Missing Scene: Ellie's Date
Didn't get to include this one because I thought of it after I'd posted chapter 12, and if wouldn't have made sense for Ellie to date someone else once Alec had spoken up. I like this scene because I think it shows her starting to open up the possibility of men again after Joe, even if she isn't fully comfortable with the thought yet.
Plus I just thought the mental image was too good.
Recap: This is set in the midst of Chapter 7, while Ellie is waiting for Joe to sign their divorce papers. She's thinking about trying to move on and she knows there's at least one viable option in Broadchurch…
Ellie knocks on Hardy's door. She isn't sure why she's here, except for that he's her only friend and therefore the only person outside of Lucy that she feels she can socialize with. It's a terrifying thought: her relationship with Lucy is strained at best, and Hardy socializes about as well as a wild animal. But she's desperate to share her news with someone, so Hardy it is.
She's already braced for his exasperated glares.
"Come in, Miller," he calls when she knocks.
"How'd you know it was me?" she asks as she closes the door behind her.
"Trained detective." He looks up from the book he had been reading and arches an eyebrow. "You're the only person who's visited me since I moved in, it wasn't exactly a leap."
He's feeling clever today. Well, in that case, maybe he'll be more amused with her news than grumpy that she sought him out for something so trivial.
"Bit of news," she says as she settles herself on a chair. Her orange coat is very bright in his little sitting room. He merely stares at her and she takes it as a sign she ought to continue the narrative.
"You know I've filed for divorce." He's still silent, bloody man. She may as well talk to a wall. Still, she won't be deterred. She's proud of herself for her bravery and she wants someone to acknowledge it. "Well, I've asked someone on a date."
Finally, a reaction. Hardy's eyebrows lift a bit before his expression settles into the 'what-are-you-telling-me-for?' look she'd been expecting.
"Alright," he says. She fights the urge to roll her eyes at him. Maybe she should have told Lucy instead.
"With, uh…with Brian. You remember Brian."
His brow furrows for a second. "Brian…Bri—" All of a sudden his eyes are comically wide as recognition strikes. "Dirty Brian?"
She's torn between laughing and being defensive: she chooses defensive. Her chin lifts and she crosses her arms.
"Well, he was keen to go, and he's quite nice."
"What about having his hands everywhere?" Hardy asks her, wiggling his fingers about to illustrate his point.
She arches an eyebrow at him and he recognizes the innuendo a second later.
"Well, what're you telling me for?" he asks, just as she knew he would. He tears his gaze from hers to glare at the wall.
"Oh, I dunno. Because it's a normal topic of conversation?"
"Really, Miller, I hardly think I'm the best person to converse with about…about your…dating life," he replies, nearly spitting out the words. She can tell she's made him exceedingly uncomfortable.
"Please don't say it like that." She'd like to think the idea of someone dating her is not completely outside the realm of possibility. She wonders all of a sudden if Hardy still thinks that storks deliver babies, even after having a child of his own.
"When?" he asks.
"When what?"
"When are you going out?"
"I thought you didn't want to talk about it?"
"You're absolutely right, forget I asked." He tosses his hands in the air and stands, turning away from her to head for his kitchen. Ellie chases him, wondering where the hell this fresh bout of his famous temper has come from. Surely it's not because she's going on a date?
"Tonight," she tells him. "For dinner. Lucy's watching the kids."
He glances at her and then looks away again. A muscle twitches in his cheek, but he doesn't bring up the topic again.
He's in a foul temper for the rest of the afternoon. Strangely enough, that only seems to bolster her own good mood, and she leaves actually looking forward to her evening with Brian.
Her first date in years. She's nervous, suddenly unsure about the new dress she's bought for the occasion. She hasn't worn a dress in a long time and she feels a bit exposed although it's quite modest. She needn't have worried, however: it's clear when he arrives to pick her up that Brian appreciates it.
"You look fantastic," he tells her, brushing a friendly kiss over her cheek. He leads her to his car and they drive into town, headed for the Italian restaurant. Broadchurch doesn't have an abundance of options.
"I'm a bit nervous," she admits to him with a silly, shy smile. Brian looks at her, smiling back.
"Well, don't have to be nervous about me," he says. They had worked together for a long time, she isn't sure why she's so jittery except for the fact that it's been years since she's been in this situation: out with a new man, no idea what to expect from him as the evening goes on. She settles her dress over her legs and tries to calm her nerves.
People stare as she and Brian enter the restaurant.
She should have expected it. She's persona-non-Grata in town, and there are a few disapproving looks. It's clear that she's on a date, and she fights down the urge to announce that she's filed for divorce from Joe.
Thankfully, no one says anything to them as they're shown to a table.
