Dun-du-dunn! You are all geniuses and deserve cookies :) Yes, they did switch bodies. I know the idea is old and overused, but I'm having too much fun with it to ignore it ;)
Thank you for reading, reviewing, following and adding this to your favourites. It makes me really happy to know that people out there are actually enjoying this.
Hope you enjoy the next chapter as well! In my head I call it "The mornig after"
Bilbo felt someone help him up into a sitting position. He blinked rapidly to clear the fogginess out of his eyes. When he was finally able to focuse his vision he was met face to face with a bunch of dwarves. With a quick look around he saw that it was Fili and Kili, the latter probably being the one who had been shaking his arm since the dwarf still had a hand on him. Dwalin looked at him with suspicion, Dori was peeking from behind him. Bilbo then saw Gloin come into his sight from somewhere. The hobbit felt as though something was missing. Oh yes, hadn't he heard Bifur somewhere near his head?
As if hearing this unspoken question, the dwarf stepped from behind his back. Though he never looked at peace, now Bifur was looking even more intense. He then saw Bilbo looking at him and said something in Khuzdul, it sounded like a question. Had he really not gotten by now that hobbits don't speek dwarvish?
Bilbo sighed and the unusual noise that came out of him drove him back to his previous wonderings. What the hell had happened and why was he laying on what seemed to be bare ground? Where were the rest of the dwarves? And more importantly, where was Thorin?
He finally looked down on himself and froze. Where he had expected to see bare feet, he saw big leather boots. Where he had expected his arms to be bare, he saw leather and metal cuffs. His little hobbit fingers had been replaced by bigger ones, with several rings on them. The fingers were attached to big and rough palms that were not his. To make sure that his head was still in place, Bilbo brought these foreign hands to find it and froze again. Where he had expected to feel his short and soft curls, he now found a mass of tangled and suspiciously long hair. Soft, just like his should be, but foreign nonetheless. A hand travelled down to his face, only to find rough beard covering most of it. On his way down to the beard he also found a nose, one that was far too long to belong to a hobbit. He wondered absent-mindedly how he had ever managed to see any dwarves in the first place with that thing in his way.
His hand travelled to the side of his face and found a braid. He quickly found a symmetrical one on the other side. Bilbo kept staring at the faces in front of him, almost feeling their worry in the air around him. None of them spoke, though, and he was thankful for that. The pieces were slowly sewing themselves toghether in his head. And if what he thought was true, then there was an explanation for them keeping quiet. He knew his eyes would be wide as platters by now, and the dwarves were probably not used to see that expression on the face of their leader. Not Bilbo Baggins, mind you, no. The face of Thorin Oakenshield.
Somehow, the hobbit had absolutely no idea how, he had ended up in Thorin's body. He assumed that even the heaviest drinking couldn't have this kind of consequences. Bilbo also remembered that they had left Beorn behind. Yesterday they had entered Mirkwood and now he was sitting on the ground surrounded by dwarves who thought him to be their king.
The hobbit was desperately lost at what to do with this, literally, new-found information. A part of him wanted to hope that it was some kind of awful nightmare, but he had to dismiss the idea soon since those were never this vivid. Nor this scary. He then decided that it would be wise to approach the situation with some dignity and diplomacy.
„Umm, hello there." Oh yes, that was very smooth, indeed. He had to surpress a laugh that was trying to escape him as he saw Dwalin's eyes double in size, they were almost round by now. „What appears to be the problem?" Much better, yes.
„Uncle, are you alright?" Bilbo let out a quiet whine at the sound of Kili's voice. Without even realizing, the dwarf had just confirmed the hobbit's fears.
„Yes, umm, I suppose." The dwarves were still looking at him in disbelief. „Will someone, please, explain to me what happened!" Bilbo felt his patience slipping away, giving extra space to the fear that was creeping onto him quietly. And apparently, Thorin's voice with that hint of annoyance did wonders, since the dwarves seemed to come alive and started speaking all at the same time. Interesting, he had thought that it took Thorin more effort to keep his authority around here. But it seemed that his voice was doing well enough on its' own, as if it was trained to command.
