was just thinking that maybe we could just forget about what happened yesterday and just be … kind of … friends." He looked up at Harry expectantly.
Harry felt slightly paralyzed. Over the last few weeks he'd noticed Malfoy seemed to have that effect on him. He tried to work out what Malfoy had just said. He'd just assumed that after the initial shock of their make out session yesterday wore off they would go back to hating each other. And now Malfoy wanted to be friends? Not possible. Malfoy must be waiting for Harry to say yes so that he could laugh in Harry's face. It had to be a joke.
"I already have friends, Malfoy," Harry said.
"So do I!" Malfoy said quickly. "But what I don't have is someone to talk to. I mean really talk, not just about planning senior pranks on the teachers or who Parvati Patil is giving head to this week."
"You need someone to share your innermost thoughts and feelings with?" Harry asked mockingly.
Malfoy turned pink. "No, I just meant … it's just that my friends aren't great to talk to, you know if I ever had something serious that I needed to talk about. I know yours are probably better."
"Yeah, they are," Harry said.
"Let me ask you a question then, and if the answer is yes I'll never bother you about this again," Malfoy said, looking directly at Harry for the first time. "Do you really feel you can tell Weasley and Granger everything?'
Harry thought. True, Ron and Hermione were always there if he needed to talk. Hermione gave great advice and Ron could always make a joke that took Harry's mind off whatever was bothering him. And they were both good listeners most of the time. But now that he thought about it, Malfoy was right. Harry could never have talked to Ron about his relationship with Ginny. And he certainly couldn't tell Ron or Hermione about what had happened between him and Malfoy.
"No," he finally said quietly. "But there are things I can't tell anybody, it doesn't matter who it is."
Malfoy shrugged. "Me too."
"I –" Harry stopped abruptly. "Like what?"
Malfoy rolled his eyes. "Did I not just say I couldn't tell anyone?"
"Fine. Anyway, the point is this would never work. Hell, Malfoy, your father's part of a group of people who've been trying to kill me for the last seventeen years!" Harry exclaimed. "How could you think we could be friends?"
"Simple," Malfoy said quietly. "I'm not my father."
"No, but you're just like him," Harry retorted.
Malfoy's face fell slowly. He stared at Harry for a moment with crestfallen eyes. "Is that what you think?" he finally asked.
"I think it because I've never seen any different," said Harry honestly. "Because you call Hermione a Mudblood, and never stop making fun of Ron's family just because they don't have as much money as yours does, and you think you're better than everyone."
"So?" Malfoy protested. "So I make fun of people! So I'm an arrogant prick! That doesn't mean I want to be a Death Eater; that doesn't mean I want to kill people."
"How do I know that?" Harry asked. "How do I know you're not just trying to get close to me so you can get information about me that Voldemort could use? How do I know you haven't been employed by him as some kind of spy?"
"Because I'm telling you that I'm not."
Harry shook his head. "How can you expect me to be able to trust you on that after everything we've done to each other in the last six years? Look Malfoy, I'm not trying to be a jerk. But whether you like it or not you are connected with a man who wants to kill me, and worse. There's far too much at stake. It's not just me. If Voldemort gets an edge on me thousands of people could die."
Malfoy didn't say anything.
"And you're horrible to Hagrid!" Harry added, anger flooding him as he suddenly remembered all the reasons why he hated Malfoy in the first place. "You gave that Rita Skeeter information about him, trying to get him fired, and you milked that stupid Hippogriff injury for all it was frickin worth. It's thanks to your Master that I have no parents and that Neville Longbottom grew up worse than an orphan. Oh – the Inquisitorial Squad ring any bells? You helped Umbridge fight against me; you were disappointed when she decided not to use the Crutacious Curse on me!"
Malfoy shifted his gaze to the floor.
"Oh, and at the Ministry in fifth year!" Harry fired at the top of Malfoy's bowed head, "Your father and his happy little Death Eater friends tried to kill me and some other totally innocent people who had nothing to do with it anyway. They seriously injured Hermione, and they did manage to murder my godfather; the one person I cared about most in the world. And," Harry barreled on furiously, "You laughed at Cedric."
Malfoy looked up. "What?"
Harry took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself, but when he spoke his voice still shook with anger. "Fourth Year. The End of the Year Banquet, during Dumbledore's toast to Cedric Diggory. You laughed. I don't think I've ever hated you as much as I did right then."
Malfoy didn't answer. He turned his back on Harry, now gazing out the window.
"Wait. Wait a minute," Harry said slowly. "You don't really want to be friends, do you? You are going to be some kind of spy! This is exactly the same as in first year!"
Malfoy spun around; his brown furrowed. "What are you talking about Potter?"
"In first year you wanted to be my friend, remember? I could never figure out why. I mean a man you were connected with killed my parents, and was just biding his time before trying to kill me too! I may not have known that then, but you did. I know you did. He told you to do it, didn't he? It was like your assignment to become friends with me, to convince me that the Dark Arts are cool and Muggle-borns are scum. And then when Voldemort finally did come back it'd be that much easier for him to get to me," Harry said in a rush.
Malfoy blinked several times, as if trying to wrap his head around what Harry had just said. "Wha –? N – no, Potter, no!" he spluttered. "Have you lost your mind? That's ridiculous! First of all, you know as well as I that six years ago the Dark Lord was in no position to give instructions to anyone. And second of all, he doesn't hand out assignments to eleven year olds! That makes no sense."
"Then why did you want to be my friend back then?" asked Harry, crossing his arms firmly. "And why do you want to be my friend now? Why does this matter so much to you?"
Malfoy's expression snapped quickly from one of disbelief back to its usual sneer. "It doesn't matter to me, Potter. I just know things can't ever go back to the way they were after what happened between us, and I thought making the best out of the situation would be better than ignoring it completely. But whatever, it's not like I need you."
And with that Malfoy turned on his heel and left the room, once again leaving Harry alone and confused.
