Part 2
A/N: Read the disclaimer and stuff on the previous chapter. We are lazy and won't write it again. So there. Plergh.
SCENE: Outside on the rear car of the train, Kou, Sion and Volt are holding on for dear life as the train zooms along the subway.
Kou: (Shivering and rubbing his arms) If we don't get inside soon, we're gonna freeze!
Volt: (Leering) Come over here and I'LL warm you up… (Makes a grabby-grabby motion with his big, Gay hands)
Kou: … (Looks disturbed)… We'll have to climb over these cars to get inside.
Speaker System: INTRUDERS! RED ALERT!
Sion: They know we're here!
Kou: Let's kick some butt and manly stuff like that.
(They climb the ladder and see some security Mini-Mart Employees playing cards on the roof of the car.)
Security Employee #1: (Thinks for a while) Got a 4?
Security Employee #2: Nope. Go fish…
Security Employee #3: (Notices Sion, Kou and Volt standing there looking sceptical) HEY! Get 'em, boys!
(A battle and all that stuff happens. If you are Kou, Sion does his stupid break dancing move to piss you off. If you are Volt, Kou kills everyone before you get anywhere near the enemies. If you are Sion, you die.)
Sion: I have what it takes!
Kou: (Rolling his eyes) Yeah, we know…
(They leap heroically to the next car, where more pathetic security guys are a little more alert. A morbidly obese 'woman' with gravity-defying hair and an alarmingly exposing outfit blobs nearby.)
Volt: (Gasps) ECHIDNA!!
Echidna: (If you looks hard between all the rolls of fat, she might be looking shocked) Volt! I thought I finished you off long ago!
Volt: NO! You got sidetracked, because you had that appointment at the Gender Reassignment clinic!
Kou: (Looks disgusted) Ehh… A botched operation, I take it?
Echidna: (Stands a little taller, making her flab stretch slightly.) Oh yeah? What do you call THESE!?
(She wobbles her chest region, making the two huge sacks of adipose cells flap up and down wildly, nearly escaping their skimpy orange sheaths.)
Kou, Volt, Sion and the Security Guards: OH MY GOD!!!
(Much vomiting ensues for a long time.)
Kou: (The first to stop puking, as he pulled his vest over his head.) I'll get you, you shitting transsexual FREAK!
(Kou kicks Echidna somewhere near the middle of her body. The fat swallows his foot up to the knee.)
Kou: (Confused as he doesn't know where his foot it lodged.) Huh? What happened? OH MY GOD, I THINK THERE'S SOMEONE STUCK IN HERE!!!
Guy Stuck In Echidna's Fat: (Muffled) KILL MEE! OH DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN, LET ME DIIEEE!!!
Echidna: HAH! NOW who's the transsexual, eh??!
Kou: Just because I have my foot stuck in your gross, gross stomach flab, doesn't make me a transsexual.
Volt: You are stupid.
Sion: … Dominique.
(Echidna attempts to do a spinny break dancing move a little like Sion's. 'Play that funky music White-Boy' can be heard in the background. **A/N: GASP! It's an Eddy Gordo re-incarnate!** She is hit in the face with her boobies and suffocates.)
Echidna: (Is unconscious.) Yarrgh. I am unconscious.
Volt: Well that was easy.
Kou: (Dislodges his foot.) Man… I NEVER wanna do that again.
Sion: Let's go get Dominique!
(Sion, Volt and Kou climb down into the car. Volt looks a little disappointed, as Kou has now stopped being cold.)
(A loud banging noise rocks the train. It is being shot at. In a typical train cliché, the brakes explode, preventing the train from stopping.)
Speaker System: WOULD THE OWNER OF A BLACK MINI PLEASE MAKE THEIR WAY TO THE FRONT CARPARK. YOUR HEADLIGHTS ARE ON. PLUS WE WILL SHOOT YOU FOR HAVING SUCH A GAY CAR.
(The sound of someone nudging the guy who is broadcasting can be heard.)