„One at a time, please." He then looked around to decide which one could give him the most coherent answer. „Dwalin, do tell." It sure did feel good to see the dwarf straighten up and take his orders without any questions. Bilbo highly doubted that he would be this cooperative, had he known who was speaking in Thorin's voice. And then it hit the hobbit, that if he wanted to get to the bottom of this, Dwalin would have to find out. Oh, well, not like he liked Bilbo anyway.
„Well, we woke up to see that you were missing. We thought nothing of it at first, since you sometimes leave to look ahead, but when Bofur noticed that the burglar was gone, too, we got suspicious. We spent a good hour shouting around, attracting all kind of filthy attitude from the forest. And no sign from you. These two," he motioned with his bald head towards Fili and Kili, „then decided to look further from the path and found you two snuggling under a tree. Snoring and everything."
Bilbo slightly gulped at his last sentence. Snuggling? He was sure Thorin would rather chew his own hair off than snuggle up with anyone. Especially a hobbit. So it must have been Bilbo who had initiated that. Hobbits were known to be creatures who appreciated touches, and this particular hobbit would snuggle up to anything that came too close to his sleeping form. That was how he had woken up one morning to find himself clinging to Oin. Bilbo had removed himself quietly and tried to sleep further away from everybody since then.
Dwalin continued in the meantime „So then we tried to wake you up, but no results. You just clung to each other and kept on sleeping. When we finally managed to untangle you from one another, we brought you back to the camp." He got quiet for a moment as if to decide whether to continue or not. Obviously deciding that they deserved an explanation he asked. „What the hell happened there? Kili was ensuring us that you two had probably been romancing each other in private, but we dismissed the idea since both of you were properly clothed." He finished off with a smirk.
While Kili looked positively flushed. He was about to start explaining himself to his uncle, but Bilbo raised a hand to make him quiet. He would take care of that later. Right now even the idea of him and Thorin going at it didn't hold his attention. What he needed to find now was Thorin. And his own body; preferably both in the same place. He didn't bother answering Dwalin, not like he knew what to aswer anyway.
„Where is Th.. he?" Bilbo asked, trying to get up. It proved to be difficult since his extremities seemed to be too big and too dwarvish for a hobbit to operate effectively. And how could Thorin even move around wearing all these layers? Someone had removed Orcrist from his belt, which the hobbit was thankful for since he didn't even know how to approach the thing. Clumsily he made his way towards the other group of dwarves that were fussing around, well, him.
He looked down curiously at his own body laying on the ground. Someone, he suspected it was Bofur, had even put a blanket under his head. The experience was surreal, watching himself from a distance. He then realized that mirrors and water reflections had been lying to him. From where he was standing, his little hobbit body didn't look as chubby as he had felt walking around in it. He could definitely see that there were muscles appearing on his legs and arms, probably from his recent adventuring. Bilbo didn't spend too much time looking at his hair and clothes, though, his hobbit heart not approving of the look of them.
Bilbo then noticed that everyone had stepped away from Thorin. Or at least he hoped there was Thorin in there, the idea of his body being abandoned scared him. With a look that was supposed to be royal and important he bent down on one knee and touched his shoulder, trying to be gentle. „Come on now, burglar, wake up!" He tried to hide the anxiety in his voice and sound confident, but clearly that didn't work since he saw everyone start behaving as though they were uncomfortable. The dwarves stepped further back to give him some space, some of them apparently still believing Kili's idea that the two were lovers. He would otherwise be annoyed, but felt that this situation did give him an advantage. And privacy.
He leaned in to whisper in his own ear, not seeing where his now long hair hung. „Thorin!" Bilbo whispered quietly. „Thorin, if you're in there, it's time for you to wake up!" This time he tried whispering and shaking his shoulder slightly. That seemed to work and just a moment later his gaze was met by light blue eyes that were so familiar to him, but held something in them that belonged to someone else. Still being face to face with what seemed to be his own reflection, he smiled at Thorin.
