Part 2 night

Callista is sweet.

It might not be her original body she is wearing (oh, the entire Academy knows her story, the Heroic Deeds of Luke Skywalker and Callista Ming) but that does not change the way it seems to suit her: small, slender, almost fragile. Wide-eyed, shy – like she cannot hurt a fly, and that, most likely, is the truth. And yet, there is the hint of a core made of steel, undeniably, strength gently tempered by kindness, unlike Mara's. She can fight, but she can smile, too. Callista looks like the kind of girl – woman – anyone would like. Anyone, except Mara.

"I do not know why I'm telling you this. I am sorry."

There is no answer to that semi-question, so Mara remains silent. Of course, Callista is not stupid. She knows Mara has never really warmed up to her – she sure can sense it, since she is Force-sensitive, as well – but perhaps she also intuitively feels Mara's dislike.

"Maybe it is because I know you would not lie to me."

Silence, silence. Because Mara does not lie, but some things do not have to be said, either. The Hall of Fountains whispers with the absence of life, the nightly calm that is only interrupted by the soft twinkling of water. Mara loves the peaceful atmosphere, the calming, soft darkness that descends at night. She has not expected to have to share it with anyone, least of all with Callista.

"You know, when I regained my Force abilities, I thought I could come back here and Luke and I… We could start off where we had been before I left."

Callista… She is beautiful. Maybe Mara resents her for that. Maybe… Maybe they are just too different to get along.

"Mirax told me you and Skywalker knew each other." Mara knows she sounds stilted, and too-formal. She hates it. Keeping up conversations is not something she enjoys doing, especially not with people she does not like. But this… She owes it to him to at least try. After everything he did for her – not killing her, for instance, for helping her and Karrde and accepting her and teaching her and being nice to her, even though Mara never did anything to be nice, in return – the least she can do is help him by listening to his girlfriend.

Even if said girlfriend is Force-forsaken annoying.

Callista smiles – she's blonde inside and out, Solo had said, but Mara thinks that is not true. Callista is quite intelligent. She has just learned to hide it in order to make people underestimate her. She wears her beauty like Mara wears all the masks she ever learned to create, and it makes her more real than anything Mara ever was.

"He saved me."

The small, quiet tone of her voice goes straight through her. Because – and no matter how much she dislikes it, and no matter how much she loathes to think of it – that is exactly what Luke Skywalker did for her, as well.

"Skywalker likes saving people." She says is brusquely, but Callista is not brushed off easily.

(Leia said something like that. Leia also said that her brother really, really loved Callista, and that everyone was glad she had come back. Then she looked at Mara, and shrugged, and Mara understood: Leia wanted her brother to be happy, but she did not especially like Callista, either. And when has it happened that Leia Organa Solo became one of Mara's closest – well, friends, she guesses. When?)

"He does. It's why I fell in love with him in the first place. He always tries to help others."

"Hn."

"I love him, you know? I had to leave him in order to search for my connection with the Force. Without it, it would have been impossible for me to stand at his side. And now… Now I have it back. I know we cannot get back what we had, but… I want to live my life with him. I want to build a future with him, be with him. When we parted, I told him I was not coming back if I couldn't regain my Force abilities. We couldn't have been together that way, he would have worried constantly, would have felt like he needed to protect me day and night. But now, I can protect myself again. I can be at his side without holding him back. Do you think we have a chance?"

Actually, truly and honestly?

Mara thinks yes, you stand every chance. Kriff, woman, just walk up to him and tell him what you told me, and he'll melt like Hoth's ice on Tatooine. That guy's a kriffin' romantic.

"Yes," she says. "Just tell him what you told me. He will listen for sure."

Brown eyes, bright with joy and hope, and Mara hates herself more than anything that second.

"Thank you, Mara. I am glad I talked to you. You know, I know you don't like me much, but maybe, someday, we could be friends? After we've gotten to know each other a bit better? Because I like you, Mara. You're a good person."

A good person? That's a first.

(Or, it is not, actually. Skywalker said something similar, and Mara -)

Does Callista know how she and Skywalker met? If she knew, would she still be trying to become friends with Mara? Somehow, she is not so sure. She manages a smile, a terse nod, nevertheless. "Yes."

What is it she is allowing for? It does not matter. Callista throws her arms around her and hugs her, quickly, then makes her excuses and jumps up, almost runs from the room. Mara can actually feel her calling out to Skywalker, can feel him reaching back, astonished and a tad worried. His worry turns to something different as he understands, and Mara withdraws, desperately, shuddering with the after-effect of the emotions that are not hers.

A voice rises in the utter silence within her, one she has not heard in a long, long time. She tamps down on it, crushes it ruthlessly, and yet its sound lingers.

Oh, child, do not lie to yourself. It does not suit you. You were born and bred in darkness; there is no other way for you.

She locks herself in one of the training rooms and runs through sparring techniques and lightsaber training katas until she collapses, and even then, the urge to jump into the Fire and just disappear has not abated the least. The only thing that stops her from just leaving is the fact that she promised Karrde, this time, promised to stay until she could control her Force abilities to a degree that would stop her from having nightmares and unwanted visions. Until she would stop from blowing up a shield generator accidentally because she was having a nightmare-

Yeah, well.

If this is not one, she does not know what it is.

The cafeteria of the Jedi Academy is surprisingly good.

