ALL CRACK. ALL HUMAN.

DISCLAIMER: Title's taken from Pablo Neruda's Sonnet XVII. I do not own TVD but I do wish I own JoMo.

CONTAGIOUS

"He is what?"

The group says in unison albeit slightly differing in intonation and emphasis.

Bonnie and Elena, who are utterly shocked, exclaim it as if they have just seen a humming bird giving birth to a giant elephant. Damon, on the other hand, actually hisses as he speaks, you can practically hear him cursing I-don't-believe-this-shit in every word. This is before he notices Kol beside him wearing the same expression that he immediately shoots him an incredulous look, muttering, "Why are you surprised?" "I'm not home often," Kol replies with an indifferent shrug before slumping on his usual seat on the Salvatore's couch. And, although he will not admit to it, only Stefan reacts with at least an infinitesimal bit of concern.

Rebekah shakes her head irately at their overreaction as she takes a seat next to her brother. "Oh, hush you lot. Nik's just human, after all."

And with that said, the unending debate about Niklaus Mikaelson's humanity is again rekindled.

It has long been a running joke among the group that started back four years ago, in that one particular mono-filled summer.

It was dreadful. No kid of their age escaped when the horrid virus wreaked havoc in their little town. Really, no one... except the mysterious new guy with an accent. Well, if anything, almost all of the Mikaelsons seemed mysterious to anyone at first. And intimidating. And scary. But come on, a filthy rich family with ancient-sounding names moves from Europe to an old abandoned mansion in the middle of Mystic Falls forest? Not to mention, all of them are unbelievably gorgeous. Even the father, too. He is kind of the most frightening of them all but you cannot deny the traces of his handsome young years beneath his stern facade.

Of course, these things made the family the hot topic of endless speculations related to the mythical stories of Mystic Falls and, as expected, of some other rumors that may or may not be influenced by the popularity of Twilight.

Anyway, so the mono plague came and went but Niklaus Mikaelson was the only one left unscathed. And really, it wasn't really a big deal at first. It wasn't long too when it was established that the Mikaelsons are definitely not horrible monsters but are actually nice and cultured people. Everyone liked them and soon, they just blended right in with the rest of the town.

The Mikaleson kids immediately hit it off too with the Mystic Falls kids especially with the Salvatore brothers, who soon introduced them to the Gilberts, then to the Forbes and to the Bennets, Donovans and Lockwoods. They've all been friends ever since, with a healthy love-hate relationship of course.

Every so often, though, the humdrum life of Mystic Falls catches up to them and, combined with Damon and Kol's crude sense of humor, they like to pass time by poking senseless jokes at each other... Like wondering if one of their friends is just pretending to be a human being.

Okay, of course that sounds completely insane and overly judgmental but it's not like it's entirely unwarranted, you know. Because beside the fact that he's the last one standing during that summer of mono yuckiness, the guy can practically do anything. Really, he draws and paints, writes poetry, plays soccer and three other sports, and probably plays any musical instrument on the planet. He can party all night with Stefan and still get straight A's on every test the next day. They have never seen him get sick or injured or... whatever. He is almost indestructible. He is perfect in an utterly unnerving way and if it isn't for his blue eyes and dimpled smile, they would have thought of him as devil. A bit overdramatic but really, who knows what the devil looks like?

So sue them if they overreacting to this very rare, almost never news that the Niklaus Mikaelson, suspected robot/alien/vampire/werewolf/god, is stuck home with a flu.

"I still don't buy it." The older Salvatore mutters. "If you ask me, I think he's just off pouncing on some innocent girl like the sexual beast that he is."

"Oh, Nik's hardly a 'sex beast', at the moment." Kol grins wickedly as he gestures quotation marks in the air. "Au contraire, Nik is rather a bit undersexed lately. Maybe that got him ill."

"Please." says Damon. "Not having a girlfriend does not mean not having a girl friend." He says with a knowing eyebrow wiggle. "If you know what I mean."

"Believe me, Kol, our brother is not undersexed." Rebekah cuts in, flipping her blonde locks. "But if you ask me, I'll blame it all to the weather being a total bitch."

From a corner, another blonde beauty rolls her eyes. She's been feigning to be invisible since the conversation started but really, it doesn't help that Rebekah is tirelessly glaring daggers at her direction.

"She's been awfully unpredictable, you know?" Rebekah sneers in her perfect English accent. "Hot as hell one second and cold as ice the next. I mean, why doesn't she just bloody make up her mind? Nik's getting terribly sick of it."

The group shares a look of confusion at her seemingly cryptic comment yet, all the while, Caroline only gulps. She has an ominous feeling of what the youngest Mikaelson is really talking about and she knows it's certainly not about the weather.

Bonnie then groans in frustration. "Can we please stop talking about Klaus or Klaus' sex life for a second?"

"Yeah, you guys are seriously killing the mood." agrees Elena. She stands next to her blonde friend, resting a hand on her shoulder. "Why don't we just get this party started, right Caroline?"

Caroline nods at her, giving everyone an awkward smile, until she finds herself face to face with the she-devil herself.

"Oh right." Rebekah tells her with a tone akin to disgust. "Happy birthday, Caroline."

