AN: This chapter has been updated and edited. My beta, who had to deal with a family emergency.

Chapter 1 – I Will Not Bow

"Sic vis pacem para bellum - if you want peace, prepare for war."
― A.J. Darkholme, Rise of the Morningstar

-o-

The main part of the lair was unusually quiet that evening, with all of its occupants either out running errands or otherwise occupied. Raph and Donnie, he knew, were on a "trash run." They hoped to pick up some good parts for the battleshell as back up from a going out of business auto shop. Leo was reluctant to let his brothers out of his sight, especially after recent developments, but he trusted Raph to watch Don and his own backs, and despite his misgivings, he still trusted Karai's honor. Michelangelo was in his room, still immersed in his new comics. He wouldn't likely leave his sanctuary for a few more hours, when he finally committed each line of what Silver Sentry said in this new issue so he could repeat it verbatim to his family.

That left Sensei, who he knew, was meditating in his room after having come to the dojo earlier when Leo had it occupied. The blue-masked ninja had felt his father's presence and backed away from his deep thoughts in anticipation of his father joining him, or in case his father had an inquiry of him. The aged ninja master just stood outside the dojo doors for a moment, and Leo felt the heavy gaze behind his closed eyelids before he moved back and closed the dojo door. Leo waited until he heard the footsteps disappear into his father's room before he allow himself to breathe again.

His father was very astute, and Leonardo wondered if the heavy thoughts that invaded his meditation session would have brought his father to him. His father was uncanny in his ability to read his children that he was not entirely sure was only due to his mastery in ninjutsu. Some of it, he was sure, was because when had decided to adopt four newly mutated infant turtles, he had forged a bond with his underlings and his love and care all of these years has made him sensitive to their thoughts and feelings. Of course, Leo had no way to know for sure if this was the case, but it sure made him feel better about his father's sometimes annoying habit of always knowing when his sons were causing or planning mischief. This did not bode well for him at the moment because this meditation session was heavy with indecision about the ultimatum Karai had placed upon him. This dilemma in how best to keep his family's safety and wellbeing was nothing new to him, but this was different than just strategizing how they could get out of a possible threat or how to get his family back safely from a mission. This mission required a sacrifice, whether it as his life or his family's. Karai had given him time to think of the matter and that is all he had been able to do.

It was almost crueler, to give him so much to think and plan. If she had only given him a day, or better, just an hour, to meet with her demands, he would have done it in an instant with no hesitations or doubts to plague him. It would have given him no time for fears or tears, just a quick and simple decision. If he lived, he and his family would live the rest of their days in peace, at least from the Foot. He knew that they had other enemies to contend with, but the Foot had been their adversaries since even before their mutation. To have their largest threat diminished was something Leo strove for. And if he died… well, it would be quick and merciful, and his family would still be safe.

This extra time gave him a chance, a chance to take his family and run. A chance to plan and strategize. A chance to say goodbye. He knew what he needed to do with that one week. Of course, there would be some training, but his time with the Ancient One had taught him that the obsession with his physical training was what had gotten him into trouble before. He also saw no need to put in some extra studying. Karai had been an obsession of his at one point. At first, she was a potential ally and a possible love interest. Then she was a bitter enemy, who stabbed him in the figurative back rather than remove herself from her father's side. There is nothing more that he could learn from the now crazed and obsessed woman who was determined to follow in her adopted father's footsteps. No, his time would be mostly spent on those who were more worth of those precious seconds he had left. He would dedicated his remaining time to his family, to his perfectly imperfect brothers and his beloved father. He would give them a lifetime of memories in those six short days, and say goodbye. The questions was how was he supposed to do this without letting them know. There was no way he could let his family in on this. No way could he burden them with the responsibilities that Karai's request has brought upon them. He knew they would not go along with this, would not let him sacrifice himself for their benefit. Don would want to plan, Mikey would want to be there with him, and Raph would want to go in his stead.

And Splinter… Splinter has and will always be an enigma to Leo, no matter how close they seemed and how he would try to emulate him. Sometimes, Leo knew what his father was thinking and he could either play off of it, or he knew how to counteract it to do what he thought would be beneficial to him or his family. The aged ninja master always had a trick up his sleeve, and was very capable in surprising his still learning sons. Would Splinter approve of his self-sacrifice, if it came to that, or would he have disapproved of the selfishness of his plan? Splinter as very honorable, but sometimes Leo wondered at how far their father would go when his family was concerned.

"A Father's Love," Leo murmured.

He knew that it was selfish to do it this way, Raph would rage on how he was stupid and wanted to have the honor for his sacrifice to himself and did not care what they thought of it.