Harry rolled his eyes at no one in particular and let out a frustrated and exasperated sigh. Draco Malfoy was without a doubt the most confusing and complicated person Harry had ever met. Making a snap decision to not let Malfoy get away this time, Harry started out of the Astronomy tower and ran down the stairs.
"Malfoy!" Harry yelled when he spotted the other boy at the bottom of the stairs.
Malfoy turned, startled. "What?'
"What?" Harry said incredulously. "What do you mean; what? I just … I can't …" he spluttered, trying and failing to find the right words.
Malfoy peered at Harry through squinted eyes with a look of mock concern on his face. "Is it me, or did you just get stupider?"
"Shut the hell up, Malfoy," Harry snapped. "You're the one who's being stupid."
"How so?"
Harry's jaw dropped. "How so? Did you not just ask me to be friends with you?"
"What's your point?" Malfoy asked simply.
"My point is … my point is I don't know what your point is!" Harry yelled, not even caring that he wasn't making sense anymore. "I don't get you, Malfoy. As much as I try I just can't figure you out! You've been a completely different person than the one I used to know these last few weeks. You've been nice to me, then you kissed me and then you had me meet you up here so you could ask me to be your friend. Then when I point out what I thought would be the obvious – that the idea of us being friends is ridiculous – you turn right back into your old self, just like that! Sneering at me and making it seem like I'm the one who's acting strange! I just don't get it."
"You kissed me first," Malfoy said quietly.
"The first time. But you definitely initiated it the second time, on the steps," Harry protested.
"Would you have done it if I hadn't?" Malfoy asked.
"I –" Harry faltered, "… maybe. I don't know. But stop changing the subject!"
Malfoy sighed. "Look, I just thought … I don't know … that I never stop hearing great things about you. That you're such a nice person and such a good friend. And maybe I was a little jealous because my friends aren't. I thought maybe we could just hang out once in a while, you know, get a little break from our other friends. I don't know about you, but mine definitely get on my nerves sometimes."
Harry nodded. As much as he loved Ron and Hermione their constant bickering did aggravate him after a while. "Yeah they do sometimes I guess."
"I can understand how it would be difficult to trust me, considering …" Malfoy trailed off.
Harry nodded again. "This really isn't me being selfish. There are so many people out there whose lives rely on me, and I don't know what Voldemort's planning. For all I know any little bit of information could be used, and I can't risk that."
"I don't know what he's planning either, and I wouldn't tell anyone anything. I'm not a Death Eater, Potter, regardless of what you might think," Malfoy said quietly.
"A part of me wants to trust you," Harry said honestly. "But you know I can't."
"So then don't tell me anything he could use," Malfoy replied. "Nothing personal, we'll just talk casually."
Harry sighed. All his instincts were telling him that Malfoy was lying; that even considering this was pure insanity. But Harry's better judgment was losing to the tiny, hopeful smile on Malfoy's face and the soft blond strands falling into eyes Harry wanted so much to believe. Harry couldn't deny how attracted he was to the other boy, and even though he knew better a part of him just wanted to be close to Malfoy, whatever the situation.
"Okay. Okay, as long as it's nothing important," he conceded.
Malfoy nodded, smiling.
"When should we meet?" Harry said uncertainly.
"I don't know," Malfoy said shrugging. "I'm free now. Got anything you need to talk about?"
Harry laughed. "Not really. But I don't feel like going to bed either."
"Okay, so let's talk then." Malfoy walked past Harry and back up the stairs to the Astronomy tower.
Harry followed him up and watched him sit down against the wall under the window, motioning for Harry to sit beside him. Harry sat, but a good foot away from the other boy. The moonlight shining through the window made Malfoy's hair look beautiful, and Harry didn't want to be tempted to kiss him again.
"So," Malfoy said.
"So," Harry agreed, unsure of what to say. Both boys sat in silence for a few minutes.
"Are you a virgin, Harry Potter?" Malfoy said suddenly.
Taken aback by Malfoy's abruptness, Harry answered, "Technically" before he'd had the chance to think about what he was saying.
"What does technically mean?" Malfoy asked.
"Hey, I thought we agreed no personal stuff," Harry protested.
Malfoy rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on Potter, the Dark Lord isn't going to care whether or not you've had sex. What does technically mean?" he asked again.
Harry could almost hear the smirk he knew was on Malfoy's face. "It means I haven't actually done it, but I've done … you know, stuff," Harry retorted.
"Like what?"
Harry didn't answer. He wasn't going to tell Malfoy anything, but Malfoy seemed to take Harry's silence as an invitation to figure it out for himself.
"Well you've only dated two girls, the little Weasel and that Asian chick, and you only went out with the Asian chick for like four hours, so I shall assume it was the little Weasel," Malfoy guessed correctly.
Harry stared strait ahead, refusing to let the answer show on his face.
"So what, she did stuff to you?" Malfoy asked, sounding slightly impressed through the smirking.
Harry made no noise again, but knew it was pointless as Malfoy had already figured it out.
"She sucked you off didn't she?" Malfoy smirked.
Harry still said nothing but blushed involuntarily, letting Malfoy know that he was right.
Malfoy laughed out loud. "You guys only went out for a few weeks! I knew she was easy, but I didn't think Saint Potter the Innocent would ever agree to that so fast. Was she good?"
Harry shrugged again, staring at his hands. "It's not like I have anything to compare it to."
Malfoy rolled his eyes. "You don't need to have a comparison to know whether it feels good or not."
Harry snickered. "I guess not."
"So?"
"So yes, it definitely felt good."
"Did you, you know …" Malfoy made a noise like an explosion.
Harry smiled in spite of himself. "Yes," he said, trying not to sound too pleased with himself.
Malfoy nodded. "Not bad, Potter, not bad," he said, sounding halfway between amused and impressed.
"What about you?" Harry asked. "There's no way Draco Malfoy is a virgin."
"Yes there is, Potter."