Ugh, worst birthday ever.

What sucks is that her birthday was already ruined even before the actual day came.

Who did the ruining, you ask? Herself. Duh. Her neurotic, insecure, paranoid self.

But really, it wasn't supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be perfect and happy and romantic and... not this.

They've got it all planned. They were going to spend the day before her birthday at his family's cabin. You know, as a kind of a pre-celebration celebration with just the two of them, away from, like, everyone... because everyone has actually no idea of this thing between him and her. And this is precisely because everyone (read: their friends) is the most judgmental people in the world and no, this is not an exaggeration.

They freakin' think Klaus is a freakin' robot. A robot.

Plus, the two of them have had enough drama from their previous relationships and they just want to keep this all to themselves so... What the hell's wrong with that?

Anyway, everything did start as perfect and happy and romantic until Caroline got mad over something really stupid which ended up with her pushing him off the bed and him sleeping on the cold hard floor.

And now, her birthday is ruined. And he is sick. And it is all her fucking fault.

Great, Caroline. She tells herself. Now you have to fucking fix this.

Which is why she excused herself early—No, she snuck out of her own party and soon found herself standing at his doorstep.

"I told you , Eli, I'm fi—" He pauses when he realizes it was not his brother who opened the door. "Oh."

"How are you feeling?" She asks warily.

He coughs. "Better."

His voice is coarse and weak. He is sitting on the carpeted floor in front of the fireplace, a blanket around his shoulder, sandy brown hair completely disheveled and nose almost as red as his luscious lips. Caroline mentally squeals at his appearance and will very much like tackle him to the ground and just hug him but the unreadable expression on his face as he looks at her makes her feel very guilty for some reason.

A moment passes in silence and when she takes a step to approach him, he stops her.

"Don't." He whispers quietly. "Don't come closer."

Caroline stops. And then she is crying. She is standing halfway towards him, crying like a little girl.

"You're angry." She murmurs in tears. "I made you sick and now, I made you angry."

"I'm not angry." He tells her and suddenly, she is in his arms. One hand encircles around her waist and the other rests behind her head as she nuzzles on his shoulder. "I am sick but I am not angry."

"Then why are you pushing me away?"

"Why would I push you away?" He chuckles slightly. "When all I want is to be the closest to you?" He speaks softy against her hair and kisses her temple. "I just don't want to get you sick on your birthday, love."

Caroline pulls away and pouts. "And here we thought you were invincible."

"Still jesting behind my back, I see."

He grins and she grins back before before she wraps him again in a gentle embrace, feeling his warmth in her arms.

"Those sketches are tucked away for a reason, Caroline." He whispers against her shoulder. "She is a part of my past. Those sketches are all of my past but that doesn't mean I'll just throw them all away." He leans back from the embrace and gazes into her eyes. "And I didn't mean for you to see them that day but I was going to show them to you sooner or later."

He cups her face in his hands, his nose almost touching hers. "You are my present, Caroline. My now. And I want you to know all of me. Not just as Kol's and Rebekah's annoying brother, not as Stefan's best mate or Damon's drinking buddy... Not 'that friend' who always had a schoolboy crush on you..." He sniggers slightly and she blushes. "And absolutely not as the big bad, you rascals, all pin me to be... But just me."

Caroline stares at his confession wordlessly until he lets out a nervous cough. "Anyway," He continues. "The sketches that I keep here, close to me..." He gestures to the papers on his table. "They are all of you and—"

She cuts him off with her lips on his but he immediately backs away.

"Liar." She raises a brow. "You said you're not pushing me away."

"And I'm not." He says. "I already said I don't want you to get sick. I'm still contagious, love."

Caroline rolls her eyes. "And I don't really care. It's my birthday after all and I wi—"

Now, he's the one who cuts her off with a kiss.

Achoo!

"Ew." Damon snorts, leaning away from her as far as possible. "Keep your viruses to yourself, barbie."

"Shut up."

"You seem fine yesterday." Stefan asks curiously from the seat beside her.

"Well, I guess Rebekah's right." She explains amid her runny nose. "This weather's a bitch."

"Really, you blondes need to stop blaming the weather for everything." Damon teases with his usual eye-quint and Caroline is supposed to retaliate when he enters the Grill, all well and smirking.

"Aha! I win." The older brother perks up at the sight of a very alive and very healthy Klaus. "Pay up, Stefan."

"I'm not paying you anything." says the younger Salvatore who instantly walks away after greeting his friend for a bit. Damon, of course, tails after his little brother like a do—Achoo!

"Bless you." Klaus murmurs, seating on the stool beside her.

She glares at him at once. "This is all your fault."

"Don't tell me I didn't warn you, love."

"Whatever. I—Achoo!—hate you." Caroline buries her head in her hands and groans. "You gave me this motherfu—Achoo!—cking flu."

And the guy has the nerve to laugh, chuckling like an amused little kid, before he gently takes her hands off her face and leans down. "Want me to take it back?"

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Achoo!

A/N: God, this is so random.

Sorry again for my mistakes in spelling and grammar. I'm doing my best. Anyway, I love you all and thanks a million for the support! Srsly guys. You are all beautiful people.