Chapter 1

Damn That Burns!

Cloud led them to an abandoned alleyway by the Brimhaven Agility Course. Dystridev put the halberd blade to the monk's throat, "Now..."

"Yea... now..." Enigma said mocking Dystridev.

"Shut the fuck up Enigma he's trying to talk" Cloud said quickly.

Dystridev quickly put pressure on the monk's throat when he realized he was going to resist, "Do you value your so called 'oath' or 'honor' to whoever sent you enough to give up your life?"

The monk resisted and tried to push the halberd back quickly and got up and started limp-running away. Enigma quickly casted snare, making the monk's escape very futile, "Dammit" the monk muttered to himself as he realized the slim chance he had of getting away.

"Hey dimwit, wanna try that again? I'll cast ice barrage next time" Enigma said in response to the attempted escape.

The monk turned around and stared them down, "You made the mistake letting me live". The monk pulled his Zamorak Staff from behind him and casted Zamorak Flames upon the trio. Enigma fell unconscious from the shot and Dystridev extremely wounded, Cloud had enough energy to notice that the monk died from the shot. Cloud got up and checked the monk's corpse, his body incinerated to ash and his staff as well. All that was left was an amulet and the robes. Cloud closely inspected the amulet and noticed an engraving. It read "PMJ".

"Hmm... this seems familiar" Cloud muttered to himself as he pocketed the amulet and turned to his just now recovering teammates. He helped them to their feet and they proceeded on the walk back to Varrock.

As the trio reached Varrock they gazed upon their idol, Novalyfe. He was getting up there in years but he was still a valiant warrior, well known as a very important White Knight and protector of Varrock during many wars. Nova chuckled slightly looking at their stone gazes, "You all can pick up your chins any day now".

Dystridev straightened up quickly realizing he was drooling, "Oh shit" he muttered to himself as he tried to look nice in front of his idol even though he had blood on his black dragon hide.

Cloud literally picked up his jaw because it was literally agape, and wiped off the dust from his uniform top.

Enigma backhanded Cloud and Dystridev for acting like such suck ups and turns to Nova, "Guys, stop being a bunch of 'Upstanding citizens' and faking your 'Righteousness' in front of Nova. Just because he's the greatest warrior in Gielnor and completely owns your soul doesn't mean you have to suck up".

Zezima then approached, walking from Varrock castle with the head of the king, "Oh please, you can't honestly consider little ol' Nova the toughest thing in Gielnor, you must realize that I am the greatest thing to happen to Varrock's military since the discovery of Dragon weapons. I would wipe the floor with that old man if he ever decided to turn on Varrock, just like the king, anyone who opposes my stand, dies.

Cloud struck back, "You're a disgrace to my hometown!"

"Petty words, boy" Zezima talked down to Cloud.

"We'll see how petty they are when your sword is drawn" Dystridev said as he pulled the halberd from his back.

Nova stood between them, "No bloodshed in Varrock, and I would like to speak to you three personally, Zezima, I bid you adieu, be gone".

Zezima turned away and walked back towards the castle with his head hung in defeat.

Nova turned back to the trio, "You all must learn to make your judgments a bit more wisely; I sense you all have great potential and something tells me you are destined for greatness, I would hate to see some hotshot like Zezima cut your destiny short. I cannot tell you details of such for it would alter the future but I know you all have been reserved a place of greatness in this world. Saradomin must have blessed you well. I must go now though, there are matters that are above even your awareness yet that I must attend to. I bid you adieu, and may Saradomin's light guide you". Just then Nova teleported away, leaving the trio in awe.

"...What... the... left nut..." Dystridev said in surprise.

"I blame Zamorak... I didn't ask for this 'Great power, great responsibility' bullshit" Enigma muttered.

"Aw come on guys, this is great news!" Cloud said in great cheer. "We're destined for greatness! I say we all go down to the Blue Moon Inn and have ourselves a few drinks in celebration! Drinks on me!"

Enigma looked at Cloud, "I'm holding you to that Clodsky"

"What the hell'd you call me?" Cloud asked?

"He said Clodsky, dumbass, are you deaf?" Dystridev said jokingly.