Harry stared. "Seriously? But you always have all those girls all over you! You're actually telling me you've never done it with any of them?"
Malfoy shook his head, obviously uncomfortable.
Harry opened and closed his mouth several times, quite unsure of what to say. Malfoy's evident reluctance to continue on the subject stopped all the questions Harry had in their tracks.
"You know …" Harry started. "Actually, never mind."
"No, what?"
Harry hesitated. "I was just going to say that you could call me Harry, if you wanted to."
Malfoy smiled. "Yeah … I will. And you could call me Draco, if you wanted."
"Draco," Harry smiled. "Ok, Draco, tell me something."
"What?"
"I don't have a subject in mind, just tell me something interesting," Harry explained.
"Like what?"
"Like whatever you want. Something about you, something that no one else knows."
"You already know lots of stuff about me that nobody else knows," Draco protested. "Most of the things I've told you nobody knows."
"Oh come on, just play the damn game," Harry rolled his eyes. "Tell me something."
"Well at least give me a topic."
Harry sighed and rolled his eyes again. "Okay fine, how about … the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you."
"The most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me is a secret for a reason."
"Oh come on."
"Fine, fine. Okay … one time I was so hard up in Snape's class that I snuck into his store room when he was helping someone else so I could jerk off and he caught me."
Harry's mouth fell open. "Seriously? What did he say?"
"Nothing right away, he actually just said 'I'll let you finish' and closed the door. But the next day he called me into his office."
"Was he mad?"
"No, worse. He told me he went through the same thing when he was my age and that he understood the feelings I was having. He even gave me a whole father-son kind of talk about puberty and growing up and how it's normal for it to take a while to learn how to control my urges."
Harry laughed out loud. "Oh wow. That's hilarious!"
"Yeah, for you. I, on the other hand, was totally mortified. Okay, you go."
"Hmm. Ok well I don't think it's the most embarrassing moment of my life, but it's along the same line as yours was. One time my cousin caught me doing it behind the hedge in the backyard. I threatened to curse him if he told my aunt and uncle, and I think he probably would've told eventually anyway except that a few days later I walked in on him doing it in the hall closet so we decided it call it even. But then I made him mad later that day and he told his parents about me, so then I told about him. But in their eyes Dudley can do no wrong, so they took him out for dinner to celebrate him turning into a man and locked me in my room for a week to teach me to control my hormones."
Draco laughed. "No way, that's so not fair."
"Tell me about it," Harry groaned. "Dudley told all his friends too, and they still haven't let me forget it. I'm embarrassed just thinking about it."
"Are they really that bad?" Draco asked.
"Who, muggles?"
Draco nodded.
Harry shook his head. "Nah, most of them are just like us. The Dursleys are pretty horrible, but they're an exception. But anyway, I think I should probably try to get some sleep. I have to get up early for Quidditch practice."
Draco smirked. "Yeah you'd better. God knows Gryffindor needs all the practice they can get."
Harry smirked back at him. "That's pretty big talk coming from the seeker of a team that's never beaten us."
Draco laughed. "You know, as much as I rag on you, you actually are an amazing flyer."
"Yeah, you too."
"Well ..." Draco said slowly. "See you."
But everything inside you knows
There's more than what you've heard
"Why don't you care about doing well on these exams, Ron?" Harry heard Hermione's voice cry in exasperation as he hurried down the stairs from his dormitory and into the common room. Ron and Hermione were standing at opposite ends of a table, both with clenched fists and furious expressions.
"These 'stupid tests', as you put it, could determine our entire future! Don't you want to make something of yourself?" Hermione continued.
"Maybe it's not impossible for someone to make something of themselves without having memorized the exact recipe for a Sleeping Draught. Did it ever occur to you that not everybody cares how to make stupid potions that nobody ever uses anyway?" Ron spat back.
Harry silently agreed with Ron, but rolled his eyes and made quickly for the portrait hole, hoping Ron and Hermione would be too wrapped up in their latest row to notice him leaving. No such luck, however.
"Where are you going in such a hurry?" Ron called as Harry climbed into the portrait hole.
"Out," Harry yelled over his shoulder.
He knew he'd have to think of a better excuse later, but that could wait. Right now he had to get to the Astronomy Tower. Draco, always punctual, had no doubt been waiting for Harry for a good twenty minutes and Harry knew he wouldn't wait much longer before giving up. It was the third time they had met just that week and Harry was the happiest he had been in a long time. Draco was laid-back and funny which made him enjoyable to be around, but he was also an excellent listener, and never judged. For the first time since Sirius had died Harry felt truly understood; Draco could always make sense out of things in a way that Ron and Hermione had never been able to. Harry always had the surprising impression of an innocent child whenever he was around the other boy – Draco looked at the world in the most simple and uncomplicated way, as if he expected nothing from it.
Harry sprinted up three flights of stairs and was completely winded by the time he reached his destination. He opened the door to the astronomy tower and found Draco sitting in their usual spot under the window.
"What's wrong?" Draco said immediately.
Harry shook his head, smiling. It was next to impossible to ever hide anything from Draco, as Draco could always tell instantly when something was bothering Harry.
"Ron and Hermione are pissing me off." He collapsed against the cold wall and sunk, exhausted and frustrated, to the cool stone floor. "They never stop at each other's throats."
"About what?"
"About nothing!" Harry exploded. "That's why it bothers me so much; it's about absolutely nothing. Hermione's bossy and a know-it-all and Ron hates it, and Ron's lazy and never takes anything seriously and Hermione hates it. Every little thing turns into World War Three. You should've seen when Hermione tried to make Ron rewrite an essay – he was this close to hexing her, I swear."
Draco smiled. "Too bad he didn't. A good hex might've taken her down a few pegs."
"You only say that because you're sore that a muggle-born is beating you in every class."
"Damn right I am," Draco said sullenly. "You should hear my father talk about it. I'm practically a disgrace to the name Malfoy."
"Well Hermione works harder than you do. What do you expect?"
