You Are My Sunshine

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping. I dreamed I held you in my arms. When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken. So I hung my head and I cried.

I stood in the shadow of the tree, I hadn't done this in ten years. But here I was, I had to see for myself. Op's call had been so confusing. He stammered on about Tara with his dad, being back, and then there was something that didn't make sense. Something about a kid. I had been home, so that put me a couple of blocks from Tara's old house. I walked while on the phone with him, sensing that if I came on my bike she would run. And I had to see for myself, make sense of things before that happened. I stood and watched as she opened the back down of the car, and a kid climbed out. I couldn't tell much from where I was, all I could see was blonde hair, a girl, maybe 8 or 9 years old.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I miss you. Please don't take my sunshine away.

Tara turned and said something, the girl laughed, it was Tara's laugh . Then my heart stopped with what she said next " Jac Teller you are going to be in so much trouble." The sound of it took me back to when we were kids and she would scold me, try and keep Op and I in line she would say the same thing "Jax Teller"...when I was in serious trouble with her it was always Jackson. It had to be me hearing things, being in this place, seeing her after all this time. Wanting so badly for her to be talking to me. My mind had to be messing with me. I watched them go into the house.

I'll always love you and make you happy, If you will only say the same. But if you leave me to love another, You'll regret it all some day.

I was so preoccupied that I didn't notice Piney approach me. "You know, it is creepier now that you are an adult standing there, way more than when you were a kid. And if she catches you there, it isn't going to go well. You aren't teenagers anymore. And you two have a shit load to talk about. Make sure Jackson, that you listen when she talks. There is a reason she is back here. Don't fuck it up and send her running. I mean it, so help me I will haunt you for the rest of your days if that little girl disappears again. Both of them." Without a chance for me to say anything he turned to walk away. But before he got too far I did manage to ask "How long have you known?" Piney stopped hesitated before he turned and looked back at me "Since she had the fight with her old man, you know after she had celebrated getting the scholarship to that school right here in the middle of the yard, it was supposed to cover school and housing. Oh wait you were with the future porn star, sorry. Guess she never got the chance to tell you. Since she was packed and gone the next day. Or do you mean about her coming back? Because that was about two hours ago."

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I miss you. Please don't take my sunshine away.

I looked back at the Knowles house. Ten years ago she had come to me, begging me to leave with her, that she had gotten into school and we could leave together, make a life without SAMCRO. I was shocked. My mom, the overbearing woman that she is had put doubt in my head days before. Knowing that sooner or later Tara would deciding on schools. I was prospecting, working to get into the club that I had dreamed about being a part of my entire life. She had big dreams, Op and I had always teased her about how she should become a doctor. Even calling her "Doc" when she helped patch one of us up, or proved herself to be leagues above us at school.

I thought back on that day. "Since I was five I have dreamed about being a part of this club, of wearing this kutte! It's simple. You don't belong here." And then Ima, a club hang around came walking out of the bathroom connected to the apartment. It didn't take Tara but half a second to know what was going on. She didn't speak, just nodded her head a me turned to walk out. She didn't look back, not when I called her name, not when Op tried to stop her, not even when Clay my step dad and a new club member from Ireland asked her what was going on. I drove her away, because I couldn't handle not living up to her dream. I never thought that she would be gone from Charming as quickly as she was.

You told me once, dear, you really loved me. And no one else could come between. But not you've left me and love another. You shattered all my dreams.

I crushed the cigarette I had been smoking before I turned and walked away. I had a lot of questions to address with Tara Knowles, but it would have to wait until morning. It felt like my world was going sideways, and I needed to go talk to someone who could help me sort out the questions banging around in my head.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I miss you. Please don't take my sunshine away.

It took everything I had not to bang on her door at the first light of morning. Instead I sat on the stoop, waiting. Trying to figure out what I was going to say, trying for the life of me to figure out why I was even here. I heard movement, and then the click of the lock of the door. I turned to see the face of the kid from last night. "Mom. There's a guy sitting on the steps." It took Tara all of two seconds to appear at the door. I stood and turned to talk to her. Hoping to go inside to have whatever conversation we needed to have. After 10 years the fact that I was even here proved that something needed to be said. Tara on the other hand had different ideas. "Why are you here Jackson?" She asked, placing her body to block the door. She clearly wasn't going to greet me with open arms. "Mornin' Doc. I guess I should ask you the same question." I figured using the old nickname might ease the tension. "Well if you must know, I need to take care of dad's estate." She said matter of factly.

