Chapter 2

If my heartbeat could possibly go any faster than it already is, my heart has probably exploded by now. I can hear each thump loud and clear, feeling it vibrating all the way up to my ears. I quickly get a glimpse once more of Merry, whose expression suddenly relaxes the moment she hears someone volunteer yet suddenly morphs into that of horror the moment she realizes that it was me. I continue to step forward, my appearance very calm despite the opposite on how I would prefer to act. Slowly, I walk towards the stairs and up to the stage, completely aware of the cameras following me.

I am still not able to fully process what I have done; I have no time to... Not that it matters anymore. As of this moment, I am a tribute. I turn to face the crowd before me with my head held high.

"Splendid!" Our district escort says cheerfully. "What is your name dear?"

"Cordelia. Cordelia Devine."

I'm surprised at how confident I sound but I don't show it. I know for a fact that people from all over Panem will be watching, which is why I should be careful not to show even the slightest sign of fear. Ignoring her consistent chattering, I remain looking ahead of me to no one in particular. I don't dare scan the crowd, not wanting to look at my mom, or even Zale... Shit.

I immediately shift my focus to finding Zale. He must think I am a mad person for volunteering, not that he has a right to complain because it was his sister I just saved from this damn game. I know he won't just let this go and I know what he could possibly be thinking... But he can't. No. Only one of us comes out alive and that would mean he— "I volunteer!"

My thoughts were suddenly cut off and I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up as I recognize the voice from the crowd.

Without any moment to spare, Zale makes his way to the stage and joins us. I can feel my chest tighten as our eyes meet. I can't believe that this is happening. We face each other and I squeeze his hand very tight when we are asked to shake hands, wanting to convey all the feelings I am currently doing my best to suppress. Not long after, we are then led by Peacekeepers inside the Hall of Justice for our final good byes.

I find myself wrapping my mom in a tight embrace as soon as she steps inside the visiting room.

"Please forgive me." I whisper to her ear. She doesn't say anything but instead wraps her hands around me. My mom's heart has gone weaker, and here I am giving her another reason to have another heart attack. I should have just been selfish and just let Merry get chosen. Then again, I know I wouldn't have been able to live with that decision, and mom knows that. "I love you, mom." I tell her. She remains silent as I feel my shoulder start to get wet from her tears. I feel my chest hurt from the pain I'm currently inflicting on her because of my decision.

She pulls away from me after a while and takes out from her pocket something brown and woven which seems like a bracelet. The moment she puts it around my right hand, I realize what it is. Caspian. This was the very bracelet I gave to my brother when I was younger, right before he went to the games. I thought they buried it with him, but it looks like my mom had it all along. "Try to come home." She manages to tell me. I give her one last tight embrace, doing my best not to cry and not wanting to let go as a Peacekeeper suddenly comes in and ushers my mother out the door.

After a few seconds since my mom left, the door opens again to reveal Merry and her mother, whose eyes are evidently red and puffy from crying. Merry comes running to me and clings to my waist the moment she steps inside.

"I'm so sorry, Cordi!" She sobs.

I smile softly at her. "Don't be."

That's all I say as she continues to cry in my arms. It's not her fault.

It's not any of our fault.

I then turn to look at her mom, whose eyes are now forming new sets of tears. She takes my hand into both of hers, her expression mixed with guilt and sadness. "What you did, is a debt I don't think we will ever be able to repay." She tells me.

"Please look after my mom... especially when I don't come back." I say. I swallow as I feel a lump starting to form on my throat. Talking like I've fully accepted the possibility of dying feels heavier than I thought.

She gives me a silent nod, promising me. "Look after our Zale, as I know he will do the same for you."

I suddenly feel myself stiffen as I remember Zale. I forgot for a moment that he volunteered as the male tribute. "That idiot!"

I yell out so loud that Merry jumped away in surprise. I do not even bother that it's his family whom I'm talking to.

His mother gives me a look of understanding and places a hand on one of my shoulders. "He wouldn't have it any other way. Especially after what you did for Merry."

I stay silent, both my hands tightly grasping the sides of my dress. I fully understand that, but I just can't accept the fact that he might die trying to protect me. I volunteered to protect someone close to me, yet it ended up that someone else I care about takes the same fate to protect me.

How ironic.

Knowing that there's nothing else I can do to change the circumstances, I let out a heavy sigh and give a slight nod to the two people in front of me.

"I promise I'll look after him."

Just then, the door bursts open and inside comes a peacekeeper to usher them out.

"Visiting time's over! Tributes will need to proceed to the train." He says as another peacekeeper comes in to escort me.

Zale and I remain silent, not talking to each other as we board the Capitol train. Our district escort, whose name I learn is Griet Clementine leads us both inside an overly luxurious compartment. I look at all the expensive furniture around me as we are told to wait while she seeks out for our mentors.