Speaker System: OH, ALSO, OUR TRAIN IS TRAVELLING AT THE SPEED OF SOUND, AND DUE TO THE BIG 'SPLOSIONS, THE BRAKES ARE NOT WORKING. HAVE A NICE DAY.
Everyone: …Huh?
Sion: (Turns red) Uhm… excuse me please.
(Sion leaves.)
Kou: Hrm… what shall we do to til Sion comes back?
Volt: (Grins) I have an idea…
('YMCA' plays. Volt begins a very disturbing hip-thrusting dance while stripping off his clothing.)
Volt: (Singing) Y M C A!
(Kou smacks him over the head with a trout.)
Sion: (Panting. There are a few bullet holes in his clothes, but he is not hurt. Kou looks bitter about this.) I'm back… Uh… Volt, what are you doing?
Volt: (Stops. He is partially naked…We hope it's the top part.) Um… singing?
Speaker System: THE DAMN INTRUDERS ARE STILL HERE, PEOPLE! GET THE DAMN INTRUDERS, DAMMIT!
Kou: (Stating the obvious) Hey, if the brakes aren't working, we'll be blown to smithereens when we get to the station!
Volt: Well, we can disconnect this back car?
Kou: Yeah! But wait… it needs a card key…
Sion: There will be one in the engine car?
Kou: (Shakes his head) We can't get past. The cargo is in the way.
Volt: Well, we'll just have to hope Squaresoft made this game with a key card in THIS car.
(An invisible clock starts ticking. If you are Volt, you move so damn slowly you cannot find the key card in time. If you are Sion you will fuck around for a while singing and dancing and wearing a can-can dress. If you are Kou, you will find the key card because he rocks.)
Volt: Whee! We jumped out of the speeding train a split second before it flew into a brick wall and exploded.
Kou: Yes. How very convenient.
Sion: … Dominique!
(Sion, Volt and Kou proceed up some steps into a hallway type place. Some security guys attack, and lots of door thingies close.)
Volt: (Slams his fist on a wall that has the word "Exit' written on it in big letters.) How are we gonna get outta here?
Kou: Uh… Volt?
Volt: SHUT UP! I'm trying to think of a way to get outta here, you sexy hunk of man meat! I used to work for the Mini-Mart, ya know?!
Kou: (Blinks.) … Volt, seriously, there's a—
Volt: (Interrupts.) Dammit, Kou! I'm trying to think here!
(Sion, who has been very quiet for the past few minutes sits down and sucks on his big toe.)
Kou: VOLT!!
Volt: (Stops thinking and looks at Kou.) What is it?
(Kou sighs and presses the 'Open' button near the door.)
Kou: (Grinning smugly.) That's what.
Volt: Oh.
Sion: (Stands up.) Now let's go find Dominique!
(Sion sprints out the door, oblivious to the 10 storey drop beyond the safety fence.)
Sion: WAAAAAH! I am falling somehow!!
Volt: (Reaches down and grabs Sion's arm just before he falls out of reach.) Whoa there, Sion baby!
(Volt pulls Sion up, making sure he has a good feel as he does so.)
Kou: (Disappointed.) Aww man! Volt! Why'd you have to go and do a thing like that?! I gave a Squaresoft programmer head just to put that bottomless abyss there!
(Volt's eyes light up a little, but fade when an Air Carrier zooms past.)
Sion: When I say so, jump!
Volt: Not again! I might not be able to catch you a second time!
Kou: (Looks hopeful) …
Sion: … NOW!
(Sion leaps off the edge of the platform. Volt jumps after him, and Kou reluctantly follows. They land with a thud on an Air Carrier passing below them.)
Employee #1: (Sees them.) HEY! Where'd you guys come from… (A look of realisation spreads across his butt-ugly face. He breaks into song.) IT'S RAINING MEN! HALLELUJAH IT'S RAINING MEN! AMEN! **A/N: You have no idea how sad it is that I know all the words to that song.**
Other 2 Employees, Kou and Sion: (Frowning.) THAT'S disturbing.
