Chapter Two
The droid begins examining the bruised knuckles. The droid goes to the healing incubator and brings the bags of liquid to either side of Kylo. Kylo restrains an eye roll, certainly this was not necessary, he highly doubted that he had injured his hands to such a degree. His hands had begun to grow numb, tingling at the knuckles. However, Kylo allowed the droid to guide his swollen hands into the bags of strange green fluid.
Kylo began to wonder what he would do with the First Order now that he had control, and the only change he had truly thought through was to completely reform the Stormtrooper program from the bottom up. For instance, instead of kidnapping children to use for the Stormtroopers, taking children from orphanages and children's homes. This will give the First Order a better reputation, as well as giving lost children a place in this world. It would also keep crime low on such planets because the children would be able to learn trade skills to get themselves decent jobs. This system would also allow the Stormtroopers to retire at a decent ages, which will in turn make for more loyal First Order citizens. This system would be simple enough to put into place, and it was truly the paperwork that would be bothersome, perhaps he would start the paperwork after his hands had healed, it would hopefully give him something to take his mind off the scavenger who seemed to be in his every thought.
He had also considered reforming the training system that the Stormtroopers went through. It had been proven time and time again that fear did not grow loyal soldiers. He would not brainwash soldiers anymore. The First Order would raise, teach and grow loyal soldiers. Reconditioning would no longer be used as a punishment for slight insubordination, but as a monthly refresher course to ensure their loyalty to the First Order. Of course punishments would still be dealt, and rules extremely strict. However, Kylo felt that he had learned from the traitor FN-2187, and how easily he broke the brainwashing. If soldiers were trained with positive reinforcements, there would be no need for worries.
However, he knew for certain his generals would not approve of such a plan, the changes being so big for so early in his rule; however, the generals' opinions could be swayed with time, or ,if not, he would simply kill them and replace them with new minds, more open to change, and new rulership. Most of the current generals were loyal to Snoke only. They did not even care about the First Order, but Snoke had such a fear for betrayal he had felt the need to control those around him with the Force so he knew he had loyal minds. Of course, this also gave him complete rule over the entire First Order without being given advice as to what would grow loyal civilians. Kylo was already aware that the generals only loyal to Snoke, and not the First Order, would have to be removed and replaced with not only loyal generals, but those who would offer him real advice as to what would grow loyal citizens and therefore make the expansion of the First Order a swift and easy process.
Kylo sighed and wiggled his fingers; pain shooting through his hands. He vaguely wondered what Rey would think if she saw him now. Would she pity him and his inability to control his anger? Or would she resent his need to beat his anger out of him?
Kylo rolled his eyes, She would probably do both, he thought to himself.
She always did have a way to confuse him with her many emotions. He was sometimes envious of her complex emotions. The only emotions Kylo really felt were anger, hate, loneliness, and sadness. He yearned to feel those emotions that Rey so openly felt. While Snoke had preached that emotions are the key to the Dark side, he only nurtured dark emotions, forcing Kylo to kill any emotions associated with the Light. Kylo almost missed feeling laughter rumble through his chest, the way his cheeks would stretch when he smiled to much; but it had been years since he had felt these things.
He almost hoped that Rey would help give him these things, but it was a ludicrous idea, he knew that the battle they both faced was inside them and would always tear any friendship apart. They tempted each other too much with what they wanted. The seduction of the Light given by Rey was too much for Kylo, he knew he would give anything to be by her side. He would give anything for her acceptance and affection, but he knew he would have to give up everything he had worked so hard for; his father's death would have been for nothing. All the murders and fighting, for nothing.
The thought made Kylo's throat close and his breath began coming faster. He quickly shakes his head, attempting to keep the panic from seizing him, he refuses to allow such weakness to be shown in such a public place. Even if he was in his private room, the droid could come back at any moment, and the door could open to the outside, showing a tearful, red faced Kylo. No, he saved these moments of weakness for his chambers, where he could scream and break things without prying eyes. He knew Hux was just waiting for Kylo to slip up in even the tiniest way, so Hux can have a reason to remove him from power. Kylo knew that Hux was jealous of Kylo's ascent to power, but Kylo refused to give the man the pleasure of seeing anymore weakness then he already had. He knew that most of the other generals were far more likely to agree with the strategy and methods of someone more like Snoke himself.
He hated simply sitting here, the urge to do something, even work, was almost unbearable. This should have been enough to keep him out of the medical bay, but he simply could not control his temper. The urge to pace was consuming him again, and he knew that he would be stuck. He started bouncing his knee, a habit he had picked up from hours of boring meetings. It helped relieve some of his nervous energy and he welcomed the slow calm that nestled into the bottom of his belly. He knew it would not last very long, and he knew he should soak up the steadiness. However, he also knew that the calm was not good for his Dark. The Dark in him needed the steady flow of anger and anxiety that he could focus into power. The calm drained him of his power, left him weak and raw.
The medical droid came in 2 hours later to remove Kylo's hands from the bags of green fluid, and inspected his hands before releasing Kylo as a full recovery. Kylo rolled his eyes and strode from the room while the droid rambled that if he experienced any burning pain he must return immediately. Of course Kylo already knew this, he was in the medical bay far more than he liked to admit.
Kylo went to his chambers for the evening, it was too late to get any real work done in his office, and he knew the files he had scattered would be returned in pristine order in the morning. He ordered dinner from his datapod, and removed his tunic before settling in at the desk he had placed in his chambers in order to continue working throughout the night. He never slept very much, finding exhaustion easier to handle than the nightmares that tormented him at night. He worked into the early hours on his datapod before collapsing into bed.
Kylo Ren was training, running through his saber exercises harder and harder. It had been almost two weeks. Two weeks without any sign of Rey, and Kylo was beginning to fear the worst. Logically Kylo knew that if she had died, he would have felt it. He imagined it would feel like having his soul ripped in half. Kylo thought his concentration was bad when he was seeing her daily, now he knew this was much, much worse than what he had previously experienced. He got absolutely no work done, and even training provided no relief from the constant emptiness he felt. Kylo switched on several more training droids and started cutting them down.
He needed her here with him. That fact tore him apart more than anything else. That he could desire the presence of anyone, especially such a symbol of the Light, so much was such a sign of weakness that he almost felt the need to kill it; kill her. But he knew this would destroy him, do more harm to his soul and mind then simply existing with her. He also knew that he wanted nothing more than to be with her, to find that balance he so despised and craved. He could never harm her. He could not even watch her be harmed.
It took everything he had in him to keep watching Snoke torture her. As soon as he realized Snoke's intent to kill her, to make him snuff out not only his Light, but his equal in the Force, he knew he would have to kill his Master. He killed his Master for her, was willing to give her everything, everything except the thing she want; for him to give up the First Order. She did not yet see how much he had planned for the First Order, how he wanted to make the galaxy a better place, just as she wished.
Kylo shut off his lightsaber and started on hand to hand combat with several droids. This made his arms burn and made him focus more on what he was doing. He left his thoughts of Rey in the back of his mind, now solely focusing on beating the droids back with his fists.