"Ahh shut the fuck up Dys" Cloud said in response. Cloud quickly pushed them into the pub and walked up to the bar, "Barkeep, 3 beers and 1 for the lady behind the counter".

"Yea yeah, keep your goddamn pants on" the barkeep said as he started pouring beers.

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE HURRY THE FUCK UP ASSHOLE YOU DUMB PIECE OF SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY THE FUCK I'M HERE I'M LIKE HALF TEMPTED TO PICK UP A FUCKING HOOKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Dystridev started flipping out.

Enigma looked at Dystridev, "Dude... you're not even drunk yet... shut the fuck up". Cloud grabbed the beers and tossed them to the guys at the table. Cloud then walked over to the girl behind the bar and began his little 'Flirt session'. Enigma looked up to see Cloud, "Dude Dys, Clodsky's ditchin' us for a chick! Go fuck him up!"

Dystridev looked at Enigma, then back at Cloud. Dystridev got up from his seat, took a chug of his beer, and walked over to Cloud, "Hey... fucker... what the hell is the deal here, you said we were supposed to celebrate together, not you pick up a ho and go do your own thing". The girl walked over to him and slapped him. Dystridev grinned, "I deserved that".

Cloud pulled the Dragon 2h from his back, "If you have a problem with the girl I'll gladly see to it that you don't any longer".

Enigma stood up from his seat, knocking the chair over, "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

The barkeeper quickly threw a glass at Enigma, breaking it on his head. "Sit down and shut up" the barkeeper told him.

Dystridev turns around, "You sack of shit, you did not just hit Enigma". Dystridev pulled out his Dragon Halberd and twirled it around and held it at his waist. "You're going down for that" he said as he ran at the barkeeper, front flipped over the counter and vertically cut the barkeeper in half. Dystridev puts the halberd back on his back and pulls out the barkeep's wallet. "Here, you're the new owner, hope you thank Cloud in some good ways if ya get what I mean" he says as he throws the wallet to the bar maid.

Enigma was still standing there dumbfounded, he had been hit by a glass, and then the guy died about 5 seconds later, he didn't know what to think was going on. "Damn! Today is cool!!!" he said as he ran out throwing beer into the air.

Cloud put the Dragon 2h back on his back. "So can I get a name to match that unforgettable face?" Cloud said, being a slick bastard.

"My name is Tifa, Tifa Lockheart. And you?" she introduced herself.

"I'm Cloud Strife, but apparently I'm called Clodsky by my friends now. And the white haired asshole is Dystridev, A. K. A. Dys, and the other white haired bastard who just sat there the whole time is Enigma, he's weird, watch it, he might molest ya" Cloud introduced himself to her.

"Well, I've got to get back to work and start cleaning things up after what your friend did, I'll have to talk to you another time, but I'll be here anytime you wanna talk" she smiled.

"No, actually I insist that I clean up after my friends, I can't have you cleaning up after my rowdy friends who have no self control whatsoever" Cloud insisted. The rest of the night was spent, rather interestingly for Cloud we shall say (Cloud laid ). Dystridev left for Falador during the night, no one was too sure why or when. Enigma spent the night in a barrel in the Varrock General Store, sipping chocolate milk out of a bucket with a grain of wheat.

Cloud awoke, the daylight shuddering through the blinds bothered him but he knew even after such a good night he was going to have to look into that amulet today, he got up and grabbed his clothes, quickly getting dressed he kissed Tifa on the forehead and quickly ran out the door grabbing his Dragon 2h on the way out. Enigma quickly jumped out of the barrel to scare Cloud as he ran into the square. "Dammit Enigma you scared the shit outta me!" Cloud said in panic.

"Haha Clodsky got mental owned" Enigma said jokingly.

"Where'd Dys go?" Cloud asked him.

"I don't know, it wasn't my turn to watch him" Enigma said ignorantly.

"HEY I TOLD YOU IT WAS YOUR TURN!!!" Cloud said sarcastically.

Dystridev moped back into town, "Man, last night was gay, I don't wanna talk about it just leave that alone. What's the game plan for today Cloud?"

Cloud pulled the amulet from his pocket, "Hmm, it says 'PMJ', any clue guys?"

"Nada" Dystridev responded.

