A/N: Thanks for all the comments.
For those who've slept
For those who've kept
Themselves jacked up
How Jesus wept..
Sunday, by Sia.
It's early Sunday morning, around 5:30 or so. I can tell without looking at the clock, because the horse's ass in the adjoining dorm turns the television on at approximately the same time every day. I was hoping for a God damn break, shouldn't he be in church, or something giving reverence to the 'Lawd's day', while keeping the bullshit and fuckery to a minimum. He really seemed like the type. After all, Jesus did die for our sins so lazy asses, like me, could have at least one day of the week to sleep in til' noon.
He plays reruns of syndicated comedies as a part of his morning routine. I know that routine by heart now, it goes something like this:
5:30: Wake up and annoy the piss out of Bella with Fran Fine and Will smith back to back "…oh Mr. Sheffield!"
6:30: Rub one out, to dull sexual frustration of being the only 19 year old virgin in the entire population of Petgrave hall.
6:31: silence… poor thing probably fell asleep from pure exhaustion.
By 7:00 am Mike Newton is pumped and ready for the outside world chalked full of untapped testosterone and awkward determination, just to get turned down by every breathing female out for a morning run…ha well If it isn't the pot calling the kettle a socially inept pussy.
One day I'm either going to report his ass for having a tv on dorms or I'm going to take a sledge hammer to the thin wall, Van Wilder style and confiscate his fucking idiot box, strap it to a horse and let it loose in the forest.
Damn it, I'm now ridiculously restless. The conversation between me and Alice has been on heavy rotation in my head, since yesterday. I mean, did she really have to be such a tease? It's not that big of a deal really, it's college you know, this is an experiment. It's as simple as this: I get her off, she enjoys it full stop. It's no big deal that she doesn't return the favor, that doesn't make me gay.
Nope that makes me pathetic, a possible sex worker and gay…yes very very homosexual. It's like I live in two closets. I have to be constantly convincing myself to come out the sub-closet, so I can be out and proud in the broom closet.
Dear god!
If anyone else had said something that ridiculous I would have signed a petition to have them ride the short bus to Topeka State Hospital every evening for their own safety.
Sometimes denial really takes over, when someone questions me about my sexuality and I sound like this
" I like guys, I like to have sex with them, it's erm nice and..yeah."
ARGHH better defense Bella, better defense! You can do better than that. If you sound any less convincing, skittles are going to start falling out of your asscrack.
I giggle a little at my joke. It's not loud but I guess it was enough to get the attention of my roommate, as she makes an annoyed groan and roughly punches her pillow, before readjusting herself on the bed that is across the room from my own.
Cullen, get over yourself.
Great, now my thoughts are right back on the 5'4 bundle of joy over there. I kick the sheets in frustration and sigh.
I need to think about something else, anything. I reach over the side and blindly pat the side of my night stand, knocking over some things in the process, it's probably just my paint brushes. I keep feeling around until my fingers meet the cool hard steel of the object I searched for.
It's my vintage zippo lighter, a real collector's item, and it was totally worth stealing from my loser mother. She owes me this much at the very least. It's silver, with a gold capping and a rabbit engraved on the front. I sat up in the bed facing away from Alice and started fiddling with it. Thinking back on how I snatched it when Renee had practically kicked me out to go gallivanting with her boyfriend, Phil.
It was probably the sweetest revenge. I had been around 13, when she decided she had had enough of this mother hood deal and it should be Charlie's turn to raise me, so she handed off the leash to him right before the beginning of the second term of high school. She'd gone on and on about this being for the best, because she didn't have the money to support me, and she needed time to form a bond with her Beau. Mom, I hate to be the bringer of bad news but you're a two bit whore and the closest you ever came to a 'Beau', was when you tied your tubes in knots so you wouldn't have anymore accident babies. Well, that was a whole lot funnier, when I was thirteen..give me a break.