"Blimey," Brian murmurs as they take their seats. "Is it just me or did it get colder around here?"
Ellie tries to smile through the deep ache she feels. Once she would have gotten encouragement or teasing from the very same people that are now whispering about her over their meals. She always thinks she's getting used to the sting of that, so it always surprises her when she isn't.
"No work talk, yeah?" he asks her, and she nods. She's pretty certain she can't handle talking about SOCO right now, or police work, or their colleagues.
She tries to engage with him on other subjects, things like football and the upcoming summer tourist season. She holds her own through a chat about a few popular shows on the telly that she's barely seen. Brian does most of the talking, which is nice, because for once she's floundering in a social setting.
She eats and tries to focus on his conversation, and it's such a contrast to her quiet meals with Hardy that she isn't really sure how she should react. And then the very fact that she's thinking about Hardy while on a date is annoying, and she stabs at her pasta with a little more force than she means to.
"Alright?" Brian asks pleasantly.
"Yeah, sorry. Sorry…what were you saying?" she asks, and this time she refuses to let her mind wander while he speaks.
By the end of the night, she's exhausted. She isn't sure why: Brian is nice to her, attentive to her when she speaks and he picks up the check without being offended when she offers to go Dutch. He's quite cute, in his way. But there's just something that isn't clicking for her. She isn't sure what it is, but she thinks she's probably being silly for not feeling a bit more excited about how well the date has gone.
He walks her to her door. He's nervous, she can tell.
"Thank you for letting me take you out," he says with a smile. God, she really wishes she could be more into this: he's very sweet. He'd be good for her.
"Thank you for dinner," she replies.
"Alright then. Goodnight." He hesitates, then leans over and kisses her cheek. She's very grateful that it's not her mouth, and she feels a pang of guilt about that. She tells herself he's much too decent for her.
"Goonight, Brian," she says, and she goes inside. She waits until he's driven off. Then she sets out again, too keyed up to go to bed. The boys aren't home so she doesn't have to worry about leaving the house. Instead, she heads for the beach. She isn't sure why she's drawn there, but she is, and anyway it would be dangerous to navigate the cliffs in the dark, especially in flimsy footwear.
She thinks maybe the sound of the ocean will soothe her, because she's disappointed by her own lack of enthusiasm for Brian.
Maybe she's trying too hard. Maybe it's too soon.
She hits the sand and kicks off her shoes. The cliffs are huge shadows over her, but she ignores them, letting her eyes roam over the surf instead. She's right about the sound of the waves, and she can feel herself breathing deeper as she walks along, gathering her thoughts.
After a few minutes, she spots someone sitting on the sand, and she knows who it is immediately.
"Didn't think you liked the beach," she says as she draws nearer. She's not sure if she's relieved or annoyed to have come across Hardy tonight. Maybe both.
He looks up, startled to hear her voice, and she sees his eyes rake over her. He's never seen her in a dress, and she wonders what he thinks before she can stop herself. She carefully settles onto the sand next to him.
"What're you doing here?"
She shrugs and looks out at the water.
"What happened to Brian?" he asks, his tone a little more gentle.
"He went home."
"Mm. Not so dirty after all then," he says, and Ellie lets out a startled laugh. He glances at her and then actually joins her, chuckling at bit at Brian's expense. His a low, rumbling laugh, almost inaudible over the sound of the surf. It takes her a moment to control her giggles.
"It was a nice date," she tells him, determined to defend Brian in his absence, but she can tell she's not doing a very good job.
"Couldn't have been that good if you're here with me," he replies, and she smacks his arm. There's more truth in that then she'd like to admit, especially to him, but they both know he's right even if she doesn't agree out loud.
"It's just a bit…much," she says instead. "I don't think I'm ready for dating yet."
A strange expression crosses his face, too quick for her to determine what it is. His eyes remain locked onto the waves.
"You will be," he says. He sounds oddly resigned to this fact.
"Have you dated…since your ex?" she asks him quietly.
"No." He says it in a way that closes the topic, but she can see that it's because it hurts him to talk about. He isn't mad at her, it's just too raw.
She falls silent for a while and they both stare at the waves. A long time passes before he eventually gets to his feet. She lets him help her up because she's wearing a skirt, and his hand is very warm as he pulls her to her feet in the sand.
"You're different," he says at last. "And one day you'll want that…sort of…that intimacy back."
He clearly isn't comfortable with discussing it further, but she takes comfort in what he says. She nods and he walks her home. He doesn't speak again, except for a quiet goodnight once they've made it to her doorstep. He turns away and walks back toward his own flat, and she goes up to bed feeling strangely at peace. She doesn't think she'll go out with Brian again…but maybe Hardy is right. Maybe she'll want intimacy again enough to try again. Just…maybe not right this second.