Author's Note: Muhahaha. After a seven-month hiatus, I'm baaaaaaack! :) LOL. Thanks for reading the first chapter and thank you so much for all who faved, followed, and those eleven amazing people who reviewed.

Aaaand our mystery guest is...not a guy. Seriously; it may have been implied that the guest was male, but still...why do we call each other "guys" when there are girls there, then?

"Guys?" Piper asked again from the other side of the door. "What are you two doing?"

"Excellent!" Thalia cheerily exclaimed, crushing her in a one-armed hug. "A daughter of Aphrodite. Exactly who we need! I mean, you must be well-educated on the art of breaking up couples, yeah?"

"She's hopped up on sugar," Annabeth explained to Piper, who was still in Thalia's embrace. "Um, basically, we're writing a guide. 'One Hundred Ways to Break Up With Your Boyfriend'."

"...Um."

"Blame Thalia."

Thalia was still jabbering. "Oh, I'm crushing you, aren't I? Well, that's a-okay! C'mon, Pipes, help us along here in the certainly dishonorable act of breaking couples up using violence, injury, and pain!"

"But—" Piper meekly started, until Annabeth shook her head, mouthing, She's not giving you a choice.

The daughter of Aphrodite reluctantly sat down.

"So, where were we...?" Thalia asked, grabbing the notebook. Sticking the end of the pen in her mouth, she thought for a moment, and then her eyes lit up.

6. If injuring yourself (see Way 1) doesn't work, injure him!

"...What?" Piper looked shocked. "Isn't injuring yourself..."

"Something like Nico would do?" Thalia cheerily asked. "Exactly!"

"I wasn't going to say that..."

"I know you weren't, hon."

Annabeth and Piper looked at each other in alarm as Thalia scribbled away.

"Thalia, are you sure you're feeling alright?"

"Never better!" the Hunter exclaimed, brandishing the pen in front of Annabeth's unconvinced face.

Examples

Scene 1: In which you get your boyfriend to join the soccer club.

"Seriously?" Piper laughed. "How would that do anything? Boys love soccer, don't they?"

Thalia shook her head seriously. "Not unless you aim for the balls."

"..." Piper had no words.

Annabeth facepalmed.

"Guys, your reactions are hilarious!" Thalia chortled as she finished the last word with a flourish, proudly showing it to her two unwilling partners-in-crime.

Piper grabbed the notebook and read what Thalia had written down in spiky, unruly Ancient Greek.

Get your boyfriend to join the soccer club. Persuade him and your coach to have him play goalie. Make sure you're on the other team. When you arrive at the goal, kick the ball towards his face (or the place where the sun doesn't shine) and break his nose. That should put him out of commission for a while.

"...Why did I get myself into this?" Piper asked after a long pause.

"That's what I've been asking myself for the past ten minutes," Annabeth muttered.

Thalia pouted, crossing her arms. "Stop ruining the atmosphere." She shoved the notebook and pen into Annabeth's hands.

Scene 2: In which you get your boyfriend to join the archery club.

Get your boyfriend to join the archery club. Tell him he stood too far from the target, and when he's pulling back the bow...

"I thought that you would be better," Piper muttered.

Annabeth shrugged. "Well, you sort of get into the mode after a while..."

Thalia raised up a finger as if she were about to go all guru on the two other demigods. "The heart's closer to the left side of the body. Just sayin'."

Annabeth penned that down as an afterthought.

Do remember that the heart is closer to the left side of the body.

"Alright, Piper," Thalia smirked, grinning wickedly as the little notebook of damnation was passed on to the daughter of Aphrodite, "Let's see what you've got!"

Piper visibly swallowed, and wilted at the expectant gaze of a Hunter and a tired look of a blonde.

She wrote down the first thing that came to mind.

Scene 3: In which you get him on a diving board.

"Aw, come on, Pipes...that was lame." Thalia's lower lip jutted out in irritation.