It was true though, she really was flat broke, the end result of poor budgeting and a party hard lifestyle. So when Charlie got me at the airport, all I had was my little suitcase of clothes, 4 books and my lighter. I made no attempt to hide it from him, as I snapped it open and close at random times during the ride. He'd insisted, at first that I hand it over to him. I remembered the conversation almost as if it had happened yesterday.
He said "Bella, I don't think it's appropriate for a girl your age to be carrying around a lighter, it sends the wrong message." His voice was deep and had a kind of patronizing lilt to it that just rubbed me the wrong way.
I made a fist over my lighter and glared at him from my side of the car. I was never one to snap but he'd pushed a button.
"Nice, dad. You've never given me a cent, or even a few days out of your life to come and hang out with me on school breaks or holidays, but the minute I get here you're already taking things. I'm not the one who should be worried about sending the wrong message" I said heatedly. My voice cracked a little and I wiped away a treacherous tear that was totally undermining my tough facade.
I kinda felt sorry for the guy, he seemed to get paler and paler with every passing second of the awkward silence after my outburst.
He didn't actually reply and the rest of the trip went by in silence, but a few weeks later while I was on the bed playing with my lighter and eating grapes, Charlie came in.
We'd been avoiding each other, save for the few stiff greetings and poor attempts at making conversation on Charlie's part.
He gave me the trademark awkward smile that I realized I inherited from him and asked if he could come in for a while.
I shrugged.
He didn't try to apologize, it wasn't really necessary, since we had both been in the wrong. He scooted over to me and I noticed he'd had something curled up in his fist.
When he unclenched his fist I realized it was another zippo lighter. It looked similar to mine but instead of a rabbit engraved in the front panel like mine, it had a fox on it and it had a silver capping.
"I gave the one you have to your mom 3 weeks after I met her, she always seemed to lose hers."
He told me it was his way of courting Renee before they started dating.
" aww dad, I guess you were kind of a sap."
He furrowed his brow a little and shrugged, I felt some of my resentment for him disappear, I was 13 and for once in my life it seemed like I was finally getting a parent. It was a pivotal point in our relationship. It was sort of a cute moment too.
Charlie started fiddling with his lighter, and I noticed he was actually doing some pretty impressive twirling. I watched in awe, as the lighter moved effortlessly through his fingers, opening and closing at random intervals. He looked like a hibachi chef in training!
"Oh man, you have to teach me that!" I squeaked.
He stopped for a moment and looked at me. "I'll teach you, under one condition." He paused and stared at me. His actions seemed rehearsed, almost as if he'd read it in a book somewhere. It was endearing, because he was trying so hard.
I guffawed a little and Charlie looked surprised, but he kept his glare.
"ok dad I'll bite, what's the deal?" I said while raising an eyebrow.
"you don't start smoking and you don't bring this to school to show off." His expression lighted up when he realized I had called him dad.
Oh! Ruin all my fun, wont you.
"Sigh..ok fine, deal."
It became our thing after that, you could call it bonding, I guess.
A lighter trick, to this day, is the only feat I can accomplish gracefully. Other than that, I'm still clumsy enough to be considered a flight ri….
*BOP*
"OUCH, what the fuck Alice?" I yelled while vigorously rubbing the back of my head where the pillow had connected.
"Stop, whining. Decent people were trying to get sleep, while the lesbian brunette with a fucking lighter, who shall remain nameless, was snapping said object repeatedly." Her voice sounded a little scratchy from sleep yet it still managed to sound melodious at the same time, it was really fucking sexy actually.
She was half hidden by her thin bed spread, and her hair was sticking out like a recently electrocuted cat. I would have responded if I hadn't gotten distracted by how her ass just seemed to push against the fabric as she tried to push herself up to glare at me properly.
She seemed to notice where my line of sight was directed and her expression quickly changed to a knowing smirk. She seemed pleased with herself, even going as far as arching up a little to give more effect. I tried to bite the inside of my lip discretely; it was all I could to bite back a moan or any other treacherous sound that would no doubt add to her ego.