"Same" Enigma shot off.

"Then I propose we go see Grave about this, since Shibby's pissed at us about last night haha" Cloud laughed to himself.

"Hmm, he was last stationed at Ardougne, I suggest we go there to find him" Dystridev quickly stated.

"Then let's get moving" Enigma instructed as he teleported Cloud and Dystridev to Ardougne. After blowing the fake smoke from his 'gun finger' he snapped his fingers twice and teleported himself to Ardougne as well.

Dystridev landed hard on his rear since Enigma got lazy and decided to try to drop him on his head, and got up and brushed himself off. "Thanks a lot Enigma haha" he chuckled to himself at Enigma's prank. He helped Cloud up and looked around. "Alright the military training grounds are west of here, I believe it would be most reasonable to think that we'd check there" Dystridev recommended.

"Hmm, indeed Einstein, that would be most predictable actions of a MORON" Enigma said. "Look retards" he pointed to a sign directly in front of them. The sign read "Grave's Personal Protection and Hit Unit, Walk Two Steps to Your Left and Turn around 5 times, and Jump in place 3 times and you will be teleported to the HQ".

"..." Dystridev was skeptical.

Cloud looked into the sky, "Well, my name is weird enough; I guess if my name could be a white fluffy thing in the sky, these instructions could actually work".

Enigma looked at Cloud with a face of retardation, "For fuck's sake dumbass, let's see it work then".

"Yea, I'm looking forward to the performance, I mean... 'Activation code'" Dystridev said in sarcasm.

Cloud blushed as he did the instructions, looking like a retard in the middle of Ardougne square, after performing the instructions he was instantly teleported.

"OH SHIT!" Enigma flipped out.

"Yea yea shut the fuck up and get to your damn dance already" Dystridev instructed.

Enigma performed the instructions and landed on Cloud, Dystridev came next landing on them both. "God dammit, get off me please?" Cloud said while trying to pull a wedgie out of his pants.

Dystridev quickly hopped up and walked toward the main desk, "We're here to see Grave, no bullshit, I don't wanna hear 'He's not here right now' or some other bullshit, you gimme that and I'll take your head off here and now and keep walking".

"..." the secretary was speechless.

"What my overly stupid friend here MEANT to say was, I love you, I want your sweet ass on my lap now bitch" Enigma said mocking Dystridev.

Cloud was so busy laughing he had forgotten why they had came but then quickly remembered, "Oh yea, seriously we need to see Grave, it's urgent, and if you wanna go fuck Dys then go do it in a bathroom or something but ANOTHER TIME, we're busy right now".

"..." the secretary was still speechless.

"Are you mute or something?" Cloud asked.

"..." she got up and backhanded Cloud." No, dumbfuck, I'm a human being, speak to me like one asshole!"

"OWNED!" Enigma said to be a jerk.

Dystridev got tired of all the talk and walked past her, opening the door hastily, it slammed against the wall breaking interior glass. "Grave, you are needed. Don't fucking tell me to leave a message or I'll show you how this halberd works just like I did back in boot camp".

Cloud ignored Dystridev's rampage and leaned into the secretary, "If you want a good time, meet me in the bathroom in 5".

"Fuck off!" she backhanded him so bad that he flung across the room and broke through a wall.

"GODDAMN!!!! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!" Enigma started chanting.

Dystridev turns around to see Cloud fling through the wall, "What the fuck Cloud, keep your hands out of your pants for 5 minutes for Saradomin's sake!"

Cloud looked up to see the back of Grave's head, "GRAVE!!! YOUR SECRETARY'S A BITCH! FIRE HER!"

"..." she was speechless once again.

"Dude, are we not the most fucked up people in Gielnor or what?" Enigma muttered to himself but half to the secretary.

Cloud walked into Grave's office, "Grave, how've you been?" Cloud asked.

"Things are well, being a mercenary pays well, but I'm sure you know just as well as I do" Grave acknowledged Cloud's question.

"Yea, mercenary work is fun, it gets me around" Cloud smirked.

Grave turned around in his chair, wearing a tuxedo, he seemed different from when they had remembered. His hair was now short, and tidy, no longer the long hair he once had.