Volt: (Starts dancing.) OH YEAH, BABY! Gimmie somma dat sweet, sweet lurvin'!
(Kou and Sion bash the crap out of the 3 Employees and Volt.)
Sion: Who's gonna fly the Ship?!
(Volt stirs, so Kou lifts him up and slams him in the pilot's seat.)
Kou: DRIVE!
Volt: (Just waking up.) Wha? Uh… OH! Um…
SCENE: The sky near the big glass dome thingy.
(They proceed, Volt cursing along the way as he presses wrong buttons and pulls wrong levers. They piss many people off as a result of Volt's pitiful piloting.)
Sion: (Jumping up and down.) YAY! WE'RE FLYING!! WHEEEE!
Kou: Stop it, Sion… you're rocking the ship!
(The Ship rocks.)
Volt: (Pointing) I think I saw Dominique in there!
(The ship crashes into the hanging gardens surrounding a Mini-Mart, because Volt took his hands off the wheel to point.)
Sion: (Brushing leaves off his clothes.) Dammit, Volt! You nearly killed me! … Dominique.
Kou: I suppose we can always try again.
(Some ninja type people drop in from the trees and do ninja type moves. There are also some Chihuahuas with water pistols strapped to their backs. They suck so much they collapse from the sheer weight of their teeny guns. Kou and Sion open up a can of whoop-ass on them. They have killed the ninjas before Volt even gets his fat butt into the fight. He is a slow.)
Kou: (Cracks his knuckles.) Man, Volt. You sure are a slow.
Volt: (Sits against a tree and cries.)
(Another group of ninja type people appear, minus the wimpy dogs, along with a skinny guy with swept back silver hair. The same Employee who took Dominique back at the bar at the beginning.)
Employee: (Clears throat..) My name is Mugetsu. I have coolio night-vision goggles. Fear me.
(Everyone looks at him, eyebrows raised sceptically.)
Mugestu: (Looks at Sion and laughs insanely.) Ahem…How does it feel to have your woman taken away from you? Hehehehehe.
Sion: (Furrows his eyebrows.) I have what it takes to take you on and stuff!
Mugestu: (Eyeballs go all wobbly.) I CAN'T WAIT TO BUTCHER ALL OF YOUUU!!
Kou: (Lacking enthusiasm) Oh look. He's insane. Let us kick his scrawny ass.
(They do so.)
Sion: (Eyes glaze over.) Let's go find Dominique!
SCENE: Inside the Mini-Mart. A woman with black hair is playing 'Chopsticks' on the piano VERY BADLY. After a few windows break from the off-key notes, she gives up and morphs into a very, very shiny black kitty. A man wearing a trench coat is standing near a table on which Dominique is lying down, snoring. A pool of saliva has gathered on the tabletop near her mouth.)
Kitty: (Looks up at Dauragon, who is looking down at Dominique, who has her screwy little green eyes shut 'coz she is sleeping.) Meow?
Dauragon: (Pets the kitty.) Yessss… I know.
FLASHBACK SCENE #1: Dauragon is pre-pubescent. He is giving an unconscious toddler Dominique a piggyback ride. They are standing outside a door or some description. It is dark and stormy.
Dauragon: (Knocks on the door. He has a pussy girly voice that makes us laugh.) OPEN UP! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, OPEN UP!!!
Woman: (Opens the door.) Yes?
Dauragon: Please! Help us! My sister is sick!
Nursey Woman: (Shakes head.) I'm sorry, Mr. Silly's Defective Head-meat Institute is all full up right now.
Dauragon: (Begs.) PLEASE! This bitch is HEAVY ya know?!
Nursey Woman: No. You smell like pee. Go away.
Dauragon: (Sniffles.) You're mean, lady.
Nursey Woman: (Chases them away with a broom.) And STAY out!!
FLASHBACK SCENE #2: Dauragon (Still carrying Dominique) is walking along the road singing 'Nobody knows the trouble I've seen'. A limo drives past.
Rich Guy: (Winds down window.) I say, excuse me, young man?