Thorin was hearing noises around him. They were somewhere far away and yet seemed to bother him immensely. The voices were familiar to him, but Thorin didn't bother to make out what they were saying. That couldn't be anything too important. And it would have to wait since he was extremely comfortable and was not ready to wake up yet. So he kept on sleeping, seeing a dream of high mountains surrounded by glowing golden mist. He felt free and careless and didn't want the dream to end.
The noises suddenly stopped. And were replaced by one deep and awfully familiar voice that mumbled something he couldn't quite make out. It was accompanied by a warm touch. The voice then came closer and whispered his name.
„Thorin!" He wanted to listen to it and answer, but still felt too tired. „Thorin, if you're in there, it's time for you to wake up!" The voice was now accompanied by a hand shaking his shoulder. Fine, if he wasn't getting any sleep anyway, he could as well wake up. And what did the voice mean, 'if he we was in there'? Where else would he be?
Slowly he opened his eyes. And was met by an intense gaze of piercing blue eyes that were very familiar to him, just like the voice. He had seen that look many times in reflections and heard that voice speak his mind. Yes, that was where they were familiar from. It was his look and his voice.
He felt at ease for just one short moment. If those were his eyes looking at him and his voice calling his name, where was he? He inhaled deeply, suddenly feeling the lack of oxygen. With that much needed oxygen he also inhaled a good chunk of hair that was draped over his face and felt his eyes grow wide. His own face was still looking down on him, that large nose almost touching the nose that seemed to be attached to him right now. He could see no nose, but he guessed it had to be there. Suddenly realizing that there was still a good amount of hair in his mouth, he spit it out and made a swift attempt to sit up. The face obviously didn't see that coming and Thorin felt their foreheads collide together. Well, at least he could be sure that he had a forehead.
The impact seemed to put his brain back in place. With sharp eyes he looked around to see all of his dwarves standing around him. Including himself, who was crouched on one knee, rubbing his forehead. Thorin jumped to his feet. This must be some sort of a nightmare.
„What the hell is going on?" He was taken aback by the voice that came out. It was definitely not his own, but it wasn't completely unfamiliar. „The halfling..." He muttered under his nose and took a moment to look at his hands. Small and soft. With a groan he then looked at his feet. Bare and hairy.
He saw his own figure get up and step closer. „Thorin, I..." He didn't let that voice finish.
„No, you stay away!" It was difficult to sound threatening without his own deep baritone, but he guessed he did a decent job since his body stopped moving and looked at him pleadingly.
„Thorin, let me explain." He scowled at the begging note in his voice. „I woke up just moments ago and have no idea what happened."
Thorin tried to remain calm. „And who would you be, exactly?" He spat and grit his teeth, knowing exactly who that was.
The one in his body seemed not to like that. Well, there wasn't much choice for him, now was there?
„It's me, Bilbo." He held his arms up in surrender. „Just calm down and we can talk about this." He then took a look around. „The others don't know."
Thorin took a moment to look around him. Yes, the twelve remaining dwarves seemed to have formed a circle around the two and were watching them with confusion written all over their faces. Then Fili spoke. „Would you mind explaining yourselves? What happened?" He asked politely enough and shrunk back to hide behind Gloin when two sets of bright eyes turned to look at him.
„I don't know!" They answered in unison and looked back at each other.
Thorin closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. It was clear to him now that this was no dream. Somehow he had ended up in the body of his burglar and decided that trying to explain that would only give him a headche; what he needed now was to gather as much information as possible. Thorin tried to collect himself together and knew that they would have to stay calm to get to the bottom of this. He struggled to remember the last thing he had done. He had gotten up early and let Gloin get some sleep before he would wake everybody up and continue walking. Then the burglar had woken up and started snooping around.