"Shut up, Potter," Draco joked. "Have you ever considered that she gets such good marks because she rarely extracts her head from McGonagall's ass?"
Harry pushed Draco over, indignant on behalf of his friend but not really mad. "No, I haven't. You know as well as I do McGonagall doesn't play favorites. Hermione gets good grades because she does her homework and actually studies."
"Why?" Draco scoffed. "It's not like anybody actually takes this place seriously."
Harry laughed. "Well you certainly don't. But Hermione probably wants to actually make something of herself. Plus I'm pretty sure she gets a kick out of being right all the time. It drives Ron nuts."
Draco raised his eyebrows. "Sounds to me like he has a thing for her."
"He does," Harry said, rolling his eyes.
"He told you?"
"No," Harry laughed. "He'd never admit something like that, mostly for fear of Fred and George finding out I think. But I can tell."
Draco let out a low whistle. "Granger and Weasley. How do you feel about that?"
Harry shrugged. "Ok I guess. Nothing's happened yet, so I guess I'll just deal with it when it does. If it does, I mean."
"You don't think it will?"
Harry shrugged again. "It's hard to say. They really piss each other off. They don't speak for days sometimes. Back in third year Ron thought Hermione's cat had eaten his rat and he didn't even look at her for like a month. It's hard to see that turning into romance."
Draco nodded thoughtfully. "And what if it does?"
"I don't know," Harry answered truthfully. "I really don't. As much as I want them to be happy, I kind of secretly hope nothing ever happens. I mean, we're three best friends. If two of us started dating it could never be the same again. Plus, what it they broke up? They're both so stubborn they'd probably never speak to each other again, and then I would have to pick one of them to still be friends with."
"They'd make you pick between them?"
"Well they'd never actually say I had to, but I know I would. When they were fighting over that rat Ron almost stopped speaking to me when he saw me talking to Hermione. I'd have to pick one of them or lose both of them."
Draco said nothing, just gazed ahead.
"Anyway," Harry continued apologetically, "I've been talking your ear off. What's up with you?"
Draco shook his head. "Nothing."
Harry raised his eyebrows.
"Well ok, something," Draco continued. "But it doesn't matter really."
"What?"
Draco stared at the floor. "I've had a letter from my father. He wants to pull me out of school next week so I can get this … mark … thing … it's really not a big deal, but I probably shouldn't even be telling you. You're not supposed to know, no one is …"
Harry's jaw dropped. "The Dark Mark?"
Draco looked up, startled. "You … you know about it?"
"Yeah, of course I do," Harry said impatiently. "Why does he want you to get it?"
"How do you know?" Draco demanded, his brow furrowed and his expression of utmost bewilderment. "It's not, like, common knowledge is it?"
"Not common knowledge, but I'm sure quite a few people know. Dumbledore does at least, and he tells me pretty much everything," Harry scoffed, not totally sure why knowing more on the subject than Draco did was making him feel superior to the other boy. Maybe Draco was rubbing off on him. "Our side knows tons more than Voldemort thinks we do, anyway," he added with a touch of pride in his voice that didn't sound like him.
"Like what?" Draco said quickly, his steely eyes suddenly sharp with interest.
"Er … never mind, I shouldn't have told you that," Harry said guiltily, realizing much too late that this was exactly the kind of thing they'd agreed not to tell each other.
Draco nodded and stared at the inside of his right arm, shuddering slightly.
"Anyway, why does he want you to get it?" Harry cried, the uncomfortable superior feeling disappearing as surprise and concern washed over him once more.
"I'm of age now. He wants me to join up for real as soon as exams are over," Draco said with what sounded like a very forced composure.
Harry hardly dared to breathe for fear Draco would stop talking.
"It makes sense if you really think about it, I mean if all the Dark Lord ever had were middle aged men helping him there'd be a large demographic he'd be missing out on, wouldn't there? If he has followers of different ages he'll have a much wider span of support," Draco continued, sounding like he was repeating exactly what his father had told him in order to convince himself his father was right.
Harry opened and closed his mouth several times, but couldn't seem to form words. How had he not seen this coming? Lucius Malfoy was right in Voldemort's inner circle, obviously he would want his only son to be a Death Eater too. Harry couldn't believe he'd forgotten about that for so long. Harry had never let himself think about Draco when they were apart for fear of letting something slip to Ron and Hermione. And when they were together they had so much fun that Harry had stupidly ignored everything he knew about the Malfoys' connections to Voldemort.
"Please say something," Draco said quietly, not looking at Harry.
Harry swallowed. "I don't know what to say."
"You forgot about this, didn't you?" Draco said, smiling sadly.
Harry nodded. "Trying to be friends with someone I had hated for so long only worked if I shut out all the complications. I guess I shut them out for too long."
"I forgot about it too," Draco confessed. "It used to be all my father ever talked about, but I've had no word from him for so long I kind of figured he'd decided against making me get it. That maybe my mother had finally convinced him against it."
"So you don't want to then?" Harry said hopefully.
Draco sighed, staring at his hands. "What I want isn't really an issue. Unfortunately it's more complicated than that. I know better than to go against the Dark Lord, so if he wants me to join him then that will be the end of it."
"But if you did have a choice, you wouldn't?" Harry asked slowly, afraid of the answer.
"I don't know," Draco said softly. "Sometimes I feel like I want to, but then I don't know if it's what I actually want or if I've just convinced myself it's pointless to run from it. To be honest I was never really into the dark arts. I only pretended to be because I knew it was what my father and the Malfoy bloodline expected of me," he said resentfully. "Do you know where I was the night You-Know-Who came back, back in fourth year?"
"I know where you weren't," Harry said. "I know where your father was, and you weren't with him."
"Did you think I would be?" Draco asked, sounding surprised and hurt.
Harry shrugged apologetically. "I didn't so much expect it as … well, I wouldn't have been surprised."
Draco's brow furrowed. "Well you're right, I wasn't with him. I was in my dormitory, in my bed, under the blanket. Sobbing. Pitiful, isn't it."