Dauragon: (Looks up glumly.) Yes?
Rich Guy: (Waves a $50 note in the air.) Would you care to clean my windscreen?
Dauragon: (Looks cynical.) Uh, no. Actually, My sister is very sick, and I need to get her to an Asylum so I can go live in Cuba, where all the hot chicks wear bikinis all the time.
Rich Guy: (Strokes his moustache in thought.) Hrm… okay, I'll take you to a Wobbly Bin. But… promise you'll clean my windscreen first?
Dauragon: Uh… okay…
(Dauragon pulls a windscreen wiper thingy and a can of Mr.Cleany from nowhere. He leans over the bonnet.)
Rich Guy: (Waggles finger.) TUT! Say the line!
Dauragon: (Sighing.) …Can I clean your windscreen?
Rich Guy: NO! Use the accent!
Dauragon: Aww, man! (Speaks in a British Accent.) Can I clean yer windscreen, Guvna?
Rich Guy: (Claps.) Yes! Jolly well done.
(Dauragon cleans the windscreen. After, he chucks Dominique into the boot and hops into the back seat with the Rich Guy, who turned out to be the owner of a massive Mini-Mart franchise.)
FLASHBACK SCENE# 3: Dominique is lying in a bed. Dauragon and Rich Guy are standing nearby.
Rich Guy: You have proven a worthy clerk, my little Daurie-Waurie-Poo! I am old, so I will die soon. Have my Mini-Mart, okay?
Dauragon: …Um, okay.
Rich Guy: (Jumps up and down, causing his shins to implode. He then is forced to walk with his knees in his shoes.) GOODIE.
FLASHBACK SCENE #4: There is a wad of gum stuck to the underside of a table somewhere.
Alien Dude: (Does a little happy jig.) I DIG JUICE!!
END FLASHBACKS
Kitty: (Looks scared.) Meow…
Dauragon: Yes, Kitty. I know.
(Volt, Sion and Kou enter.)
Volt: (Points dramatically at the man.) DAURAGON!
Dauragon: (Points dramatically at Volt.) VOLT!
Sion: (Points dramatically at Dominique.) DOMINIQUE!
Dominique: (Asleep.) SNORE!
Kou: (Points dramatically at the kitty.) KITTY!
Kitty: (Points a very, very shiny black paw at Kou.) MEOW!
(They all stand around for a moment, twiddling thumbs and whistling.)
Volt: (Remembers that Dauragon is a baddy.) ACK! WE MUST BATTLE!
Dauragon: (Turns slightly so his coat swishes and looks all cool and stuff.) Yes! Hah! I can beat you all with my eye's shut!
(Dauragon makes a dash at Volt, but misses because he can't see and smashes his head against the wall.)
Dauragon: (Rubbing his head.) Ouchies…
Kou: (Laughing really hard.) HAH! You suck, blondy!
Sion: … DOMINIQUE!
Dauragon: (Sniffs haughtily.) Okay, fine then. I'll beat you with one of my hands tied behind my back!
(He struggles to tie his hand behind his back with one hand. He trips and falls over.)
Sion: (Kneels down.) Want some help?
Dauragon: (Sitting up.) Oh, yes. Ta.
(Sion ties Dauragon's hand behind his back. As he does so he attaches a 'Kick Me' sign.)
Sion: (Holding hand in front of his mouth.) Hee Hee, I am sneaky.
Dauragon: (Standing up.) HAHA! Now fight me, you bunch of sillies!
(Kou and Volt kick Dauragon. He falls over and cries. Meanwhile, Sion has the kitty in a full nelson and is kicking its shiny heiney.)
Sion: (Gloating.) HAH! You like that, huh? HUH!? Yeah…have summa DAT!
Kou and Volt: (Look at Sion.) Good Lord, I hope he dies soon.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =-
YAY! Another crappy chapter done! HOORAY FOR EASTER EGGS! Good God, this fic is frying our brains. ME BRAINS!
NEXT: More Sion and Dominique-bashing! REJOICE! PLUS: People do stuff and yeah.