"Aww, you really are like a horny rabbit" I've got the lighter to prove it baby. "it's barely daylight and you're thinking about humping me."
I narrowed my eyes at her, I know where this is going.
"Well guess what hun?" She stretched her self out like a cat making a little straining sound that set me off like a lit fuse. "Mmm, can't touch this." She said as she quickly flopped back down to the bed.
May I have the undivided attention of ever warm blooded lesbian. This is not a test. If the first thing that came to mind was OHH MC HAMMER QUOTE YAY! Then you have lost your rainbow membership, go straight to the nearest hetro bar, do not pass go, do not collect $200.
"Whatever Alice, I've got far more important things on my mind." Uh n-n-no you don't.
"Yeah sure, you're denial would be a lot more convincing if your eyes were still glued to my ass. I'm not really into rimming but if w.."
"Damn it, do you have to be so graphic?" My face was twisted in disgust, as I tried to push the images out of my mind. Now that I think about it..wait, what..ShUT UP SHH, NO nononono. You crossed a line.
"World war 5?"
"what?"
"Nothing."
God Alice, please get more random.
"Tell you what Bells, if you let me sleep now, I'll look the other way if you want to hump my pillow, I'll even throw in these panties as a bonus." She said it in such a pleasant tone that you would have thought she'd just offered me a fabric softener sample.
Bitch.
"You know what?" I snapped " I've had it with your fuckery, I'm going for a run" I said and threw her pillow back over to her as I stomped my way over to the closet.
"toodles." was her only reply, it was slightly muffled, as she snuggled back happily into bed.
Alice Cullen
2000 points
Bella Swan
-400000.
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I had just grabbed anything that was closest to me when I stormed out of my dorm. It makes more of an impression, I guess. Well it does ok, so the next time you feel pissed, see if you feel like colour coordinating your clothes when you try to make a hasty exit. Well, thanks to that bit of hotheadedness, I'm in the gym locker room in my pjs with no proper change of clothes.
I'm no fashionista, but I'm not going out on the track to run around wearing a vomit green t shirt, orange shorts and one foot of lime green socks(was I high when I bought these?), so I guess I'll bum around the library until I cool down. Thank gosh the nerds that came here before me petition for a 24 hour campus library.
I was relieved I didn't pass by too many people on my way here, the last thing I really need is to end up in some self proclaimed comedian's candid album on bookface.
I get a dirty look from the librarian, when I sign in.
Is it me, or are all librarians predominantly ancient and saggy, I half expect to find a little colony of fossilized insects waiting to be discovered in the folds of her skin. I wanted to tell her I had a last minute assignment due tomorrow, but she's so unpleasant looking, I really didn't want to prolong our interaction if I don't have to. With my luck she'll probably call campus security on the teen hobo.
I made my way over to the darkest looking reading corner I could find. Ah, I'm pleased to say I found a slightly dilapidated lazy boy there.
Teen hobo is livin' large.
This is really ridiculous, I'm curled into a makeshift bed because I'm too chicken shit to deal with some spiky haired bully.
I wish I could blame Alice for my screwed up state right now. It would be really easy to play the blame game to justify why my life seems to be a cluster fuck of contradictions, denial, avoidance and poor choices. Come to think of it, if I even try to play the blame game right now, I would be a self made hypocrite. It's funny how all grandstanders end up knee deep in a pool of contradictions when they try to call out everybody else on their shit.
In high school I'd gotten into a huge of argument with Jessica Stanley, an aspiring student councilor because of how passionate she claimed to be about the issues and all. It was the first and only time I'd ever jumped up on a soapbox to preach.
flash back
It was the 8th grade election for student council president and Jessica Stanley was traipsing around looking to recruit any willing half a brain to help her with her campaign. She had already suckered Eric Yorkie and Angela Weber into her little rowboat of fools, when she decided to try her luck at my desk. Bad Fucking Idea. I was already pissed off because Charlie caught me trying to sneak my lighter into school today, so it had been taken away for a month, and I ground.