Harry bit his lip and tried to think of anything to say, but came up with nothing.
"I was scared," Draco said quietly, his eyes very red. "Because I knew this day would have to come, now that he was back." He paused thoughtfully. "Do you remember the first time we met up here, when I told you I had never really hated you?"
Harry nodded.
"My dad had wanted me to join since I was born," Draco said, "and I'm sure if you hadn't stopped the Dark Lord sixteen years ago my dad would've made me join up much sooner than this. In a way you saved me, at least for a while. I guess that's why I could never really bring myself to hate you."
Both boys sat in silence for a few minutes. It wasn't uncomfortable silence, they had just both given each other a lot to think about. Harry's insides felt cold at the idea of Draco becoming a death eater. What if Voldemort forced him to kill people? Or worse, what if Draco didn't follow orders and Voldemort killed him?
"You wouldn't really become a Death Eater, would you?" Harry asked.
Draco shrugged. "Like I said, it may not be my choice anymore. If I'm completely honest with myself, I don't want to, but I will if that's how things turn out."
"How can you be so calm about this?"
"Because I've accepted the fact that this decision is not in my hands. My fate is not up to me and worrying about it won't change anything," Draco said firmly.
"But –"
"Everybody has to do things in their life that they don't want to do," Draco said heavily. "But you do them, because you have to. You of all people should be able to understand that. I'm sure you don't want to be what you are, the Famous Harry Potter, I mean the fate of the free world practically rests on your shoulders! I know you don't want that. I know you don't want to be the 'Chosen One' who has to try to kill the Dark Lord. But you'll do it, I know you will. Because you have to." Draco paused, staring off into space for a moment and catching his breath before continuing softly. "We don't get to choose what we get in life, Harry. All we can do is take what we've been given and try to make the best of it. I don't want to become a Death Eater and you don't want to have to fight the Dark Lord alone, but we both will when the times comes. Because that's what we've been given, and that's what we have to do."
"But you do have a choice!" Harry said desperately. "Talk to Dumbledore, come over to our side. Dumbledore has the power to protect you, and he would if you'd just let him."
"Potter …" Draco said exasperatedly, "… Harry. I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because all I am is a pawn in the Dark Lord's plan. I'm not important enough in the great scheme of things to think that me turning over to your side would change anything or help anyone."
"It would help you. You'd be safe," Harry persisted.
"Harry you have good intentions, I know you do, but you really have no idea …" Draco shuddered slightly. "The Dark Lord does not take kindly to being defied, and neither does my father. They'd come after me, I know they would, and if it meant killing people on your side to get to me they wouldn't bat an eyelash. They'd do it, and I can't let that happen. If other people have to die for me to be safe then it's not worth it."
Draco opened his mouth as if to say something else, but thought the better of it and settled for continuing to stare at his hands.
"That's … that's really brave," Harry said admiringly.
Draco shook his head. "I'm not brave."
"Are you scared?" Harry asked after a moment.
"Terrified," Draco whispered. "But courage is not the absence of fear, it's the decision that something else is more important than fear."
Harry's mouth broke into a small smile. "A muggle author said that."
Draco nodded. "I know. They're not all useless," he added, smiling momentarily.
"This isn't fair. You're not like them. You don't belong in that world," said Harry.
"Maybe I do," Draco said softly.
"No, you don't," Harry said firmly. "Even back when we were mean to each other, even back when I thought I hated you I always knew there was some good in you. I always knew you weren't as evil as you let on. You're a good person Draco, I see that now more than ever."
"How do you know?" Draco challenged quietly. "How do you know I'm such a good person?"
"I just know."
"What are you basing that on?" Draco asked. "I'm nothing close to a good person, I never have been. I'm an arrogant, sadistic jerk. I treat everyone like dirt, and I treat my friends even worse. I take pleasure in hurting others and I pride myself in my ability to kick people when they're down. And to top it off I've spent most of my time at Hogwarts scheming to overthrow Dumbledore and kick all the muggle-borns out of here."
"Those things don't matter," Harry said gently, subconsciously placing his hand lightly on Draco's leg. "Being mean sometimes doesn't make you a bad person. You have a good heart, which means you don't belong with them. I care about you too much to let you do this."
Draco said nothing, almost managing to conceal his surprise.
Harry glanced at his watch. "Damn, I have to go. I have to meet Hermione," he said regretfully, standing up and pulling Draco up with him. "Please think about what I said, and don't let your father push you around. If being a Death Eater is something you really want then I won't stop you. But I know it's not. So please just think about it ok?"
"Wait."
Harry turned back around and bumped into Draco's chest as two strong arms enclosed around him. Harry jumped slightly, and then relaxed almost unwillingly into Draco's warm body. Draco clung to Harry desperately as if he had never been hugged in his life, which Harry now realized was very possibly true – Harry had not gotten the impression that Draco's parent's were very loving the few times he had met them. Harry's mind clouded over again, just as it had the last time he and Draco had been this close. Harry hugged Draco back, but Harry's touch seemed to pull the other boy out of a momentary trance, and Draco pulled away.
"What was that for?" Harry asked, feeling himself blush.
"It's been a long time since someone said they cared about me," Draco said awkwardly, looking at the floor. "So … thanks."
"No problem," Harry said, in what he hoped was a casual voice.
Harry had forced himself not to think about Draco in 'that' way since they decided to be friends, but feeling Draco's body pressed that close to his had brought the memories quickly back. Harry muttered a hurried goodbye to Draco and left the corridor swiftly. He stopped as soon as he was out of the other boy's sight and leaned against the wall, breathing heavily. His mind was flooded with a hundred thoughts and emotions; all crashing into each other and screaming for Harry's attention. His knees wobbled dangerously at the memory of Draco against him and his stomached twisted at the thought of Draco becoming a Death Eater. Somehow he managed to make his way back to his dormitory; angry at himself for wishing Draco were coming with him.