"Says the girl who suggested we use Dora the Explorer," Annabeth retorted, defending her friend.

"Yeah, I know, but..." Thalia waved her arms in the air. "A diving board?"

"Wait!" Piper complained. "I'm not done yet!

Push him off the diving board. Nothing else involved. (Make sure the lifeguard's not there, and his friends are!)

"None of you take Percy into account," Thalia sighed as she read Piper's scene.

"Yeah, but that's because I'd never do any of these things to Percy," Annabeth pointed out.

Thalia grinned wolfishly. "Who says I wouldn't?"

Annabeth could not do anything but splutter indignantly and turn red. "You're—you're not his gods damn girlfriend!"

"But he's a guy...that's totally licence enough."

Annabeth slapped her on the arm, to which Thalia responded with a wet raspberry.

Piper rolled her eyes as she handed the notebook off to Thalia.

The daughter of Zeus looked at the (still) irritated daughter of Athena. "What's next, Annie?"

Annabeth colored even further, if that was possible, and all but spat out, "Set overprotective older siblings on him."

"You've just sealed Percy's doom."

7. Set your overprotective older sibling(s) on him

Examples

Scene 1: In which you make out with him in front of the "overprotective siblings".

When your older siblings roll by, make sure that your boyfriend is sucking your face off, no matter how disgusting it is. That's bound to get a knife through his head. If you don't have older siblings, have your little siblings to hit him around the head with a Tellytubby. If you do not have any siblings, use the overprotective older sibling inside of you to bitch-slap him.

"Yeah," Thalia grinned as she finished. "I like that. I really like that."

"What? Having a non-existent older sibling?" Piper curiously asked.

"Nah. Bitch-slapping guys."

"...I'll take your word for it..."

Thalia tossed it over to Annabeth.

Scene 2: In which you get drunk.

"...What?" Piper exclaimed. "You're not even of legal drinking age!"

"Since when have high school students ever let that stop them?" Thalia scoffed.

"But you're not high school students..."

"Yeah, yeah, Hunter, demigod, high school student; I don't see the difference."

Suggest to your boyfriend that you and he go out to party. Get drunk. With luck, your older siblings will think that it's all his fault and pummel him.

"But I don't have any overprotective older siblings."

"Piper, shut up and stop thinking pessimistically this instant," Thalia commanded. "Just enjoy it! This is fun!"

Piper looked like she wanted to say something else, but one look from Thalia caused her to keep her mouth shut and write.

Scene 3: In which he asks you to let him drive you home, and you say "yes".

"That doesn't even make any sense," Thalia mumbled.

"Wait for her to finish," Annabeth commented, watching Piper scrawl in the creamy white pages of the notebook.

Your older siblings, if they are truly overprotective, will not trust him driving you around on I-95. Need we say more?

"Ah," Thalia smirked. "I see...anyways, Pipes, your turn to think of an idea."

Piper nervously tapped the pen against her kneecap.

8. Set your overprotective parent(s) on him

"Oh, Hades, yes!" Annabeth suddenly exclaimed excitedly. "Because all of our parents are godly!"

"See?" Thalia sweetly said. "Annabeth's caught on, Piper! Soon, you will, too!"

"I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not."

"Trust me, when we're here, it is."

Examples

Scene 1: In which your parent is a god and is one of the Big Three.

"Because, you know, we are all children of the Big Three," Annabeth sarcastically said, looking pointedly at Thalia, who shrugged.

"I can't help it that I get so many more extra privileges than you two do..."

Piper blinked at Thalia's rather uncaring comment. "Wow. Thanks."

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "Show-off."

Seriously, must we say any more? If your godly parent is one of the Big Three, then your idiotic boyfriend is bound to either get a.) blown to bits by a lightning bolt, b.) stabbed to death with a super-powerful trident, or c.) die a horrible death and get sent to the Fields of Punishment for even looking your way.

"...Can gods be bribed?" Piper randomly asked out of the blue.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Thalia quizzically asked.