"I will be back in just a moment. Make yourselves at home and enjoy all this—" She pauses for a split second to emphasize the word as she gestures her hand to our surroundings. "—for the meantime. And please try to behave." She smiles and then scurries out the door.

"Are you out of your mind?!" Zale growls at me, anger written all over his face as soon as Griet disappears from the room. This sets me off the edge.

"Oh, so you're the one mad at me now?! If someone's supposed to be angry here, that would be me!" I say as I begin to raise my voice.

"You could have waited for someone else to volunteer!"

"You were there, Zale! No one was going to volunteer! Your sister was going to walk to her death if I haven't taken her place!"

"I didn't ask you to volunteer for her!"

I stood there, my face momentarily flashing an expression of hurt before I quickly change it into a stoic manner. I don't shout this time, yet anger is still clearly evident in my voice.

"Well, I didn't ask you to volunteer either. I do not need you to protect me."

I know he didn't mean what he said judging by the sudden regret I can see in his eyes but I'm just too pissed off at the moment to even care.

Everything about this set up is wrong. It's either both of us dies, he only dies or I only die. I don't want to die and he knows it, which is why he volunteered, yet I can't let him die keeping me alive either. What a very messed up life I am in.

"Why, aren't you a lively bunch!" We both turn our heads to see Finnick Odair, district 4's most famous Victor, leaning by the door of the compartment with a playful grin on his face. He then moves to approach us and that's when I notice that there's an old lady together with him. I recognize the lady as Mags, one of the oldest Victors currently alive from district 4 and possibly from all over Panem. I once heard that she was Finnick's personal mentor during his games.

She stands over next to Finnick and shows a sympathetic smile to the both of us. They must have heard our argument.

"Is there anything you guys need to settle before we proceed?" Finnick teases.

"No." Zale and I both immediately say at the same time, the tension in the room already dissipating yet it's still obvious that we are mad at each other. I can see Finnick notice this but he doesn't seem to pay any mind.

"Excellent!" He says as he claps his hands together. "So... Cordelia and Zale, if I'm not mistaken?"

We both nod.

"Well, I'm Finnick and this over here is Mags, and we're going to be your mentors." He says smoothly, still having that charming smile plastered on his face. I can see why he's rumored to be famous among the Capitol women, the guy can charm anyone with just flashing those pearly white teeth at them.

He gestures for all of us to take a seat on the nearby couches. I quietly sit down and Zale follows beside me. I'm still not talking to him.

"Now, where should we start?" Finnick says as he gracefully plops down on one of the satin couches, and I can't help but be curious on his easy going and playful demeanor. "Based on your little show earlier, I assume that you know each other?"

I don't answer, still obviously pissed. It's Zale who then responds.

"Yes. We have known each other since we were kids."

Finnick looks at the both of us thoughtfully, and suddenly he looks a bit concerned. "The both of you aren't a couple, are you?"

"No." We both respond at the same time, just like we did a moment ago. He raises his eyebrows at us.

"We're more like family." I finally say. I can see Zale from the corner of my eye nodding in agreement. "Our families are pretty close."

Finnick considers this piece of information and beams. "Alright then! Judging from your physiques, the two of you either trained at the Academy or have been working on the boats." He states.

I give a slight nod to confirm his assumption. "We do both, the Academy and the boats." I say.

He looks impressed. "Great! Neither of you will have any problems getting in the Career pack when it comes to skills." He begins to pluck some grapes from the bowl in front then surveys the both of us. "When it comes to appearances, you aren't bad either."

I awkwardly shift from my seat. Surely he doesn't mean me right? I mean, Zale is obvious. Although he has ruddy skin from being exposed to too much sun, his fine physique makes up for it. His body is big and well built, yet his squinty eyes look so innocent and the dimple on his chin makes him look somewhat gentle and approachable. All the girls our age used to fancy him back home. Whereas for me, I may seem to not appear awful to some but I feel that my odd appearance makes me look weird. I look back at Finnick as he pops a grape into his mouth and smirks at me.

"That means also you, poppet. Your hair is very distinctive and you look beautiful. "

I can't help but blush a little bit when he uses a pet name, all the more when he compliments me. This guy is definitely quite the charmer. I don't really get compliments on my appearance except from my parents and my brother.

I refrain from rolling my eyes and instead tease him. "Not everyone wins the games through a pretty face like you."

"Honey, you'd be surprised that I'm more than just a pretty face."

I can't help but grin at his self-confidence. It's true though, I've seen clips of him fighting during his games. His looks are definitely a bonus, earning him a trident from his sponsors. I remember seeing him becoming deadly the moment he took hold of it. He wouldn't be the ultimate pride of district 4 if not for his impressive fighting skills as well.