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before
Later that night Draco Malfoy lay curled in his bed, staring blankly into the darkness. His eyelids were heavy and itched with tiredness but he held them firmly open – every time he closed them the image of a boy with black hair, intense green eyes and a kind smile swam across his mind. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about Harry Potter (Harry Potter!) since they'd last seen each other. His face was hot with shame at his own weaknesses. Why the hell could he not control himself? To make matters worse he was slowly realizing that mere hours ago he had jerked off picturing the boy he'd been fighting so hard to forget. Harry fucking Potter! What the hell was the matter with him?
And I'm on fire burning at these mysteries ...
For almost two weeks Harry made excuse after excuse as to why he couldn't meet Draco. Homework; emergency Quidditch practice; anything he could think of to get out of being alone in the dimly lit Astronomy tower with the boy who was now haunting his dreams. He couldn't look at Draco without imagining what it would be like to touch him – to really touch him, in places others couldn't. He spent Potions class wondering what Draco would look like without a shirt. He spent Care of Magical Creatures visualizing Draco in the changing room after a game, sweaty and pumped with adrenaline and slowly undressing ... He relieved himself of these fantasies alone in the shower, desperately wishing that it were Draco's hand wrapped around himself instead of his own. Most mornings he woke up with sticky sheets and hoped with all he had in him that Dobby hadn't been assigned to change the beds in his dormitory.
He hated himself for how weak he had become. All it took was a glance from those grey eyes or a toss of that silky hair to get him going. He couldn't concentrate in any of his classes, even the ones Draco wasn't in. He would notice someone else's blond hair or someone would mention something about Slytherin's last Quidditch game and Harry would immediately be lost in fantasies.
On Friday Snape made Harry stay late to clean up some ingredients he had spilled while lost in daydreams. When Harry finally left the classroom he was cornered by Draco.
"Where've you been? I've hardly seen you in like two weeks!" Draco said resentfully.
Harry's stomach dropped a few feet as Draco put his hand on Harry's arm.
"Are you okay?" Draco asked gently. "I've been worried about you."
"I'm … I'm fine," Harry spluttered. "Totally fine, I just … I have to … I need … I have to go," he finished lamely, wanting to kick himself for coming up with such a bad excuse.
"My friends are pissing me off, I need to see you," Draco persisted.
Harry swallowed. "Soon," he promised.
"Tonight?" Draco asked hopefully.
Harry took one look at Draco's memorizing eyes and gave in. "Sure. Tonight."
Draco smiled and Harry's stomach dropped a few more feet. "See you at nine then." Draco walked away, still smiling.
Harry nearly collapsed.
Give me everything you are
Give me one more chance to be
Harry's senses had left him. He had been sitting on the floor in the fourth floor corridor talking to Draco for almost a half hour, and the longer they talked the worse his senses got. His brain was a whirlpool of white mist. He could barely see or hear and when Draco's foot had accidentally touched his he hadn't even felt it. His whole body felt numb and his mind felt far away. He couldn't believe he had let Draco talk him into meeting again. Not that I needed much convincing, he thought bitterly. One look at those stormy grey eyes and Harry melted like an ice cream on a hot day. Harry was utterly disgusted with himself. So much for self control.
"I think my friends know about you."
Harry snapped back to reality far too abruptly. "They do?"
"Well, I don't think they know it's you, but they know I've been sneaking off to see somebody," Draco continued, his brow furrowed. "They've been really weird lately, though. They keep asking me about where I go when I'm not with them. They never used to do that before, they always kind of let me get on with my own business. I've told them I'm studying, but you and I have spent a lot of time together and my marks aren't improving, so I don't think they believe me anymore. Actually, I think they think I'm off shagging some girl."
Harry smiled. "I haven't thought about it before, but mine probably think so too."
It hadn't really occurred to him before that Ron and Hermione probably didn't truly believe the increasingly lame excuses he came up with. It puzzled him now that he thought of it. It wasn't at all like Hermione to let something like that slide.
"Sneaking around and meeting up secretly isn't something friends normally do …" said Draco quietly.
"Hey, we did have those kisses a while ago," Harry joked. As soon as the words were out of Harry's mouth he regretted them. Why did he have to say that? He had worked so hard to keep from Draco that he had feelings for him, whatever the hell those feelings were. And now he had to go and bring up their kisses.
But to Harry's surprise Draco didn't look uncomfortable or embarrassed, he simply looked up slowly and whispered, "Yeah."
Draco didn't look as though he were upset at the idea of them being more than friends. He looked almost thoughtful, as if he were actually considering it, and eyed Harry with an odd expression.
"What?" Harry asked, thrown off by Draco's stare.
"Nothing." Draco shook his head as if to clear it. "I was just remembering when we … you know."
Harry held his breath, afraid that any noise might make Draco stop talking. Draco, however, suddenly looked at Harry as if he'd only just noticed Harry was there. His mouth fell open slightly and his eyes widened, full of dismay.
"Oh my god …" he breathed. "Maybe I am gay." Draco put a hand over his mouth, stunned. "No!" he cried suddenly, jumping up. "I'm not gay, Potter, I'm not!"
"I … I never said you were …" Harry said uncertainly.
"Well … well good!" Draco exploded, beginning to pace. "Because I'm not! And I won't be! Not ever!"
"Draco, what's wrong with you?" Harry asked.
"Me? There's nothing wrong with me!" Draco spluttered, his face very red and his eyes wild. "The only way there would be something wrong with me is if I was gay, which I'm not, I'm not!"
"Okay!" Harry said quickly. "Okay, I believe you!"
Draco stopped pacing and turned to face Harry, still quite red.
"Will you please sit down?"
Draco moved back toward Harry slowly, with an expression like a frightened animal.
"What the hell was that?" Harry asked after Draco had sat back down, a bit further away from Harry that he had been.
"Nothing," Draco said softly. "I'm sorry, I just … I don't know. I'm not gay."