A/N: Read the disclaimer and stuff on the previous chapter. We are lazy and won't write it again. So there. Plergh.
SCENE: Outside on the rear car of the train, Kou, Sion and Volt are holding on for dear life as the train zooms along the subway.
Kou: (Shivering and rubbing his arms) If we don't get inside soon, we're gonna freeze!
Volt: (Leering) Come over here and I'LL warm you up… (Makes a grabby-grabby motion with his big, Gay hands)
Kou: … (Looks disturbed)… We'll have to climb over these cars to get inside.
Speaker System: INTRUDERS! RED ALERT!
Sion: They know we're here!
Kou: Let's kick some butt and manly stuff like that.
(They climb the ladder and see some security Mini-Mart Employees playing cards on the roof of the car.)
Security Employee #1: (Thinks for a while) Got a 4?
Security Employee #2: Nope. Go fish…
Security Employee #3: (Notices Sion, Kou and Volt standing there looking sceptical) HEY! Get 'em, boys!
(A battle and all that stuff happens. If you are Kou, Sion does his stupid break dancing move to piss you off. If you are Volt, Kou kills everyone before you get anywhere near the enemies. If you are Sion, you die.)
Sion: I have what it takes!
Kou: (Rolling his eyes) Yeah, we know…
(They leap heroically to the next car, where more pathetic security guys are a little more alert. A morbidly obese 'woman' with gravity-defying hair and an alarmingly exposing outfit blobs nearby.)
Volt: (Gasps) ECHIDNA!!
Echidna: (If you looks hard between all the rolls of fat, she might be looking shocked) Volt! I thought I finished you off long ago!
Volt: NO! You got sidetracked, because you had that appointment at the Gender Reassignment clinic!
Kou: (Looks disgusted) Ehh… A botched operation, I take it?
Echidna: (Stands a little taller, making her flab stretch slightly.) Oh yeah? What do you call THESE!?
(She wobbles her chest region, making the two huge sacks of adipose cells flap up and down wildly, nearly escaping their skimpy orange sheaths.)
Kou, Volt, Sion and the Security Guards: OH MY GOD!!!
(Much vomiting ensues for a long time.)
Kou: (The first to stop puking, as he pulled his vest over his head.) I'll get you, you shitting transsexual FREAK!
(Kou kicks Echidna somewhere near the middle of her body. The fat swallows his foot up to the knee.)
Kou: (Confused as he doesn't know where his foot it lodged.) Huh? What happened? OH MY GOD, I THINK THERE'S SOMEONE STUCK IN HERE!!!
Guy Stuck In Echidna's Fat: (Muffled) KILL MEE! OH DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN, LET ME DIIEEE!!!
Echidna: HAH! NOW who's the transsexual, eh??!
Kou: Just because I have my foot stuck in your gross, gross stomach flab, doesn't make me a transsexual.
Volt: You are stupid.
Sion: … Dominique.
(Echidna attempts to do a spinny break dancing move a little like Sion's. 'Play that funky music White-Boy' can be heard in the background. **A/N: GASP! It's an Eddy Gordo re-incarnate!** She is hit in the face with her boobies and suffocates.)
Echidna: (Is unconscious.) Yarrgh. I am unconscious.
Volt: Well that was easy.
Kou: (Dislodges his foot.) Man… I NEVER wanna do that again.
Sion: Let's go get Dominique!
(Sion, Volt and Kou climb down into the car. Volt looks a little disappointed, as Kou has now stopped being cold.)
(A loud banging noise rocks the train. It is being shot at. In a typical train cliché, the brakes explode, preventing the train from stopping.)
Speaker System: WOULD THE OWNER OF A BLACK MINI PLEASE MAKE THEIR WAY TO THE FRONT CARPARK. YOUR HEADLIGHTS ARE ON. PLUS WE WILL SHOOT YOU FOR HAVING SUCH A GAY CAR.
(The sound of someone nudging the guy who is broadcasting can be heard.)