"You and I both know you could have done that over the phone. Isn't that how you handled the burial arrangements? Skeeter would have said something if you had come back for a funeral." I stuck my hands in my pockets, geez I sounded like a pussy who had been checking up on her all this time. But when her old man had passed away six months ago there hadn't been any funeral, no announcement in the paper, nothing. Everyone in Charming had heard that Rick Knowles had died, his liver couldn't handle all the abuse he had put it through after Tara's mom died.

"Yeah well that's because Skeeter, understood discretion, that and $100 bucks on the side to keep his mouth shut. Arrangements were done over the phone, and I stayed in Lodi for the weekend. He was the town drunk, who besides the well tipped bartenders at the Hair Dog were going to grieve him at any kind of memorial service. Surely not you Jackson." She gave me a pointed look this was not going the way I had planned in my head. It's true there was no love lost between Rick and I, he didn't want Tara dating one of the member of SAMCRO. Not that I could blame in looking back on things. Tara and I got hot and heavy fast once we were together, and it wasn't what he wanted for her. He and I had almost come to blows several times, when in a drunken rage he had raised a hand to Tara.

"And while I was in town then I interviewed for a position that my supervisor had recommended me for. I'm starting up at St. Thomas in the pediatrics department. Amongst other reasons, so here we are." She said it with pride.

"I guess the nickname really does suite you then. I always knew you'd make good on that." Suddenly I was proud for her. And then reality hit again, she said we, we as in her and another person in the form of that blonde child, but was there someone else that came along with that we. "So if I should ever need a Doc, who should I ask for?"

"Seriously Jackson, you really think you are going to need a pediatric surgeon?" She shook her head, "It's still Knowles, Jackson. Always has been." Did that mean no husband? Had she divorced? Where was the kid's dad? I had so many questions swimming in my head while I stood here taking her in, my Doc, was a surgeon. A pediatric surgeon. Wow. And looking at her I could see that she had grown up in more ways than just that. She had always been beautiful, but now, damn her curves had filled out more. I guess that came with having a kid. Damn.

"Um, mom. Aren't we meeting Piney for breakfast?" Trying to peer around the door way was proof that Tara had moved on after she had left. Jealousy spiked in me, even though she had said it was still Knowles, always had been Knowles, some lucky bastard had knocked her up. Someone had been with her in that intimate way. Damn, I know I wasn't innocent, I had tried to fill the void, but it had always been her. I hated that it clearly hadn't been the same for her.

"Yeah, we should get going. He'll come barking if we don't. "Tara replied. She tried to sound nonchalant. Almost as if on cue the old man came across the yard.

"Shit kid, don't tell me you've been out here all this time. I thought I sent you home hours ago?" Tara quirked an eye brow.

"Don't worry. I went and had a talk with my old man." I figured Piney would understand.

"So how is the old man?" He quipped back at me.

"Still dead." Piney was one of the rare few who understood that Clay might be married to my mother, but he would never be my dad.

"Yeah you know I hear that happens. Well ladies you ready? This old man needs to eat." Tara nodded and opened the door more, she picked up a bag slinging it over her.

"Come on kiddo, better get going." She said while still trying to shield something. The child, a girl stepped out, and I got a clear view. My heart stopped, she was the spitting image of Thomas, my little brother. It took me a moment, and looking at Tara I felt like a puzzle piece was put into place.

"Hey Doc, I think we need to have a talk." She looked down shuffling her feet while she closed the door.

"Yeah, I suppose we do. But not right now. Later. Um, if you are free. Stop by. I have some things to set up at the hospital. But I should be done around dinner time." It was about all I was going to get for now, but at least it was a start.

It was about an hour later, when Piney showed up at the clubhouse. "I need a favor."

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