"Well, if you bribe one of the Big Three to keep you from boys wooing you...they don't need to be your parent..."

"Yeah, sure," Annabeth said off-handedly, answering Piper's earlier question. "Zeus and Poseidon are bribed on a daily basis, and everything turns out okay."

"Hey!" Thalia swatted her arm. "That's not true!"

Annabeth calmly looked at her, and Thalia flushed. "...Oh, shut up."

Scene 2: In which your parent doesn't approve of your boyfriend in the first place…

Now, if you are in this scenario, it should be incredibly easy to ditch him. Just have him let you do something wacky and something that you know that your parents won't approve of (cigarette, anyone?) and make sure that he's with you while they're there.

"Cigarette?" Piper demanded, staring at Annabeth. "Cigarette?!"

"Why not?" Thalia gleefully grinned. "Did you know that Percy once tried to smoke?"

Annabeth blanched. "...What?"

Thalia seemed completely oblivious to Annabeth's horrified look. "Yeah!" she rambled. "He was coughing and choking and spitting out saliva. It was disgusting."

"Are you telling me that my boyfriend is a smoker?!" Annabeth screeched.

"Well, no; he's not addicted or anything for some weird reason—it's really a pity, actually—he only turns to it after he has a very, very, very bad argument with you."

Piper looked at Annabeth's pasty pale face and quickly grabbed the notebook before the blonde could brain her (former) best friend over the head with it. A strange look crossed her face as she wrote.

Scene 3: In which you somehow manage to get your parents to walk in on you and him doing…stuff.

"Piper!" Thalia gaped. "You dirty mind!"

"What?" the daughter of Aphrodite smirked. "It'd certainly set them on the poor guy!"

We really don't know how to explain this otherwise without being too dirty. You know…stuff. Stuff. The word that we are implicating towards also starts with an "s" and ends with an "x".

"Bleagh," Annabeth mumbled. "Okay, next theme: ditch him at the movie theater."

"And...how does that work?"

Annabeth took the pen and began writing.

9. Ditch him at the movie theater

Examples

Scene 1: In which you abandon him at the popcorn stand.

While he's too busy buying you an extra large bag of popcorn, ditch him and flirt with another guy. When that guy begins to annoy you, repeat.

"That just makes you sound like a player," Thalia unhelpfully commented.

"Well...then don't get into a relationship with anyone in the first place!" Annabeth retorted.

Thalia snorted. "Man, you're one to speak. You're the only one out of the three of us who has a boyfriend."

"...Point taken."

Point: Thalia. Thalia smugly smiled and settled back while Annabeth sheepishly passed the notebook to Piper.

Scene 2: In which you and your boyfriend go to an illegal underground theater.

Give a tip to your overprotective older siblings/parents, and they call the cops, except that you're not arrested, because you were the one who notified them in the first place…

"Hey, do illegal underground theaters even exist?" Thalia asked Piper.

Piper shrugged and added a footnote.

Please, do note that we're not even sure if illegal underground theaters exist.

Thalia tapped the pen against the corner of her lips for a moment, and then began writing.

Scene 3: In which during the movie, he falls asleep, and you sneak out by yourself.

Just go to some really girly movie, and he's bound to start snoring. Then, you can make your great escape. Be sure to not fall asleep yourself.

"What kind of girly movie?"

"My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic."

"...Thalia, that's a TV show."

"Who the Hades cares? It's still boring."

"Nico likes it."

"Nico's a douche."

"...You're nice."

"As if I haven't heard that before."

10. Get him a hyperactive pet or take him to a place with animals in it

"But what if the guy is good with animals?" Thalia asked Piper, who shrugged.

"Then we get an especially crazy parrot that's hopped up on sugar. Oh, that's a great scene!" She began to pen it down.

Examples

Scene 1: In which you get him a parrot hopped up on sugar.

Parrots are annoying enough already. Get one that's high and hyper, and it won't stop chattering into his ear. *Wink, wink* While he's preoccupied with the nosy bird, slip out. Quietly.

