I hope you all enjoyed the last chapter! I want to thank the guests for reviewing, and also lovelikeher, whom I'm a huge fan of since I follow her Jabi fic myself. So everyone go check out her story, 'Baby Blues.' It's amazing! Please give me some ideas for the chapter after this because I totally struggled in this chapter, please keep reviewing because without them I don't feel like I'm doing good enough.

Anyway, a little introduction. I'm Essy/Stell. I hope you love the story, please please please, leave a review or two before I update for chapter 3.

As his questions and remark hit her, Abi froze, she didn't know what to say because nobody had asked her that question before. What was she doing to herself? She was just making sure she was healthy for her future, wasn't she? There was nothing wrong with that. But it was like Jay was accusing her of doing something bad to herself, was he going to say there was something wrong with her?

"What do you mean, Jay? I've just lost weight that's all. I've been going to the gym, and going for runs and cutting down on sugary stuff." She commented, her face becoming a demeanor of shock. Her mind quickly began to go over things, sure she wasn't eating as much fattening foods anymore, but surely there was nothing wrong with that, and as for her eating Bran Flakes, she knew a lot of people did that stupid special K diet, all the time, so what was the difference? Wasn't she allowed to better herself and change things about herself? That was what life was about, wasn't it?

"Abs, there's dieting and then... there's that." Jay paused, his face a mask of horror and worry, he just wanted to help her, but Abi couldn't see it like that. When people commented on her, and tried to help, it just felt like they were intruding, and trying to stop the success she was having. "Abi, I can see your ribs, and your collarbones are sticking out. Abs, I'm saying this to help you. I promise, you're like a skeleton."

Abi looked over at him with confused eyes, her orbs scanning his face. Why was he lying to her? She was huge, she had so much more weight to lose, she was chubby and her legs were like tree trunks. She was sick at the sight of herself. "Why are you lying to me? Have you seen me, Jay? I'm huge. This isn't up for discussion okay. I'm dieting and that's it." She commented, her tone getting adamant toward the end, walking past him, she moved into the bathroom, grabbing a towel from the airing cupboard on her way there, and then shut the door, sitting on the edge of the bath, her mind began to parachute itself in to the memories that tortured her constantly.

While she was still in college, she remembered walking in on a conversation with her friends, where Bernadette was showing them some clothes she picked up in town on her way into lessons. Abi didn't realize she was interrupting but made her way over anyway.

June 2013.

"Hi girls." She murmured, they all muttered a hello before going back to talking about the clothes, Bernadette turned to Abi, showing her the new sparkly over the shoulder green dress.

"Do you like it, Abi? I thought it would set my skin tone right off, it's beautiful in't?" The girl gushed excitedly to her friend, flashing the bright green fabric in her face.

"Yeah it's beautiful, I totally want to borrow that off you sometime, 'dette." Abi smiled, as she looked at her friend, but surely enough, she saw her friends face fall, and she felt her face become an exterior of confusion. What was wrong?

"Oh you can't, Abs."

"Why not?" She questioned, her hands moving over her chest in annoyance, she was always lending Bernadette her things, from DVDs, to shoes, even her disco pants, that Bernadette had just missed in the sale. So why on earth couldn't she borrow this dress?

"It's a size six Abi, it wouldn't go near you."

As soon as those words left her friends lips, she felt herself go rigid, she simply muttered an 'Oh', and left it at that, she suddenly felt like she was ginormous, like she was repulsive, that her friend could actually say something like that, had she been thinking that the whole time they were friends?

"Abs, don't take it like that, I just mean you have a big more to love than the rest of us. You are wider boned aren't ya?" She muttered, stumbling over her words, trying to make sure her friend didn't take it the wrong way, but it was too late for that, Abi had already began hating herself, and felt sick to her stomach.

"No, I get it. It's fine." Her voice wavered, "I have to get to class." She waved and walked off. That was one of the first times, Abi had wanted to be someone else. She had wanted to be skinny and having prominent cheekbones like Bernadette, or be able to walk with a crop top on, or with short shorts. But it would never happen if she didn't make a change. She wanted perfection.

Present day.

Abi had never done anything about it back then because she was still with Jay and he had said she was perfect, and that she was the only one for him and she had believed him, but that surely hadn't been true had it? Because look at where they were at now. He wanted Lola, Lola who was perfect, and skinny even though she had been pregnant and had, had her stomach stretched to hold baby Lexi.

Pulling off her bra and knickers, placed them on the radiator along with her folded towels. Stepping into the shower, she washed herself, and began to wash her hair. She struggled remain upright as her whole body felt weak, but that was the same all the time, because she was limiting herself to so little calories, that her body struggled to adjust to it. But she couldn't let herself go back to how she was, she was striving for perfection, she would be small and she would look how all those beautiful celebrities look who could pull of any outfit.

It had always been, Abi's just a little bit chubby, she'll lose it. Or Abi's got more to love, it's just puppy fat, it'll fall off when she reaches her teens. But it didn't. She had been disgusting, and ugly and that's why she lost her boyfriend to her best friend and she was left alone.

After her shower, she pulled the towel around her thin body and a towel around her hair, and walked out of the bathroom, and into her room where she dried her hair and changed into her running clothes.

She began to walk toward the stairs before hearing someone follow her, the footsteps being very evident, and she groaned, her hand moving to push her hair out of her face. She turned around, coming face to face with Jay who wasted no time in quizzing her.

"Why are you doing this, Abi? Tell me?" He urged, waiting for an answer, but she wasn't gonna tell him something that would make him think something was wrong with her. "You were fine the way you were, you were beautiful Abs, you were perfect. Please talk to me."

"You're lying to me, stop fucking lying to me Jay. If I was so perfect you wouldn't have left me because you fell for Lola, now would you? Considering I was the only one you wanted, you lied. So don't bullshit me." She turned away from him, running down the stairs and heading for the door, even though he was hot on her heels. Her hand reached for the door handle to leave before she was stopped by Jay.

"You are perfect to me, Abs. You always have been, I ain' a liar, and you know that." He tried to convince her, but she wasn't having any of it, she just wanted to get away from all the scrutiny.

He pushed her against the wall and his lips found hers, and a groan left her lips at how nice the kiss felt after the absence of his lips on her own for so long, how could he kiss her after so long? He didn't want her.

After he pulled away from the heated moment, he looked her in the eyes before he spoke, his hand stroking her cheek.

"I made a mistake back then on Phil's wedding day, Abs, let me help you."

But as quick as she let her guard down she pulled it back up, her face emotionless. She couldn't break. That was what her demons wanted, that was what Jay wanted, so he could worm his way in and she'd get fatter again. No, she had to stay on top of her game.

"I don't need any help."

Was all she said simply before she pushed past him, and walked out, taking off running, leaving him stood there with a blank expression.

But Abi needed Jay more than she cared to admit, she just believed she needed to be skinny more.