Chapter two

Several days passed. It was finally Friday morning, and Lily, Alice and I were eating breakfast when the Marauders walked in. James immediately smiled and winked at Lily, who scowled and started complaining to Alice about how arrogant he was. I sat, listening to their argument and secretly siding with Alice- Lily should give the poor boy a chance- when Remus appeared at my side, looking tired and worried.

"Can we talk?" he asked in an undertone. I nodded, scared. He was using a 'bad news' tone. I got up and followed him out of the Great Hall and into a semi-hidden corridor.

"Remus, what's going on?"

He took a shaky breath. "We have to break up."

"W-What?" I stammered.

"I'm sorry, it's for the best. I'm not good enough."

"Remus, don't." My heart broke at the words 'not good enough'. I heard those words so much, but I thought Remus was the last person who would say them to me.

"I'm so sorry, Izzy." He walked away without turning back.

It was clear I was the one that didn't measure up. I was the reason he wanted out. Who could blame him? Fat, ugly, hurt. That was me. Someone like Remus wouldn't want to date someone like that. I fell to the floor, expecting tears, wanting tears, but they didn't come. They didn't flow because I now had a better way to relieve my hurt.

I raced to my dorm, knowing it would be empty and knowing what I'd find there. I locked myself in the bathroom, frantically searching for my blade. Where is it? There! I saw the silver gleam. Grabbing it, I paused, readying myself. Then, I brought the razor down on my arm, higher than my two day old marks on my wrist. With every cut the mantra 'Not good enough' echoed in my head. Finally, the tears came and with them, my single to stop. I cleaned and bandaged my arm, letting it heal the muggle way (to heal it with magic would defeat the purpose), and waved my wand to clean the bathroom. After washing my face and making sure my shirt sleeve hid the bandage, I left. I'd be late to Charms but I didn't want to be alone.

Just my luck, Flitwick was lecturing when I walked in, so everyone noticed and stared. I put my head down and rushed to my seat. Feeling eyes on me, I glanced across the room to find Remus staring at me. His eyes held pity. I clenched my teeth and held my chin up as I faced the front. He would not know how much he hurt me! Lily and Alice both threw me a questioning look and I mouthed "tell you later."

After the double block of Charms, I was the first one out of the classroom and in the Great Hall for lunch. As I waited for my friends the Marauders walked in. James and Sirius glanced at me and Remus completely ignored me.

Lily and Alice sat down. "What happened?" they demanded.

"Remus-" I took a deep breath and said in a rush: "Remus broke up with me."

Lily's eyes darkened. "He did WHAT?" She was almost shouting and made a move towards him, who was sitting not too far away.

I grabbed her arm. "Lily, please. It's his decision." Her move towards Remus hadn't gone unnoticed and he, James and Sirius stared at me in disbelief. Peter didn't notice anything was amiss.

"Why can't I kill him?" Lily hissed. "Look at how he hurt you!" I almost laughed; she had no clue.

"Alice, back me up here."

"Lily," Alice began reluctantly. "You can't force Remus to be in a relationship if he doesn't want to be."

"Besides," I said, shrugging. "It's no big deal." Now Alice stared in disbelief. A blind man could see I was upset. "I'm done," I muttered, putting down my half-eaten sandwich. "See you later." I got up, walked calmly out and made it to the bathroom before the tears started falling. After my usual after-meal routine, I walked up to my dorm for my free period, looking forward to being able to relax.

I was doing a good job of clearing my mind until I heard a tapping on the window. Glancing over, I groaned, recognizing my parents' owl. Wondering what I'd done this time, I let him in, taking the letter and getting pecked in response. Unrolling the letter I read:

Dear Daughter,

You are in immense trouble when you get home you lazy pig. You are a disgrace to out Pureblood name. An 'E' in Transfiguration is unacceptable. We told you we expected an 'O'

Wishing you didn't exist,

Your Parents.

Dead. The wanted me dead? Fine. If I am such a waste and will never be good enough, what's the point?

They want me dead? Well they'll get their wish.

Tonight.

I am so done.

.z.

I waited for an hour after my dorm mates fell asleep to creep out and down the tower. I met no teachers in the hall and when I got to the front doors, they were unlocked. It was too easy; it was as if the world wanted me gone. As I stepped out into the light of the full moon, I thought of the irony. I was ending my life under a moon filled with promises. That's how I always saw full moons. I wouldn't have been there if had shown someone the letter, if I'd just asked for help. I was too proud to ask though, and too ashamed to tell anyone. Too ashamed to show anyone the marks on my wrists, arms, legs, even my stomach.

No this is the best way, I had concluded. I took the knife out of my pocket upon reaching the Forbidden Forest. Again, it was easy to filch the knife from dinner while Lily and Alice were again arguing about James. I was debating whether to place the knife at my heart or throat when I heard a growl from behind me.

I turned around to see a werewolf standing there, intently staring at me. Well, it would have been easier than the knife. I lowered my arm, sticking the knife back into my pocket, and stood calmly, waiting for it to attack. We stood frozen there for a split second and then the beast lunged, slashing my stomach open. Poised on top of me, the werewolf snarled in my face. I held my breath, expecting it to rip my throat out. But before it could, a big, black dog came flying and knocked it off me. 'Great. At least the blood loss will kill me soon' was my last thought before I thought I heard someone calling my name and I blacked out.