"I read this article saying that if you fed a parakeet or something like that Honey Nut Cheerios, it would kill them," Annabeth doubtfully said.

Piper blinked. "Then...how about we don't feed the parrot Honey Nut Cheerios?"

"Cheeeeeeeriooooooos!" Thalia burst out, singing very badly. "Cheeeeeeeriioooooos don't make parakeets soooooo cheeeeeerfuuuul! Buuuuut they're reeaaaally goooooood! Cheeeeeeeeriooooooos! Cheeeeeriiiiiiioooooooooooooos! Oh, my deeeeelicious 'n cheeeerfull Cheeeeeeeeeeeeriiiiiiiiiooooos!"

Annabeth's jaw was in danger of detaching from her skull altogether while Piper somehow managed to keep her sanity to add a note of warning.

Note that sugar may cause the parrot to die, but all is fair in love and war, yes?

"CHEEEEEEEEERIOOOOOOS! OH, MY DEEEEELICIOUS CHEEEEEERIOOOOOS! SOOOOOO TASTY ON THE INSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE AND THE OOOOUUUUUTSIIIIIDE! THEEEEEY GOOOOOOOOOOOO WELL WIIIIIITH BEEEEAAAAANS!"

"Oh my fucking gods," Annabeth moaned, burying her head in her hands. "Listen, I have a good idea for the next scene. Give him a raving mad Thalia singing about Cheerios."

"BEEEEEAAAAANS, BEANS, THE MAGICAL FRUIT! THE MORE YOU EAT, THE MORE YOU FART!"

"..." Piper and Annabeth looked at each other. Annabeth sighed and took the book.

Scene 2: In which you get him a raving mad hamster.

"I thought that it was going to be a raving mad Thalia?" Piper asked, throwing a nervous glance at their still-singing friend.

"BEEEEAAAANS AND CHEEEERIOOOOOS! DEEEEEELICIOUS TOGETHEEEER! FRIENDS ARE FOOOOOOREVERRRRRRRRR!"

Nine words: Never underestimate the power of the furry brute's tiny claws.

Annabeth groaned and handed the book to Piper, as Thalia obviously wasn't in the state of mind to be listing down suggestions.

"How long are we going to be stuck with her until she comes off the sugar high?" Piper asked the daughter of Athena.

"No clue."

"CHEEEERIOOOOOOOS ARE SOOOOOO CHEEEEERY! THEY'RE THE CHEEEEERIEST!"

Scene 3: In which you take him to the zoo and leave him in the lion's den.

"In a metaphorical sense?" Annabeth asked. "Because we could also leave him in here, which is a lion's den at the moment."

"Both literally and metaphorically," Piper confirmed.

"CHEEEERIOOOOS AND POOOONIES AND BEEEEEAAAANS AND MAAARRRRSHMAAAAALLOW POOOOOOONIES—"

"I thought that Thalia didn't watch My Little Pony."

Annabeth didn't know how to reply to that.

Yeah, these are getting a bit violent, but…you know. He's a douche if you want to break up with him. Do whatever you need to do, I (we) say. Even if it means leaving him to get torn to bits by a large, angry cat.

The two demigods leaned back and nervously watched Thalia continue singly very badly.

"The Apollo kids would freak if they heard her," Piper whispered.

"MAAAARSHMALLOWS! POOOOONIES! CHEEEEEERIOS! AND BROOOOOOONIES!"

"What in the name of...? You know what, forget it. Just...forget it." Annabeth rolled her eyes.

"KATNISS EVEEEEERDEEN AND PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETA MELLAAAAAARK! FOOOOOOOOOREVER!"

"...Everyone knows that Galeniss is the way to go."

"CHEEEEEEEEERIOS! PEETNISS! PEETNISS! PEETNISS!"

"Does she know how wrong that sounds?"

Annabeth buried her head in her hands.

End Notes: Yes, Gale/Katniss forever! :D