His family's ire was something he could learn to live with. He'd rather they be mad, and be alive long enough for him to beg for forgiveness, than mourn at their graves. And if he didn't return, well, he could only hope that his death would spur their forgiveness quicker, because he wouldn't be available to plead his case.

He paused for a second, thinking of the sacrifices he planned on making in this attempt. It wouldn't just be his life that was on the line, or his families'. It would also be their trust in him, their loyalty that would be tested and possibly broken for going behind their backs to do this, even if it were in their best interest. Perhaps even more so, because he knew his family would not be happy to not have a say in something that involves the entire family.

The mere thought of losing his family's trust and confidence in him made his heart sink heavier into his chest. He prided himself in his dependability to his family and it would be something he would sorely miss if he got out of this crazy scheme alive. Just like their forgiveness, it was something he was very willing to work for if… when, he came back.

So after many hours of meditation, and he finally felt he had a game plan set, he had emerged from the dojo and had been greeted to the oppressively quiet lair that he was currently occupying. His skin was itching, uncomfortable without his family surrounding him at that moment. It was a familiar feeling, something he had felt since his youth and he finally understood the dangers his family faced for being the freaks of nature that they were, that there were personal vendettas that would plague them due to his Master's past that would affect the way they would live their life. Some days, he missed the smaller lair purely because of the closeness they had experienced. There was hardly enough space for all of them, but it was easier to keep track of all of his siblings and his father. He even missed the dog pile he and his brothers would form when it came to bedtime. There was a certain comfort to being able to be lulled to sleep by the breaths of the body next to him.

As Leo was reminiscing about their past, the front door of the lair opened and one of Leo's absent brothers made an appearance. Leo straightened himself on the couch and looked over at his red-masked brother, who was carrying a large box of motor parts under his arm looking decisively oily from his dumpster dive.

"Hey, how did it go?" Leo inquired, his eyes moving to the empty space behind Raphael, frowning a little at the lack of genius ninja turtle following behind him.

Raph gave a grunt as he set the box none too gently upon the ground and turned to look over at his brother. "Like I'm neva' goin' ta get the smell 'a motor oil outta my skin, but at least we enough stuff ta keep up wit' the repairs for the next few years." Finally noticing the look on Leo's face, he gave a side grin. "The Brain's in the garage wit' the rest 'a the stuff, sortin' through it. I'd give 'im a minute though, if ya wantin' ta bug him. He's 'decompressing.'"

Leo raised an eyebrow. That was their keyword for when Donatello was in a bad mood. "But I thought you said your trip was successful?"

"It was," Raph stated as he grabbed some baby wipes that Don kept all over the lair for sanitary reasons and plopped himself on the coffee table, mindful not to get motor oil on their newish sofa. They had been only been in their newest lair for only a few months and were trying to preserve the newness of their belongings, as much as four rambunctious teenage ninjas could. "Nah, he was in a funk before we even started. Which reminds me, he was lookin' for ya earlier."

Leo fought his instinct to tense up, trying to appear relaxed and merely inquisitive. He was just being paranoid because of this heavy secret that has started to settle on his shoulders. There was no way Don could have already found out about Karai's request. He distinctly remembered leaving the letter and the shuriken on his desk in his room, and if Don came looking for him, one of the first places he would look would be in his room. His brothers knew not to enter it when he wasn't there, though, and this brother in particular would actually acquiesce to his privacy.

"Do you know what for?" Leo asked, feeling relief that his face appeared to be fully under his command and he knew his mask of mild curiosity was well in place.

"Said somethin' about the east side security cameras, the ones ya installed two weeks ago," said Raph, continuing to scrub vigorously on his arms. "Probably why he's in a foul mood, come ta think of it. He wasn't very talkative durin' our dumpster dive."

The eldest turtle gave a nod, and allowed a comfortable silence to fall upon them. This silence was much more welcome than the one that was there earlier, just by the mere presence of one of his brothers. It was nice, to hang with Raphael without an argument brewing. This peace was so rare between the two of them and Leo allowed himself the pleasure of letting it soak in. He knew he would need to talk to Raph, soon, to give him a proper goodbye but he was reluctant to break this moment of quiet companionship.

He would start tomorrow, he decided. He would get up and train as usual, being sure to hone in on the skills he thought he would need to battle Karai. Who should he start with? Should he start with his family? No, he reasoned, if he started so close to home, it would be harder to hide it from them once he started the goodbye process. He would start with April and Casey. They both had been busy with their personal lives as of late, especially since it had been quiet, and they rarely stop by the lair unannounced any more. Perhaps it would be better for him to start from the outside in. With a plan starting to form in his head, he finally allowed himself to really relax and enjoy the rest of the evening.

AN2: Chapter title from the Breaking Benjamin son.