CHAPTER 2 – GOODBYES

A sense of confusion sweeps through me, not knowing how to feel. I slowly make my way towards the stage, taking deep breaths each step. I can feel her eyes on me, but I don't have the faintest idea of what she's thinking. Could she already be pondering the different ways to kill me, knowing that I would be a very easy prey?

I sighed and steadily took my place on the stage. Effie asked for volunteers, and I wondered idly if Gale will step up to take my place. I quickly dismissed this thought, though, because somehow, I know that Katniss will mind. After all, her family will be left with no one to look after them, and I can sense that Gale will be the one to take that role. My brothers – they would never dare to do what Katniss had done for her sister today. What she did is a first in history.

The mayor starts reading the Treaty of Treason, but my heart is beating so loud I can barely hear what he's saying. I look around the square and spot my father in the crowd with a sad look on his face. My mother's standing beside him, but I couldn't understand her expression. Does she fear for my life? Will there be consoling words for me later?

I don't worry much about my family. I know that even without me, they will survive. I will not have to worry whether or not they're getting by each day. I am certain they will. And I doubt that my absence would be very disastrous for them, especially to my mother. I'll miss my father the most; after all, he's the person I'm closest to in my family.

After reading the treaty, the mayor asked Katniss and I to shake hands. I step sideways and face her. This is by far the closest that we have ever been, and I look her straight in the eye as I extend my hand: knowing that she's afraid, and hoping to reassure her that she will get by just fine. So I gave her hand – soft and tender against mine – a gentle squeeze, wanting her to know that I'm here with her.

I knew it's too much to hope for that I stay alive after a day in the arena. But as I slowly regain my composure, a plan begins to form in my head. I try to see the brighter side to this story. First, there will be a few days before we are placed in the arena where I could possibly (hopefully) get a chance to talk to her, to know her, even for just a short period of time. That thought gave me a different kind of nervousness, but I quickly shove it away.

I may die in the arena, but if I will get the chance to talk to her – be friends, even – before the games start, then I'll die a happy man.

The anthem of Panem plays in the background, and we were immediately escorted by a group of Peacekeepers to the Justice Building. This is my first time inside the building, and I am ushered in a room where I was left alone. Looking around, I am immediately struck by the richly designed room, sure that I have never seen anything like this. I sat on the couch and waited for my family. One hour. I have one hour to say goodbye to them before I am transported to the Capitol to face my death.

I put on a brave face, but inside, I know that I'm crumbling. The door opened, and my family enters. I hug them one by one and saved my father for last. He patted me on the shoulder and said, "You take care, son." I nodded, not wanting to say anything for fear that the tears will come. My father stayed silent; he has never been much of a talker, but I know him well. He's trying to hold back his feelings, probably trying to be strong for me, keeping his eyes locked on the floor.

My mother came up to me and said, "You're strong. I guess all those years of making you run errands in the market has finally found a bigger purpose." I shook my head, but still felt grateful for my mother's attempt at consoling me. She has never been good with words – everything she says will sting, and I think that this is the nicest that she can come up with. My brothers stayed silent, offering me a gentle pat on the back, again a silent way of extending their support. We sat silently for a few minutes, then my mother spoke up.

"Well, maybe District 12 will finally have a winner." I look at her, surprise flooding my features, before she continued, "She's a survivor, that one is." And I realize that she wasn't referring to me at all.

"Peeta can also survive." My father says.

I shook my head, unsure how to feel. Just when I thought my mother is really trying to be nice… but I reign my disappointment in, knowing that she's right, and knowing in my heart that that's what I want anyway. Her survival.

"Dad." I begin.

"Just believe in yourself. You are strong, you are capable. You will have time to train before they bring you to the arena. There is hope."

I nodded, not wanting to argue with him anymore because it's a lost cause anyway. I know that this must be my father's way of encouraging me; that he may still be in denial of what is to come. So I stayed silent, until too soon, it is time for them to go. I look at all of them, trying to memorize my family's faces, when I realize that they are crying. I hugged them tightly, whispered my love, and that's when I heard my dad say that he will also keep an eye on Katniss' family. There was no way I could stop the tears from falling – I realized that my dad had known of my feelings for Katniss, and his reassurance that they will be looked after is the best parting gift that he can give me. I stammered my thanks to my dad before holding on to him until the Peacekeepers separated us.

My next guests weren't really unexpected: a handful of friends I've made at school, including Delly Cartwright whom I have known since childhood. They bid me luck, but I was still crying from my goodbyes with my family. Eventually, they were also ushered out immediately until all that's left in the room is empty space and the sound of my sobs.

I tried to hold it in; I wouldn't want to look weak in front of the cameras, but I found it a difficult task. When I was finally able to get rid of my tears, I can feel that my face would already register that I had been crying a lot. I was ushered to a car and we travelled from the Justice Building to the train station, and that's where I saw the swarm of reporters. I spot Katniss being ushered out of the car, and felt ashamed with myself when I saw that she looks so composed and in control of herself.

We had to wait at the doorway of the train with all the cameras positioned near our faces. I sneak a look at her and saw that she's staring straight ahead, without even bothering to look in my direction. I look away, again thinking that I may be an idiot for even dreaming that she would want to talk to me. Thankfully, the doors finally opened and we were let in. The train sped away.

This is the last time that I'll see District 12, I thought sadly.