Chapter One: The Beginning
….one month ago.…
I was washing the laundry. Nothing spectacular. It's what I do every evening after the prat goes into the 'important' council meetings. I just got back from battling another evil sorcerer in another 'assassination' attempt. It was the third one this week! How many people can think, "Hey, let's kill Arthur Pendragon!" in such a small span of time? I mean, it's ridiculous! I shook my head. We can't have everything.
That's when King prat decided to walk in, looking all 'regal'.
"Merlin," he shouted. "Where have you been? I've searched the entire castle looking for you. And, you better not say the tavern!"
"Oh," I exclaimed in false sincerity. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I meant to tell you! Gaius asked me to collect herbs this morning, so I went after I polished your armor."
Arthur sighed, then said, "Well, I guess that proves how little your mind comprehends. Next time, tell me when Gaius tells you, like a smart little boy."
I just nodded, hurt. I'm not an idiot. I never was. But, for some reason, every person I meet just assumes I am. Lately, Arthur has even taken a more…vicious…opinion on my assumed mental retardation.
"And, Merlin."
"Yes, Sire."
"Much out my stables."
"I already have, Sire."
"Well, do it again."
"Yes, you Majesty."
I immediately picked up the newly washed laundry to be taken to dry and left. Arthur just stood their stunned.
"Sire," Gwaine called.
"Yes, Gwaine," I replied stunned.
Gwaine never calls me 'Sire' unless something was wrong.
"Have you noticed that's something's off with Merlin?"
I did. He didn't talk as much, smile like he used to, or even…well…the air around him has changed too.
"Yes," I answered him. "He's been too quit. It's not like him."
"I've tried to talk to him," Gwaine admitted. "He won't tell me anything. I don't know what to do."
"Maybe it's just something that he needs time with."
"You don't get it, Princess. Merlin's not like us … he's more sensitive. He needs people to lean on. I'm afraid if he keeps this bottled up, he'll lose himself …or worse."
"Worse how?"
"It'll rot him inside out."
I gulped, and nodded.
"I'll try talking to him," I said.
"Thank you," Gwaine breathed then walked off.
Deciding that it was best that I talk to him sooner than later, I went to find that useless excuse for a manservant. I mean, can he do anything right? The man has me a walking nerve of worry 24/7. I hope he enjoys it.
I walked all through the castle, but there was no hide or hare of him.
Where could he have gone, I thought. No one could just disappear into thin air … unless one was a sorcerer. But that's ridiculous; Merlin of all people couldn't be a sorcerer.
After hours of searching, there was word of him being seen walking to the washroom. I rushed there immediately.
"Merlin," I shouted. "Where have you been? I've searched the entire castle looking for you. And, you better not say the tavern!"
"Oh," he exclaimed surprised, and ashamed. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I meant to tell you! Gaius asked me to collect herbs this morning, so I went after I polished your armor."
I sighed, then said, "Well, I guess that proves how little your mind comprehends. Next time, tell me when Gaius tells you, like a smart little boy."
I don't know why I said that. I don't really mean it, it's just easier than saying what I really want to say.
"And, Merlin."
"Yes, Sire."
"Much out my stables."
That's also easier. Familiar. I want to demand what's wrong. Ask what I can do, but King's don't care. And, he would tell me in his own time, right?
"I already have, Sire."
"Well, do it again."
"Yes, you're Majesty."
That finally gets me. You're Majesty? He never called me by any title unless it's a Sire, and that's usually full of sarcasm.
I open my mouth to ask what's wrong. Why he's calling me 'You're Majesty', but he's already gone.
Arthur approached me three times that evening asking me if something was wrong. The first was after I finished the stables. I said I was fine. The second was when I filled his bath. I said I was fine. The third was right before he went to bed.
"Merlin," the King called.
"Yes, you're Majesty?"
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Sire."
"You're not sick?"
"I assure you, I'm fine, you're Majesty."
"Has someone done something?"
"No. I'm fine, Sire."
"Said something?"
I almost paused here.
"Sire, I am completely fine. There is no cause to worry."
Arthur just nodded. Although, I could tell that he didn't believe me. I needed to be more careful.
"You would tell me if something was wrong, right," he asked.
"Oh course, you're Majesty."
I was lying through my teeth, and he knew it.
"If that would be all," I asked.
"You can go Merlin," he said with a sigh.
I bowed then left. I ran straight to my room.
"Merlin," Gaius called.
I sighed. He was another person I couldn't fool.
"Yes, Gaius?"
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"No you're not, don't lie to me, boy."
"I just want to be alone."
Gaius ignored me and walked into the room. He sat right beside my head—buried into my pillow—and put a hand on my shoulder.
"What's wrong?"
"Arthur's being a prat."
Not a total lie. Arthur's always a prat.
"Is that all?"
"I'm over worked."
Again, not a total lie, but not the truth either.
"Okay… Anything else?"
"Lancelot."
A complete lie. Lancelot's been dead for a while; however, his shade and Gwen's banishment have brought some new wounds. However, this has little to no part in what's actually going on.
"What about him?"
"I miss him Gaius. Hi-him … and Gwen."
"I know, my boy. I know."
Gaius led me up and I laid my head on his chest and cried. I cried for them, for my father, Morgana, and … Freya. But, mostly, I cried for the friendships I'm losing now in Camelot. I'm drifting away from everyone. They're all knights now. Knights and a king. I'm so far away and it's slowly killing me.