One of the perks, she guesses, of staying: keep the people well-fed, and you keep them happy. It is one of the loudest places of the entire academy, as well, with people talking, laughing, discussing. There is a bunch of kids sitting in the far corner, as far from the table that is reserved for the few Masters as possible. Another table holds some Jedi Knights, and, another one, all of Skywalker's friends. Mara glances at them and decides to just pick up something small and eat outside, all by herself, because she is no coward but she needs a bit of calm after a mostly sleepless night. Preparing her excuse in case anyone might want to talk to her, she grabs a tray and a dish, a bottle of juice, a bread roll, and-

"Mara! Over here!"

It is, of course, Callista calling out to her. She sits at the far right table, close to the large windows looking out over the jungle of Yavin Four, and the midday sun seems to cast a halo around her blonde hair just for her. The remaining Jedi at the table turn to look at her, as well. The group is always the same, Cilghal, Corran, Kam and Tionne, was the same even before Callista returned. But she fit in perfectly from the first moment, has slid into the group without causing any waves, and the group has closed around her seamlessly. In the short intervals that she stayed at the Academy before, Mara has sat with them, as well, but she never tried to really fit in. She has always known she would be leaving again soon, or maybe it was just that she did not want anyone close to her. But she gets along with most of the Jedi there, honestly. She likes Corran and Cilghal most, because the Mon Calamari healer is kind and honest and never tries to force anything or anyone on her. And Corran is fun being around, and a good sparring partner. Around Callista, though, they feel different. Not unwelcoming, just… different. She cannot pinpoint how or why exactly. She is tempted to think that they (of course) would like Callista more than her, open, kind, gentle Callista, even though she knows that this is not it. There is no complete truth, after all, and they probably like her, as well. Just… differently. Your own fault, Mara thinks, if you never try getting close to anyone.

Of course, when she reaches the end of that particular thread of thought, it is too late to retreat without seeming impolite. And Mara knows her reputation – she is tempted to just leave – but Callista smiles disarmingly, and Corran and Cilghal beckon her to join them. So she slides onto the bench next to Tionne, arranges the food on her tray, starts eating and tries hard to take part in the conversation.

Only that is easier said than done.

"…And then he said, what are you doing here? And at the same time, the generator blew!"

Everyone laughs. Even Cilghal, with whose non-human expression it is hard to pinpoint what she is feeling, looks like she is smiling.

"Yeah, the whole Academy was run by backup generators and candles for one week…"

Mara listens, politely, but it feels like she is worlds apart from the conversation. They are reminescencing, remembering past events they all experienced together and Mara has no part of. It feels like she is not a member of the Academy – but she is not, is she? – but she is. It is irrational, it makes her angry, and sad, and wanting to run. But she has run so often in her life. She wishes she could just sit there with them, be a part of them, laugh about the same things, rant about the same things. But she will forever stand apart. By choice or not by choice, there is too much that differentiates her from those people, too much -

She knows he is there even before she can see him.

"Luke! Over here!"

Corran moves aside to let Luke Skywalker slide his laden tray unto the table, and the head of the Jedi Academy drops onto the bench to sit next to Callista. She greets him with a kiss which he answers, just for a second. Everyone pretends not to see it.

Skywalker smiles at everyone at the table, fitting in as effortlessly as Callista does.

"I am starving. I can't remember the last time I had a warm meal." He stops, fork and knife already poised, and sighs. "I forgot –"

"Here," Callista interrupts him, and the pitcher of salad dressing floats over from where it stood at the counter, drips exactly two spoons worth of dressing onto Skywalker's salad and floats back again without ever losing a single droplet.

Kam shakes his head in mock-sorrow. "A splendid display of telekinetic control, and of how trivial the things are the great Jedi use the Force for."

Skywalker frowns. "I could have gotten it -"

"Sorry," Callista says, laughing, and her smile wipes away his frown effortlessly. "I just wanted to spare you the walk. I'll not use the Force too easily, I promise."

"I wish I could use telekinesis as well as you do," Corran comments, and Tionne adds, "I remember this one student, he once tried…"

They fall back into the conversation again. Maybe they are used to her, or they are so used to her not being there that they do not register her silence anymore. Cilghal is the only one who smiles at her, well, or gives her what passes as a smile on Mon Calamari, and it… it is good, knowing that she has at least one friend.

And Mara catches herself watching Callista, watches her watching Skywalker and laughing with him and all the others, and you are holding in your hand so easily what I have been trying to achieve my whole life – She shuts down the train of thought as fast as it comes, but she never is fast enough.

Answers, child, are not always what we wish for most.

She should be dead tired, having spent the past night training and the day training even more in order to forget the scene from lunch time. But she is wide awake, unable to fall asleep despite the exhaustion burrowing in her bones and in her mind like lead. When she cannot lay in her bed anymore she moves to the window of her small room and stares outside, barely seeing anything through her aching eyes.

And when Mara finally falls asleep that night, she dreams.

It is the same dream she had before, many, oh-so-many times. She is standing on deck of a speeder, looking back at Jabba's barge, knowing that the end is about to happen. Only this time, Skywalker is still there, clearly visible, and while the foreshadowing of the end shoots through her like a death sentence he leans down and kisses her. Callista wraps her arms around him until they merge into one person, until it is impossible to distinguish the two forms from each other, and they are beautiful, a dark shadow against Tatooine's golden background and violet sky. And then they are gone.

Jabba's barge explodes in an inferno fire of ashes and death, and Mara wakes up.