"I believe you," Harry repeated.
"Are you?" Draco asked slowly, without looking at Harry.
"No," Harry said automatically.
Draco shifted slightly so he could look Harry strait in the eyes. Harry tried to steady his breath, his foot twitching as he attempted to stop himself from jumping on Draco right there and then.
"You are, aren't you?" Draco asked softly.
Harry sighed, defeated. "I don't know," he answered truthfully. "Maybe."
Draco nodded and inched a bit closer. "Have you thought about that kiss before now?"
Harry nodded shyly.
"Lots?"
Harry nodded again, his heart threatening to beat right out of his chest as Draco moved closer still. "Have you?"
"Maybe," Draco said timidly.
Harry stomach twisted, his heart continuing to race. Draco was now so close that Harry could feel warm breath on his cheek.
"I think I might kiss you," Harry whispered.
Draco said nothing, but licked his lips again, the bottom one trembling slightly. Harry couldn't believe what he was about to do, but knew he would never forgive himself if he didn't. He leaned forward and pressed his lips into Draco's. Draco wriggled closer and placed a hand on Harry's leg. Harry's whole body went numb at the touch and his brain clouded over. This was really happening. He was really kissing Draco Malfoy, again. Draco Malfoy's hand was slowly moving up the inside of his thigh, leaving a burning sensation behind it. When it was centimeters away from his groin Harry grabbed it. Taking advantage of Draco's momentary surprise, Harry pushed Draco into the wall and straddled him. Harry was stunned at his own boldness, but when their lips met it was like a dragon had erupted into his chest; a dragon that had been locked in a cage since their last kiss and had finally been set free. He couldn't have stopped even if he'd wanted to. He seized both Draco's wrists and held them captive against the wall. Draco looked up at him and Harry recaptured Draco's mouth. He lowered himself to actually sit on Draco's lap and ground his hips into Draco's, feeling an erection pressing back into his own. Both boys groaned at the friction.
Harry had just pulled away from the kiss and begun to work on Draco's neck when –
"Wait," Draco gasped. "Wait. Not here."
Harry ignored him and took one of Draco's earlobes into his mouth. Draco groaned again, but pushed Harry away.
"Seriously," he said, breathing heavily. "We can't do this here, what if someone sees us?"
That had been the last thing on Harry's mind, but Draco did have a point. What if a professor walked had around the corner and seen Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy making out against a wall? Or worse, what if Ron had seen them?
"Besides," Draco continued, "I can't have you sitting on me, now can I? A Malfoy always has the upper hand." Draco cupped Harry's chin in his hands and kissed him again. "Don't worry," he said. "Go get that invisibility cloak of yours and meet me back here. I'll sneak you into my room."
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take
Harry's legs couldn't carry him fast enough. He sprinted back to Gryffindor tower, nearly ploughing a group of fourth years and completely ignoring the "Where're you going?" from Ron as he ran past him. He grabbed his cloak from under his bed and dashed back out of the common room without a word to a bewildered looking Ron. He made it back to the fourth floor corridor in what he thought must be record time. Draco was leaning casually against the wall and laughed when he saw Harry sprinting up the corridor.
"Eager, are we?" he joked as Harry stopped in front of him, breathing heavily.
"Shut up, Malfoy," Harry smiled and pulled Draco close to him.
"That's not very –" Draco started to say, but Harry silenced him with a kiss. It became deep and dizzy and passionate quickly, before Draco pushed Harry away again.
Harry growled in frustration. "Why do you keep doing that?"
Draco smiled. "Because we need to continue this in a place where we can actually finish it," he whispered silkily in Harry's ear, sending shivers down Harry's spine.
Draco took the invisibility cloak and draped it over Harry. He then took Harry's hand and led him down three flights of stairs to the dungeons.
"I'll go in first," Draco said when they reached a portrait of a snake Harry knew was the entrance to the Slytherin dormitories. "If the coast is clear I'll come back for you," Draco continued.
Harry nodded eagerly, then said "okay" in a soft voice when he realized Draco couldn't see him. Draco whispered the password and climbed through the portrait hole. Harry waited for a few minutes, all the while his insides churning with excitement and nervousness about what they might do once Draco snuck him in.
The portrait hole opened and Draco stuck his head out. "All clear," he said smiling, and groped around to pull the cloak off of Harry before helping him through the hole. They went up a winding stone staircase similar to the one in Gryffindor tower, and into Draco's dormitory.
"You have your own room?" Harry asked in surprise as they entered it. It was about the size of Harry's dormitory but with a great stone fireplace, a soft looking armchair, a large elaborately carved armoire, a slightly ajar door Harry assumed must be a private bathroom, and only one, huge four poster bed.
"Perks of being a Slytherin prefect," Draco said smugly.
Harry's jaw dropped. "Seriously?"
Draco nodded. "I guess the other founders felt humbleness and modesty were more important virtues than Slytherin did."
"Well you certainly aren't either of those things," Harry joked, giving Draco a playful shove.
Draco smiled. "Sorry it's not tidier," he added, gesturing around. "If I'd known we were –"
"Its fine," Harry said quickly.
"Well …" Draco said, once again sounding as uncertain as Harry felt.
"Yeah …" Harry said slowly.
Draco moved closer suddenly and Harry felt Draco lips press slowly into his own. Harry leaned into the kiss, his knees buckling as Draco's hand slid down Harry's back and Harry felt Draco's arousal pressing into his thigh. They kissed passionately and desperately for what felt like hours and just when Harry had been sure he must have died and gone to heaven, Draco pulled away.
"Wha …" Harry protested, but Draco shushed him with a quick kiss, before moving toward his bed and sitting down.
"What are you doing?" Harry asked, breathing heavily.
Draco raised his eyebrows, probably more seductively than he realized. "Why don't you come over here and find out?" he whispered.