"It's Isabella right?" She asked quirking her head to the side like a trained puppy.
"Jessica, I've been here since last year January, if that's a legitimate question," I tilt my head to match her stance from my seated position "then no, my name is Ricky Bobby, but you can call me Bella."
She scoffed and her two minions tried to hide their laughter behind her.
"God, you don't have to be such a jerk, anyways I just wanted to ask if you would help me with my campaign, because I heard you're artsy and shit." She said with a slightly strained grin.
Artsy and shit huh.
"Well that's rich, why do you even want to be student council president?" I asked.
She perked up instantly, I was really starting to be convinced about that whole puppy thing.
"Well, you know…" No I don't know future hussy "…I know they're like a bunch of issues in the school that should be addressed and I know you guys have a lot to say and I wanna stand up front and be your voice you know. I want to see justice served and things done properly and between you and me" she leaned in like with a kind of conspiratorial grin I didn't like. "It's going to look damn good on any college application too."
Life can't be this serious…it really can't.
I gave her my best disdainful once over and I noticed she backed up a little so I smirked.
"This whole set up is a joke. I'll break it down for you bit by bit. First of all you always start out with this voice of the people dig, but it's starting to sound more and more like puppetry than representation. People who are fifty times more sincere than you start out so passionate, yapping on and on about "justice and liberty for all", and minutes after they're sworn in the statement slowly starts to morph into "I can Justify my behavior in Vegas, and I'll pay to liberate my prostitute from jail." See at the end of the day all you baby politicians have 1 maybe 2 months after college to be true diplomats and address the issues. Then you get thrown into the system and end up bending over for as long as you have to, until you're the one on top. It's sad though, you already seem to be warped even before the fact."
I didn't know when I had stood up, but by now the whole class had gone silent, while Jessica stood gaping like a fish out of water.
I threw my bag over my shoulder and walked out the class. The only person to give me a hint of a smile was Angela, I guess everybody was bracing for Stanley's reaction. No slow clap build up, that turns into into a roaring frenzy? Damn it, just when I was starting to feel the 80's movie vibe.
I decided to hide out under the bleachers until I had fifth period P.E. I don't even know why I blew up like that. It wasn't even my style, I was the quiet kid that didn't really count for much of anything. I didn't get picked on because I didn't stick my neck out, but I didn't have any friends either because these people were super cliquey and close knit and I still had outsider-new kid funk all over me, even after all this time. I really fucked up this time though, it's never a wise idea to throw stones at a bee hive, and here I had gone and poked the queen bee herself.
I pulled off my sweats jacket under the bleachers so I wouldn't have to go to the locker room. I had always worn my gym clothes under my regular clothes on gym days. I guess I just wanted to get out of there asap, I'd be lying if I said being in a room full of girls didn't get me a little hot under the collar, but Forks was the rainy equivalent of a redneck town. Being practically closed off from the rest of Washington it was the perfect breeding ground for small minded fuckers to raise kids up under their bigoted doctrine. That said, it wouldn't be the smartest thing in the world to get caught staring at boobs. I could almost see myself getting strung up by my thumbs for the bible beating. Ok maybe it wasn't that bad…maybe they wouldn't string me up. I smiled as I walked onto the court.
It was still too early for class to start, so I just grabbed a basketball to entertain myself with until everybody showed up. I started throwing it in the air and catching it, I guess I was so focused that I didn't hear the coach, along with most of the class come in, so when she blew the whistle to get my attention I looked over and the ball hit me in the head.
"Nice going Bellweird!" I heard some one shout, followed by a chorus of laughter from her cronies. Yeah only one girl sounded like a hyena on helium, it even caused the hair on my neck to stand up. You guessed, it Stanley had possied up, to come after yours truly.