Speaker System: OH, ALSO, OUR TRAIN IS TRAVELLING AT THE SPEED OF SOUND, AND DUE TO THE BIG 'SPLOSIONS, THE BRAKES ARE NOT WORKING. HAVE A NICE DAY.
Everyone: …Huh?
Sion: (Turns red) Uhm… excuse me please.
(Sion leaves.)
Kou: Hrm… what shall we do to til Sion comes back?
Volt: (Grins) I have an idea…
('YMCA' plays. Volt begins a very disturbing hip-thrusting dance while stripping off his clothing.)
Volt: (Singing) Y M C A!
(Kou smacks him over the head with a trout.)
Sion: (Panting. There are a few bullet holes in his clothes, but he is not hurt. Kou looks bitter about this.) I'm back… Uh… Volt, what are you doing?
Volt: (Stops. He is partially naked…We hope it's the top part.) Um… singing?
Speaker System: THE DAMN INTRUDERS ARE STILL HERE, PEOPLE! GET THE DAMN INTRUDERS, DAMMIT!
Kou: (Stating the obvious) Hey, if the brakes aren't working, we'll be blown to smithereens when we get to the station!
Volt: Well, we can disconnect this back car?
Kou: Yeah! But wait… it needs a card key…
Sion: There will be one in the engine car?
Kou: (Shakes his head) We can't get past. The cargo is in the way.
Volt: Well, we'll just have to hope Squaresoft made this game with a key card in THIS car.
(An invisible clock starts ticking. If you are Volt, you move so damn slowly you cannot find the key card in time. If you are Sion you will fuck around for a while singing and dancing and wearing a can-can dress. If you are Kou, you will find the key card because he rocks.)
Volt: Whee! We jumped out of the speeding train a split second before it flew into a brick wall and exploded.
Kou: Yes. How very convenient.
Sion: … Dominique!
(Sion, Volt and Kou proceed up some steps into a hallway type place. Some security guys attack, and lots of door thingies close.)
Volt: (Slams his fist on a wall that has the word "Exit' written on it in big letters.) How are we gonna get outta here?
Kou: Uh… Volt?
Volt: SHUT UP! I'm trying to think of a way to get outta here, you sexy hunk of man meat! I used to work for the Mini-Mart, ya know?!
Kou: (Blinks.) … Volt, seriously, there's a—
Volt: (Interrupts.) Dammit, Kou! I'm trying to think here!
(Sion, who has been very quiet for the past few minutes sits down and sucks on his big toe.)
Kou: VOLT!!
Volt: (Stops thinking and looks at Kou.) What is it?
(Kou sighs and presses the 'Open' button near the door.)
Kou: (Grinning smugly.) That's what.
Volt: Oh.
Sion: (Stands up.) Now let's go find Dominique!
(Sion sprints out the door, oblivious to the 10 storey drop beyond the safety fence.)
Sion: WAAAAAH! I am falling somehow!!
Volt: (Reaches down and grabs Sion's arm just before he falls out of reach.) Whoa there, Sion baby!
(Volt pulls Sion up, making sure he has a good feel as he does so.)
Kou: (Disappointed.) Aww man! Volt! Why'd you have to go and do a thing like that?! I gave a Squaresoft programmer head just to put that bottomless abyss there!
(Volt's eyes light up a little, but fade when an Air Carrier zooms past.)
Sion: When I say so, jump!
Volt: Not again! I might not be able to catch you a second time!
Kou: (Looks hopeful) …
Sion: … NOW!
(Sion leaps off the edge of the platform. Volt jumps after him, and Kou reluctantly follows. They land with a thud on an Air Carrier passing below them.)
Employee #1: (Sees them.) HEY! Where'd you guys come from… (A look of realisation spreads across his butt-ugly face. He breaks into song.) IT'S RAINING MEN! HALLELUJAH IT'S RAINING MEN! AMEN! **A/N: You have no idea how sad it is that I know all the words to that song.**
Other 2 Employees, Kou and Sion: (Frowning.) THAT'S disturbing.