„You!" He spat, pointing a small and slim but very accusing finger at himself. „You went off the path and I followed. Whatever happened, it is entirely your fault."
The hobbit seemed to be confused and Thorin hated that look of him. It was bad enough that his body had to endure a halfling living in it, he didn't want his face to suffer from the hobbit's various facial expressions.
„No, that couldn't be true.." The hobbit mumbled. Great, now he also had to use his voice to mumble. The look on his face was now so desperate and lost that Thorin felt the urge to go and punch him in the nose, just to wipe those emotions off. He would rather have his nose broken than look like an idiot in trouble.
„What is the last thing you remember?" Thorin tried to sound patient.
„I, umm.." Great, the mumbling again. „I think I remember arguing with you or something. And then I guess I..." He trailed off.
„Yes?" By Mahal, he should be rewarded for not punching the hobbit.
„I think I might have.." Oh no, the apologetic look was even worse. Thorin begged for him to bring back the despair. „You know, walked into the forest."
Thorin thought that if steam wasn't coming out of his ears yet, then it wouldn't take long until it would. He felt like his head was going to explode. Well, the hobbit's head technically, but he was the one currently occupying it.
The hobbit continued in the meantime. „And then I think you did come after me. And then you threatened to carry me back here. And I tried to run away. And then I was falling and you caught me, and we collided into a tree." At that Thorin heard Kili chuckle and was grateful for Dwalin smacking him on the head, but not quite realising the reasoning behind it. He would find it out later.
„And then.." Thorin saw his face deep in thought. Well, there's an expression that is actually suited for a king. And as if just to annoy him, the expression went to triumphant and smiling. „And then there was that mist and everything went black!" The hobbit obviously thought he had won a prize or something.
Thorin had to do something to remedy that.
„So you do admit it was your fault?"
„What?!" The expression changed to anger and frustration. At least this was something familiar. „Nothing would have happened if you had left me to my own devices and hadn't come after me!"
„Yes, that would have been a good idea indeed, since you don't seem to even know how to stand on your own two feet without falling on your face!"
„Well, if you hadn't attempted to manhandle me, I would have made my own way back to the camp, thank you very much! And we wouldn't have bumped into that tree!"
„You are reckless and irresponsible! You should have considered that something bad could happen! We were warned, after all."
„And you should have let me be! I'm a grown-up hobbit and I make my own decisions." To add impact he puffed his chest out and put his hands on his hips. The sight of it almost made Thorin cry. Seeing his hobbit body get into that pose was amusing. But seeing himself, King under the mountain, Thorin Oakenshield standing with hands on his hips, chin raised and pouting proudly was beyond embarassing. And obviously he wasn't the only one to think so since a snicker could be heard here and there amogst the dwarves.
Thorin felt his temper rise above all limits and was about to start another round of yelling, when a hand on his shoulder stopped him.
„Come on now ...Thorin, there's no use in looking for someone to blame." Balin said calmly. Thorin looked at the dwarf and noted with annoyance that he had to tilt his head slightly. He was now the smallest in their group. He nodded in agreement and it took him every ounce of his self-control not to start yelling randomly at everybody.
„Yes. We should probably go and find that tree again. Come on now, show me where you found us!" He was surprised when his nephews burst into a fit of laughter, Dwalin and Bofur joining in soon after. Was there something he had missed? It had to be something extremely amusing to get Dwalin so excited. As he looked around the group suspiciously, his eyes settled on the hobbit, who had made Thorin's ears go red and was avoiding looking back at him. Maybe it was better if he didn't know.
With a sigh Thorin turned around and started walking in the direction where the hobbit had gone earlier. It was bad enough that the halfling tortured his face with his many annoying expressions and emotions, now he was also forcing blush on him? The dwarf hoped they could undo whatever this was soon, because he dreaded to think of what more embarassing moments would come if they didn't. Absent-mindedly he heard his own footsteps behind him.
So, what'd you think? :)