"That's enough outta you Stanley. Swan, go stand in the line with the rest of the class." The coach's voice boomed. She was large, and her skin was splotchy from years of sun damage, her curly brown hair stuck out at odd places under her cap. Ms Burns really was what I imagined Mrs. Trunchbull to look like when I had read the book Matilda.
I walked over to the line, giving it a wide berth in case they decided to trip me for shits and giggles.
"Ok, Lauren and Tyler pick your teams, today we're playing dodge ball." Said Ms Burns
You know that dramatic high pitched violin score they play right before the shit hits the fan in a proper horror flick. Yeah, I'm definitely hearing that in my mind, surround sound and i think my heart is the sub-woofer.
Is coach cow foot in on the revenge plot against me? It's Lauren! Jessica's fucking second in command, fuck my life…with a mace.
They came to the front and started calling out names. By the time they're done, Jessica and her crew are all on Lauren's team. I'm over on Tyler's side trying to find a proper hiding spot. I thought I'd get picked last after my show of athleticism at the start of the class, but I guess even I would get picked over Peter Sharpe. He was a rather flamboyant blonde boy, he wasn't one to hide his preference, but I suspect he couldn't, even if he wanted to. The guy was gayer than sheep in stilettos. When he realized he was picked last, he rolled his eyes, scoffed and waddled over to Lauren's team.
For fucking crying out loud! They were over there plotting and pointing at me, I felt like a sitting duck. I really was going to die of blunt force trauma from rubber balls. My post mortem analysis would probably say "LOL! PWND!1!"
I heard the coach's shrill whistle, signaling the game to start. I ran in the other direction when everyone ran for the ball. I figured if I was far enough in the back I could dodge the ball easier. This worked pretty well until there were only 3 of us left on my side. Lauren's team still had 6 people. My fate was sealed, my other team mates had kinda left me wide open when they realized I was the main target.
Mutinous sons of bitches.
I started moving as quickly as I could, I knew they only had four balls over there, so when I counted the four of them sailing past me, I let down my guard. I looked up just in time to see a fifth ball slam right into my face. I fell flat on my back. Everything sounded muffled. All I could remember was someone, a girl running over to me and volunteering to take me to the nurse.
I put my arm over her shoulder. I looked up to see the face of my helper.
"Angela?" I was surprised to say the least.
"wh-why are you.." I paused not sure how to continue without looking like a jerk.
"I guess I deserve that."
She smiled at me, and it was the prettiest thing I'd seen all day. I realized I was staring at her mouth so I looked away and blushed.
"No you don't, umm…thanks." I said when I finally found my voice again.
"It was really cool how you tore Jess a new one in there today, well she is..er was my friend, but she so deserved it."
"Why'd you guys stop being friends?" I asked
She furrowed her brows at me as if I'd ask her why Ms Burns will probably never get married.
"Think about it, I just helped the girl that Jess is beefing with and I asked her to reconsider when she was planning to murder you in dodgeball."
"Um th-thanks again."
"No problem, you're really funny you know. "Justify my behavior in Vegas and I'll pay to liberate my prostitute from jail." How do come up with that stuff?" She asked between giggles. She really seemed taken with me.
Before I could answer, we reached the nurses office. I gingerly touched my eye before entering.
Oh good no blood.
"That must hurt like a mother, Eric threw that, it was actually a volleyball that rolled unto the court." Angela informed me as she reached over to open the door for me.
"Oh that's why it felt like I was being lobotomized." I muttered.
"Huh?"
Uh nothing.
Anyways, I think Eric might actually get detention for that, but knowing him. He'll probably talk his way out of it, like a yap dog he."
I nodded and we shared another smile.
" Thanks again for walking me here"
"For the trillionths time Bella, I really don't mind. I'll wait for you kay?"
End flash back.
Spoiler alert, Angela became my first girlfriend...Don't cheer morons. That's the eye of the shit storm.
A/N: I take full responsibility for all the errors. I'll get a beta by the next chapter, I promise.