Volt: (Starts dancing.) OH YEAH, BABY! Gimmie somma dat sweet, sweet lurvin'!
(Kou and Sion bash the crap out of the 3 Employees and Volt.)
Sion: Who's gonna fly the Ship?!
(Volt stirs, so Kou lifts him up and slams him in the pilot's seat.)
Kou: DRIVE!
Volt: (Just waking up.) Wha? Uh… OH! Um…
SCENE: The sky near the big glass dome thingy.
(They proceed, Volt cursing along the way as he presses wrong buttons and pulls wrong levers. They piss many people off as a result of Volt's pitiful piloting.)
Sion: (Jumping up and down.) YAY! WE'RE FLYING!! WHEEEE!
Kou: Stop it, Sion… you're rocking the ship!
(The Ship rocks.)
Volt: (Pointing) I think I saw Dominique in there!
(The ship crashes into the hanging gardens surrounding a Mini-Mart, because Volt took his hands off the wheel to point.)
Sion: (Brushing leaves off his clothes.) Dammit, Volt! You nearly killed me! … Dominique.
Kou: I suppose we can always try again.
(Some ninja type people drop in from the trees and do ninja type moves. There are also some Chihuahuas with water pistols strapped to their backs. They suck so much they collapse from the sheer weight of their teeny guns. Kou and Sion open up a can of whoop-ass on them. They have killed the ninjas before Volt even gets his fat butt into the fight. He is a slow.)
Kou: (Cracks his knuckles.) Man, Volt. You sure are a slow.
Volt: (Sits against a tree and cries.)
(Another group of ninja type people appear, minus the wimpy dogs, along with a skinny guy with swept back silver hair. The same Employee who took Dominique back at the bar at the beginning.)
Employee: (Clears throat..) My name is Mugetsu. I have coolio night-vision goggles. Fear me.
(Everyone looks at him, eyebrows raised sceptically.)
Mugestu: (Looks at Sion and laughs insanely.) Ahem…How does it feel to have your woman taken away from you? Hehehehehe.
Sion: (Furrows his eyebrows.) I have what it takes to take you on and stuff!
Mugestu: (Eyeballs go all wobbly.) I CAN'T WAIT TO BUTCHER ALL OF YOUUU!!
Kou: (Lacking enthusiasm) Oh look. He's insane. Let us kick his scrawny ass.
(They do so.)
Sion: (Eyes glaze over.) Let's go find Dominique!
SCENE: Inside the Mini-Mart. A woman with black hair is playing 'Chopsticks' on the piano VERY BADLY. After a few windows break from the off-key notes, she gives up and morphs into a very, very shiny black kitty. A man wearing a trench coat is standing near a table on which Dominique is lying down, snoring. A pool of saliva has gathered on the tabletop near her mouth.)
Kitty: (Looks up at Dauragon, who is looking down at Dominique, who has her screwy little green eyes shut 'coz she is sleeping.) Meow?
Dauragon: (Pets the kitty.) Yessss… I know.
FLASHBACK SCENE #1: Dauragon is pre-pubescent. He is giving an unconscious toddler Dominique a piggyback ride. They are standing outside a door or some description. It is dark and stormy.
Dauragon: (Knocks on the door. He has a pussy girly voice that makes us laugh.) OPEN UP! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, OPEN UP!!!
Woman: (Opens the door.) Yes?
Dauragon: Please! Help us! My sister is sick!
Nursey Woman: (Shakes head.) I'm sorry, Mr. Silly's Defective Head-meat Institute is all full up right now.
Dauragon: (Begs.) PLEASE! This bitch is HEAVY ya know?!
Nursey Woman: No. You smell like pee. Go away.
Dauragon: (Sniffles.) You're mean, lady.
Nursey Woman: (Chases them away with a broom.) And STAY out!!
FLASHBACK SCENE #2: Dauragon (Still carrying Dominique) is walking along the road singing 'Nobody knows the trouble I've seen'. A limo drives past.
Rich Guy: (Winds down window.) I say, excuse me, young man?