"I see business has wrapped its finger around you, Grave" Dystridev said on a side note.

"Hey, it's all appearances, otherwise I'm still the same Grave you knew back in boot camp, I would still beat your ass for talking that way to my secretary if she was my girlfriend still haha" Grave chuckled.

"We need you to look at this, old friend" Cloud handed Grave the amulet.

Grave took the amulet and closely inspected it... "Hmmmmmm, 'PMJ'... reminds me of the days of fighting against Varrock's personal army for boot camp combat training. Don't you remember that? The only time we really got to be full allies on the battlefield. If I remember correctly, there was a man named 'Partyman' John. Quite the bastard. I mean... well he wasn't the most agreeable person. Where did you get this Cloud? I believe whoever was wearing this was working for him or is enlisted under him".

"We were at a friend, Lt Shibby's house, when we were attacked by monks of Zamorak which we disposed of, but we happened to notice this, and believe me, they weren't pushover monks. I do seem to remember a 'Partyman' John having a disagreement with Shibby in his military establishment..." Cloud told him.

"Hmm, then, I believe he is trying to kill Shibby, and if you tried to stop him, he'll be after you all now, I suggest you get to him and take care of him, find out why he's trying to kill the lot of you. I believe he's enlisted with the Varrock personal army still, that'd be your best bet to finding him. Move quickly, you don't know how long it could be until he sends them after you or him again" Grave sent them off.

Dystridev nodded and turned around, "Oh. Sorry about the glass, Grave" Dystridev laughed to himself not caring about the damage done.

Cloud followed Dystridev out the door and as entering the main room, he realized Enigma was on the desk, on top of the secretary, making out with her. "...Enigma... time to go..." Cloud said nervously.

"..." Enigma ignored Cloud.

Dystridev walked up to Enigma, pulled the halberd off his back and stabbed the desk right by Enigma's head. "Let's mosey!" Cloud said.

"...I hate you guys" Enigma muttered to himself as he dismounted the secretary.

"So Cloud, what will we do once we get to this guy?" Dystridev asked.

"...Kick his ass and ask why he's sending people after us, duh" Cloud answered.

"For fuck's sake, you all can't come up with a decent plan if you got paid 60 million gold" Enigma argued. "What we need to do, is get in there, kill his security, corner him alone, I'll snare and teleport block his ass in a corner, and then you two fuck him up until he's nearly dead, then we interrogate his dumbass while he's down for the count".

"...Wow" Dystridev was dumbfounded.

"Where the hell did that come from?" Cloud asked.

"..." Enigma shut up instantly.

"Well I guess me and Cloud just imagined that" Dystridev said.

"No Dys, I'm mad you're confused, I said it. That was totally my plan" Cloud denied.

"...What the fuck..." Enigma got jipped.

Cloud picked up a newcomer's map off the ground and handed it to Enigma.

"What the hell, not again" Enigma said to Cloud.

"Improvise dumbass" Cloud shot back.

Enigma grabbed both Dystridev and Cloud by their shoulders and teleported them to Varrock with him.

"Welcome to Varrock, here we serve fresh kills, and a spear to your heart if you'd like" a guard said to them as they appeared in the square.

"What the fuck? You're dead bitch!" Dystridev spun around a 360, pulled the halberd from his back in mid spin and sliced the guard in half horizontally for his threat.

"...Dys... that was so unnecessary" Enigma said calmly.

"...Seriously... what the fuck man... you're fucked up" Cloud told Dystridev.

"What the fuck guys? He threatened to kill us and you all are defending him? YOU ALL ARE THE FUCKED UP ONES" Dystridev argued back.