Harry licked his lips hungrily and began to move toward the bed when he heard a sharp knocking noise followed by what could only be the horrible sound of door hinges. Draco and Harry both jumped as the door swung open suddenly. The boy who Harry dimly recognized as Blaise Zabini walked in, looking at what seemed to be a newspaper clipping.
"God, Drake, you'll never guess what my owl just brought –" He stopped short as he took in the scene before him, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open. "Drake…" he said slowly, "What –"
"Ok, fine, Potter!" Draco spat suddenly, standing up. "Your dorm is cleaner than mine. You win. Now get the hell out of my room!"
Harry was shocked for a moment, then realized that Draco was trying to cover up for why Harry was there. Harry tried his best to mirror Draco's sneer. "I can't wait. It's disgusting in here. Then again, what else did I expect, seeing as it's your room?"
Harry left the room briskly and ran as fast as he could from the Slytherin common room as soon as the door closed behind him. Once outside the portrait hole he collapsed against the wall, breathing heavily with relief. Harry silently thanked every god he could think of that Zabini had walked in when he did and not a minute earlier. Or worse – a minute later.
Just then the portrait hole opened and Draco stepped out, bursting into laughter the minute the picture swung back against the wall.
"He bought it!" Draco snorted, leaning against the wall for support. "I told him I'd bumped into you in the hall and you'd bet me that your dorm was cleaner than mine, which is why you were in our room, and the dumbass actually believed me!"
Harry smiled weakly.
"I can't believe it." Draco shook his head, his cheeks flushed. "That was the worst excuse I've ever come up with in my life! I was positive we were dead meat, but that idiot actually bought it!" He glanced at Harry. "What?"
"Nothing," Harry shook his head. "I'm just relieved he walked in when he did, instead of ... well …" He trailed off, shrugging.
Draco nodded. "Oh man, me too." He shook his head in relief.
"So …" Harry started, not quite sure how to word what to he wanted to say.
"So what?"
"So are we going to talk about what we almost did in there?"
Draco exhaled, and his eyes widened in realization. "Oh god," he breathed. "You're right." He looked sideways at Harry. "Would we have had … you know?" he asked, sounding halfway between excited and terrified. "I mean, if I'd been ok with it, would you have done it?"
Harry bit his lip, and tried not to look at Draco. "I don't know."
Draco nodded slowly, now looking more scared than excited.
"You wouldn't have been ok with it, would you?" Harry said flatly, even though he was pretty sure he already knew the answer.
Draco shook his head slowly. "I don't know."
"Meaning what?"
Draco sighed. "Meaning that in the moment I wanted to, but now …"
"Well than what do you want Draco?" Harry exploded. "I mean, when we kissed on the steps a few weeks ago you told me you weren't gay, and I believed you. Then you asked me to come up to the Astronomy Tower so that you could tell me again that you were strait, and again I believed you. Then earlier today you completely flipped out when the subject of you being gay came up again, but then two minutes later we were making out against a goddamn wall! Then you snuck me into your room to, in your own words, 'finish we had started'. And now you're going to tell me again that you aren't gay?"
"I haven't told you I'm not gay this time," Draco said quietly.
Harry stopped pacing. "Meaning that you are?"
"No, meaning that I don't know!" Draco said, exasperated. "Look, I like you, ok? I do. And I know that probably makes me gay, but the reason I'm not saying I am is because I'm not attracted to guys in general. I'm only attracted to you. I'm just so confused about this whole thing, and …" Draco took a deep breath. "What I mean is that I don't want you to think I don't like you that way, because I do, Harry. I really do. This is all just happening so fast, and … I don't know. I don't know what else to say."
Harry looked into Draco's mesmerizing eyes as he let what Draco had just said sink in. "You like me?" he asked quietly, hardly daring to believe it could be true.
"Of course I do." Draco took Harry's hand and Harry let himself be pulled closer to the other boy. Draco brushed the hair lovingly out of Harry's eyes before placing a light kiss on Harry's lips.
"I didn't want to at first," Draco admitted. "But I couldn't help it. You're just so damn hot."
Harry stared. "You think I'm hot?"
"Me and half the school."
Harry's mouth fell open. "Really?"
"You didn't know?" Draco laughed.
Harry shook his head.
"Oh believe me, there are plenty of girls at this school who would give their right arm to be me right now. But I have a feeling I would've eventually fallen for you anyway," Draco said, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist.
Harry smiled. "You mean if I was ugly?"
Draco laughed. "Well you're not, so it doesn't really matter."
"So what are we going to do about this?" Harry sighed.
"I don't know. Are you going to be like … my boyfriend?"
Harry felt his breath hitch in his chest. "If that's what you want," he said breathlessly.
Draco bit his lip thoughtfully. "I think it is," he said after a moment.
Harry's stomach twisted and his lungs felt tight and constricted. "So … so we're really going to do this?"
Draco exhaled as if to calm himself. "Yeah," he whispered. "Yeah, we are. Can I ask you something, though?"
"Sure."
"Can we …" Draco bit his lip again. "Can we not tell anyone? Not that I'm, you know, ashamed of you or anything. It's just that it's you, and it's me, and –"
"I know," Harry cut him off. "I don't think my friends could handle it either. And it's not like either of us needs anything more to deal with right now."
Draco smiled. "I promise I won't tell anyone."
Harry smiled back and pulled Draco closer; breathing in the other boy's intoxicating sent. "Me too," he whispered into Draco's lips before capturing Draco's mouth with his own. Harry couldn't believe his luck. He sank deliriously into the warm embrace, his knees weakening at the feeling of Draco's tongue against his. He felt truly happy for the first time in a long time. For the first time in his life he didn't wish he was someone else. He realized with a jolt that for the first time ever he was completely happy with being Harry.
I'm on fire when you're near me
And I'm on fire when you speak
That's all for now! Sorry to leave you hanging, but hey, at least this chapter has a happier ending than the last one.
Disclaimer - the song is "On Fire" by Lifehouse. I don't own the lyrics, I just worship them. Nor do I own any of the characters. I just manipulate their emotions.