Dauragon: (Looks up glumly.) Yes?
Rich Guy: (Waves a $50 note in the air.) Would you care to clean my windscreen?
Dauragon: (Looks cynical.) Uh, no. Actually, My sister is very sick, and I need to get her to an Asylum so I can go live in Cuba, where all the hot chicks wear bikinis all the time.
Rich Guy: (Strokes his moustache in thought.) Hrm… okay, I'll take you to a Wobbly Bin. But… promise you'll clean my windscreen first?
Dauragon: Uh… okay…
(Dauragon pulls a windscreen wiper thingy and a can of Mr.Cleany from nowhere. He leans over the bonnet.)
Rich Guy: (Waggles finger.) TUT! Say the line!
Dauragon: (Sighing.) …Can I clean your windscreen?
Rich Guy: NO! Use the accent!
Dauragon: Aww, man! (Speaks in a British Accent.) Can I clean yer windscreen, Guvna?
Rich Guy: (Claps.) Yes! Jolly well done.
(Dauragon cleans the windscreen. After, he chucks Dominique into the boot and hops into the back seat with the Rich Guy, who turned out to be the owner of a massive Mini-Mart franchise.)
FLASHBACK SCENE# 3: Dominique is lying in a bed. Dauragon and Rich Guy are standing nearby.
Rich Guy: You have proven a worthy clerk, my little Daurie-Waurie-Poo! I am old, so I will die soon. Have my Mini-Mart, okay?
Dauragon: …Um, okay.
Rich Guy: (Jumps up and down, causing his shins to implode. He then is forced to walk with his knees in his shoes.) GOODIE.
FLASHBACK SCENE #4: There is a wad of gum stuck to the underside of a table somewhere.
Alien Dude: (Does a little happy jig.) I DIG JUICE!!
END FLASHBACKS
Kitty: (Looks scared.) Meow…
Dauragon: Yes, Kitty. I know.
(Volt, Sion and Kou enter.)
Volt: (Points dramatically at the man.) DAURAGON!
Dauragon: (Points dramatically at Volt.) VOLT!
Sion: (Points dramatically at Dominique.) DOMINIQUE!
Dominique: (Asleep.) SNORE!
Kou: (Points dramatically at the kitty.) KITTY!
Kitty: (Points a very, very shiny black paw at Kou.) MEOW!
(They all stand around for a moment, twiddling thumbs and whistling.)
Volt: (Remembers that Dauragon is a baddy.) ACK! WE MUST BATTLE!
Dauragon: (Turns slightly so his coat swishes and looks all cool and stuff.) Yes! Hah! I can beat you all with my eye's shut!
(Dauragon makes a dash at Volt, but misses because he can't see and smashes his head against the wall.)
Dauragon: (Rubbing his head.) Ouchies…
Kou: (Laughing really hard.) HAH! You suck, blondy!
Sion: … DOMINIQUE!
Dauragon: (Sniffs haughtily.) Okay, fine then. I'll beat you with one of my hands tied behind my back!
(He struggles to tie his hand behind his back with one hand. He trips and falls over.)
Sion: (Kneels down.) Want some help?
Dauragon: (Sitting up.) Oh, yes. Ta.
(Sion ties Dauragon's hand behind his back. As he does so he attaches a 'Kick Me' sign.)
Sion: (Holding hand in front of his mouth.) Hee Hee, I am sneaky.
Dauragon: (Standing up.) HAHA! Now fight me, you bunch of sillies!
(Kou and Volt kick Dauragon. He falls over and cries. Meanwhile, Sion has the kitty in a full nelson and is kicking its shiny heiney.)
Sion: (Gloating.) HAH! You like that, huh? HUH!? Yeah…have summa DAT!
Kou and Volt: (Look at Sion.) Good Lord, I hope he dies soon.
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YAY! Another crappy chapter done! HOORAY FOR EASTER EGGS! Good God, this fic is frying our brains. ME BRAINS!
NEXT: More Sion and Dominique-bashing! REJOICE! PLUS: People do stuff and yeah.