Enigma looked towards the wall to see four people at the Varrock castle pathway wall. One named, Wilis, a good friend of Dystridev, a good spirited guy with good intentions. Then, one other named Fire, he was once closely associated with the Varrock military until 'something' happened, he would never discuss, but he had managed to make a bond with Cloud during this time in the military. Another being Neon, a childhood friend of Enigma's, he didn't have a whole lot of common sense in dangerous situations, which kept Enigma wondering how he had survived as long as he had. And the final person being 'Partyman' John himself. Neon and John were apparently arguing over something, and John lifted his Verac's Flail, and crushed it upon Neon's skull, smushing his head into his shoulders, leaving him headless. His body went limp and fell backwards, hitting the ground with a loud thud as the rune helm broke like glass against the ground. Enigma watched his childhood friend die before his eyes. "..."Enigma was speechless but not about to let him get away with that. Enigma ran at John pulling his Dragon Scimitar from his waist and juking to the right, turning and slashing at John's waist, cutting him successfully through his Verac's brassard and breaking it on contact. Enigma did a backflip parrying John's flail with ease, and then jumps onto John's shoulders and brings down the scimitar down on his helm as hard as he could but to no avail; John grabbed Enigma by the bottom of his robe and slammed him into the ground then pulled the flail back and began smashing him across the face back and forth. Dystridev quickly reacted to this and began firing with the Crystal Bow at him and the energy arrows penetrated John's armor and he quickly turned around and nearly broke the bow with one foul strike of the flail.

"Fuck!" Dystridev yelled to himself as he quickly whipped back the Crystal Bow and pulled out his magic shortbow and began firing rune arrows at him.

Cloud decided quickly that he wasn't going to be any part of this so he went to the Blue Moon Inn to talk to Tifa.

"Dude what the fuck Clodsky!?" Enigma yelled while being beaten to a pulp.

Tifa quickly ran out to the square before Cloud got far and kicked him in the balls for ditching his friends.

"AWWWW FUCKING OW!" Cloud yelped in pain like a dog that just got kicked.

Dystridev finally threw the magic shortbow back on his back and pulled the Dragon Halberd from his back and impaled John with it from behind.

"You can't honestly expect that to do anything to me" John said calmly as he pulled the halberd through him and bashed Dystridev over the head with it. Dropping the halberd on the ground, John started realizing he was bleeding. "Ugh, dammit" he started limping back towards Varrock castle. "Guards, dispose of them, I don't want even their skeletal remains in my town".

Twenty Black Knights were summoned by John prepared to kill Dystridev and Enigma. Cloud ran up and stood with them to help the onslaught of knights coming towards them. The knights readied their swords and charged at the trio with alarming speed.

Three of the knights charged to Fire, stabbed him through his midsection, his guts splattered on the ground sickeningly. The knights that killed him then were instantly frozen, thanks to Enigma's ice barrage. Cloud and Dystridev came and beheaded the frozen knights in a flurry of blindingly fast slashes with the halberd and 2H. Wilis found himself trapped in-between 3 of the knights so decided to fight. He pulled the Rune Scimitar from his waist and impaled one of the knights with it, then kicked another in the face stunning him, and rushed the third one with his Rune Kiteshield. He then killed them both, feeling satisfied with himself that he didn't die the same way Fire did. Cloud then ran into the midst of the Black Knights and slashed wildly but powerfully, killing most of them with a single hit. Enigma took his Dragon Scimitar and sliced another knight's throat who tried to get him from behind "Fuckin' ass raper! Don't try and get me from behind I don't roll like that bastard!"

Dystridev yelled among the chaos "He's in denial don't listen to that gay ass!". He stopped laughing long enough to fire a rune arrow from his Magic Shortbow into the back of the neck of the final knight standing. "Heh, a job well done, now let's go after 'Gayman' John." He placed the bow back onto his back with the halberd and started walking to the castle. He noticed the running footsteps of the remaining two knights approaching from his flanks, he quickly did a front flip landing on his back but pulling the halberd from his back and spinning it above himself severing their legs from the knees down. He quickly hopped back to his feet and continued walking towards the castle with the halberd held tightly in a clenched fist. Enigma and Cloud quickened their pace to keep up with his hastened steps. They ran up the sets of stairs to reach the top where they believed John would be.

As Dystridev saw the sky he looked forward to see John. He smiled and held up a Law rune. He teleported away, laughing at the trio. Enigma dropped his shoulders, "Well that was anti climactic..."

"Should we follow him?" Cloud asked.

"...You're supposed to be the leader, dumbass" Dystridev shot back.

"Damn... Alright then I guess we should warn Shibby that John's after him" Cloud stated. They then started the long walk to Shibby's house since Enigma had no runes on him for teleporting.