"So how are we gonna do this?" Zale suddenly throws in.

"First, we watch the recap from the Reapings. We need to have an idea of your competition." Finnick says that last bit when he sees me hesitate. "Afterwards, you both try to rest and we'll pick up from where we left off tomorrow before we arrive at the Capitol."

Griet then suddenly enters to check in and collect us all for dinner. I stand up and follow the others us she leads us to the dining car. As I take a seat, I can't help but gaze at the lavish serving of food in front of us. We may not have been hungry at 4 but the food here are quite uncommon. There are a few in the table that I could identify from during feasts back home, the rest I haven't seen before in my life. I decide to stick on eating the ones I am familiar with for tonight. I'm not really hungry anyway.

As soon as we are all done, we gather to watch the replay of the Reapings from all the districts. District One tributes look like the typical Careers: confident and cocky. I don't doubt that they have skills, since 1 and 2 take training for the games strictly. Again, I really don't understand what goes on in their heads... They must really be the Capitol's lapdogs to be proud and honored to join the games and be ready to kill.

Nothing could have ever more supported my recent thoughts as soon as the District Two tributes are shown in the screen. They look just as arrogant as the tributes from 1 but a lot more intimidating. The female tribute, albeit rather small and younger than me and Zale, looks menacing. Her dangerous grin gives out a look that she is definitely not someone you would want to mess with.

If the girl wasn't enough to intimidate me, her district partner did. As I watch the boy volunteer and step up into the stage, I involuntarily shiver. He is big and brawny and the look on his face tells me that he has been waiting for this opportunity his whole life. He would no doubt give Zale or even the boy from 1 a run for their money. Judging from his physique, I wouldn't doubt if he is stronger than the two at all. I wouldn't doubt if he would be able to kill me using only his bare hands either.

District Three tributes aren't much of a threat, thank goodness. They look timid and a bit aloof, but according to Finnick that doesn't mean we should count them out or anyone outside the Career pack for the matter. There are times that the most unexpected tribute ends up turning the tables around. Johanna Mason, a Victor who won the games 2 years ago fooled everyone by appearing weak. It turned out she was deadly and highly skilled with an axe and ended up killing off the remaining tributes as the games were coming to an end.

Finnick explains that there are also times that a tribute wins out of luck. I immediately thought of Annie Cresta, the girl from our district who won and survived by being the best swimmer when an earthquake broke a dam and flooded the entire arena. She had gone mentally crazy after watching her district partner brutally killed. I'm honestly surprised I hadn't gone crazy myself watching her games... It was my brother after all who was beheaded in front of her.

I turn to focus again at the screen in time to see myself and Zale standing at the stage. I'm just glad I managed to look at least impassive and not showing how anxious I was despite volunteering. Zale looked confident and ready, and judging by that impression I don't think I have to worry about him just yet.

The other following tributes seemed relatively ordinary except for the boy from 11, who I think is even bigger than the scary boy from 2. I definitely do not want to have to face him one on one in the arena.

As the program ends, Griet tells us to get some rest and leads Zale and I to our own private rooms.

I sit by the edge of my bed, trying to digest everything that happened today. I know that this is real and that it is for a fact happening, yet I can't seem to bring myself to fully accept my current situation. How was Caspian able to hold up back then?

I begin to reminisce the last few moments with my brother before he was sent to the games as I consciously fiddle with the bracelet I'm wearing. My mom is very skilled with weaving. She taught me how to weave nets using any type of rope or thread. During her spare time, she makes woven bracelets as a hobby and sells them. Not long after, I started to help her during my spare time as well.

The bracelet currently around my hand is the very first one that I have managed to create. I gave it to my brother as a token from home before he left for the Capitol. I wouldn't have expected it to be the very same token I will be bringing to my own games.

I suddenly get interrupted from my thoughts by someone knocking. I assume it is Zale so I take my time before I get up. I'm still upset with him from earlier.

I sigh as I open the door, about to tell him that I'm not in the mood to talk just yet but instead I find myself face to face with a smiling Finnick.

"Hello!" He says cheerfully.

I raise an eyebrow at him, trying to question what brings him here when we are already supposed to get ready for bed.

"Aren't you going to let me in?"

Not wanting to be rude I step aside to let him in, all the while being curious by his sudden intrusion. He sits by the edge of my bed and makes himself comfortable by resting both hands on his side.

"So you may already know this, but while Mags and I will be mentoring you both, each of you will get a personal mentor as well so you can privately discuss personal strategies and other confidential matters. Lucky for you, that will be me!" He says and gives me a cheeky grin.

"Am I supposed to be excited about this news?" I smirk as I attempt to tease him.

"Quite sassy, aren't you? Your brother once mentioned that you aren't the type to show your true self unless you are already close to the person. Does this mean you're already warming up to me?"

I stare at him in mild surprise. I knew there was a possibility, but I didn't expect for Finnick to have mentored my brother. There are still other district 4 Victors after all.

His face changes from a playful expression to being serious all of a sudden. There's a mixture of grief and remorse in his green eyes when he looks back at me as a faint smile forms on his lips.

"Caspian and I knew each other since I was 13. He and I were sparring partners at the Academy until I got reaped. I promised to continue practice with him after I won the games but there were certain duties from the Capitol that I can't avoid. We never again got to see each other as often not until he was reaped during his last year, same as you."

I slowly sit down at the bed by the edge opposite from him, trying to sink in his words as he looks down knowingly to the bracelet around my wrist.

"We frequently talked about his life back home at 4 during his stay in the Capitol. He mentioned that his mom had a heart attack when his father died at sea. He also often talked about his little sister Cordi who made the bracelet he was wearing, and he says she is quite stubborn at times and probably would continue doing dangerous work on the boats in case he won't be able to return." He continues as he looks at me thoughtfully.

That's definitely something Caspian would say about me. I still remain silent as I listen to him talk.

"I knew you reminded me of someone when we first met earlier. I recognized the same blue eyes from your right one over there." He smirks slightly. "Why is it that your hair is different?"

"I got the color of my hair from my mom. My dad's a deep shade of brown, which is where he most probably inherited it from." I answer back, my voice soft and quiet.

Finnick doesn't say anything else. He gives me a silent nod before he stands up and walks by the compartment window, looking outside to what seems like nothing but blurry silhouettes of trees and mountains. I remain sitting on the bed as I begin to stare out as well. After about a minute, he decides to finally break the silence.

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to save him." He whispers so silently I wouldn't have been able to hear it if not for the absence of any unnecessary noise in the room.

I stand up, his back still facing me as I stand next to him by the window and softly pat his right shoulder.

"It's not your fault."

It seems to be the only thing I could say to almost everyone grieving right now. None of us deserve this. I understand that this brutal law was decreed to remind us of the past revolution, but too many years have already passed and too many innocent people have been involved. Why should the Capitol continue to punish us for the wrongdoings of our ancestors?

I take a glance at Finnick to find him looking back at me with a gentle smile.

"I'll get you out of this alive." He says. "I already failed to save your brother, I'm not going to let that happen again with you."

I turn to face him. He looks really determined to keep me alive.

"You know that surviving this game is a bit unpredictable right?" I tell him and I can see in his eyes that he knows it.

"Having the right strategy and a couple of sponsors will increase the chances of you winning."

"I don't know, Finnick... You will help keep me alive but what about Zale? I can't just abandon him and I haven't yet accepted the fact that he might die—"

"Zale volunteered to keep you alive, at least I understand that much from the heated discussion you two were having earlier."

"That doesn't mean I'm okay with it!" I snap back.

He lets out a sigh as he turns to face me and lightly grabs both my shoulders. "Of course you're not. Look, I promise to help him too, but as your personal mentor you are my first priority. Plus, you don't have to worry 'cause he has Mags. Don't underestimate her mentoring ability, she is the reason why I am alive right now."

"I'm not underestimating anyone, tribute or not." I mutter.

"That's my girl." Finnick says as he lets out a soft smile. "I know you are in a difficult position, but we'll get through this together Cordelia, I promise. You'll have to trust me." His sea green eyes stare at me with sincerity in them.

"It's Cordi." I suddenly blurt out. His expression slightly turns confused.

"My brother seems to have trusted you, and I know you did your best to take care of him despite the um, 'unfortunate' results..." I see him flinch a little bit when he understands what I meant saying. "Besides, you're the only person left who seemed close to Caspian aside from my mom, and she's not here now. Aside from Zale, you're the closest thing to family I got right now." I say.

Finnick smiles at me genuinely. "I know that no one could ever take over Caspian's place, but I've always wanted to have someone who I can call my little sister."

"I'm not little, I'm already 18." I say.

He immediately brings back that signature playful smirk on his face and gently pats me on the head as he makes his way to the door. "Oh, you're warming up to me alright."

Before exiting the room, he turns around to me one last time. "Tomorrow morning, we'll talk about all the possible strategies you can make and what to expect when we arrive at the Capitol. Make sure you get some rest because you guys will be having a long day ahead of you. Good night, Cordi." He winks at me before disappearing outside.

I roll my eyes to myself at his flirtatious behavior. It must be how he keeps himself in check in front of other people, just like how I remain looking impassive every time I get sad, nervous or even scared.

Exhaustion creeps up on me as soon I am left alone once again in my room, so I quickly clean myself up and get into bed. I stare out the window of my compartment once again as soon as I lay down, watching the moon shine bright over the blurry landscape outside before I unconsciously close my eyes and drift off into a deep slumber.